My body failed me and left me ripped off. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 12-21-2009, 03:46 PM - Thread Starter
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Long story short, my birth plan went out the window as soon as labor started. My membranes ruptured before the onset of labour, I laboured for 19 hours before I allowed them to start a pitocin drip. At that point, I had only progressed to 1 cm and 50% effaced and floating.

Five hours of contractions on top of another, I caved and asked for a shot of morphine. That did nothing but slow the contractions.

24 hours after labour started, they cranked up my drip and told me to prepare for the possibility of a surgical birth. they administered an epidural and turned up my drip once more to maximum dosage.

31 hours after onset, I had only dilated to 2.5 cm, and was spiking a fever and was told that they could no longer allow me to labor and that baby had to come out now.

I still, 2 months later, am sad about my birth and how it was so different than what I was hoping for. I have a healthy baby and am so grateful for that but have trouble accepting that my body failed to do the one thing it was designed for.

tea6.gifStudent mama to Lyra June loveeyes.gif (ribboncesarean.gif 10.24.09)  and Olive Isis love.gif  (vbac.gif12.12.11) 

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#2 of 7 Old 12-21-2009, 04:25 PM
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mama. I understand how you feel. Your experience was similar to my first birth. Its such a frustrating thing when you have seemingly done everything "right" and still had a different experience than you hoped for.

I'm hoping that time will lessen the impact and that as my children grow and amaze me, I can let go of the birth experience and enjoy the parenting experience.

I wish the same for you!

mama to L (4) and G (1.5)
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#3 of 7 Old 12-21-2009, 04:38 PM
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That sounds like my first birth - I was told I had (a fluke) HBP at my 40w visit, the start of the downward spiral. My Ob convinced me to allow an induction - Oh breaking your water will surely be enough. No. Pitocin drip, 5 hours of pushing and vacuum assisted delivery. I was totally traumatized and still regret some of my decisions. How come I didn't dilate more? Why did I give in to an epi? I felt like the billion of stitches was my penance for being such a wuss. I felt like a failure, but as time passed and started to move past the birth and focused on mothering things. How great our Bfing relationship was, how happy I was cosleeping, etc.

Anyway - fast forward to 2 years later. I somehow managed to regain self confidence in my body and had the most wonderful birth experience with #2. Just amazing and awesome and while I still grieve the the birth experience that could have been with #1, I think I'm at peace now.

Hugs to you, I hope you are gentle on yourself and give your baby a big kiss.

Michelle, Mama to ~ F (10/06) ~ S (7/08) ~ H (2/11) ~ B (11/12)
Expecting a surprise (5/15)
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#4 of 7 Old 12-29-2009, 04:04 PM
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Your story sounds very similar to mine - my water also broke but I didn't go into labour. I waited 24 hrs before letting them transfer my care to an OB and then they induced with pitocin. It also didn't work and I had about 5 hrs of ctx on top of each other and then they convinced me to get the epi so they could crank up the pit. When they did, I started to overcontract so they turned it off and my ctx stopped. I didn't dilate past 1.5cms.

DD is now 15 mths and I still feel very sad about the whole thing, but am pregnant, planning a VBAC in April. I am hoping this birth will heal my scars.

Also, mama, it does get much easier as time goes by. I couldn't talk about it without crying for months and felt very out of place with my friends who had vag births. I think it's very difficult to come to terms with the fact that your body didn't go into labour and this is a roakblock mentally for me going into a VBAC. I hope you can become more comfortable with your c section. If you have more children, I recommend doing a lot of research about VBAC to feel comfortable with it and then just hoping that your body will do its job.

Leila, mama to Eleanor (10/08) and Emmett (4/10)

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#5 of 7 Old 12-29-2009, 04:12 PM
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I think this is something a lot of moms struggle with. In my case, birth went great, but I feel like my body can't do what it was designed to do because I needed fertility treatments to get pregnant in the first place. I think many women who have difficulty conceiving, giving birth, or breastfeeding feel that their bodies have let them down. The sad reality is that bodies don't always work like they should. I just try to keep reminding myself to be thankful that I live in a time when safe medical interventions are available to those who truly do need them, so that I was able to conceive my son, and you were able to safely deliver your baby. I guess I'm just saying focus on the positive... and if you plan to have more babies, I wish you better luck next time around!
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#6 of 7 Old 05-05-2010, 05:29 PM
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I could've written your exact post. Same story, same outcome, same feelings! My baby girl was also born in October. How are you feeing now?
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#7 of 7 Old 05-05-2010, 06:20 PM
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Originally Posted by MsVyky View Post
I still, 2 months later, am sad about my birth and how it was so different than what I was hoping for. I have a healthy baby and am so grateful for that but have trouble accepting that my body failed to do the one thing it was designed for.
Giving birth is not the one thing your body is designed for. That is only one of many many things for which your body is designed, and your body does not fail at most of these things.

I hope that with time you will be able to put this in perspective and feel better.
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