Wanted a VBAC now I ended up with another c-section - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 02-01-2010, 07:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi,

my daughter was born 4 years ago via c-section, they had to induce me at almost 38 weeks because of pre-eclampsia, after they used a gel on my cervix I started to contract non stop but no dialation, after several trys 2 days and no success I was drained and asked for a c-section, which I later on rely regreded, but I was young and afraid that I harm my child with the constant overstimulation of my uterus which was extremely painfull and scary.

Last year I got pregnant again and prepared myself for a VBAC, I had a doula a positive provider which was hard to find. I developed high blood pressure towards the end again (no pre-eclampsia) since I knew that they would have to do a c-section at 41 weeks if I would not deliver before then. So I started to see a local midwife who helped me with some natural induction techniques, I tried accupressure, walks, sex, EPO, herbs, homeopathics etc.... But I stayed at 80% effaced and 1 cm no labor, I would have a few contractions that would subside. The weekend before my scheduled c-section I started to feel realy scared I had headaches and got worried about the Baby, I was worried if all the trying could possibly harm my child and if I may end up paying the price for it, after all I wanted a healthy child more than a natural birth. So I went in monday the day before my scheduled c-section 41 weeks, my blood pressure was 140/100 while I was laying down and higher with movement which might have caused the headaches. They did a membrane sweep and when I went to the Bathroom I had one very strong and long contraction with some blody discharge from the sweep. I felt confident that I would go into labour now, but after that I had only some irregurlar and mild cramping the sweep was at 1 pm and the doc. said if nothing happens we can go ahead with the c-section at 3 pm. I felt stressed cause I knew 2 hours is nothing, so I asked about an induction and she said since I am only 80% and 1 cm they can not even break my water and it would be against the OB law to induce with pictocin esp. since I went for a VBAC. I was confused as I thought that my bishop score was not that bad being almost completely effaced and all, but I at that point I accepted her answer as I knew induction is more risky with a previous c-section and again I was still scared to risc the baby since I already have tried all kinds of herbs etc. to induce and my HB etc. so fell into some kind of denial and lets get it over with so I can finaly have my baby in my arms and not put us through any more of this. Additionaly I was already prepared for the c-section things went real fast, I was so paralyzed and quiet with a million thoughts running through my head shoud I rebell and go home, but then I wanted my Baby finally after all this trying and worrying. I gave in and had the c-section, despite the disapointment and all, it was a very smooth c-section, everybody was real nice, it went quick no complications he was born and cleaned up and checked right next to me so I saw it all and about 20 min after they moved him to a different room to weigh him etc. I was done and got to be with him we immediately started the breastfeeding and it felt great he was almost 9 lb and had a 36 cm head pretty big. We went home after just 1 1/2 day and I was able to take the pain under nothing but a ibuprofen, after all it was smooth, but I did give up the experience of a natural birth again and probably will never experience it ever in my life

I know it may not sound very traumatizing, but I ended up 2 c-sections and I do not have the answers why I can not birth my children, I feel like a failure and keep loking for answers, why does my cervix not dialate more than 1 cm. Why will I start labour and stop after a short while why why why???? No one can give me an answer!!!

I did not rebell and accepted the c-section cause I felt feared I risced too much to stay pregnant any longer and after all I tried to go into labor. But now I wonder what if I waited another week or two (he would have been 10 lb for sure) would I have then went into labour and stayed in labour?? Should I have begged them to give the pictocin a try?? Or a couple more sweeps ?? I feel emty not knowing what could have been if ????? I know my fear and anxiety to lose this baby after having had miscarriage before this one had left me scared and not wanting to take any more chances, but I do not know how I will live my life not knowing why I failed again and again and why I will never experience a natural childbirth, I even feel anger towards woman that have an easy natural childbirth and go into labor and have their babys with no effort. Could I have done something different ??

I am happy for any answers and viewpoints

Claudia wife to Joe since (05/04) Mom to DD (09/05) and mom to DS (11/09) :
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#2 of 14 Old 02-01-2010, 11:36 PM
 
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I think a failed VBAC attempt is one of the most frustrating things that a woman can deal with, just as a successful VBAC attempt can be one of the most healing. The thing that makes any birth a bad memory is when we feel as though we could/should have made different decisions. High blood pressure can be very dangerous, and you weighed the risks of laboring and continuing to try for your VBAC with the risk of consenting to a second c-section. You will never know whether things would have turned out brilliantly or awful, or whether you would have labored another 4 hours and then consented to a c-section but been that much more tired. Remember: hindsight is 20/20, and while there are choices that you may have made now, knowing the exact sequence of events that followed, you could not tell the future at the time and you did the best you could. Ultimately, you made the best decisions that you could about the birth of your baby, given the information you had at the time. I'm very sorry you didn't get the birth you wanted, and having had a VBAC myself, I understand some of your grief. It's little consolation, but you can still plan a VBA2C if you decide to have another child.

Mom to James (ribboncesarean.gif 5/2006), Claire (vbac.gif 6/2008), furry kitties Calvin and Bob, and wife to Dennis. 

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#3 of 14 Old 02-01-2010, 11:46 PM
 
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Oh my god. We have so many similarities in our stories. Wuth my first I never went into labor at all. he was only 37 weeksand they convinced me he was low on amniotic fluid, and they had to save his life. I was terrorized into it and to be honest I didn't question it. I trusted the medical professionals in my life utterly and completely. It never occurred to me until my second pregnancy how odd it was that they were so insistent I give birth before the Easter Holidays (which in Argentina -- where he was born -- runs from Wednesday to Sunday) and why there had been seven c-sections that night and no new admissions until the following Sunday night. I remembered details like the OR prep nurse saying as she shaved my pubic area, "It's for the best, you wouldn't want to go into labor in a couple days and not have anyone be here."

I had buried a lot of that hurt and sadness until I got pregnant again. I never thought I WOULD get pregnant again, but life happens, and there you are, skipping the condom just that once because what the hell you had only just stop taking the pill a couple weeks ago to try a new BC method, and oops, getting knocked up again. Suddenly I was kneep deep in a mire of feelings I had just begun to realize I even had. No one had ever let me feel sad about my C-section. My son was perfectly healthy in every way, and I had recovered fully in a few days. I had no right to feel sad or cheated, or to question the care I had been given. My plans, my feelings just weren't relevant.

So like you I was on a mission to make this birth MINE. I practiced meditation, I read every book I could get my fingers on, I had a great super supportive birth team, and when the day finally came, I was so ready and calm and happy. Every contraction really did feel like I was hugging my baby out...and I was...but my cervix just would not open. I don't know why...and you know what? I HATE not knowing why!!!

So I have no real advice for you, but I can relate to our frustration and sadness. Sometimes I wish I could leave the baby and the four year old with dad for a weekend and just get really sad and really drunk and hit my bottom place so I could start putting the pieces back together. This limbo between knowing I am sad and having to just get on with being a mom and a wife and a functioning community member, just flipping sucks!

Rebekah - mom to Ben 03/05 and Emily 01/10, a peace educator, and a veg*n and wife to Jamie.
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#4 of 14 Old 02-01-2010, 11:50 PM
 
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Oh and I don't know about you, but the perfectionist in me keeps trying to over compensate, like if I can do 100% cloth diapers, and try to do the EC thing and be super mom to DS and still help my students with their IB diploma requirements, and help DH with his work, and run a smooth household, and lose my pregnancy weight in record time, I might make up for the fact that I failed at the only thing that has really mattered to me in I don't know how long.

So far, it has all only served as a distraction, not really any redemption found as of yet.

Rebekah - mom to Ben 03/05 and Emily 01/10, a peace educator, and a veg*n and wife to Jamie.
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#5 of 14 Old 02-02-2010, 12:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh my god. We have so many similarities in our stories. Wuth my first I never went into labor at all. he was only 37 weeksand they convinced me he was low on amniotic fluid, and they had to save his life. I was terrorized into it and to be honest I didn't question it. I trusted the medical professionals in my life utterly and completely. It never occurred to me until my second pregnancy how odd it was that they were so insistent I give birth before the Easter Holidays (which in Argentina -- where he was born -- runs from Wednesday to Sunday) and why there had been seven c-sections that night and no new admissions until the following Sunday night. I remembered details like the OR prep nurse saying as she shaved my pubic area, "It's for the best, you wouldn't want to go into labor in a couple days and not have anyone be here."

I had buried a lot of that hurt and sadness until I got pregnant again. I never thought I WOULD get pregnant again, but life happens, and there you are, skipping the condom just that once because what the hell you had only just stop taking the pill a couple weeks ago to try a new BC method, and oops, getting knocked up again. Suddenly I was kneep deep in a mire of feelings I had just begun to realize I even had. No one had ever let me feel sad about my C-section. My son was perfectly healthy in every way, and I had recovered fully in a few days. I had no right to feel sad or cheated, or to question the care I had been given. My plans, my feelings just weren't relevant.

So like you I was on a mission to make this birth MINE. I practiced meditation, I read every book I could get my fingers on, I had a great super supportive birth team, and when the day finally came, I was so ready and calm and happy. Every contraction really did feel like I was hugging my baby out...and I was...but my cervix just would not open. I don't know why...and you know what? I HATE not knowing why!!!

So I have no real advice for you, but I can relate to our frustration and sadness. Sometimes I wish I could leave the baby and the four year old with dad for a weekend and just get really sad and really drunk and hit my bottom place so I could start putting the pieces back together. This limbo between knowing I am sad and having to just get on with being a mom and a wife and a functioning community member, just flipping sucks!
We realy do have a lot in comen, I read your birthstory and it was close to the one of my 4 yo dd and I have the same problem with my cervix never dialating more than a couple cm if no matter what. I think my last birth exp. and all the trying to go into labour go me thinking at the end yup I just do not f.... work here I do not open so this is why I had those labour tests that my body went through where I started to labour and contract and it stoped cause nothing would progress, I came to this stupid conclusion, laugh if you lik but I think my body is a computer it runs a test trys it out and figures out (esp. since it had the previous exp. with the birth of my dd 4y ago) that I just do not f... open and progress and it does not go further, my cervix just does not open further. period !! Yup I would like to know for sure if this is my problem end why it is the way it is, cause like you I am a perfectionist want it all in my life never like to leave things and experiences out I am not an ordinary person who sits and lives in on one spot and takes life as it is I have a big ego, still my kids come first from the minute I knew I have a baby growing inside of me they were my priority, so this is what makes us good moms, caring for our children and putting our needs and ego aside when it comes to keeping our babys save!!!

My conclusion: my mindset, society and the whole idea of never knowing of why and guessing what would have happend if, makes me angy and mad and I will always wonder how it may have been to push this baby out! However, the matter you give to an event becomes the event, and if we acknowledge that our birth is not less special just because we have not pushed the Baby out of our Vagina, we grew healthy children and they were meant to be born into this world, god made us to grow and birth children, but he also gave us a brain and the ability to develop modern medicine to treat cancer, do hearttransplants and birth children via c-section if we need to, we do not live in the olden days anymore where woman died during childbirth almost x percent of the time and/or have lost their children because of the lack of knwoledge, but thank god we have evolved. I believe it has noting to do with natures selection procces my son could not have been healthier and I am healthy too, otherwise we would not have concived and grew them strong and healthy. Think about it, what about all those babys that are born vaginally but preterm, their moms were able to do that birth we wanted but the babys may have suffered, our bodies are not always perfect, but humankind evolves and we are able to do things we were not able to do many years ago. I am glad for that.

Like I said the matter you give to an event becomes the event, I would not have been this disappointed if I did not wanted that vaginal birth sooo much and feared the section so much. It is like that with everything in life.

I am writing out of emotions so please do not misunderstand me or take anything personal, I am still dealing with it.

I hug you and am glad to find someone like me, mad that our body screwed over

Claudia wife to Joe since (05/04) Mom to DD (09/05) and mom to DS (11/09) :
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#6 of 14 Old 02-02-2010, 12:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think a failed VBAC attempt is one of the most frustrating things that a woman can deal with, just as a successful VBAC attempt can be one of the most healing. The thing that makes any birth a bad memory is when we feel as though we could/should have made different decisions. High blood pressure can be very dangerous, and you weighed the risks of laboring and continuing to try for your VBAC with the risk of consenting to a second c-section. You will never know whether things would have turned out brilliantly or awful, or whether you would have labored another 4 hours and then consented to a c-section but been that much more tired. Remember: hindsight is 20/20, and while there are choices that you may have made now, knowing the exact sequence of events that followed, you could not tell the future at the time and you did the best you could. Ultimately, you made the best decisions that you could about the birth of your baby, given the information you had at the time. I'm very sorry you didn't get the birth you wanted, and having had a VBAC myself, I understand some of your grief. It's little consolation, but you can still plan a VBA2C if you decide to have another child.
Thank you for your words, you are right we will never know for sure. I have been told that VBA2C are almost never alowed by any provider??? Is that not riskier ?

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#8 of 14 Old 02-02-2010, 12:35 PM
 
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Thank you for your words, you are right we will never know for sure. I have been told that VBA2C are almost never alowed by any provider??? Is that not riskier ?
My midwife, whom I really do love, and I don't blame her at all, said to me "You could always try for a homebirth with the next one! I had a mom who had a failed HBAC and then a few years later had her homebirth and it was wonderful!"

I just can not fathom wanting to be pregnant again (and that was before the second C-section.), add the failed HBAC to the mix and I just balk at the notion. If I failed again, I would have a very hard time respecting myself.

Rebekah - mom to Ben 03/05 and Emily 01/10, a peace educator, and a veg*n and wife to Jamie.
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#9 of 14 Old 02-02-2010, 02:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My midwife, whom I really do love, and I don't blame her at all, said to me "You could always try for a homebirth with the next one! I had a mom who had a failed HBAC and then a few years later had her homebirth and it was wonderful!"

I just can not fathom wanting to be pregnant again (and that was before the second C-section.), add the failed HBAC to the mix and I just balk at the notion. If I failed again, I would have a very hard time respecting myself.
Mmhh, I am not planing anything from now on and I will never again set my mind on something this bad, everything will happen the way its supposed to, if I ever have another child I will go to check ups, do everything the way its supposed to and anticipate another c-section, If my body decides to go into labor on my own before then and I feel strong and everything goes smooth I will birth my child if the next one is ment to be that way, I will not interfere with it but will not expect it either. Who knows what will be. As far as homebirths, my husband will not be on board with that and his opinion I must respect, after all if severe complication should arrive I have two children now that need their mother, I am not sure if I would risc it after 2 c sections, but respect any that do cause I am sure it can be very wonderful under the best circumstances.

Oh my, I am starting to actually wonder if I must fear to become pregant again, what if my uterus has du much scar tissue build up and it could cause severe problems, placenta etc?

Claudia wife to Joe since (05/04) Mom to DD (09/05) and mom to DS (11/09) :
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#10 of 14 Old 02-02-2010, 03:38 PM
 
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I have been told that VBA2C are almost never alowed by any provider??? Is that not riskier ?
Not true. You are unlikely to find a midwife who will attend them, but in Chicago, for example, there are 2 OBs at one hospital who will attend VBA2Cs. The evidence is pretty conclusive that the risk of rupture for a VBA2C is not significantly greater than after 1 c/s. In one study, here, VBAC had a 0.7% rupture rate, while VBA2C had a 0.9% rupture rate. Another study, here, found the rupture rate of 1.8%, however 20% of those involved induction with prostaglandins (which is a no-no).

Your local ICAN group can be quite helpful in locating a provider next time around. There's another study, which I can't locate at the moment, that compares the risks to mom and baby of a 3rd repeat c-section versus a VBA2C, and concludes that they are similar, since risk increases with each subsequent c-section.

Mom to James (ribboncesarean.gif 5/2006), Claire (vbac.gif 6/2008), furry kitties Calvin and Bob, and wife to Dennis. 

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#11 of 14 Old 02-02-2010, 05:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Not true. You are unlikely to find a midwife who will attend them, but in Chicago, for example, there are 2 OBs at one hospital who will attend VBA2Cs. The evidence is pretty conclusive that the risk of rupture for a VBA2C is not significantly greater than after 1 c/s. In one study, here, VBAC had a 0.7% rupture rate, while VBA2C had a 0.9% rupture rate. Another study, here, found the rupture rate of 1.8%, however 20% of those involved induction with prostaglandins (which is a no-no).

Your local ICAN group can be quite helpful in locating a provider next time around. There's another study, which I can't locate at the moment, that compares the risks to mom and baby of a 3rd repeat c-section versus a VBA2C, and concludes that they are similar, since risk increases with each subsequent c-section.
In case I will ever have another child, I might just find an OB that is supportive, but I will not push it either way, if I go into labor naturaly I will give it a try and let it happen if not fine. I am not gonna push it again as much as I did and tried this time, who knows this might be tge clue.

Also is there a way to examine or find out what keeps me from labouring right or dialating at all, maybe there is an issue with cervix?

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#12 of 14 Old 02-03-2010, 02:51 PM
 
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Also is there a way to examine or find out what keeps me from labouring right or dialating at all, maybe there is an issue with cervix?
Unfortunately, there is almost certainly no way to tell. However, I would argue that there's probably *nothing* wrong with your cervix - remember, you were induced for high BP both times. So the real issue was more likely that your body just wasn't ready to be in labor, and yet you needed to get your baby out because it was the safe thing to do. I'd say if you do decide for another pregnancy, the best thing you can do is make sure you are very healthy before you even start. If you're overweight, lose it before you conceive. Eat well, exercise moderately both before and during the pregnancy. This, more than anything, will keep your BP in check and allow you the "luxury" of going into labor naturally, versus needing to be induced. Best of luck with your healing.

Mom to James (ribboncesarean.gif 5/2006), Claire (vbac.gif 6/2008), furry kitties Calvin and Bob, and wife to Dennis. 

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Unfortunately, there is almost certainly no way to tell. However, I would argue that there's probably *nothing* wrong with your cervix - remember, you were induced for high BP both times. So the real issue was more likely that your body just wasn't ready to be in labor, and yet you needed to get your baby out because it was the safe thing to do. I'd say if you do decide for another pregnancy, the best thing you can do is make sure you are very healthy before you even start. If you're overweight, lose it before you conceive. Eat well, exercise moderately both before and during the pregnancy. This, more than anything, will keep your BP in check and allow you the "luxury" of going into labor naturally, versus needing to be induced. Best of luck with your healing.
Not to Hijack the thread, but...while that might be true, my induction with my first didn't even take (not a single contraction and just a trace of mucous plug after an IV overnight of Pitocin) and so I assumed for years that the doctors had needlessly intervened, and I was a jerk for allowing them to do a C-section, but the second time I went into labor totally naturally; I labored at home for two days. I was all set up for home waterbirth, I was even ready to go UC if things had progressed quickly. I had a super wonderful natural Midwife, a birthing tub, a husband who was totally behind me, and despite being fully effaced for over 24 hours and being in active labor in my home for just over 36 hours, my cervix would not budge past 3.5 cms, even with two solid hours of very intense back to back contractions.

I had everything in place for a wonderful intervention free birth, and had the green light from my private back up OB, and the Social Services OB.

I am not and have not ever been overweight. I have always had nothing but normal, healthy BP, I am vegetarian, I lead an active lifestyle...and yet my cervix didn't open. I just can't fathom what I could do differently that would lead to a successful H/VBA2C next time.

Rebekah - mom to Ben 03/05 and Emily 01/10, a peace educator, and a veg*n and wife to Jamie.
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#14 of 14 Old 02-05-2010, 03:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Same here I am healthy I always see a naturpath, chiro etc. do everything natural, exercise even during pregnancy. I even went extra healthy this time! I do not think that a higher bloodpressure at the end of the pregnancy, no pre-eclampsia are a ultimately a sign of being unhealthy as far as eating an exercise. Besides I was already 41 weeks (knowing the exact day ovulation) I am not someone who comfortably would go 43+ weeks by any means having big children and all the other risks that go along with that wheter I would develop hb again or not.

I have heard of woman who have stalled labor because of some scar tissue on their cervix, when they broke that up during birth they started to progress normal again.

I do not know if this the case for me and if this is why I did not go into labor after everything, or stayed in labour and progressed

Claudia wife to Joe since (05/04) Mom to DD (09/05) and mom to DS (11/09) :
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