I don't even know how to talk about my failed homebirth (I never even had the opportunity to go into labor) and the subsequent hospital stay for both my DD and myself.... ... but prior to her birth I always said I wanted 3 children. Now I can't do it again...I just can't risk having the same thing happen.
Anyone else change their mind (about how many children they would have) strictly because of the trauma of birth/hospital stay?
Breast Feeding, Bed Sharing, Baby Wearing, Select/Delayed Vaxing, Attached Family
I was totally ready to rock the birth and be done with the pregnancy. I did not go into labor on my own, my MW had to artificially rupture my membranes in order to start active labor and while I did fully dialate and push, he did not descend because of a poor position. While I was still sitting in recovery following the resulting c-section, I needed to do it again. For a while I joked with people that I was going to get pregnant again just so I could do the birth part "the right way", and at that point that was probably a large part of my thought process. But we're really ready for more children now and so that's the direction we're heading. I do hope that my next birth is healing, however it happens, whether it's the HBAC I'm hoping for or the CBAC which I realize is not the worst thing in the world, although not ideal.
Have you talked with a therapist about your experiences? My son is just a few weeks younger than your daughter, born 03/30/09, and I made a lot of progess in a short time talking to a therapist who was knowledgable in birth trauma and postpartum mood disorders. I found talking to other professionals who weren't familiar with these topics to be pretty useless as they were unable to understand why I was so upset.
It may be that you're forced to deal with these issues if you have an unplanned pregnancy, I don't know if that's possible for you or not as I see you conceived via IVF, but there are women who have infertility issues that go on to conceive second (and subsequent) naturally and quite by accident. There are women who experience birth trauma and alter their family planning accordingly. I can't say I blame them. But for me, I know that a subseqent birth is very unlikely to be as bad as the last one if for no other reason than because we're going into it knowledge and our eyes open.
Mommy to J (5) and S (03/2009) . Hoping for a .... in 2010?
I was determined to try again, the sooner the better, and determined to have a better birth experience. My midwife highly recommended 18 months minimum between births so I'd have a better chance of a successful VBAC.
My boys are 18 months to the day apart
But over the course of conceiving again, experiencing another great pregnancy and an empowering birth experience, it really healed a lot of the issues I had been carrying after my first birth experience.
DH and I - totally winging life with our four children, DS1 (6.5yrs), DS2 (5yrs), DD (3yrs) and DS3 (1)!
We had the vasectomy consult last week and will be scheduling the procedure next week.
I was sure I wanted at least 2 children, but it just isn't meant to be.
Do I still feel some sadness when I think back on the experience? Yes. I don't know that this will ever go away. But I am also so full of love and joy that these emotions overshadow the others. I am enormously blessed, and not a day goes by that I don't remember this fact. For me, this is how life unfolds sometimes. Not how you planned, as we all know too well.
FWIW, my sunsequent two pregnancies and births were as natural as could be, and worth all the work and courage it took us to get there.
Gift yourself with the time and support to heal. Take good care, and best wishes--
FWIW, I'm scared...but I believe it is worth it.
Cindy, loving wife of 15 years
homeschooling mama to 4 wonderful girls, and 1 boy! praying for #6, sch, due 4/14/2013!
Canadian mom of Myron born in Japan, March 2007. Our second son born at home, wonderful HBAC in July 2010. I am a jeweller, I love creating things!
1***5****10****15****20****25****30****35***40****45, Due June 10th, 2014
Becky- Wife to DH, Mama to "Nani" (July '08) "Coco" (July '10) and expecting one very wiggly baby boy in May 2013!
I love reading stories of mothers who have had a bad birth experience who went on to have a great birth because I'm sure it helps them heal, and I feel like I would feel a lot of relief to have another homebirth or even a natural hospital birth. But I don't know if I can handle that kind of birth again. I keep thinking of how it went and honestly, even with all that I've read and my own personal experience, I cannot find a way that the birth could have gone better. As far as a cesarean birth goes, it was probably pretty good, and it was an actual emergency situation at that point. You'd think it would help me to know that I was one of the actual emergencies and that I didn't do anything wrong, but it just makes it worse because it really opened my eyes to the scary side of birth. If I had gotten a c-section because I had consented to an induction and things went downhill from there, I'd learn not to consent to an induction next time and hope that things went better. I can't exactly decide not to have a medical emergency.
Baby #6: 20****25****30****35**** - EDD December 17, 2010