Originally Posted by AutumnAir
RightofPassage: How did you clear out your fears? I know I need to do this, but because I'm still suffering from PTSD from DD's birth, every time I try to deal with my fears I just get flashbacks and panic attacks!
It was a lot of work and a slow process. It started with doing the exercises from birthing from within, mentally walking through my fear both alone and with DH and with my MW(as well as my DDC and talking to people that have BTDT with the specific fears I had), and also doing the fear clearing with hypnobabies. I wasn't fearless, but I put my fears in perspective, doing that healed a lot of my trauma. Talking about the fears with my MW and DH allowed me to see that I have an excellent knowledgeable birth team that believed in me and respected my desires for birth. I felt so safe before giving birth and while giving birth to DS3.
I think it also helped that I had no expectations for the labor and birth. I had no idea, and no specific desire for how long I would labor/push/etc. I accepted long before birth that my body knew what to do and I would enjoy the journey. I don't think I could have gotten there had I not dealt with my fears.
I will also add that from the birth of DS2 to the birth of DS3 I started studying to be a midwife and learned how normal birth is and how safe birth is.
Sending you lots of healing.
ETA: I had flashbacks and panic attacks the entire first year of my sons birth. I started with reading a birth story. Just one. Then I'd try to read 2, then 3, and on and on. After a while I was able to read my birth story without sobbing. I went it alone to recover and probably would have healed sooner if I had sought out help.
I'd say if you can some couseling or EMDR therapy that I've heard nothing but amazing things about it would probably help start the healing.