Advice needed - Mothering Forums

Thread Tools
#1 of 6 Old 03-30-2010, 12:08 PM - Thread Starter
SueDeNym08's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 10
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So...I'm not ready to share my entire birth story...yet, but I need some advice. I am so angry and hurt by what happened to me. I'm furious at the doctor who ended up delivering my son. I transferred from the birth center to the hospital after 18+ hours of natural labor for failure to progress due to asynclitic baby. I altered my hospital consent forms in several places with "subject to my express informed consent at the time." I did not want anything done to me or the baby without my explicit consent. The doctor did an "exam" and broke my water. She did not ask me or tell me before hand that this would happen. I believe that breaking my water essentially "locked" LO into the bad position he was in and ultimately led to the following: augmentation with pit (nurse just came in and started hooking it up to my IV. I had to ask her what she was doing and tell her I wanted to talk to the doctor.) Dr never discussed it with me prior to ordering it. Dr said blah, blah, she thought my midwife had told me what would happen when I transferred. I again informed her how I had altered the consent forms and did not want ANYTHING done without it being discussed with me first. Then we discussed the amount of pitocin and intervals at which she would order it to be increased. When it was time to deliver, she told me I could not push on my side, but had to be flat on my back. I delivered LO's head without tearing. Then...shoulder distocia. It seemed to last forever. The doctor ordered the nurses to push on my stomach. She did a "generous" episiotome without asking, put BOTH her hands up inside me and was pulling on his neck while three nurses pushed on my stomach. I was a severe and complicated third degree tear. He was born blue and not breathing. His apgar at a minute was a 1. He had nerve damage in his shoulder that took several weeks to repair itself. He was 10 pounds, 2 oz.

I realize that shoulder dystocias can be scary for doctors, and of course, the parents...but I feel that I was violated in so many ways...she should have asked me or at least informed me of what was happening before she did things to me.... especially breaking my water. I just felt so helpless...I feel like I was a piece of meat that she had to cut into to get him out...

I feel like what she did was really wrong and she shouldn't just get away with it... I just don't know what to do... where to begin. What recourse do I have?
SueDeNym08 is offline  
Sponsored Links
#2 of 6 Old 04-08-2010, 05:29 AM
AutumnAir's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: In my head
Posts: 1,695
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not in the US, so I don't know what specific things you can do, but I just wanted to give you a encourage you to report your experience and bump up your thread in the hope that other more knowledgeable mamas can point you in the right direction.

I would imagine that you could start by contacting the patient representative/liaison of the hospital. I also know there's some kind of birth reform group in the US, but don't know the name of it, sorry.

I wish you healing from your traumatic experience

Lisa - mama to Eleanor Rose 01/08 and Saoirse Lily 09/10
AutumnAir is offline  
#3 of 6 Old 04-09-2010, 11:06 PM's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 49
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I had a very similar experience to yours, only mine happened at home. I've contacted everyone I can think to contact and I've been through a year of therapy, and all I can tell you is you are right to be angry. The medical and legal systems are both letting women like us down, and there are a LOT of women out there who are just like us. What these medical professionals are doing is wrong; it is violent, it is dehumanizing and horrific. It changes you in ways that people who haven't had this experience can't understand. Some people find the term "birth rape" offensive, but I found it very comforting to have a word that was shocking enough to truly express what happened to me. It has helped me process the traumatic event and understand what has happened to me emotionally and psychologically since.

There is an online support group at that I've found helpful at certain points. You may want to check it out, but I'll warn you that the birth stories on this support group are not happy miracle stories and they may trigger emotions and memories that you're not prepared to deal with yet. I've found the stories very helpful myself, but I'd give it some thought before clicking.

I fully support your choice to not share your entire birth story until you are ready. We are on a healing journey, and it doesn't happen over night. Don't rush yourself to read other birth stories, either, unless you feel ready. If you find yourself up at night processing things, though, and just want someone to talk to, I'm here. I'll gladly listen, share my own story or whatever it is that you need at the point you're at.

Peace to you and yours. is offline  
#4 of 6 Old 04-19-2010, 08:55 PM
Beccadoula's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Juneau, Alaksa
Posts: 552
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You might want to start with a letter to the hospital detailing your experience and maybe one to the doctor too. This can serve two will help you move on and it will express your outrage at the treatment you received. Copy and paste this posting if you don't want to hash it all out again...but they should be told exactly what they did to you and they need to know you're not planning on keeping this quiet either. There are manuvors and techniques that would come long before the treatment you got...and it doesn't sound like they tried those other options. Last, you might want to contact: I've been recommending it to a lot of the posters here...


Wife to Mark, Momma to Matt & Bryan : Joe & Jonathan - Labor Doula
Beccadoula is offline  
#5 of 6 Old 05-04-2010, 07:40 PM
basje's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Bay Area, Ca
Posts: 381
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 7 Post(s)
I am so sorry. I cannot imagine how violating this experience must have felt. Your birth story is my worse nightmare, and the reason I choose to UC.

I hope you don't stay silent about what you experienced. I hope that you tell others about your anger, your trauma and your grief. I wish that there was something that we could do for women who have become victims of "standard" medical birth practices. I wish there was something we could do to reclaim our bodies when we choose to have doctors or midwives at our births.

You deserved to have a loving and peaceful birth. Instead you dealt with violence and coercion. I am so so sorry. I hope that you will be able to find the power that was taken away from you and can reclaim your rightful agency over your body.

Organic eating, cloth diapering, no vaxing, cosleeping, breastfeeding mean machine.
basje is offline  
#6 of 6 Old 05-04-2010, 11:30 PM
Raine822's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 140
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. The birth of my first daughter was similar. If you want the story or need anything else let me know.

As far as what you can do. Write letters and if you feel up to it bring attention to the issue/hospital/doctor. You can also consult with a lawyer. It is a violation of your rights to give you anything without telling you if you ask to be informed.
Raine822 is offline  

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 11,945

13 members and 11,932 guests
conner0 , debigebi , Deborah , emmy526 , jamesmorrow , manyhatsmom , Michele123 , RLias Shop , sren , zebra15
Most users ever online was 449,755, 06-25-2014 at 12:21 PM.