Reading the thread about being jealous of those who birthed vaginally and took it for granted (those who never researched, prepared, didn't care about having a c-section, etc.) really made me stop and think.
I did everything I could to prepare for a natural childbirth. I got a midwife, went to a NCB-friendly hospital, etc. My birth story is posted here:http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1224782
As you can read, I made all of the decisions. My C/S wasn't birth rape, and it was as wonderful as a C/S can possibly be. However: in the months since then, I have felt increasing guilt over my choices. I wonder daily if I hadn't gotten the epidural, would I still have wound up with a c/s? Did I give DS the best possible chance for a normal birth?
I'm going to do everything I can to prepare for a 100% natural childbirth next time. (No epidural!) I'm just scared, because it was so freaking painful last time. I'm afraid I'll labor again for 21 hours and be in agony and give in and get the epidural again. And with each c/s, it gets harder and harder to convince a HCP to let you VBAC, and I'm just worried that I'll never get a vaginal birth. We are also planning to move back to my hometown in the next few years, which is VERY VBAC-unfriendly. I would attempt a homebirth, but I'm just scared that I'll wind up in excruciating pain again and want an epidural.
Is this guilt normal? Will it go away? What can I do to get my VBAC next time?