Oh, please be gentle with yourself. I have a good friend who had a lovely birth and at 14 months PP she had DTD with her partner only once. Having a traumatic birth experience absolutely changes the way we feel about intimacy and being able to let go is a hard step to take. You need to give yourself time to heal. I am 9 months PP from my birth trauma and I think we've done it 5 or 6 times. The first was the hardest. I spent a lot of time explaining my feelings to my hubby, my sorrow, my pain. It was hard for me to even get hugged and kissed by him because I knew what he wanted and I couldn't give it to him yet. That led to many stiff hugs and turned away kisses. I did realize that intimacy has to start somewhere and doesn't need to always end in sex. I told him that I wanted to cuddle and kiss without the expectation that it would go anywhere else. He understood. We had some nice massage sessions and he spent a long time just loving my body, honoring it, and that was all. Allowing him to touch the scar, rub my belly, feel my thighs was intensely scary, I had to trust him completely to allow it to happen. We worked with it and after a few sessions we were able to be more and more intimate. I am still not who I was before, in lots of ways, but sexually as well. Our path is not easy, but please know that you will, with your hard work and love, come out a wiser woman through your struggle. Give yourself time. If your hubby doesn't understand or is inpatient, perhaps your therapist can help to explain. I am also doing EMDR and it is so helpful, I have come so far in the last few months. I am glad you are getting help. It does get easier.