I never wanted to just have an only child. but after my experience with my midwife and the hospital, I've been terrified at the thought of ever becoming pregnant again.
I guess what I want to know is if my experience is typical or not.
I live in the U.S. and we are a military family. I found a state licensed midwife because that was the type that Tricare insurance was willing to cover. but because she was state licensed, she had all these bureaucratic hoops that needed jumping through, certain requirements I had to fulfill in order for her to be legally allowed to attend my birth. (so when I say "forced" or "had to" that's what I mean.)
Besides seeing her all the time I had to see a regular doctor twice (which turned into many times), the first of which kicked me out because I refused a 7 week ultrasound. I was also forced to take the gestational diabetes test at the hospital,. I failed the 1 hour, barely passed the 3 hour, and still didn't get "approval" from the hospital to have a homebirth so I had to see a different doctor in order to get the write off. I hated having to visit the midwife every month, which later turned into multiple times a month, each time having my urine and weight scrutinized. My pregnancy was going fine but it was just standard protocol, again I had no choice. She also made me attend her first timer child birth classes. I was so tired of all the appointments, none of which I really wanted to go to. I also was forced to ask our military base commander if I could have his permission to have a home birth on base where we lived at the time, and he said no. so I was stressed because I didn't know where to have it after that.
I was also forced to get an ultrasound later on in the pregnancy since I didn't know my due date, and then made to chug castor oil and take some other unmentionables because if they baby didn't come with 2 weeks from my due date I wasn't allowed to have a homebirth basically. the midwife ended up using something very potent to induce me since we had a ticking clock hanging over our heads and my labor ended up being very traumatic. the midwife assured me her bathtub would be deep enough to have a waterbirth in and I couldn't even float in it, and throughout the whole labor everyone was silent and unsupportive even when I begged for some encouragement. I had the biggest first time baby the midwife had ever seen and ended up transferring to a hospital because I couldn't take the pain. It was like being in hell. I ended up with a 3rd degree tear which was poorly dealt with, I'm definitely messed up 'down there' now and I'm pretty sure I've got some organ prolapse going on.
I initially chose a midwife because I wanted to be in control of my own pregnancy and labor, and it turned out to be one big stressful hassle. I'm still traumatized from the labor a year later. I guess I might sound like a big whiner but I actually feel like I need to start going to therapy because I'm still having a hard time.
Next time, is there any way I can make my own decisions? like how often I want to visit the midwife, whether or not I take the gestational diabetes test, have blood drawn, my urine and weight scrutinized all the time, whether or not to have an ultrasound, etc?
I'm worried that I wouldn't be able to afford paying for a different kind of midwife out of pocket, and I'm also worried that if I go the hospital birth route, I'll be forced to follow all of their protocol as well (if I don't want to be fired as a patient for refusing tests and what not like the first doctor I saw.)
and Im wondering for the next time around.. is it typical to have the same amount of pain, and just as large of a baby? or is it typically easier the second time?
thank you for any kind words and for your time.