For those who do not know my story.
My dd was born 4 years ago by c-section duer to failed inductions, I had pre-eclamplsia and was induced 3 times with a gel (not sure of the name) the first attempt made my uterus hyper it was overcontracting strong with hardly a break in between contractions for the entire day...after meds, contractions stoped and this went on and on. A few days later I contracted somewhat normal but never dialated at all or progressed any further...well I must say after three days of this and not even the slightest success I asked them for a c-section. I really believed something must be wrong with me and had no faith that I could do that, they said I had some scarring on my cervix and stayed 1-2 cm the whole time.
6 months ago I gave birth to my son also by c-section, this time I was really hopefull I could do it unfortunately the only hospital who was willing to let me VBAC was over 1 1/2 hr away and generally does not let people go past 41 weeks. Well of course I went over due and nothing happened again 80 % effaced for weeks and only 1 cm..I had prodomal labour for weeks. The confidence I first had slowly and surely deminished, I hit 40 weeks and my blood pressure was up for the last couple of weeks which I told them did not concern me much, as I had no protein, no water or weight gain I felt great. Until I went past my due date and started to freak out, I had more and more headaches, my mom flew in from Germany to help me out, but she had to leave soon. I had a local midwife who helped me out with natural ways to induce labour for two weeks I have done everything but castor oil (my husband did not let me take it) to help bring on labour but not nothing happened I had a few contractions and they always stopped. One day before my sceduled c-section I was worried cause I had more headaches and I was hoping that there might be something they could do for me to bring on labour or at least check me and the Baby. Well they gave me a strip of membranes and said my only option after this would be a c-section you are still only 1cm and I would have to be at least 2 cm to be able to get pit. I went to the bathroom had one very strong contraction that lasted quite some time, but then again nothing. My bloodpressure was with rest about 142/98 they seemed to be concerned and said they check me again before I have my c-section at 3 pm. Well, this went so fast I was so unsure of what I want and so disapointed in me and my body that I just gave in, I wanted my son happy and healthy no more figths and no more worrying. I know if I would have lived closer to a VBAC hospital and would have been able to be just monitored more I might have waited. As far as the c-section went, it was real calm and as nice as it can be my son was pooping the minute the took him out which made me think good thing he did not do it inside we were together almost the whole time he left about 15 min. before I was able to be with him again.
Still I spend everyday wondering what if. I am not sure what to think anymore, maybe my body is really not made to birth. I know we are not supposed to think that way w, cause we must believe in our ability to birth in order to get a VBAC and I do not want to discourage anybody here. I am just thinking maybe it is not possible for some wonan just like not every woman can get pregnant?? I know a girl she had many c-sections cause her being in labour and never dialating at all on the other hand a friend of mine lost 2 children at 19 and 21 weeks and had one premie at 23 weeks she just goes into labour and has them within am hr. We must be all different eventhough we are all woman.
Anyways, as far as for my lost birthexperience, I am feeling a big loss and I am happy for every woman who gave birth "naturally", but yet I envy then a little bit I do not know if we have another one yet , but what if we do should I even concider a VBA2C? I honestly do not have any faith in myself at this point. Did I make the wrong decisions? In the moment you feel different than afterwarts
Please give me you honest insight!! I really appreciate your help