For the year following my DD's birth, I desperately wanted some kind of ritual to help move me through my trauma. So I can completely relate to this urge.
I didn't figure anything out that quite fit the bill. One aspect for me was that I wanted my suffering to be witnessed in a supportive way; I wanted some kind of acknowledgment of what I had been through and the magnitude of the difficulty. And that is a tricky thing in our culture. We celebrate perfection and we turn suffering into tragedy.
I did dance therapy for about 6 months and had a great closing session around my DD's 1st birthday. I had written out all kinds of things about my experience on big pieces of paper, and I danced with those papers while my therapist witnessed in a supportive way. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with those papers...but I found myself tearing and twisting the pieces, re-shaping them into a nest and two little eggs inside the nest. The writing on the paper carried all my pain and fear and anger, which felt huge and boundaryless and hot and unmanageable, so it was a surprise that I could twist all of that into this sweet, perfect little nest, with two perfect little eggs. It felt like a way to recapture the hope & possibility that I had lost with my traumatic birth.
My DP studies African drumming, and there is a rhythm that is used just by women in one culture (fuzzy on details...sorry...). A woman can choose to dance to this rhythm just once in her lifetime, and she dances in a public ceremony that is an acknowledgment of a life-changing difficult experience that she has survived. She decides when to do this dance, and she can only do it once, and her community acknowledges by watching. That's the kind of thing I was looking for.
I hope you find the thing that will work for you and share it here. I'll be really interested to hear how it goes for you.
Living in Wisconsin with my partner of 20+ years and our DD(Born 10/09/08 ). Why CI Mama? Because I love contact improvisation!