I really feel like I've processed DD's birth, and I'm at peace with it, but every now and then these waves wash over me and I'm right back there. The only time I've had this before was after a car accident, where I could think about it and the impact would hit me again. It took about six months for that to stop. So when is the birth stuff going to stop?
Does anyone else have this, or am I losing my mind?
I just want to respond and say that I don't think this is weird and I don't think you're losing your mind. Some part of you is still processing the experience, and that sounds like a normal part of healing from a traumatic experience.
For me there were two major "thresholds" in my healing...the first around the time of my daughter's first birthday, and the next at 18 months after her birth. These were times when I noticed a significant improvement in my ability to think about the birth without feeling anxiety, as well as a reduction in feeling "triggered" by any mention of birth or c-section. As her 2nd birthday approaches, I'm hoping that maybe another layer of grief and remorse will fall away. At any rate, that's just my journey...I expect it's different for everyone.
If your flashbacks are interfering with your life or causing you grief or pain, therapy might be helpful. But it sounds like you've done a lot of healing work already, and those deep parts of yourself have their own time frame for letting things go.
Living in Wisconsin with my partner of 20+ years and our DD(Born 10/09/08 ). Why CI Mama? Because I love contact improvisation!
yes - with both births - with ds1 i can flip to the first time i really got to see him, in the nicu, in an isolette with a tube in his nose and monitors and machines - sadness. it hurts less to think about it but it still does hurt 3+yrs later
ds2 - my uterine rupture - lots of anxiety - i didn't even get to see him, no apgars given, just rushed out with him - my dh's face...the fear. so anxiety and deep sadness.
i think part of the flashbacks for me is mourning the fact that i will never have a "normal" birthing experience and although i have 2 healthy boys, i will always have those little twinges of sadness or envy when i hear, so matter-of-factly of all the wonderful, normal birthing experiences - i wish it didn't affect me, but if i am really honest about it...it does.
mama to callum (april 8,07) and everett (sept 24,09) - blessed to be married to my life's love since '98.
You could do it on your own but for something like this I'd recommend seeing an EFT practitioner who can help you tear down the 'scene' and eliminate the negative emotional charge.
Helping women overcome postpartum depression and birth trauma. http://www.postmommyhood.com
#2 is coming in May 2011! planning for a home