Anyone else with a traumatic or negative homebirth experience? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 149 Old 12-09-2011, 11:03 AM
 
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Originally Posted by annablue View Post

 


That is exactly how I felt. I put so much effort into preparing for the birth, and was totally confident I could do it naturally and out of the hospital. When it didn't happen, I thought, what's wrong with me? Why couldn't I have the beautiful, spiritual, empowering experience I'd heard about? Why do other women get that but not me? Why did I get horrific, excruciating, traumatizing pain instead? And why wasn't I able to handle the pain? I wanted to throw all my natural birth books and Hypnobabies manuals in the trash. I feel better about it all now, but it was hard for a while.



 



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After my attempted home birth turned horror movie, I used to get so angry at hearing all those wonderful stories. I thought they were all liars, or hiding something, or just lucky. Why not me? Did I just do something wrong? Was I not peaceful, not spiritual enough? Oh, they're all so much more special than me for succeeding. I was just a failure. Yeah, right, home birth was beautiful. Whatever!!! I didn't want to hear any more positive stories, or see any more cutesy pictures or videos, talking about brave mamas and healthy babies. What, like I wasn't strong?   

 

I understand, and I relate.


Yup, this was me too. Throughout my entire pregnancy, I was always told, "Just have faith! Trust birth! Your body and your baby know what to do!" Well, I had all of the faith in the world. I just knew that my birth was going to be fantastic and that there wouldn't be any complications. I would push my baby out at home and then cuddle in bed with my new family and everything would be perfect. That's not the way it happened though. I went into labor before my support team arrived (two of them were coming from out of town) which left me totally panicked. I tried to be as calm as I could, but I felt so alone and my labor was so intense. My husband did what he could (and was AMAZING), but he was also having to deal with our three year old so he was having to come in and out of the room. When my water broke, there was meconium and when my baby came out she was dusky and needed oxygen. After an hour on the oxygen, she still hadn't pinked up so we had to transfer which was a awful experience in and of itself.

 

Sometimes I feel horrible complaining about my birth because I know that there are other women out there who have it so much worse. In the end, I got my homebirth and a healthy baby. Still though, it was hard to process that I didn't get the beautiful and peaceful homebirth that I poured my heart and soul into planning for 3+ years. It also made me feel like I didn't really have a safe space to vent out my feelings about my birth. A few people suggested that I go to ICAN meetings, but I just couldn't imagine walking into a room full of women who'd had traumatic c-sections, planned homebirths-turned-hospital-births, or lost their babies altogether. On the other hand, I can't really talk to my fellow homebirth mamas because they've all had good homebirths and don't want to deal with my negativity. Having a traumatic homebirth kind of puts you in the weird middle ground and it seems like there is very little support and it doesn't help when you have to see everyone around you having awesome births (not that I would wish a negative birth on anybody, it's just that seeing it amplifies my pain and disappointment). Thankfully, I seem to have found an awesome midwife in my area that I'm thinking about hiring for my next birth. She's familiar with using hypnotherapy to help let go of past birth baggage and I've scheduled a well woman appointment with her for next month. I'm hoping to establish a relationship with a midwife well before I get pregnant so that I'm already comfortable and familiar with her when the time comes to actually hire her for a pregnancy.

 

 


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#122 of 149 Old 12-10-2011, 10:33 AM
 
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I come from a different time and place. I grew up in a country that perhpas was a step above a third world country as far as living conditions.   I admit that many my perception of many things in US is colored by that experience.

 

There expectation that doing and thinking the right thing will lead to the desired and special birth day.

 

Are those expectations harming women? Yes, experience is important , but is not coming out alive out of this physiological but dangerous activity is more important than anything else?  Does the place matters as much as the live baby and life mom?

 

I do not get the "trust birth" thing. To me it  is magical thinking. One can do everything right and have all the positive thoughts one wants but the big parts of life is that thing do not go as we plan or wish. 

 

I traveled some around the world and it seemed to me USA is place where by large, people really expect that thing will go as they planned and wishes. There is that prevailing idea that positive think  override everything.   It seems to me that this  path  would lead to ton of disappointment.

 

 

I think this book really speaks of the issue of positive thinking

 

http://www.barbaraehrenreich.com/brightsided.htm

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#123 of 149 Old 12-10-2011, 11:01 AM
 
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I do not get the "trust birth" thing. To me it  is magical thinking. One can do everything right and have all the positive thoughts one wants but the big parts of life is that thing do not go as we plan or wish. 

 

I traveled some around the world and it seemed to me USA is place where by large, people really expect that thing will go as they planned and wishes. There is that prevailing idea that positive think  override everything.   It seems to me that this  path  would lead to ton of disappointment.

 


I agree totally. Applied to most areas of life, this attitude would be considered almost delusional. A positive outlook is helpful, but it is not magic.

 

I think the "trust birth" thing is a very positive development to the extent that it applies to getting past the unrealistic fear and dread of the birth process which has developed in this part of the world. Learning that childbirth is normal and natural, and that routine interference is a problem in itself, is something most people need to go through. Getting to the point where we "trust birth" to the same extent that we "trust" our digestive processes is a very good thing. Unfortunately, it's been carried much further, to the point where the mere feeling of trust is supposed to cancel out the inevitable problems and complications that all human biological functions are subject to. That's where it changes from a realistic and helpful outlook to magical thinking.

 

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#124 of 149 Old 12-13-2011, 07:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Alenushka View Post

I come from a different time and place. I grew up in a country that perhpas was a step above a third world country as far as living conditions.   I admit that many my perception of many things in US is colored by that experience.

 

There expectation that doing and thinking the right thing will lead to the desired and special birth day.

 

Are those expectations harming women? Yes, experience is important , but is not coming out alive out of this physiological but dangerous activity is more important than anything else?  Does the place matters as much as the live baby and life mom?

 

I do not get the "trust birth" thing. To me it  is magical thinking. One can do everything right and have all the positive thoughts one wants but the big parts of life is that thing do not go as we plan or wish. 

 

I traveled some around the world and it seemed to me USA is place where by large, people really expect that thing will go as they planned and wishes. There is that prevailing idea that positive think  override everything.   It seems to me that this  path  would lead to ton of disappointment.

 

 

I think this book really speaks of the issue of positive thinking

 

http://www.barbaraehrenreich.com/brightsided.htm


I had a negative home birth experience that required hospital transfer, but I still believe that home births are safe for many low risk women. Tragedy strikes in the hospital, too. I actually think I hemorrhaged so badly in the hospital as a result of the midwife tugging on my cord so much. I responded earlier on in this thread. The reality is that sometimes bad things happen to good people--at home or in the hospital, and each woman with a low risk pregnancy should have the choice to birth where she feels safest. I personally don't plan to birth at home again, but I also know my sister has had 3 safe home births.

 

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#125 of 149 Old 12-14-2011, 05:20 AM
 
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I had a negative home birth experience that required hospital transfer, but I still believe that home births are safe for many low risk women. Tragedy strikes in the hospital, too. I actually think I hemorrhaged so badly in the hospital as a result of the midwife tugging on my cord so much. I responded earlier on in this thread. The reality is that sometimes bad things happen to good people--at home or in the hospital, and each woman with a low risk pregnancy should have the choice to birth where she feels safest. I personally don't plan to birth at home again, but I also know my sister has had 3 safe home births.

 



I also had a negative home birth experience, but I agree. . .I still feel homebirth is perfectly save and probably the best place for most women to give birth.  I really hope people don't read this thread and think that we are bashing homebirth, because I am definitely not!  I will still recommend homebirth because my situation isn't the NORM and I hope no one will think it is!


Barbara:  an always learning SAHM of Ilana (11) and Aiden (8) living in Belgium with my amazing husband.

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#126 of 149 Old 12-14-2011, 05:41 AM
 
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I also had a negative home birth experience, but I agree. . .I still feel homebirth is perfectly save and probably the best place for most women to give birth.  I really hope people don't read this thread and think that we are bashing homebirth, because I am definitely not!  I will still recommend homebirth because my situation isn't the NORM and I hope no one will think it is!



I agree. I am happy that this thread exists so that those of us who had negative experiences can process them. But I also know they are a few negative experiences among many, many positive ones for other women. So while I need to process my personal experience with home birth (I also need to process my hospital birth. I hemorrhaged both at home and in the hospital and think both births may have been mismanaged to a degree.), I acknowledge that what happened to me is the exception and not the rule. Home birth is a beautiful thing and I mourn that I can not personally have another one and feel safe with that decision, as I have hemorrhaged badly twice. But I also like that it is a choice. And I want other women to continue to have that choice. 

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#127 of 149 Old 12-14-2011, 09:14 AM
 
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Agreed. Every woman should have the right to choose among a variety options for birthing. She should be able to decide what is best for her based on a combination of her risk factor and personal comfort levels. Some low-risk women prefer to birth at the hospital. And that is ok. Other mamas want UC, some want midwife assisted HBs. We should all be able to choose what is best for us and our families.

 

And just because a few of us have had less than rosy HB experiences doesn't mean HB itself is bad. Like hospital births, some are great, some ain't. But it doesn't mean the whole practice of birthing that particular way is awful.


"The Mothers are the brave ones." - Call the Midwife

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#128 of 149 Old 12-14-2011, 08:53 PM
 
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I think the big thing is to realize that just like not all hospital births are awful, not all home births are wonderful. Birthing is such a vulnerable time for women and their families that no situation is ideal for everyone, and it is pretty easy for the dice to roll wrong no matter where you birth.

A bad birth is a bad birth, regardless of location. The big difference is that those of us who had a bad home birth feel so much more cheated because we swam against the trend to do it in hopes of a better birth. So we feel like we fought for a great birth but lost. We feel cheated and disappointed in addition to dealing with our birth trauma. Having a home birth is rare. Having a bad one rarer still. It puts you in a very isolated place. Thank goodness for this board!
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#129 of 149 Old 12-15-2011, 06:19 AM
 
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Having a home birth is rare. Having a bad one rarer still. It puts you in a very isolated place.

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#130 of 149 Old 12-17-2011, 11:10 AM
 
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I read this whole thread and relate to some of the things shared.  I'm currently expecting my sixth child and I am choosing a hospital birth after four home births.

 

My first birth was traumatic due to my doctor and the hospital staff doing things to me without explaining why. We also had "side effects" from various medical things. My first home birth (second baby) was very straightforward and easy.  The only hiccough was heavy bleeding immediately postpartum, which my midwife stopped via a shot of pitocin.

 

I planned a hospital birth with my third baby. I didn't know why, exactly. A few days before she was born I changed my mind and decided to have her at home instead. We had a major complication develop suddenly. Given the doctor I was going to use and my baby's reassuring heart tones, I think I may have had a vaginal birth in the hospital, but I would have felt so much more comfortable knowing I could have a c-section within minutes if needed. At home we had to quickly decide if I could get her out faster by staying home or by transferring. The closest hospital was 15 minutes away and was not the one my doctor went to. Since I was 7cm and stretchy, I had my midwife hold my cervix while I pushed my baby through. I think a c-section would have been easier. I have never been more relieved then when my baby came out looking as pink and vigorous as if she'd been out in the sun. I feel very, very lucky that the complication was not worse and that it didn't kill her.  The experience was traumatic because stuff like that isn't supposed to happen when you leave birth alone.  Or so I used to believe.  It was scary and very physically painful.

 

Because the good doctor stopped attending births and I didn't have any other good hospital options, I had my next two at home. Those labors were 2 and 3 times as long as my previously longest one. I'm sure part of it was that I no longer trust birth to go perfectly just because I've made all the "right" choices. I was an extremely cautious birther and my midwife was great about supporting and reassuring me. With both of those births I stalled for hours. I spent five hours at 8 cm with one and three hours at 7cm with the other. What allowed me to commit to giving birth both times was to have my midwife break my water. We knew about the complication with number 3 when my water broke and it was filled with blood and huge clots. Seeing perfectly clear water with my last two was reassuring. I gave birth to both within 1-2 hours of AROM.

 

About a year after my youngest was born, my SIL had her first baby. She planned a home birth with a midwife I had recommended due to her patience with first-time labors. My SIL developed symptoms of pre-eclampsia and went into labor a few weeks later at 34 weeks. Instead of transferring when she established that SIL was in labor, her midwife said they could stay home because the baby "felt big" and "labor would get him ready to breathe." This midwife Trusts Birth and I guess she figured that labor at 34 weeks must mean he's ready to come out. The midwife still didn't transfer even when my SIL started bleeding heavier than her normal period. The midwife said it was just bloody show. My SIL decided to transfer when she was 9cm because she felt like something was very wrong. While my SIL waited 15 min. for the midwife to join them in the car, the placenta abrupted completely. They got to the nearest hospital and SIL pushed out my nephew, but he was completely non-responsive. The NICU team got him back after 5 minutes of working on him, but he was a very sick baby. Thankfully and miraculously he is a healthy 2-year-old today, but I am still furious with the devastatingly negligent way my SIL's midwife handled the birth. Afterward she blamed it all on my SIL. SIL only stayed home because the midwife said it would be safe to do so. I spoke to the midwife on the phone during the labor and heard her say it would be fine because he felt big and labor would get his lungs ready. She was maddeningly cavalier about the whole situation. If they had stayed home, my nephew would be dead. There is no way the midwife could have gotten him started again.

 

It was SIL's birth that pushed me over the edge. If midwives can't be trusted to transfer when there is medical indication and time enough to do so, home birth is not a safe option. The hospital I'm going to opened up two years ago. My CNM was the first provider with a full practice, so she made the rules about how women were to be treated. She retrained the nurses to work with NCB moms. Nobody gets interventions unless they are needed or requested. It feels like the safest possible option to me because the data shows that it is safer to leave normal birth alone but ACT if there is a problem.

 

I know that many (most, I hope) home birth midwives practice safely and only take cases that are good candidates for home birth. I find myself unable to trust any home birth midwife, however, after SIL's experience. I had NO idea that her midwife would act so dangerously. It scares me to be home with someone I think is safe, but I can't know it for sure. I realize that in the hospital I have to trust my CNM, but I'm reassured that there are other people around and equipment that can help if anything goes wrong. A c-section is not the end of the world anymore. I've gained perspective.

 

That got long. I've come to just really despise the "trust birth" movement because it spits on any woman who experiences spontaneous complications or difficulties despite doing everything NCB-kosher. SIL's midwife is still practicing. Few are willing to believe what she did. The wagons circled to protect her while excluding the family that was harmed. I spent many years lobbying our state legislature to legalize home birth midwifery. I testified that home birth midwives transfer when appropriate and that it's a very safe option. I believed it. Now that I know some midwives who stay home with things like preemies, HELLP, and other clearly high risk cases, I feel...dirty. Used. I'd love more transparency and formal peer review. I'd love for us to police ourselves as a community and get the dangerous midwives to stop practicing.

 

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#131 of 149 Old 01-14-2012, 05:24 AM
 
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It's been years since my daughter's birth and I still feel anger and emotional about it.  To everyone around me I had a picture perfect homebirth with only a minor complication, but to me I was violated.  I still remember screaming "NO!" and the feeling of my placenta ripping out of me as she pulled it out.  I can't stand changing the sheets on my bed because I'm reminded every time by the blood stains covering over half the mattress.  We had to rip up the carpet.  I fainted every time I got out of bed for two days and I crawled around my house for well over a week.  I remember laying in bed with my baby, by myself, and not being able to go to the other side of the room to get a diaper so I could change her.  She sat in her own feces for several hours until my mother came to check on me (everyone was asleep and my DH was deployed). 

 

I thought that we couldn't trust doctors, that midwives were the salvation of the NCB movement. 


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#132 of 149 Old 01-14-2012, 04:49 PM
 
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I am so so sorry.

Get a new bed. Your bed is trigger now.

 

I hope you are seeing a therapist.

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#133 of 149 Old 01-31-2012, 10:04 AM
 
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Newbie here.  I didn't read the whole thread, so I'm not sure if this is the right place for me to post.  My dd was born 10 weeks ago at my parents' house.   My dad is a family doc, and we planned for him to attend my birth and then my husband and I would stay with my folks for a few weeks after the baby was born.  My MIL and mother and dh were there too--I had so much love and support.  My labor moved along pretty good and I felt positive about it.  Pushing phase was very, very hard work and seemed to take a long time, although I tried not to think about the passage of time.  It got scary at the end, when my dd crowned and wouldn't come out.  She was posterior with a hand up at her head.  Dad pushed her back in to get the hand down, then both of her shoulders stuck fast.  He got her out with no brachial nerve damage--she was blue but pinked up.  I felt like we'd been through a battle together; we were both soaking wet with amniotic fluid, blood and meconium.  I was so thankful she was alive and whole! 

The biggest problem was that I got a fourth-degree tear, which didn't heal properly and has developed into a recto-vaginal fistula.  It's weird because initially I felt so good about that birth.  It was hard, hard work, it hurt--but I did it!  But as time went on, I realized more fully how dangerous and scary the double shoulder dystocia had been, and the extent of my own birth injuries.  I stopped feeling so positive about it, but not necessarily the homebirth itself.  The complications would have happened wherever I birthed, and I'm so glad my dd and I could be together right after the birth and that my mother and mil were there to care for her when I couldn't.  So I guess I had a traumatic home birth, but I still think home can be a really good place to give birth.  One of my sadnesses now is that all the consulting obs have told me I should have only c-sections from now on, because of the risk of tearing again and recreating the fistula (presuming it's healed between now and then).  Even though I was brave throughout this birth at home, I feel really scared about hospitals and surgery and the thought of being cut open and feeling powerless.

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#134 of 149 Old 01-31-2012, 01:11 PM
 
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There is not need to feel scare of powerless about surgery. Fistula is a very rare complication in the First World country.  Did you see a UroGynecologist yet? The surgery for fistula repair is pretty straightforward and 97% effective

 

Talk to the doctor and the anestisiologist ahead of time and in great detail.

 

 

I think it is bad idea to look a c-section birth as failure or evil and vaginal as always perfect and proper thing. It is all depends on the situation.

 

Yes, in the hospital , you most likely would have e had a c-section, but you also would not have  a tear and fistula 

 

Yes, complications happen everywhere but reality is that hospitals simply have more technology to deal with complication.

 

PLease, see a specialist for you fistula. There is not reason to deal with discomfort and embrassmnet of rectal fistula.

 

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#135 of 149 Old 01-31-2012, 01:42 PM
 
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I've been seeing a specialist and had fistula repair surgery on January 6.  Now I'm going through the healing process (that is, waiting!), and will see the surgeon for post-op exam in a week.  I'm not confident the repair was totally successful, but it's only been three weeks since the surgery, so I focus on resting well and being patient.

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#136 of 149 Old 01-31-2012, 01:52 PM
 
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I hope you heal without any additional surgeries!

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#137 of 149 Old 02-23-2012, 07:21 PM
 
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I am also dealing with coming to terms with my birth 18 months ago. I had a wonderful home birth with wonderful midwives, but my birth ended in a 3rd and 4th degree tear and a post partum hemmorage.

I decided on a hispital based alternative birth center this time around (I'm 5 months pregnant) so that I can request an episiotomy to preserve my current repair. also, it's nice to know there is blood just down the hall if my hemmorage is worse this time around..

But I'm scared. I keep having reoccurring dreams of being in labor again and bleeding and losing consciousness .. Horribly graphic dreams that bother me all day. That is the part of it that I find traumatic, that I can't get it out of my head during this pregnancy.
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#138 of 149 Old 03-01-2012, 02:24 AM
 
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Hi,

I am sorry to read you had a bad homebirth experience; this is very rare. It's even rarer to have a shoulder dystocia...THIS IS NOBODY'S FAULT! Shoulder dystochia can happen any time and nobody can predict it. Some dystochia's resolve with a position change but some don't. Your midwife did well delivering a baby that is alive. The same could happen in hospital. It is a very stressful and frightening experience for all involved. I just see this was 2 years ago and hope you found some healing in the meantime. Namaste!

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#139 of 149 Old 03-16-2012, 03:57 PM
 
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I was going to have a homebirth. 

My midwife was worried Baby was sick. 

We transferred to the hospital 1-2 miles away. 

The Dr. plugged us into monitors, antibiotics, fluids, and oxygen....but not painkillers.  

My MIDWIFE asked for a c-section.  The Dr. didn't think it was necessary.

Birth was amazing.  I knew the pain would end. My husband, sister and midwife tended to me.  I would start to scream then remember to turn it into a deep groan. I joked and rested between contractions. My husband beamed.  

7-8 hours after we arrived, in the last minutes of birth, they couldn't find my baby on the monitors.  They switched monitors but still couldn't find her.  2 minutes (or less) before she was born they wanted to put an electrode on her head.  I said no, and birthed her in the next push instead.  

She was already gone.  

They tried to get her back.  I didn't know she was a girl.  

I started to go into shock. 

My husband remembered the Hypnobabies cue and put his hand on my head.  I unconsciouly started to breath deeply. I remained conscious.  

We named her while they worked. Mira, as in miracle.  

She died in my arms.  My only child after years of infertility.  

 

We make plans, we have high hopes.  Reality does not always conform to our desires.  We adapt. That is life.  


 

8.31.11. - 9.1.11  Mira Joy

My only child after 5 years of trying.    

                                            

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#140 of 149 Old 03-18-2012, 06:19 PM
 
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KirstenO - I'm so sorry for your loss of Mira. I hope time brings you healing.

CD'ing, homebirthing, milk making school teacher. Supporting my family on my income and trying to get out of debt in 2013!
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#141 of 149 Old 03-19-2012, 10:29 PM
 
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KirstenO, that's heartbreaking.  I'm so sorry for your loss.


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#142 of 149 Old 03-24-2012, 06:20 AM
 
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Jenny  & Lunar....thanks for your kind words.


 

8.31.11. - 9.1.11  Mira Joy

My only child after 5 years of trying.    

                                            

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#143 of 149 Old 04-26-2012, 05:31 PM
 
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[Admin note: Link removed.  MDC does not host promotional links.]

 

While many are turned off by Dr. Amy Tuteur's tone, you will find story after story of home births gone wrong.  You are not alone. 

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#144 of 149 Old 04-28-2012, 07:37 PM
 
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I consider my last birth to be traumatic, though others wouldn't. I will NEVER have another baby!! My first two were hospital births, and my third was a planned UC. My fourth was a midwife assisted homebirth. I spent almost the last month of pregnancy in what felt like labor. "Prodromal labor". But the contractions were freaking real. It hurt. I walked, took showers, rested, ate, drank. I spent lots of time on all fours, in the knee-chest position. (my 14 year old took a nice picture of me that way lol) These contractions would be regular, too, to where I was keeping track of them. They'd start up, and they'd be the same minutes apart for 2 hours or so, day after day. Several times a week. This would happen at night, too. I'd get up in the middle of the night with contractions(painful, always painful), and even take the phone with me into the bathroom in case something happened I could call dh to wake him up in case my yelling didn't. Every morning was a disappointment, every bedtime I was sad. I went to 41w4d before my daughter was born. My other natural pregnancies went 40w3d. So about 2 days before she was born, my contractions were getting closer and closer, and painful to where I couldn't walk anymore, and I finally woke up dh who after awhile called the midwife. She came and set up everything, and slept on the couch with our dogs lol By the morning, no contractions. I was SO UPSET. Well the day I finally had my daughter, I had the same stupid fake contractions, except they weren't even regular. But they hurt! All of a sudden, I had one and felt like pushing. We had kept in touch with the midwife who figured today wouldn't be the day, she said to rest and stay hydrated. When I let dh know I really needed to push he called her and said this is it. She was I think over an hour away with a doula/midwife apprentice(I think she was a midwife apprentice also) so she sent her apprentice to our house. I really didn't click with this apprentice during my pregnancy, and the plan was for it to ONLY be my midwife, dh and kids, no one else. The apprentice got there and set everything up, listened to the baby's heart, and just sat with our dogs in the floor(my dogs are just there, contstantly lol) I could not get comfortable, no position was helping the pain. My abdomen hurt so damn bad, it felt different, and the only relief I could get was almost laying flat on my belly! So much pain, I couldn't stand it. I don't handle labor well, even though I never had pain meds during any of my labors. I just suffer through it like a doofus and yell and stuff. The midwife and the other apprentice finally got here, and she checked me and I had a lip where I wasn't fully dilated. It was sooo painful. She had me contract in different positions. OMG it was horrible. Just horrible, the pain. I screamed, I cried, I begged, I just held on to dh and got through it. My daughter's heartrate started dropping at the wrong time of the contraction, and I ended up wanting to push on my back against dh's chest. I was scared then. My midwife sounded worried(not openly, and I might have been imagining it!) and I was terrified. I pushed that baby out, but I screamed and it seemed to take forever. It was so hard. Pushing is awful for me anyway, but especially with this baby. My ass felt like it was going to burst open and it was making me hold back. The apprentice who I did not click with saved us, she got almost on me and our hands/arms were linked in such a way that it helped me be able to push. She later had bruises on her hands from me! Then my daughter was born, the head, ahhhh, then the rest. Her cord was wrapped twice, and I have this on video, the midwife sat her on the bed, unwrapped her, then plopped her on me. It was awesome(but horrible, you see?) Oh and the other apprentice I didn't even know, she kinda took care of the kids(ages 16, 14 and 9 at the time). I am so glad the two apprentinces were there, even though it was not planned. My midwife was worried how I felt about them being there since originally I didn't want them, but I am so happy they were there.

 

This is so jumbled and I'm sorry, I have never typed up the story before. Between the prodromal labor, and the agony of the contractions, I am still not over it all. I tore a little, and I bled for a long time. I was not able to take good care of myself after the midwife care ran out with the kids and dh working so much, and no one helped me. I still haven't gotten sleep 7 months later. This was not like we planned, but the trouble was physical and not with anyone who WAS there. I will always be grateful for the apprentice I didn't really like at first and the stranger lol I will never do this again. If something happens and I was to get pregnant somehow, I believe I would have it in the hospital, maybe even a c-section. And I had all four with no pain meds, the last 2 at home. I could never go through that pain again. I knew it hurt, it's normal to hurt, but that was something else. Never again!


drowning in hormones with 4 daughters and an understanding, loving hubby. also some dogs. my life is crazy and we are always learning.

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#145 of 149 Old 06-26-2013, 11:08 AM
 
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I know this hasn't been posted in in a while, but I want to add my experience.

 

What someone said earlier really resonated with me. I didn't have birth trauma, I had midwife trauma. I'm not ready to talk about it too much publically yet.

 

I've done a lot of reading and processing and I'm starting to understand what happened and why I felt the way I did. I'm not as afraid of birth as I was right after. Right after, I didn't want to ever have another child because I never wanted to face the prospect of birth again.

 

I have no idea what I want to do next time. I don't know if I want drugs. I don't know if I just want to get a c-section as soon as I know I'm in labor. A natural, home birth didn't do anything for me- if I'm going to spend the hours after birth unable to see or hold my baby and the week after unable to properly hold my baby because I'm too weak from blood loss, if I'm not even going to get the chance to try getting the baby to latch on, I might as well just get it cut out of me and save myself a long, painful, exhausting labor. And if I'm in the hospital, even if I do vaginal- at least I'll be able to immediately get the prescription to lessen blood loss, or just get a shot of pitocin, rather than having to wait until my dad can come down after work (so 14+ hours after labor) before I can get the prescription filled because I was in no state to drive and my partner was exhausted from being up 23 hours and had to take care of the baby because I was too weak to.

 

I wanted to cry when I read about a mom on here who had breast surgery before and needed to supplement, and she talked about how, after her hospital birth, the nurses helped her use the supplement so she could breastfeed. Even though I spent most of my time with the midwives telling them that I wanted to breastfeed as much as I could, that I wanted to do supplemental nursing, that we HAD a supplemental nurser to try- I was never even given the option. I never got to try and latch my baby on. We're still struggling to get the supplement to work (after talking to others who supplement, the one we were using is REALLY hard to use, so we got another one that'll hopefully work better).

 

What's the point of a home birth? I thought hospital births were supposed to be like that. I had a home birth to avoid the treatment I ended up getting in my own home.


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#146 of 149 Old 08-27-2013, 06:35 PM
 
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Hello, ladies. First of all, I think it's very important to have a thread like this. I have been shocked by many of this stories, but they are real, the happen, and they should be heard.

 

I am pregnant for the first time, so I have no experience with birth whatsoever. I am planning a homebirth, basically because I don't want to be stripped to monitors on a bed, labor on my back, get IV with pitocin and specially I don't want to give birth on my back, or to be told when and how to push (and I want to avoid an episiotomy, yucks!). BUT I am very realistic about what could go wrong in a homebirth. I don't believe in the almighty "trust birth". It is naive and irresponsable. I trust my body (after all, it conceived my perfect baby without any conscious help from me), but that is until I (or my mw) see something that could potentially be a danger. I wouldn't hesitate to transfer, nor I would feel that I have "failed" somehow, because I know that s*it happens, period.

 

This is why this stories are so important. I have read hundreds of happy HB stories, I have seen many many beautiful birth videos. I know I could have one of those straightfoward births, and if that's the case, well, I'll be delighted. But I cannot ignore the bad outcomes, simply because they could teach me SO much. I have a sheet with all the potential complications, and how I wish they would be handled, based on the hundreds of birth stories I read that had a complication. I have interrogated my MW over and over, and I am still not done. I will be meeting her backup and her assistant in the next appointment, and I will be making sure that all four of us are on the same page. I chose a MW with 15 years of experience in a clinic, just to make sure she knows how to handle complications. She will have the equipment to put IVs, oxigen, etc. But she also has the philosophy of being hands free and letting the birth to develop naturally, so it's pretty much the best of both worlds.

 

I will never know how the outcome of my birth will be, that is until I give birth. But I want to be prepared for everything. I am not obsessed over this, I am just logical, and I have to wrap my head arund the possibility of transfer, of a c/s, of a complication. I think it is my resposibilty as a grown woman choosing HB to be prepared, to be educated, to know as much as possible to what is going to happen to my body in that particular day.

 

The other thing that I see in this thread, and all the birth stories with bad outcomes that I have so far read, is a lot of malpractice and negligence. When I read what a MW did, I go to my own MW and interrogate her about that particular subject. For instance, thanks to Lunarlady I will be telling my MW to do not tug the cord. I have already read before that the cord should never ever be touched, and this stories simply reassure me. MW negligence is very scary. My personal opinion from all the research I have done, is that I see a lot of negligence in the US midwifes. Where I live, a MW is a college graduate who had to go to college for 5 years before getting her licence. And after that, they are obligated to practice for at least 2 years in a hospital.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to say that, despite all those birth junkies that consider that bad HB outcomes should be swept under the rug, they are helping people like me prepare for birth. No woman should be silenced and censored, on the contrary, they contribute in the same way as those horrible hospital birth stories contribute to make some women choose HB.

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#147 of 149 Old 08-27-2013, 08:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anablis View Post

I am pregnant for the first time, so I have no experience with birth whatsoever. I am planning a homebirth, basically because I don't want to be stripped to monitors on a bed, labor on my back, get IV with pitocin and specially I don't want to give birth on my back, or to be told when and how to push (and I want to avoid an episiotomy, yucks!). 

 

Anablis, it's also really important to counter myths about hospitals - loads of women give birth in hospitals every day without any of the things you mention here.  Others chose some of these things.  I know women who have had an epidural on admission and pitocin to get things moving (yes, some people do that voluntarily), and women who have given birth without a needle or a shred of tape ever coming into play, in hospitals.  Many hospitals recognize the power of the obstetrics department in marketing, and do everything they can to make maternity patients happy.

 

Obviously, your mileage may vary.  There are good hospitals and bad hospitals, and within those, there are good OBs, bad OBs, good OBs who have bad days, bad OBs who have good days, and that whole entire range again in nursing staff.  It's unwise to make assumptions about your care options without investigating what they are and what they're like.

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#148 of 149 Old 08-27-2013, 09:32 PM
 
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MW negligence is very scary. My personal opinion from all the research I have done, is that I see a lot of negligence in the US midwifes. Where I live, a MW is a college graduate who had to go to college for 5 years before getting her licence. And after that, they are obligated to practice for at least 2 years in a hospital.

 

In my state, you have to be a CNM to be a midwife. The MW at my labor had worked with a hospital long before she became a homebirth midwife and still has hospital privilege.

 

Her actions were basically everything that I wanted to avoid from a hospital birth (telling me not to trust my body, not offering me actual support during labor or birth, clearly being annoyed when my labor was negatively impacting her time table, not helping me to hold the baby or giving me the opportunity to breastfeed, taking my baby (and so partner) from the room and leaving me alone without telling me what was going on, not respecting my concerns about the stitches, etc) without any of the advantages of hospital birth. She did a lot of irresponsible things that I'd certainly hope wouldn't happen in a hospital as well, despite her hospital training and experience. 

 

I don't mean to discourage you- but be aware that a college graduate with years of hospital experience isn't any less prone to these problems. I can't remember offhand how many posts specifically mentioned the level of training the midwife had, but I don't believe that all of them said that the midwives weren't college or hospital trained. IIRC, most just said 'midwife' and didn't specify a level of training.


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#149 of 149 Old 08-28-2013, 06:43 PM
 
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Anablis, it's also really important to counter myths about hospitals - loads of women give birth in hospitals every day without any of the things you mention here.  Others chose some of these things.  I know women who have had an epidural on admission and pitocin to get things moving (yes, some people do that voluntarily), and women who have given birth without a needle or a shred of tape ever coming into play, in hospitals.  Many hospitals recognize the power of the obstetrics department in marketing, and do everything they can to make maternity patients happy.

 

Obviously, your mileage may vary.  There are good hospitals and bad hospitals, and within those, there are good OBs, bad OBs, good OBs who have bad days, bad OBs who have good days, and that whole entire range again in nursing staff.  It's unwise to make assumptions about your care options without investigating what they are and what they're like.

 

I agree. Not all hospital births are horror stories. Unfortunately, where I live it is very hard to find a medical facility that would allow me to choose procedures. Every clinic and hospital have their own protocols and it's hard to skip them. I discussed this with my mother many times (she supports my choice but is a little scared). I have the right to choose the way I give birth (by law) but since almost nobody acknowledges that law, I would have to go to the hospital and start fighting from the beginning, wich is something I don't want to do while in labor. I interviewed a couple of OBs, to try and find a "natural labor" friendly OB, with no luck. One of them actually told me that the "physiological position" to deliver is laying on my back. He used those words. I was raging inside.

One of my friends had a hospital birth a few months ago, and she had what you can call a somewhat gentle birth. She showed up with 5 cm dilated, so she had no pitocin. But she agreed to the epidural, wich lead to electronic monitoring, laying flat on the back to deliver, an episiotomy that needed readjustment some days later, and a purple face (not to mention the hedious "push! push! push!"). I want none of that.

 

I shadow care with an OB, wich I have in case I need a c/s (he is a very good surgeon). He works in a very good private clinic (covered by my health insurance) that is between 30 min and 1 hour away from home (depending on traffic). I also have another private clinic, covered by HI, that is about 5 min from home, wich is good, altough not as good as the other one. I will use that one for a real emergency.

 

Anyway, I believe that the MW I chose is the best personalised care for me. While I see the OB once in a while, and I have to wait for him for an hour in every appointment, and he wouldn't remember me if I stopped going, my MW comes to my house, calls me on the phone, emails me, knows a lot about me, and more importantly, I have the chance to discuss with her every possibility, every procedure, every stage of labor, well, anything at all. Every appointment with her lasts for around 3 hours. My OB wouldn't spend on me more than 30 minutes.

 

I would still transfer without blinking twice, if something in my labor rings a bell. I just want to give my body the opportunity to do what it's supposed to do, wich is deliver a baby. I don't see I could accomplish that in a clinic. They have other priorities in mind (at least the clinics I could use).

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by sillysapling View Post

In my state, you have to be a CNM to be a midwife. The MW at my labor had worked with a hospital long before she became a homebirth midwife and still has hospital privilege.

 

Her actions were basically everything that I wanted to avoid from a hospital birth (telling me not to trust my body, not offering me actual support during labor or birth, clearly being annoyed when my labor was negatively impacting her time table, not helping me to hold the baby or giving me the opportunity to breastfeed, taking my baby (and so partner) from the room and leaving me alone without telling me what was going on, not respecting my concerns about the stitches, etc) without any of the advantages of hospital birth. She did a lot of irresponsible things that I'd certainly hope wouldn't happen in a hospital as well, despite her hospital training and experience. 

Yes, I am very much aware of that. I even know that those type of MW are called "medwives".

Since it is my first time with this MW in particular (and my first time ever), I will not know if I judged her character and skills properly until the very day I give birth. So far every answer she gave me to every question has been the right one. I interviewed a few other MWs, and she is the one that, after closing the door, made me say "this is it". Am I wrong? Will she meet my expectations? I don't know. She has the knowdlege, the meds, the equipment, and the philosophy of a HB MW. I feel comfortable with someone like that, instead of a more "natural" MW. I, for example, have read a case where the mother tested positive for GBS, and she followed the MW advice and put on garlic in her vagina. When she gave birth, the baby contracted the disease and died. I can look up the link to paste it here. While many women gave birth to healthy babies with a positive GBS, IMO it only takes one case against it to make me go to the safest option: the IV (which could have its own complications, but at least not a dead baby). I know many mothers would disagree with me. But to me, it's a matter of choice. You choose what suits you best, what your logic tells you, what you conclude from research.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by sillysapling View Post

I don't mean to discourage you- but be aware that a college graduate with years of hospital experience isn't any less prone to these problems. I can't remember offhand how many posts specifically mentioned the level of training the midwife had, but I don't believe that all of them said that the midwives weren't college or hospital trained. IIRC, most just said 'midwife' and didn't specify a level of training.

 

I, on the other hand, have read many catastrophic stories of negligence with the mother concluding "... and then I discovered the MW had her license revoked/she was a direct entry mw with no formal education/she had no experience with a complicated birth/she had plenty of cases of malpractice and dead babies".

There is a thread, I think in MDC, that actually discusses the difference between midwifery in US and Europe. I actually read many HB stories that took place in the UK, and I have not found as many cases of malpractice as in this forum and in different US pages. Not even close. But as I said, that is my conclusion from my research.

A college education doesn't automatically guarantee competent practice of medicine, I agree. There wouldn't be so many cases of mother/baby death in hospitals if that were the case. But when it comes to birthing at home, I feel safer with someone who is able to observe and be hands free, but who knows exactly what to do in case of an emergency, someone who can read red flags inmediately after they happen and act in consequence. Someone not as alarmist and interventionist as an OB, and also someone not as relaxed and "no interventions at all" as some MW.

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