I am afraid this may be a lengthy post, I apologize in advance. Part of my troubles is that, 2.5 years after my bad birth experience, I have yet to really deal with any of this. I have never written it all down and sometimes when I remember things, I am surprised by some of the things that stick with me.
I was hoping some of you out there may have had similar experiences and could sympathize and/or offer encouragement as I approach the birth of #2, in early November(I hope!)
With our son, at some point in the second trimester I was having pretty bad itching. I ignored it, as you read everywhere about itching in pregnancy, until it got so bad I could not sleep. I mentioned it in an offhand manner during a regular visit with my OB, who tested me for obstetric cholestasis. A couple of weeks later the results were back(standard wait, as not many labs do the needed tests) and it was positive. We discussed my results on a Friday, and she told us I need an amnio on the following Monday, when I would be 37 weeks, and if the lungs were mature, I'd have to be induced. In her words, "After 37 weeks, even a perfectly healthy baby in a mother with this condition can suddenly die". So we pretty much went from what we thought was a normal pregnancy to crisis mode. Amnio was good and my induction was started right away, the whole while us terrified our baby would die.
There were many interventions. I started on Cervadil, fine. Mild contraction I barely even noticed. 12 hours later they inserted a catheter in my cervix for using a Foley Balloon. I knew that would not be comfortable, but this truly was the worst part of my entire labor. It didn't help that the nurse spent way too long very aggressively jamming what turned out to be a way-too-large catheter into my closed cervix while I had tears streaming down my face and I was clamping the bedsheets. I had to take a break before she tried the next one. The pain was so damn bad, I requested an epidural once it was finally in place. And believe me, I've never been a wimp.
The anesthesiologist placing the epi asked the nurse some question, to which she replied, "I don't know, she's only one centimeter" in a tone that-granted, I may have misinterpreted being so out of it, sounded like "Wow, what a wimp, only one centimeter and she needs an epidural."
The pump was bad, and repeatedly stopped working, which for a while was frustrating, but I was ok. Then they broke my waters and started me on Pitocin, and nearing transition, they finally tried a new pump, as I was getting NO pain relief whatsoever. The nurse commented to the tech replacing my pump(who asked something about my pain) "I don't think she wants to feel ANYTHING." As if all I was feeling was a nagging tug that my poor delicate self could not tolerate. I don't know if it was another bad pump, or if the needle had slipped in my back, but it didn't work, and the pain was almost unbearable. Upon feeling the urge to push(which was more like "I have no choice, my body is needing to push so hard I think my guts are down in my feet somewhere"), the nurse did not do a check, but told me I could push lightly. By the time my OB came and examined me, she was clearly startled at how far down the baby was, and less than 10 minutes later he was out.
I am guessing communication broke down somewhere, because I thought women without pain relief were numbed locally before having a tear stitched up, and I was not-I felt every needle stab and thread yank. I had developed a fever at some point, so after about 5 minutes with my son, they knocked me out...I don't remember even being told I'd be unconscious for hours and miss his only alert moments. I woke up having a bad reaction to something, and after over thirty hours with no food, I spent about the next 8 hours vomiting and pretty much incapacitated.
I know I am so fortunate that my son was born healthy and though traumatic, the induction took and I did not need a C-section. And I am also blessed in that, so far, my tests are normal and I have not been diagnosed with OC again, which has a pretty high rate of recurrence.
I am still afraid I could still be diagnosed and need another induction, and I just don't know how I would handle that. I also feel on one hand, good chance things will be better this time. Then I fear, so much was unexpected and happened so fast-what makes me think something worse might not happen this time? Surely it did not help that any planning for how to cope with labor that DH and I had just flew out the window in the mad rush and fear of it all. It just took so long to get to a place where I could even think about having another baby, and I have spent my whole pregnancy NOT thinking about the delivery...it's really hitting me now, and I am just feeling so scared and fragile and my stress seems to go through the roof at the drop of a hat. Sometimes I just don't know what to do.
thank you more than I can say, to anybody who has read all of this.