Bonding issues with subsequent children? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 10-24-2010, 09:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am just curious if anyone else has this? It's not severe, it's not something I would even bring up...here's the quick and dirty...

3 hospital birth babies-
4th son-1st homebirth-very satisfied with care, but had a near fatal cord accident discovered at home waterbirth. Transferred within 20 minutes straight from tub to hospital. 21 days in NICU-came home with normal baby.

Baby number 5. first girl. Second homebirth-same midwives, same tub, same room-TOTALLY different experience. It was beautiful and textbook dreamy home waterbirth....plus she is my sweet pink little girl...

I find a little guilt that I don't spend the time with her in sling I did with #4 or nurse her to sleep and lay by her side ooogling at her beauty and miracle of being. In fact...some days it's almost like she's not mine. Is this like the "too good to be true" feelings? I know the time with my fourth after his trauma-I cherished every moment, was protective and essentially tried to stop time to process and make up for what was missed. There was a hole there and I tried my best to live in the moment day by day after we came home. Love it for what it was and come to terms.

Baby girl came out so easy, so perfect, so dreamy, it's just not real. She's so healthy and my "trauma child" is only 2 and high maintenance (just his personality, nothing wrong with him) I feel a bit of guilt like I'm neglecting her. At the same time, she is so easy and never complains, it's not like I AM neglecting her. Sometimes I feel like I should spend more time with just her, bonding and baby mooning, but at the same time, it would require a babysitter or DH taking all the other kids away to do so and it's just not realistic. I'm up to my elbows in other things that I am greatly enjoying (midwifery studies for one)...

I don't know that i really have a point. Just wondering if others have been there or experienced this-perhaps in friends and clients. I think the lack of hours and days sitting bedside in a NICU left a bit to be desired in the "bonding" area, but at the same time, i don't really want to sit hours and oogle at her. ? Don't read that wrong-I adore my baby girl...but it just feels...distant...different...

any input? I need some grounding here.

Midwife. Mama to five. Love is still the greatest.
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#2 of 3 Old 10-25-2010, 12:12 AM
 
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I actually had some trouble bonding with my "perfect birth" baby, but could hardly set down my tramatic birth baby. Not sure why, but maybe the hormone rush triggered by the tramatic birth made me more emotional?

My dream birth baby was a high needs child, which made our lack of bonding even worse. I felt like a bad mom. My tramatic birth baby is so mellow and easy going that it is easy to go all day without really tuning into what she needs, but I still feel a dramatic bond there.

If it matters at all, the bonding with my dream birth baby came. It just took longer. Hope this helps.

CD'ing, homebirthing, milk making school teacher. Supporting my family on my income and trying to get out of debt in 2013!
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#3 of 3 Old 11-10-2010, 12:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It does help. It takes a little longer. I suppose just some validation is all I was looking for. A permission of sorts. I know in my head it's all normal and will work out. I guess I just needed to say it outloud so to speak? Thanks lunarlady smile.gif


Midwife. Mama to five. Love is still the greatest.
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