Originally Posted by
GuildJenn
Hugs to you.
I had a traumatic delivery with my first (she died) and also was abused as a child and have PTSD, so that's the perspective I'm coming with.
First, although I think it's good to minimize stress on your baby, please do remember that they are pretty protected in there. When you get triggered, I truly do not believe you have to worry about the impact on your baby as much as just handling it for you. I was very, very stressed and upset throughout my second pregnancy and it was all fine and my son is a thriving 5 year old. So please ease up on yourself a little there.
With the doppler, etc., I would also say to try to maintain some perspective. My favourite phrase really is "perfection is the enemy of the good." If you need the reassurance for a heartbeat, then you do. It is truly all right. Part of why you feel every misstep is awful is because you are in a sort of high-reactive state; part of PTSD can be that your body gets flooded with adrenaline. Although this is biological and not something you can control, and you do not have to feel bad for worrying, it is good to remember that truly - truly, truly - you do not have to do every single last thing perfectly in order to achieve a completely healthy baby and child. No one achieves that and don't go by a discussion board as a measuring stick to beat yourself up with.
Practical advice: For triggers there are some grounding exercises you can do. Start with deep breaths; this helps to give your body the signal that you are not running away from a tiger.
The "5 senses" exercise can be helpful - list to yourself 5 things you see, 5 things you hear, 5 things you feel, etc. The idea is to become grounded in the present and your senses. There are some more exercises towards the bottom of this page:
http://www.addcoach4u.com/acureforworrying.html
I personally have found yoga once a week (if you can do it safely in this pregnancy) and walking every day to be big helps - I got put on bedrest this pregnancy so have been managing without, but exercise (safely done) is helpful. Aquafit was nice too.
For me protein is important. If I get on the blood sugar high/low of carbs-only, it's not good. And once triggered, protein really helps. So I would suggest being sure you have some protein with each meal or snack - just a half-glass of a protein milk (not rice or almond) or a bit of cheese or some hummus goes a long way for me, and might help you.
Watching comedies and laughing helps me a lot - I try to rent or watch something at least once a week, or read something funny. Laughter kind of resets my adrenaline/anxiety levels. I have friends who are happy to help out with that too.
Journalling helps me quite a lot, to get out the fears on paper and also to identify trends and learn about my triggers. For example, I tend to get less and less grounded the later at night it is, both due to tiredness and to the time of day. So mostly I try to get to bed earlier and do any chores etc. that are left at the end of the day in the morning - I know that pushing myself to completion is likely to result in getting triggered that night or the next day.
For the actual delivery and appointments and so on, what helped me the most was a supportive team. But I also gave up the idea that it was going to be some kind of calm ideal delivery. And in fact, I did panic - once. And that was okay; it was just part of my process. My son was born anyway, just fine and in record time.
Finally, remember that even though PTSD is AWFUL and horrible, it is also a natural response to trauma. It is what keeps us from continually disturbing snakes and bears. So it is not unnatural for you to be having the troubles you are having (even though they are terrible and I am sorry you have to deal with them). Natural does not mean everything Zen and Perfect. If you are prepared to believe in a natural labour process then remember that you can also trust that between your body, mind, community, and the love of your family, you are going to be able to get through this.