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-   -   I can't take care of my tear. :( (

amberskyfire 03-13-2012 02:13 PM

I'm pretty distraught right now and not sure what to do. Maybe you mamas have some advice.


I had a UC three days ago (the 10th) and couldn't prevent a bad 2nd degree tear. I thought I knew how to take care of it myself, but messed up. Maybe royally. I don't know.


I can't take care of this tear properly, even if it had been stitched. There is no way. The first two days, I sat in chairs because laying down is too horrifically painful on my abdomen and hips. I can't do it. I can keep my legs together, but that's all. I don't have any way of getting sitz baths or special herbs for it. I read about using nori strips to hold the sides together, but I can't get them to stick or work at all, no matter what I do. It just falls right off immediately and then laughs at me. The sides of the tear won't stay together at all. One side slumps and it stays open. It's not going back together.


I can't lay down. I CANNOT LAY DOWN. I have to sit or stand. Also, I am all alone. I have no friends, no family, no one who can help me. I have a 4yo who is ultra high-needs, especially right now and I have to take care of her. I have a husband, but he works and he can't help me during the day. We are so far below the poverty line that him taking even one day off work is absolutely impossible. I'm on my own. He has mild autism which also makes him pretty much useless to me the rest of the time, though he tries. I have to get up. I have to get up to use the bathroom, change diapers, help my child, fix her food, help her do EVERYTHING, bathe, care for my scar, and tidy up house just enough to keep it safe. I have to do these things. Three days PP, my tear looks the same and just hangs open.


All I can do, all I have been doing is rinsing it every time I use the bathroom with a 1/2 water, 1/2 witchhazel solution in a peri bottle and I wash it twice a day with Dr. Bronner's. I let it air dry a little, but I have to wear a pad at night and when I walk around or I'll get blood everywhere. I also have some herbal salve I bought for my nipples which says it's for tears too, but seems worthless for all the good it's doing me.


There is no infection, it's just not healing and I can't even give it the opportunity to.


I can't get it stitched at this point, so what do I even do? I'm ready to cry. I can't take care of myself at all and there's no one to help me. Luckily, it has been my only problem so far. No baby blues otherwise, I'm just so upset about this stupid tear and so angry I tore in the first place. I'm on an island and can't get the things I need. I do have sea salt. Will that do anything?


What would you do in this case? Forget about it and just save up over the next few years in case I need reconstructive surgery? bawling.gif

talk de jour 03-13-2012 02:39 PM

As much as I am sure you want to avoid medical attention, I would get myself to a doctor posthaste. You need stitches, they can still be done, and you are really putting yourself in a lot of danger by walking around with an open wound that won't heal, especially in that area! Plus, getting it stitched is really going to help a lot with your pain and misery and allow you to bond more easily with your new little one because you won't be focusing any of your energy on that problem instead of your baby.

Honey693 03-13-2012 02:46 PM

Why can't you get it stitched at this point?  I would go in and get my normal doctor to do it or tell me where to go.  Two doctor visits are going to a lot cheaper than reconstructive surgery.  

LAWoman 03-13-2012 02:51 PM

Oh that sounds just awful. I'm sorry. 


I had a second degree tear with my first and even with stitches it was very uncomfortable for several weeks but it really sounds like you need to have it looked at. Is there a local clinic or emergency room you can visit? Can you take a taxi there? Can your husband drive you? A neighbor maybe? A local church to ask about a sitter even? Now is the time to ask for help anywhere and everywhere. 

marsipan 03-13-2012 02:52 PM

yes, i think i would also go see a doctor, the stitches will help you feel so much better.

Ellien C 03-13-2012 02:56 PM

I really agree that you need to see a doctor about this. There's no reason you can't have stitches at this point. It will really help. i know you feel like you have no friends, but this may just be the point where you need to move out of your comfort zone and ASK for help from someone you know locally - either help for you or help with the 4 year old. You would be surprised at how willing people are to help (even near strangers) when you reach out and ask for help. 


hillary77 03-13-2012 03:01 PM

sweetie! I live in Hilo...I'm pm-ing you right now...

AbbyGrant 03-13-2012 03:03 PM

I agree that you need to see a medical professional of some sort. My midwife stitched up my 2nd degree tear in no time, and I had absolutely no discomfort from it. Stitches could make a world of difference for you. If you have no other choice, then take your kids with you.  

mama_y_sol 03-13-2012 03:06 PM

What about the Bay Clinic?

coffeegirl 03-13-2012 03:32 PM

Oh honey, please please PLEASE go to doctor or an ER! There is no reason for you to be tortured like this.

Adaline'sMama 03-13-2012 04:17 PM

Congrats on your new little one! Get thee to a hospital, pronto! Ouch, ouch, ouch, it can still be fixed, but go now.

amberskyfire 03-13-2012 04:34 PM

Bay Clinic won't stitch a tear and anyway, the wait time on appointments is 3 months. :(


Thank you, ladies, for the boost! I guess I just needed a push. The situation is super complicated, it's not like I just said "oh, well that's nothing, I'll just let it heal itself." It has been an uphill battle since day one of my pregnancy. I had NO MONEY for a home birth midwife, but was accepted by the midwife who helped me with my last pregnancy. She would have sutured me again this time, but she had to leave the country for a bit just before I gave birth (she works with Ibu Robin Lim) and she isn't around.


I called the midwives in the area but was refused stitching by all of them on the grounds that they didn't know my history (at the time) and now they certainly won't help because we no longer have the means to afford it, even with just stitches on a payment plan. It's not an option. A doctor isn't an option. There are only five here and the two that I had both blacklisted me because I am a homebirther (home birth is STRONGLY frowned on here).


I hadn't wanted to go to the hospital because they are very abusive. I've been several times and was severely abused by staff each time, once for a miscarriage, once for an ectopic pregnancy and once for heart failure which the doctor adamantly misdiagnosed as a panic attack despite my begging her to believe me that it wasn't. Thank goodness I was able to get a cardiologist to see me and finally get it sorted out.


So you see, it's an issue for me that wouldn't be an issue for another mama. It's such a freaking annoying situation.


I just called a local doula for advice and she and I both agree with you guys that it's probably best at this point to just suck it up and go to the awful hospital. At least I know to be ready to go in fighting. At this point, it is not likely they will suture because it has been too long, but at least it's worth a shot and if they won't help or start in with the abusive "you deserve to be punished for trying home birth" routine that they are so famous for, then I can always just walk out and drive to the other hospital tomorrow. (We only have 2, the other is good, but 3 hours away and I don't have a car - hubs has to take it to work).


Off to the horrible hospital I go. :(


*edit: ahahaha! "cardiologist," not "chiropractor." Yeah, I did not see a chiropractor about my heart condition!

AbbyGrant 03-13-2012 04:51 PM

Originally Posted by amberskyfire View Post

At this point, it is not likely they will suture because it has been too long, but at least it's worth a shot...


I'm no expert, but if it's an open tear that has not started healing together, then I can see no reason they couldn't simply stitch it. And even if it has started healing, they should still be able to help.  I had a friend who need things reworked a little several days after birth.  Anyway, I hope they are not abusive jerks. Good luck! 


amberskyfire 03-14-2012 03:12 AM



Thanks, ladies!


I did go to the ER and the results were both good and bad. Good because the doctor said my tear looked beautiful and it was healing perfectly and to keep doing exactly what I was doing, that he wasn't going to suture it because it didn't need it, that 2nd degree tears almost always take care of themselves on their own. The bad is because I really wanted it sutured so I can go about my daily life, but I guess if the doctor says everything I'm doing is okay including the sitting on it and the being up and around the house, then I'll just keep doing it and rest whenever I can.


The two people I saw were both so kind to me, so I ended up being worried for nothing over the whole mess! Still, I'm glad I went and glad things are all okay "down there." And, on the plus side, I got in with the best OB in our town with my ER referral and I couldn't get him before because he wasn't taking new patients. :D



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