I've heard that epi-no can help with loosening tight scar tissue. It's expensive though. You may be able to get similar results with perenial massage with your fingers. Good luck!
SAHM to 6.5yo DS and 4yo DD. PCOS with two early m/cs. Married 8 yrs. Certified birth doula, writer, editor.
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No real helpful advice other than I feel your pain.... I had a second degree tear that healed horribly and I just don't have sex anymore. I'm having corrective surgery. I do think it would be easier to stretch out scar tissue and a tear that was stitched too tightly than my problem- which is that the muscle wasn't stitched back together at all and the perineum was only sewn maybe 2/3 (at most) of the way up.... no amount of kegels can fix that! HAve to get cut open again.
Maybe eat more essential fatty acids- flax seeds, fish, omega-3 supplementation, rub in evening primrose oil, have your husband give you perineal massage/oral in lieu of penetration, and practice relaxing your pelvic floor completely. I hope you heal well!!
I think you need to use tons of lube and find an excellent obgyn to take a look to make sure it's not something that will require more aggressive intervention.
Best of luck. I do think that my lack of tearing with the second birth was partly because dd was born in water which is supposed to help make skin stretchy.