Sex after tearing - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Thread Tools
#1 of 7 Old 05-18-2014, 08:55 PM - Thread Starter
jasmin1994's Avatar
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 3
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi i was wondering if anyone can relate to my story or if this has happened to anyone. Im five months post pardum & when i gave birth i tore twice. One on the inside of my vagina & one on the outside, both where 2nd degree tears. Healing took forever!!! My scar still hurts very bad when my husband & i try to have sex. He still cant go in all the way bc it is way too painful & very tight! Is this normal?? How long does it usually take until you can have sex comfortably? I feel so bad bc we cant make love like we used to. He tells me its okay, he can wait until I'm ready but i want to be ready! I get so upset bc i feel like i wont ever be able to have sex the way we used to & i feel bad bc as his wife i cant satisfy him that way. I personally don't know anyone going through this. Any similar stories or advise please??
jasmin1994 is offline  
#2 of 7 Old 05-18-2014, 09:45 PM
echoecho1528's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: San Mateo, CA
Posts: 300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I had fourth degree tearing with my first and was unable to have comfortable intercourse for about a year. I had a lot of internal scar tissue that basically needed to be stretched out over time to accomodate... I had third degree tearing with my second and healing was much faster - about 4-5 months. Right around 4/5 months many women have a big hormonal shift that can cause dryness, making intercourse super painful. Have you tried a lot of lube? This helped for me this time around, but it took A LOT of lube wink1.gif And even then it was really only tolerable until my hormones righted themselves around 7/8 mo post partum.

Wife & Momma to Echo 2/20/08 and HP 6/11/13
echoecho1528 is offline  
#3 of 7 Old 05-19-2014, 07:27 AM - Thread Starter
jasmin1994's Avatar
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 3
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you for your response! I feel better knowing that one day things will get back to normal down there. Yes, we have tried lube & it does help a little. I think the dr sewed me up a little too tight. Its the skin & scar on the outside that burns & hurts the most. Im such a weenie when it come to pain so any little sting i feel im like "nope, im done!!" & i feel so bad for my husband. But thank you so much for your input:)
jasmin1994 is offline  
#4 of 7 Old 05-19-2014, 04:28 PM
Katielady's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Living in a van down by the river
Posts: 2,048
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I've heard that epi-no can help with loosening tight scar tissue. It's expensive though. You may be able to get similar results with perenial massage with your fingers. Good luck!

SAHM to 6.5yo DS and 4yo DD. PCOS with two early m/cs. Married 8 yrs. Certified birth doula, writer, editor.

Some stuff I like: hbac.gifteapot2.GIFeat.gifnocirc.gifbftoddler.giffemalesling.GIFcrochetsmilie.gif read.gifcat.gif

Katielady is offline  
#5 of 7 Old 05-20-2014, 08:32 PM
LeelasMama's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 341
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

No real helpful advice other than I feel your pain.... I had a second degree tear that healed horribly and I just don't have sex anymore. I'm having corrective surgery. I do think it would be easier to stretch out scar tissue and a tear that was stitched too tightly than my problem- which is that the muscle wasn't stitched back together at all and the perineum was only sewn maybe 2/3 (at most) of the way up.... no amount of kegels can fix that! HAve to get cut open again. 


Maybe eat more essential fatty acids- flax seeds, fish, omega-3 supplementation, rub in evening primrose oil, have your husband give you perineal massage/oral in lieu of penetration, and practice relaxing your pelvic floor completely. I hope you heal well!!

LeelasMama is offline  
#6 of 7 Old 05-20-2014, 08:50 PM
Viola P's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 850
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 26 Post(s)
I had 2nd degree tears after my first, which were probably made worse by the forceps. Then 2 weeks pp a stitch on my perineum tore and that hurt like hell and took forever to heal. When we finally did start having sex insertion hurt because it was rubbing against the place where the stitch tore. Tbh that lasted until I had my second child. My second birth was an amazing home water birth, the mw said whether or not to stitch was my choice as it wasn't necessary and I decided to stitch and got 3 stitches only. Dd just turned 11 weeks and I was really scared to have sex so I kept avoiding it and we finally did it for the first time this past weekend and somehow it didn't hurt. I really don't understand how having another baby fixed it but it did.

I think you need to use tons of lube and find an excellent obgyn to take a look to make sure it's not something that will require more aggressive intervention.

Best of luck. I do think that my lack of tearing with the second birth was partly because dd was born in water which is supposed to help make skin stretchy.
Viola P is offline  
#7 of 7 Old 05-24-2014, 09:38 AM - Thread Starter
jasmin1994's Avatar
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 3
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you! I appreciate all of your inputs!
jasmin1994 is offline  

Quick Reply
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off