Sex after tearing - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-18-2014, 09:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi i was wondering if anyone can relate to my story or if this has happened to anyone. Im five months post pardum & when i gave birth i tore twice. One on the inside of my vagina & one on the outside, both where 2nd degree tears. Healing took forever!!! My scar still hurts very bad when my husband & i try to have sex. He still cant go in all the way bc it is way too painful & very tight! Is this normal?? How long does it usually take until you can have sex comfortably? I feel so bad bc we cant make love like we used to. He tells me its okay, he can wait until I'm ready but i want to be ready! I get so upset bc i feel like i wont ever be able to have sex the way we used to & i feel bad bc as his wife i cant satisfy him that way. I personally don't know anyone going through this. Any similar stories or advise please??
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Old 05-18-2014, 10:45 PM
 
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I had fourth degree tearing with my first and was unable to have comfortable intercourse for about a year. I had a lot of internal scar tissue that basically needed to be stretched out over time to accomodate... I had third degree tearing with my second and healing was much faster - about 4-5 months. Right around 4/5 months many women have a big hormonal shift that can cause dryness, making intercourse super painful. Have you tried a lot of lube? This helped for me this time around, but it took A LOT of lube wink1.gif And even then it was really only tolerable until my hormones righted themselves around 7/8 mo post partum.

Wife & Momma to Echo 2/20/08 and HP 6/11/13
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Old 05-19-2014, 08:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for your response! I feel better knowing that one day things will get back to normal down there. Yes, we have tried lube & it does help a little. I think the dr sewed me up a little too tight. Its the skin & scar on the outside that burns & hurts the most. Im such a weenie when it come to pain so any little sting i feel im like "nope, im done!!" & i feel so bad for my husband. But thank you so much for your input:)
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Old 05-19-2014, 05:28 PM
 
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I've heard that epi-no can help with loosening tight scar tissue. It's expensive though. You may be able to get similar results with perenial massage with your fingers. Good luck!


SAHM to 6.5yo DS and 4yo DD. PCOS with two early m/cs. Married 8 yrs. Certified birth doula, writer, editor.

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Old 05-20-2014, 09:32 PM
 
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No real helpful advice other than I feel your pain.... I had a second degree tear that healed horribly and I just don't have sex anymore. I'm having corrective surgery. I do think it would be easier to stretch out scar tissue and a tear that was stitched too tightly than my problem- which is that the muscle wasn't stitched back together at all and the perineum was only sewn maybe 2/3 (at most) of the way up.... no amount of kegels can fix that! HAve to get cut open again. 

 

Maybe eat more essential fatty acids- flax seeds, fish, omega-3 supplementation, rub in evening primrose oil, have your husband give you perineal massage/oral in lieu of penetration, and practice relaxing your pelvic floor completely. I hope you heal well!!

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Old 05-20-2014, 09:50 PM
 
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I had 2nd degree tears after my first, which were probably made worse by the forceps. Then 2 weeks pp a stitch on my perineum tore and that hurt like hell and took forever to heal. When we finally did start having sex insertion hurt because it was rubbing against the place where the stitch tore. Tbh that lasted until I had my second child. My second birth was an amazing home water birth, the mw said whether or not to stitch was my choice as it wasn't necessary and I decided to stitch and got 3 stitches only. Dd just turned 11 weeks and I was really scared to have sex so I kept avoiding it and we finally did it for the first time this past weekend and somehow it didn't hurt. I really don't understand how having another baby fixed it but it did.

I think you need to use tons of lube and find an excellent obgyn to take a look to make sure it's not something that will require more aggressive intervention.

Best of luck. I do think that my lack of tearing with the second birth was partly because dd was born in water which is supposed to help make skin stretchy.
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Old 05-24-2014, 10:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you! I appreciate all of your inputs!
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