need urgent help with dealing with my fears
I am 41 weeks pregnant with baby number 3.
My last birth (home birth), was traumatic to me.
Shoulder dystocia (baby over 11 pounds), baby transferred right away by ambulance to NICU, and remained there for 3 weeks (meconium aspiration syndrom, several days of intubation, then cpap...). He suffered a lot in those early days. Now he is a perfect 2 and a half year old.
This third pregnancy was not planned. I was scared of giving birth again even before this baby was conceived. I am not scared of pain, but scared to let the baby out. That the baby will get stuck, or end up in NICU again.
Baby number 1 also stayed 5 days in NICU (hospital birth)
Now I have GD on insuline, MW can not take me as a patient, i have an MD and I refused induction at 38 weeks.
10 days ago, my labor was starting, had good contractions, cramping, lost lots of mucus plug, dialated from 0 to 3 cm and effaced to 50%, and then I stopped. I am convinced it is because I was too afraid to let the baby being born.
Now, I have to deal with those fears to let the labor happen again. I tried writing them down, talking about them with DH and a good friend (she was with us at the last birth). I have a doula this time, I talked to her about it.
I will go with the induction in few days, if I am still not able to go into labor spontaneously. But I am not even sure induction will work, since I have so many fears.