Angry about previous c-section, hospital. (LONG) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 11-06-2014, 04:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Angry about previous c-section, hospital. (LONG)

My son is now 19 months old, and I'm expecting baby #3 (baby number 2 didn't survive). When I was pregnant I with him, I wanted everything as natural as possible, no pain meds no interventions, delayed cord cut, breastfeeding, ect. Guess what. NONE of it happened.
And I'm still so angry about it, and now I'm afraid I'll go down the same road with this baby, and I don't want to.

My water broke when I was 37 weeks, so he was barely full-term. The doctor told me to come in right away. I had planned on laboring at home for awhile first, but we also didn't expect the water to break first. So we went in.

I'm considered high risk because I'm obese, and I have epilepsy. So they insisted on putting padding on the bed, which I was upset about, because that means that I couldn't do anything like raise or lower the bed without asking for help. This kind of thing has always been a big deal for me. The seizures are not as big of a deal as people make them out to be. So the stupid padding was there.

Then came the monitor. Which means I was stuck on my back 90% of the time, instead of up & moving like I wanted. I drove them up a wall because I kept getting up to go to the bathroom because I wanted to walk.

Then they wanted to do the pitocin. I asked if it was medically necessary. They didn't answer me. I asked to talk to my doctor. They wouldn't call her. Finally, I won the pitocon argument.

After 18 hours, I asked for an epidural. (No, I am not upset about this part, I chose this.)

After awhile, the nurse & intern come rushing in the room, drop the bed, and start trying to spread my legs. At this point I'm freaking out and asking what's going on. They wouldn't answer me. I finally demanded they put the bed back up, and talk to me. They were not going to do anything else to me if they didn't do that. Begrudgingly, they did. Apparently Nate's heart rate was dropping, so they wanted to add an internal monitor. WHY the HECK it was so hard to explain this as they were doing it, I DO NOT know.

Finally, they said I had to have a c-section, I was only 4 cm dialated and he needed to come out NOW. All I remember from the surgery is shaking. And being terrified I'd have a seizure. Then I heard my son cry, and I looked at my husband, and said "That's our son!"

That's the last thing I remember until the next day(!) until I found out he was in the NICU. I didn't see him, hold him, or anything. My husband saw him briefly but didn't get to hold him either.

I also didn't get to nurse him. The NICU doctor , without our permission, did a blood test on him to be sure that the meds I was taking for my seizures didn't hurt my son. When I called him on it, he did apologize, and said he was trying to find the lab that would do it the fastest so I could begin nursing. *sighs*

I had the hardest time nursing. I was given the impression that I wasn't getting enough milk when I first started pumping. Then Nate had trouble latching. The lactation consultation said I had flat nipples, and gave me a nipple shield to use. It didn't really help.

Then we both had an infection, supposedly from the water having been broken so long. They gave him formula & a pacifier, without my consent. I'm not sure if my husband gave consent or was consulted.

Then, to top it ALL off, when we FINALLY went home, the next day, we had DCFS knocking on on our door!!!! Apparently someone at the hospital made an anonymous report about "suspected neglect because I didn't want the padding on the bed when the baby was in the room with me." THE BABY WAS NEVER IN THE ROOM WITH ME!!!!!!! i HAD TO GO TO THE FLIPPING nicu TO SEE HIM!!!!!!1

And supposedly I'm autistic (Cause the intern had no clue what a petite mal seizure looked like) which I'm not, and even if I were, that is no reason to call DCFS.

The worker came, took a quick look around, and 3 months later the report came back that it was unfounded and I was a good mother.

3 MONTHS! Of hell. Of being not only a new, first time mom, but not knowing what was going to happen.

And now I'm pregnant again, and I'm angry, and scared. I don't want any part of this to repeat.

Thanks for listening!
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#2 of 2 Old Today, 08:07 PM
 
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You have every right to be angry. What they did to you, how the treated you, is entirely unacceptable. What makes it even worse (if that's even possible) is that they involved the government, essentially because you dared to question them. People say Stalinist Russia was oppressive but i say look at the way America treats birthing women if you want to talk lack of privacy and big government. Disgusting what they did.

I had a traumatic first birth and an ecstatic second birth. The first birth was a typical hospital birth with the cascading interventions, bullying, and abuse that we all know happens anytime a woman says anything but "yes ma'am" while laying flat on her back with legs spread. The second birth was unassisted, and everything was beautiful. But i was low risk for both. Also, the second one i planned to have a mw but i delayed calling and by the time she arrived baby was almost 10 minutes old. So not really planned unassisted, but certainly a happy surprise.

Do you know what kind of birth you want this time? I think because of your epilepsy and previous c-section you'll probably be classified as high risk again, which likely means you'd have to go back to a hospital where we both know what will happen. I'm very sorry for your loss, but was your second child's death the result of something to do with birth? I ask because if not maybe there's less risk to you doing it unassisted? How long ago was your c-section? I think the more recent it is the greater the chance of a rupture (which is already a very small risk).

For my second i did hypno birthing with Hypnobabies. I also drafted a pretty intense document advising potential care givers ahead of time what i agreed to and what i didn't. I believe that from a legal perspective you may be able to put in writing a notice of informed refusal prior to receiving any treatment and indicate in there which treatments you absolutely refuse, while indicating that a consent that you sign on admission or for the course of any other treatment does not constitute consent to the treatments you've expressly refused in the document notwithstanding that such standard consent may contain terms to the contrary. I wish more women did this, because if we had it in writing ahead of time, a notice of informed refusal, then the hospital i don't think could do anything without it counting as assault. Obviously you'd have to take the document to a lawyer first to make sure it did what you'd want it to do. One thing my document said was that I would not consent verbally to any of the treatments i expressly refused, and that i would only consent to each treatment on its own in writing. You know? That kind of a legal document might help in your situation, might also make them call the government on you again, but if you talk with a lawyer first maybe you'd be ok? In reality all of these forced interventions come to pass because of medico-legal issues and although some might say that it's a bad idea to bring in such a document because it makes things adversarial i would counter that to the hospital every birthing woman is a potential plaintiff first, and a patient only second.

Anyway, i guess my suggestion would be to talk with a lawyer BEFORE you give birth and also to do some hypnobirthing to help reduce those well founded fears.
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