what helped you?
Please tell me if you found a way to feel better after your traumatic experience. I am angry about everything.
Pregnancy itself is trauma for our whole family... severe hg (like ruptured vessels and throwing up blood by the handful), i barely crawl out of bed for months. I have guilt because my first son subsisted off of cereal for months and months, now he wont touch vegetables he used to love. I set my mind to a natural birth for my first, water broke a week late with meconium, induction, epi ensued... disappointing but ok. Second son, pregnancy awful awful, i was a spewing zombie the first 5 months and a crazy person the rest, tried to gouge out my husbands eyes several times. Baby in 3rd percentile, all kinds of dire warnings, i was certain he would die (hes healthy and beautiful). 41 weeks, water leaking but no contractions so i had my water broken and all hell breaks loose. I dilated 7 cms in 4 hours and turned into a shrieking wild animal. I was delirious with pain, throwing up, and made it to the bitter end where i demanded an epidural, his head was on an angle and not coming down. As they were putting the needle in i could feel him move down to push but it was too late. The delivery went well but i was flat on my back with an epidural headache for three days after that before i decided the excruciating pain couldnt be normal and went in for a blood patch, more needles in my spine... the whole thing was traumatic for myself and for my husband to see me in pain like that and then the disappointment and lack of joy during our first few days at home. We always wanted a larger family, but pregnancy and birth is extraordinarily stressful and painful for me. i cant subject my two children to a whole year of watching mom in a fog of puking and crying, not to mention now both natural and medicated childbirth terrify me. No other women in my family ever got sick and are very conventional and all had typical hospital births, they wouldnt understand. I am angry because i am the most positive and can do person i know and i feel the choice has been taken from me, i am so sad my wonderful children wont get to enjoy any other siblings and i never got to enjoy pregnancy...
So if you found a way to make peace with circumstanced beyond your control, id live to hear it. Thanks