Oh, much love and light to you, mama. I've been there.
In fact, I suspect that if the condom hadn't broken
: I'd still be wondering whether or not I *could* have another baby, emotionally.
Now, I'm on #3 after the traumatic experience, and I can tell you that it's behind me. I still think about it, I still dream about it sometimes, but the wrenching day-mares that I used to have are gone, as are the panic attacks and the anxiety that I had for five years.
After my 2nd son was born, I had several minutes of flashback, which I do not remember at all. But, seeing myself in that state in the video was amazing. I was terrified and scared and my husband and careprovider, who knew my history were there to help me through it. For the record, my son was born totally healthy, totally unmedicated, and I was wonderfully whole.
My suggestions to you are to revisit your birth story, and I do not know it at all, but if the situation was caused by your provider/hospital, change them before you have the baby. In addition, prepare yourself and your careproviders for the possibility of a flashback especially during the height of your former trauma.
I'd also recommend reading Rebounding from Childbirth
which is intense but really helpful. Also, Birthing From Within