TTC after bad birth experience?? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 06-02-2005, 06:02 PM - Thread Starter
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Is anyone else here TTC after a bad birth experience?? I had pretty severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Post Partum Depression after having dd in Feb 2004. I feel ready to have #2, but some fear remains from the last time.

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#2 of 4 Old 06-02-2005, 06:10 PM
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((((HUGS)))) to you.

Have you been able to talk about it with other women who "get it?"

I am thinking you might benefit from joining BirthRage (it's a yahoogroup for women who are outraged by the birth climate and birth abuse that takes place).

I am currently "TTW" (trying to whatever, not avoiding, not trying). I remember the fears I faced when I was PG with #2, and I didn't have PTSD, just a crappy doctor and a waaay over-medicalized birth for no reason. None.

Now I have the fears and insecurities of having a baby who died. I'm waffling between hope that I will get PG, dread of getting PG, fear of never having the chance to hold another baby of my own, oh it's such a roller coaster.

I can tell you this:
Having a better birth with my second child DID help me feel better about birth, and that my body is not broken, and it also opened my eyes to see more of what was wrong about my first birth, and be able to avoid that. I hope you are able to experience giving birth without fear and trauma.
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#3 of 4 Old 06-02-2005, 06:10 PM
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Oh, much love and light to you, mama. I've been there.

In fact, I suspect that if the condom hadn't broken : I'd still be wondering whether or not I *could* have another baby, emotionally.

Now, I'm on #3 after the traumatic experience, and I can tell you that it's behind me. I still think about it, I still dream about it sometimes, but the wrenching day-mares that I used to have are gone, as are the panic attacks and the anxiety that I had for five years.

After my 2nd son was born, I had several minutes of flashback, which I do not remember at all. But, seeing myself in that state in the video was amazing. I was terrified and scared and my husband and careprovider, who knew my history were there to help me through it. For the record, my son was born totally healthy, totally unmedicated, and I was wonderfully whole.

My suggestions to you are to revisit your birth story, and I do not know it at all, but if the situation was caused by your provider/hospital, change them before you have the baby. In addition, prepare yourself and your careproviders for the possibility of a flashback especially during the height of your former trauma.

I'd also recommend reading Rebounding from Childbirth which is intense but really helpful. Also, Birthing From Within.
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#4 of 4 Old 06-03-2005, 01:55 PM
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We are getting ready to try again in a few months. Ds will be 1 in August, and his birth was very traumatic. It is really emotional for me. I am trying to work through a lot of it now, rereading my birth notes, and everything. Lots of prayer. But really I think it is something I still need to talk about. Maybe I should look into BirthRage Our experience wasn't because of the medical model though...Anyway, I don't have any great advice, just support, as I'm still dealing with some of the same issues. If you'd like to talk more about it let me know.
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