DH doesn't want more kids. - Mothering Forums
Healing Birth Trauma > DH doesn't want more kids.
smeisnotapirate's Avatar smeisnotapirate 01:45 AM 09-10-2008
I had a horrible labor. Here's my story: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=919397

Now DH says he doesn't want more, mostly because of it. Period. If we have another child, it will be an accident, and he doesn't know if he could be happy about it. Heck, he was BARELY happy about this one, and isn't really enjoying parenting. I don't know how to help him heal - he's a distant guy to begin with.

Any tips?

Marylizah's Avatar Marylizah 01:56 AM 09-10-2008
What a birth story!

My advice to you is to give it some time. Like a year or two. Your baby is still really young and the memories are really fresh. You say your DH isn't enjoying parenting much-- as your baby gets older and more active that will (hopefully!) change.

I know my DH and I were not ready to even THINK about having another until DS turned about 18 months old-- and there was no traumatic birth story, either.

If I were you I'd drop the topic until you are well past the very difficult newborn phase. Re-evaluate in a year.


chirp's Avatar chirp 02:10 PM 09-10-2008
hey, same ddc..

i remember when you fell cutting that log!

anyway...i'm the one in my relationship that doesn't want another baby because of the c-section. my husband is also kind of upset about it, he wanted three children.

i don't think i could take that kind of disappointment.

but we have decided to do what pp has already suggested...just drop the subject for a little while...until the pain and disappointment recedes a little.


smeisnotapirate's Avatar smeisnotapirate 03:27 PM 09-10-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by chirp View Post
hey, same ddc..

i remember when you fell cutting that log!

anyway...i'm the one in my relationship that doesn't want another baby because of the c-section. my husband is also kind of upset about it, he wanted three children.

i don't think i could take that kind of disappointment.

but we have decided to do what pp has already suggested...just drop the subject for a little while...until the pain and disappointment recedes a little.

Hey!! How you been? How's your little boy?? It's funny, I'd almost forgotten about that stupid log.

I know how you feel about the c-section. Definitely.

It's probably smart to drop it for a while. I'm getting an IUD in today, so I guess it's going to be dropped anyways, for a little while at least.
Montana Mom's Avatar Montana Mom 01:13 AM 09-14-2008
I just wanted to add that I dropped the idea of having another baby for years, then I got a surprise baby (and another surprise c/s - boo!!)

Best wishes Mama
barefootpoetry's Avatar barefootpoetry 09:11 PM 09-14-2008
My DH felt the same way after DS1 was born. It was a very traumatic C-section birth and I nearly hemorraged to death. We did want more kids, but he was so terrified my entire second pregnancy, and he said that if my second birth turned out the same way the first did, that was going to be it for us. Luckily, my second birth was a wonderful, gentle homebirth, so now I guess I have the "green light" for more kids.

Give yourself and DH plenty of time before you write off more kids forever. I waited three years before we started TTCing again and DS2 was born three weeks shy of his brother's birthday. I wanted to be sure I had had plenty of time to process DS1's birth, and also to let my body heal.

And remember that no two births are alike. My two kids' entrances into this world could not have been more different, but they both came from the same body - mine.
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