I never thought it would happen to me... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 09-21-2008, 10:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Here's my story.

I've been dealing with lots of... I dunno.

I resent my husband for being distant. We did Bradley, but he didn't help me do anything during the pregnancy or my labor. He didn't do any meditations with me during labor, didn't do the relaxation, anything. He slept through most of my labor, while I had pain beyond anything I've ever felt, sitting alone in the birth center jacuzzi. I had a malpositioned baby and felt like I was in transition for over 12 hours. No support.

I'm now at the point that I can hardly take the feeling of sex because of the cervical checks I had to go through. I'm just a mess, and I want to stop.

I didn't get anything close to what I wanted for my birth, and I'm building resentments. Against DH, against myself for not trying harder, against the medical community... I don't want to be this person.

Sara caffix.gif, Keith 2whistle.gif, Toby 6/08superhero.gif, Nomi 4/10blahblah.gif, Mona 1/12 hammer.gif

 

Mama of three, lover, student rabbi, spoonie, friend, musician, narcoleptic, space muffin, pretty much a dragon. Crunchy like matzoh.

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#2 of 7 Old 09-21-2008, 10:55 PM
 
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Hugs, mama, I couldn't read without responding.

The only thing I can say is that, reading your birth story, I didn't get the sense that your DH was as unsupportive as you now feel that he was. I mention this because I, too, can carry a lot of resentment towards my DH about some things, and I can often in my clearer moments realize that a lot of what I feel is unfair to him. I don't know if this is true for you or not. I try to go to that place of more positive feelings when I can, to draw on it. Resentment will eat you up.

But others can probably be a lot more supportive than I ever could. I hope that my comments aren't hurtful to you. Good luck.
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#3 of 7 Old 09-21-2008, 11:12 PM
 
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Big big hugs, it's hard for our support people to know exactly what we need. I don't know that many guys that would understand the need for meditation and a lot of times they just feel helpless with knowing what to do. Also they dont have the same hormones going through them so it's really hard for them to stay awake. I do understand though, and even though my last birth was technically pretty great, I still feel like something was missing and am planning on a solo birth this time. I know I'm not going to get exactly what I want from anybody else and just want to be able to rely on myself. I would also like to add that the contractions that you felt like weren't doing anything, really were, even if it's just getting baby in the right position. Dilation really doesn't mean that much, you can go from nothing to complete in the matter of minutes, cervical checks aren't worth the pain most of the time, I wouldn't do antibiotics for a uti, usually d-mannose is much more effective and safe. I'd suggest reading Gloria Lemays "pelvises I have known and loved" and some of her other articles. More hugs, go gently on yourself and those around you, you did an amazing job!
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#4 of 7 Old 09-21-2008, 11:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No, not at all hurtful. I wrote that post about 2 weeks after Toby's birth, and edited most of the bad stuff out (it was going on my LJ and I didn't want to make DH look bad to our friends). I also was determined to just put it behind me.

I didn't put in that while I was laboring at home, DH was playing Starcraft and "enjoying the day off," I edited out the part where he went to Subway while I was moaning through intense contractions, leaving me alone at the birth center, and that he got about 14 hours of sleep on Tuesday at the birth center while I was unable to sleep in labor.

Now, that being said, he did do things I was grateful for. I made sure to include them. He got me my prescription, and once we transferred to the hospital, he was great. He was also good after the birth about taking care of both Toby and I.

I just can't get past the resentment that maybe if he'd supported me more during my pregnancy or early labor, things might have been different. I agree that it's unfair, and will be the first to say it, especially because he's on the autism spectrum and has a hard time connecting appropriately to people. It doesn't change the fact that I'm carrying this around and I don't know how to shed it.

Couple that with the change in our sex lives because of my physical wariness and things are a mess around here.

Sara caffix.gif, Keith 2whistle.gif, Toby 6/08superhero.gif, Nomi 4/10blahblah.gif, Mona 1/12 hammer.gif

 

Mama of three, lover, student rabbi, spoonie, friend, musician, narcoleptic, space muffin, pretty much a dragon. Crunchy like matzoh.

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#5 of 7 Old 09-21-2008, 11:15 PM
 
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I am not able to reply right now (have a demanding little man who wants food.....) but wanted to send a big
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#6 of 7 Old 09-22-2008, 03:38 AM
 
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I have no idea what to do about it--just wanted to say that I know what you mean about not wanting anybody to come anywhere close to the private parts, after having been through a birth ordeal.
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#7 of 7 Old 09-25-2008, 02:39 AM
 
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My DH tried really hard, but it just wasn't what I needed. He did try during labor. He gave me a really hard time while PG about "reading too much" though. I think maby if he had read a bit more, he might have had a better idea about how to suport me. anyways, it wouldn't have made any difference in my transfer & c/s, might have made it easier though. I know what you mean about the sex though, 6 1/2 mo later & I'm still so not interested, almost like tured off by the idea. I dunno, maby I'v got issues with my yoni since I couldn't birth.

Elisha; happy, working, mountain/river/music, single mamma to Charlotte hearts.gif 03/16/08.      http://rivermamma.blogspot.com/

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