Your own birth trauma....does/did it effect your baby's birth? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 10-06-2008, 03:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I had a very traumatic birth, that left me with permanent injuries. It's also affected my relationship with my mom. Her lifelong journey of healing has involved me and shaped some of my worldviews as well.

Has anyone found that your actual birth is affecting your pregnancy and upcoming birth? (Or already delivered baby? lol)

I was the firstborn, my mom went into labor while my dad was away on active duty. She birthed in a military hospital in CA. They overdosed her on two drugs, one she was allergic to and they knew it. She crashed on the table so they performed a full epis and used the vacuum and high forceps on me.

Both my clavicles were broken, my hips dislocated, my skull fractured, my ear ripped off. I was born with I think an apgar of 2 and at some point they pronounced me dead, but the attending rescucitated me. Later told my mom it was only to keep his numbers good. I got all the regular interventions...drops, vaccinations, etc. Due to the trauma or vaccinations, I suffered a grand mal seizure and stroked. I was in NICU for a week, paralyzed, when I finally caught MRSA and stayed in the hospital for months.

My mom meanwhile, was left for dead on the operating table. She actually heard the doctors arguing over whether (the amount of blood needed for her transfusion) was worth more than saving her. The nurse on duty was new and only spoke Tagalog. She didn't know how to re-insert a catheter. My mom didn't get to see me for several days.

My medical records don't exist, and in fact, I didn't exist. My parents had to file in person for a birth cert when I was almost 6 mos old.

My mom tells me that our bonding relationship was never really there, that she was so traumatized it was hard to hold me and that I was a very independent baby who didn't want to be touched or cuddled. We had no breastfeeding relationship either.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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#2 of 8 Old 10-06-2008, 05:36 PM
 
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Oh thats so sad and horrible
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#3 of 8 Old 10-12-2008, 12:38 AM
 
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OMG. Yes, I do think your own birth experience impacts the birth experience you will have with your own babies.
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#4 of 8 Old 10-15-2008, 01:13 PM
 
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No, I think you have just as much chance of having an empowering, easy birth as anyone else. It's not like being alone for labor with impatient doctors (military hospitals are notoriously bad for births) is a genetic trait.

I did have a first labor experience just like my mom's first with me, but because of different positioning problems. I was posterior and mom ended up with a c-section, Lina was scratching her head and I ended up with a medicated hospital birth. (Yes, I will be buying Lina a special "help the baby get positioned well" chair when she announces her first pregnancy.)

Now, I will say that I'd have a hard time deciding whether to have my mom present if I were you. On the one hand, it would be very healing for her to see a positive birth and it could help heal your relationship from the original lack of bonding. On the other hand, it's not your job to use your birth to fix your mom, so if there's any possibility of you feeling more tense with her there, she shouldn't be there.
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#5 of 8 Old 10-15-2008, 01:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, sapphire!

Hopefully, my births do end up like my mom's. She's a poster child for U/C, lol.

I am very worried about how the experience has shaped my perception of birth, hospitals and doctors. Especially as I had a traumatic surgery in my teen years as well. It seems hospitals and I don't belong together.


I'm very indecisive over having her at the birth as I really just want it to be DH and I. But I was thinking that could make the small stuff hard to handle, such as videotaping.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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#6 of 8 Old 10-15-2008, 06:25 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by claddaghmom View Post
Thanks, sapphire!

Hopefully, my births do end up like my mom's. She's a poster child for U/C, lol.

I am very worried about how the experience has shaped my perception of birth, hospitals and doctors. Especially as I had a traumatic surgery in my teen years as well. It seems hospitals and I don't belong together.


I'm very indecisive over having her at the birth as I really just want it to be DH and I. But I was thinking that could make the small stuff hard to handle, such as videotaping.
Your mom's had UCs? Have you gotten to see homebirths then? Man, you are set to give birth no hospital no problem.
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#7 of 8 Old 10-24-2008, 04:40 AM
 
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I never knew there was anything wrong about my birth until after my baby was born. Mine was a scheduled convenience induction so my dad could be present (he had to go out of town for work). After the induction was started, the OB figured it was a good time to check my position, and found out I was breech. And then of course, default C-section. I remember my mother telling me as a child that after she came out of general anaestesia (sp), her first thought was not of her baby but wanting to throw up. It didn't really bother me growing up until I learned about the side effects of cesareans and how illogical it is to cut a baby out of a mother because of breech positioning. And then to realize that they started an induction before checking for position!?!? And it was 3 days before my due date. Then I also learned that the side effects of cesarean can go on to effect subsequent pregnancies, which may explain why my brother who should have been born 2 years after me was a stillborn. I blogged about it when I learned of those things: http://descentintomotherhood.blogspo...h/label/breech
http://descentintomotherhood.blogspo...csections.html

I don't think that my birth was connected to the trauma I experienced with my son's birth. My mom and I had totally different goals and expectations going into it. She was completely trusting of the medical staff around her and I had my agenda of a natural birth.

But.

Learning about and understanding more of my birth related to appropriate and evidence based maternity care contributed to my trauma. It triggered even more anger at the maternity care system. I never was angry at my mother, even though we've had some frank discussions where she now knows that she could have (and probably should have) made some very different decisions. But like I said in my blog, learning about my birth, lead me to even more grief that attached itself to the grief and trauma I experienced after my son's birth.

M.Ed. Mama to Chunka (1/07), Beauty (5/09) and Elizabear 3/12): Birth Doula (working toward certification) AAMI Midwifery Student, Advocating with Solace for Mothers & The Birth Survey

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#8 of 8 Old 10-24-2008, 10:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by jenneology View Post
I never knew there was anything wrong about my birth until after my baby was born. Mine was a scheduled convenience induction so my dad could be present (he had to go out of town for work). After the induction was started, the OB figured it was a good time to check my position, and found out I was breech. And then of course, default C-section. I remember my mother telling me as a child that after she came out of general anaestesia (sp), her first thought was not of her baby but wanting to throw up. It didn't really bother me growing up until I learned about the side effects of cesareans and how illogical it is to cut a baby out of a mother because of breech positioning. And then to realize that they started an induction before checking for position!?!? And it was 3 days before my due date. Then I also learned that the side effects of cesarean can go on to effect subsequent pregnancies, which may explain why my brother who should have been born 2 years after me was a stillborn. I blogged about it when I learned of those things: http://descentintomotherhood.blogspo...h/label/breech
http://descentintomotherhood.blogspo...csections.html

I don't think that my birth was connected to the trauma I experienced with my son's birth. My mom and I had totally different goals and expectations going into it. She was completely trusting of the medical staff around her and I had my agenda of a natural birth.

But.

Learning about and understanding more of my birth related to appropriate and evidence based maternity care contributed to my trauma. It triggered even more anger at the maternity care system. I never was angry at my mother, even though we've had some frank discussions where she now knows that she could have (and probably should have) made some very different decisions. But like I said in my blog, learning about my birth, lead me to even more grief that attached itself to the grief and trauma I experienced after my son's birth.

Thank you for sharing! That was very insightful!

Quote:
Your mom's had UCs? Have you gotten to see homebirths then? Man, you are set to give birth no hospital no problem.
Yes, after 3 military-hospital births, she went on to have 8 U/C. I haven't had a chance to talk to her about it on a personal level (woman to woman I suppose you could say) but I do remember seeing some of them and just feeling the calmness and the love even though I was a child, if that makes sense. : I especially recall the youngest who was born...well, casually. She just popped right out before my dad could get down the hallway. 100% perfect but her little nose was a bit squished.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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