January***Pregnancy after Loss and/or Infertility*** - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-08-2009, 10:52 PM
 
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FWIW, WeaslyMum, I'm totally on your side. How dare DH mess with the food! He's one brave dude.
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Old 01-09-2009, 01:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sorry, I knew you were not joking. I was just poking fun! I did not mean to make you feel bad. I have had my share of arguments like that.
LOL I know! You didn't make me feel bad at all. It was just such a STUPID thing to be fighting about, and yet it felt so important at the time! Thank goodness last night I just made a quiche and everything was fine.

Mara, mama to two boys born 05/2009 and 04/2011, after four miscarriages. 

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Old 01-12-2009, 01:44 AM
 
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Seafox, what a rollercoaster! I hope you're recovering easily!

Hello everyone, I haven't really joined in any of the pregnancy after loss threads but I am 17 weeks into my pregnancy after two early miscarriages and 8 months of trying for this one. (DD and DS were easily conceived and I had never had a loss before so it was all weird to me).

I'm feeling confident now in my second trimester but I'm not sure I'll ever take pregnancy for granted again like I did with DD and DS.

I'm posting about DD, though. She will be 6 next week and is a really sensitive kid who absolutely adores babies. We told her about the first pregnancy that we lost right before the loss happened. Because it was so early (5 weeks), I tried hard to help her understand that it wasn't more than a cluster of cells that *could have become* a baby. She has never really accepted that and still talks about our "baby that died." I never have described it to her that way; it is her version. She does not know about the second miscarriage.

Now, about every week she'll ask if this baby is going to die, too. If I'm going to have a period (aka miscarriage). She'll ask if I remember the other baby. She asks how big my belly with that baby would have been now. Etc. She usually gets into this right after we talk about how excited we are about this baby. It's almost like she's afraid to get too attached.

What do I say to her to reassure her that we have excellent chances that we will have a brother or sister in a few months but also not give her false info? I can't *guarantee* that this is all going to be perfect, you know? But I really want her to relax and enjoy this and maybe let her grief of the other loss diminish.

I'm going to x-post this but I wanted some input from my DDC mamas, especially. Thanks!
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Old 01-12-2009, 05:48 PM
 
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Because I wish I had some advice for telling the little one but I don't.

I also experienced an early loss in January of 2008. I was 8 weeks but the baby stopped growing at 6. It was a very hard thing for me to go through and something I still struggle not to think about with this pregnancy. I finally started to relax when I got into the second trimester only to be hospitalized with contractions and inflammation from my fibroid tumors. I think a part of me actually gave up and let him go the second I knew I was contracting and no one would do anything because I wasn't viable (which I knew and didn't need a million people to tell me). It is the most helpless feeling. It makes me happy that I asked the sex at the time because I remember with my first thinking if it was a boy or girl and what he/she would have looked like. In fact I think about it now. After going to a different hospital and having them handle my care completely differently than the first things resolved and so far we're doing good on bedrest. I think the scariest thing of all is it was exactly a year to the day that I lost Bailey, and they put me in the exact same ER room. I remember telling my mom that this couldn't be good and I wanted to go to another room because it felt ominous somehow. But now I'm trying to focus on viability. That is my goal. If I can buy him time I'll do whatever I have to do and we're one week closer.

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Old 01-14-2009, 02:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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But now I'm trying to focus on viability. That is my goal. If I can buy him time I'll do whatever I have to do and we're one week closer.
Shy. I feel the same way... inching towards viability, when everything will be a little rosier. In a way I don't feel it's personally all that important b/c all of the pregnancies that I lost, died in utero, as opposed to ending via an incompetent cervix, premature labor, or something like that, and 24 weeks won't make a difference in that case. But every little thing, helps. At the very least, as you point out, the medical community takes a much different view at that stage. One day at a time...

Mara, mama to two boys born 05/2009 and 04/2011, after four miscarriages. 

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Old 01-14-2009, 02:44 PM
 
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not sure if anyone has any experience w/ this, but I had an interesting follow-up appt w/ the surgeon who did my appendectomy today. Evidently, most appendicitis happens since fecal matter falls in, blocks the appendix, it gets infected, etc. In my case though, pathology showed that I had endometrial tissue on the appendix which was causing it to get infected inside (blocking it from the outside, strangling it a bit, I guess)

she asked if I was ever told I had endometriosis, but nope, no symptoms really either. That's usually pretty painful (periods are painful) and plus it can cause fertility issues, which I luckily had no issue with. So I am a bit weirded out that I probably have endo - and for it to get all the way to my appendix I'm guessing I'd have to have some on the ovaries/tubes/etc?

Its good that it didn't seem to affect my fertility, and I've got two pregnancies pretty easily now, so I don't think its a fluke, but it still worries me a bit. Perhaps I kept it from affecting me so much since I was on birth control pills for 10 years? I'm just concerned that after this pregnancy if I want to get pregnant again is when I'll see an issue (but that's a while off)

Ill ask my ob/gyn next week. I just was surprised I could have endo w/out any symptoms, or any fertility effects. I wasn't aware that one could have such a mild version, but yet such a specific mild version that it causes appendicitis! I wish she had looked around a little more when I was opened up to see where else I might have that tissue. I guess I could get a laproscopic procedure done after this pregnancy. I'm now wondering if that explains my IBS a bit, if its on more of my bowel than just the appendix. I'm just hoping that its not going to cause an issue for this pregnancy or for a future one. I also read that those w/ endo have higher miscarriage rates, so I'm wondering if that was a factor in mine.

anyone here w/ a history of endo? Can one have it w/out knowing it, really?

mom to z (June 2009) and m (may 2011)

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Old 01-14-2009, 07:10 PM
 
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Seafox, I'm glad to hear you are doing better. That had to have been a scary experience. Take care of yourself.
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Old 01-16-2009, 03:27 AM
 
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That is very interesting seafox, I have never heard of endo without pain and all of that stuff ... please keep us updated! And I am so glad you are on the road to recovery, what a terrifying time you had.

We went for our week 20 u/s on Monday and our baby is a little monkey!! It rolled over and refused to show us anything! This was our second anatomy scan (first one was at 18 wks) and they still couldn't get a good profile shot and the tech was worried about that. I am not sure if the OB is going to order another one or not, but ... I can not wait to find out what kind of baby it is, so we are going for a 4D ultrasound on Jan 26th. No flames from the u/s police please!! I am very excited because we get a dvd of it and they said they will give us a 100% gender guarantee. And since I cannot feel the kicks on the outside, I can't wait to just watch the dvd over and over again. You are all welcome to come over and watch it - I'll make the popcorn!! Ha!!!

Oh and other exciting news, since M is now staying closer to us, we are going to switch to an OB in our suburb, instead of going down to Toronto. We will have the baby at our local hospital who has already had some surrogacy births, so it should be ok for the legal standpoint. We all feel really good about this decision. M is doing really well, she is loving swimming at the condo, and I bet she will really love it as she gets bigger. We are so blessed to have her in our life and I thank the universe for her everyday. I just really hope the rest of the pregnancy will go as smoothly.
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Old 01-16-2009, 12:03 PM
 
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seafox, I have a friend that had a mild case of endo. Heavier periods were her only symptom. She had no fertility problems and no losses. She has two children (the youngest 9 now), and she still has no endo symptoms. Her periods of even lightened after she had her kids.
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Old 01-16-2009, 01:00 PM
 
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seafox, I have a friend that had a mild case of endo. Heavier periods were her only symptom. She had no fertility problems and no losses. She has two children (the youngest 9 now), and she still has no endo symptoms. Her periods of even lightened after she had her kids.
that's good to hear! I think I was just unprepared for pregnancy/fertility-related news at this point - I figured it was a straightforward appendicitis, so it kind of freaked me out.


I did have my level 2 u/s yesterday, everything measuring fine, still freaked out a bit beforehand (I don't think I'll ever have a 'relaxed' ultrasound) but did find out that my placenta is anterior so that explains the lack of movement. I am starting to feel some things this week, but its pretty subtle and not too reassuring yet. I may return the doppler though since I've only used it once, I have appts often enough that I've been okay I guess.

because, I wish I had some good advice to give. Maybe some comparisons to what a potential life is, compared to an actual baby might help give her some perspective - maybe take the opportunity to really go over some interesting biology? I'm kind of a nerd so I liked that stuff as a kid (cell division, growth, etc) and that way she can look at the process as being a bit more complex than it being a baby at 5 wks the same as it is as 40 wks. I am the type though to always take the really science-rational route

Critty what is a 4D ultrasound? I would imagine that you couldn't get more than 3D, no? I haven't heard of that. That's pretty funny though that the baby wouldn't let you see! Ours I think she had no problems with but we didn't look (don't want to know! I'm too scared of having a girl and don't want to project fears for a few months)

I'm excited that I'm *finally* needing to adjust my pants a bit! I am shocked that I am still not showing this late (almost 20wks) but this week it is a bit more comfortable w/ the top button unbuttoned. I think I might order some bella bands which might work for the next few weeks. Unless this is very nonlinear and I pop out hugely all of a sudden!

mom to z (June 2009) and m (may 2011)

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Old 01-16-2009, 01:14 PM
 
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that's good to hear! I think I was just unprepared for pregnancy/fertility-related news at this point - I figured it was a straightforward appendicitis, so it kind of freaked me out.


I did have my level 2 u/s yesterday, everything measuring fine, still freaked out a bit beforehand (I don't think I'll ever have a 'relaxed' ultrasound) but did find out that my placenta is anterior so that explains the lack of movement. I am starting to feel some things this week, but its pretty subtle and not too reassuring yet. I may return the doppler though since I've only used it once, I have appts often enough that I've been okay I guess.
I understand! I hate surprises of that kind too. Glad your u/s look good, and you are starting to feel movement.

because, I meant to respond to your post, and I even started a response. I just want to say that I think that your daughter's mourning and memorializing are really normal. I would just honor her need to talk about her fears and the loss of the baby (and be so proud of yourself for having an environment that she feels comfortable doing that). I would include her in on anything that is reassuring to you with the baby, and continue to just to openly listen to her fears and thoughts with honesty and love.

It sounds like your dd and I are in a similar place. I lost my little one at six weeks, and he was a baby to me. I love that baby as much as I love my ds. That loss was so profound and devastating that I often question and fear the viability of this baby.
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Old 01-26-2009, 02:42 AM
 
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Hey everyone - how are you all doing?

We have our 4D ultrasound tomorrow just so I can figure out if this is a wee boy or wee girl. After two u/s where the baby refused to show us anything, I am not that hopeful tomorrow will be any different but I hope so.

Hope everyone is doing really well!
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Old 01-26-2009, 02:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Good luck, Critty! I don't know what you're hoping for, but finding out must be exciting either way! :

Mara, mama to two boys born 05/2009 and 04/2011, after four miscarriages. 

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Old 01-26-2009, 09:14 PM
 
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For the 3rd anatomy scan in a row, the baby would or show her face or privates!!! After much prodding, they are 70-80% sure it is a girl, but we have to go back in 3.5 weeks. So right now we are saying it is a soft-g girl
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Old 01-28-2009, 06:18 AM
 
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So glad to hear everything is going well now! Blessings to you and your baby!
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Old 01-28-2009, 11:52 AM
 
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Critty, I came on just to see how your ultrasound went. You have a shy little bean! Good luck getting a good view at your next visit.
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