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Old 01-19-2009, 10:45 PM
 
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I already have a boy and he is intact and this baby will be too.
I don't believe in cosmetic surgery on newborns.
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Old 01-19-2009, 11:03 PM
 
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My DH was the one who brought up being against it before we ever had thought about having kids.

I don't have a problem with anyone in my life who has to deal with DS's diaper changes. I tell them how to do it (do nothing), and it's not a problem. I also made sure his Ped was intact-friendly.

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Old 01-19-2009, 11:03 PM
 
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We did some research when expecting #1 and decided not to circ. It was a girl so we didn't have to deal with any conversations in this country. #2 was a boy and we just went with what we had learned researching last time. It's amazing how many people don't know about the circ status of a kid. I mean, who really sees the baby's penis, anyway? I happen to be an anti-circ advocate now so I do tell alot of people. But if I didn't, I don't think anyone would even know and therefore not care.

We just found out today that #3 is a boy. He will remain intact, of course.
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Old 01-19-2009, 11:06 PM
 
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And, honestly, we didn't really get any comments either. Either no one cared, or they didn't care enough to bring it up with us. In my group of friends, all but one boy I can think of is intact (and this was in Kansas, which is where change happens last )
Of all my friends and family, I only know 2 boys who have been circ'd. Everyone else is intact.

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Old 01-20-2009, 01:35 AM
 
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For us it was a non-issue, there was no way we were going to cut off any part of our babies' bodies. We really didn't research it or discuss it at all. But I remember thinking, in the early days after the birth, "I'm so glad I don't have to be worrying about their penises on top of everything else!" I mean, those first few weeks were really tough, and I just can't imagine adding "foreskin removal and penis recovery" to the list of things to do post-partum!

Most of my nearly 6-year-olds' friends are circ'd, and the kids all noticed pretty early on at preschool. We explained the difference to our sons, and they fully understand and support our choice to leave their penises whole. It hasn't been a difficulty for them at all, especially after they started being able to retract their foreskins, and realized that they can make the tips of their penises look like the tips of their friends' penises.

No one has ever questioned me about our boys' penises. On the other hand, I have been witness to at least 3 incidents where moms of circ'd baby boys were questioned about why they made that choice.

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 5, 6, 8, 9, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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Old 01-20-2009, 08:25 PM
 
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We aren't finding out the gender of this baby, but we have a four year old son who is intact. No one has babysat our son except our parents, so it really hasn't been an issue. He did go to a daycare when he was in diapers, but over 50% of the boys there were intact so it wasn't an issue. When the conversation comes up, I take it as an opportunity to educate people. They usually assume he is intact because his father is, but I would never have done it even if my dh was not intact. I just tell them that it is not medically necessary and that I have left the decision up to my son who can decide when he is an adult.
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Old 01-20-2009, 09:27 PM
 
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My DS (2) is circ'd and I regret it terribly

This baby, if it is a boy, will be left intact. I've already heard many comments from my mother... "They're going to tease each other" yadda yadda... I just ignored her or blew it off, or said "I don't care, I'm not cutting off any more body parts." (I really don't think it will be an issue anyway.) So far she's the only one who knows we are anti-circ now. I'm sure if this baby is a boy, and other relatives find out, we will hear about it a lot more. But frankly I don't care. I can't do that to another child

Amanda , mama to my two boys: N (10/06) and : A (7/09)
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Old 01-20-2009, 10:15 PM
 
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I'm glad to see this topic in our DDC. I have to admit I knew NOTHING about either side of this coin, other than I thought it was just what you did. All the stuff about it being "unsanitary", etc not to. Anyhow, I'm having a tough time with it because I agree with most others, why do intentional harm to your baby for no medical reason. So while I haven't researched it extensively, that reason alone is enough for me. However its an extremely touchy subject with my husband. We are finding out the gender of the baby so I thought I would spend more time looking into it if we are having a boy, but when I even mentioned it to him he pretty much shut down, stating that a circ would be done. He doesn't even really want to know the research, stating the same old unclean argument, and that it's ugly (supposedly he saw a picture in health ed class). I have noticed that he can be this way initially with a topic that he only knows one side of the coin, and he will eventually come around to accepting more information to make a decision. I know this is a very personal choice and I don't need to hear all the arguments for why we shouldn't ( I can read it for myself), but does anyone else have similar "roadblocks"?

Shawna- wife to DH, mother to DD (6-2009)
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Old 01-20-2009, 11:26 PM
 
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I'm glad to see this topic in our DDC. I have to admit I knew NOTHING about either side of this coin, other than I thought it was just what you did. All the stuff about it being "unsanitary", etc not to. Anyhow, I'm having a tough time with it because I agree with most others, why do intentional harm to your baby for no medical reason. So while I haven't researched it extensively, that reason alone is enough for me. However its an extremely touchy subject with my husband. We are finding out the gender of the baby so I thought I would spend more time looking into it if we are having a boy, but when I even mentioned it to him he pretty much shut down, stating that a circ would be done. He doesn't even really want to know the research, stating the same old unclean argument, and that it's ugly (supposedly he saw a picture in health ed class). I have noticed that he can be this way initially with a topic that he only knows one side of the coin, and he will eventually come around to accepting more information to make a decision. I know this is a very personal choice and I don't need to hear all the arguments for why we shouldn't ( I can read it for myself), but does anyone else have similar "roadblocks"?
My dh was EXACTLY the same way. Finally, I made him watch a video and his perspective completely changed. He was really disturbed with how the procedure went and how the baby went into shock after (just laid there not crying). After that, he would listen to little tidbits of info I would bring up casually. We never had a huge discussion about it, I'd just say "Oh honey, listen to this crazy thing I read today..." and then wouldn't make him respond. He usually just stayed silent, but he was listening. Then one day he said we could leave our boys intact if they got to choose at age 12 . I told him they could choose at age 12 only if our daughters could choose some type of cosmetic surgery at age 12. He agreed that was stupid and said, ok 18 then. I took it.

I continued to tell him little things I learned and now he is adamant about how horrible the whole thing is and wishes that he wasn't circed. I used to think I would let him choose because he has the penis, but then I realized that I would never leave any other important decision like this to just one of us. Especially when he doesn't know jack squat about it. We both have a say in our child's life, especially a non-therapeutic surgery (which isn't really our decision anyway).

Mama to my little social butterfly 6/13/09

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Old 01-21-2009, 12:15 AM
 
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Originally Posted by wildnewmamma View Post
I'm glad to see this topic in our DDC. I have to admit I knew NOTHING about either side of this coin, other than I thought it was just what you did. All the stuff about it being "unsanitary", etc not to. Anyhow, I'm having a tough time with it because I agree with most others, why do intentional harm to your baby for no medical reason. So while I haven't researched it extensively, that reason alone is enough for me. However its an extremely touchy subject with my husband. We are finding out the gender of the baby so I thought I would spend more time looking into it if we are having a boy, but when I even mentioned it to him he pretty much shut down, stating that a circ would be done. He doesn't even really want to know the research, stating the same old unclean argument, and that it's ugly (supposedly he saw a picture in health ed class). I have noticed that he can be this way initially with a topic that he only knows one side of the coin, and he will eventually come around to accepting more information to make a decision. I know this is a very personal choice and I don't need to hear all the arguments for why we shouldn't ( I can read it for myself), but does anyone else have similar "roadblocks"?
I can't relate to the roadblock issues as I have been lucky to have a very open-minded husband but Mothering - just a few months back - had an issue featuring articles on it. The pictures of the procedure alone are horrifying - and I think anyone considering it should read and see that article/pictures and understand what it is exactly that will be performed. My husband saw that (we had already decided not to circ again) and it just deepened our resolve.

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Old 01-21-2009, 12:36 PM
 
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We don't know if it is a boy or girl yet, but my intuition tells me it's a boy. We will not be circumsizing. Elective cosmetic surgery on my child's genitalia is just not something I want to be a part of.


We don't plan on telling any family or friends about our decision, I don't think my childs genitals are something that needs to be discussed. However I did tell my mother, and she told me an interesting fact about my own father, who died when I was a toddler, that he was not circumsized! So I found that interesting.
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Old 01-21-2009, 12:45 PM
 
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My husband was initially very pro-circ as well. I just e-mailed him links to websites that stated my position. We actually never talked about it again. Then in the hospital (29 weeks with PPROM), as the nurse was going through the questions, she asked if we would circ if it was a boy, and I said "*I* don't want to...", then looked at DH. He then said "No." :

I don't know if he ever read any of the links I sent him. He may have just given in because he wasn't worried about circ vs. non-circ at that point... he was worried that we were having our baby 2.5 months early and the risks of that. But whatever it was, he hasn't had a problem with it since. It's not even a discussion anymore. We just don't circ our boys.

I'm pretty sure DH was thinking just of the "clean" argument, and he really just didn't know anything about being intact. This is why I find the "let DH decide since he has a penis and I don't" argument to be silly. My DH only knows what it's liked to be circ'd. He does NOT know what it's like to be intact. So as far as that goes, he knows just as much as I do about what it's like to be an intact male.

DH was also initally anti-homebirth (just said "Absolutely not." and dropped the subject the first time I brought it up), but once he was given some facts, he came around, and now is a huge homebirth advocate. I think some men just shut down at first when presented with an idea that's so radically different from what they know and expect. Best to give them some time, then approach it again with some information for them to read.

Mama to Tornado Boy (6/04), The Brute (11/06), and Mischief (05/09)... expecting in February '15
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Old 01-21-2009, 02:06 PM
 
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...
I'm pretty sure DH was thinking just of the "clean" argument, and he really just didn't know anything about being intact. This is why I find the "let DH decide since he has a penis and I don't" argument to be silly. My DH only knows what it's liked to be circ'd. He does NOT know what it's like to be intact. So as far as that goes, he knows just as much as I do about what it's like to be an intact male.

DH was also initally anti-homebirth (just said "Absolutely not." and dropped the subject the first time I brought it up), but once he was given some facts, he came around, and now is a huge homebirth advocate. I think some men just shut down at first when presented with an idea that's so radically different from what they know and expect. Best to give them some time, then approach it again with some information for them to read.
I know it's not the first time it has been brought up, but I think that it is so interesting those that have said they originally thought they would let the man decide (I was in that boat)...but your exactly right, he only knows the way it was for him.

By the way, I find it so funny the terminology of circ'd and intact (I'm big into the dog world...do I don't think I will tell my hubby he's not intact, and if we have a son that he is, LOL!!!)

I also think he was kind of hesitant on the homebirth idea at first too...I know he will come around, It's just funny how they shut down when something is presented to them that is different from what they know. I will give him the info, and if he still thinks the way he does then at least I feel like he is making an informed decision.

Shawna- wife to DH, mother to DD (6-2009)
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Old 01-21-2009, 07:44 PM
 
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The "intact" terminology got me when I first started seeing it too. Very different meaning in the dog world!

What brought my DH around on homebirth was to talk to my midwife, after seeing safety data on homebirth vs. hospital. He was worried about safety. He was afraid he would lose his wife and first child. That's an understandable fear when you don't know anything about homebirth and how it IS safe, how midwives ARE trained to handle emergencies, etc. Once he was informed, he was willing to agree with it, even though he still would prefer the hospital. Then after we ended up in the hospital (preterm) and he had to fight just to get them to not stick their hands up in me when my water was broken and would be for several days, if not weeks... he realized that the doctors weren't using scientific evidence, and the midwives were! That's what really got him gungho on homebirth.

Mama to Tornado Boy (6/04), The Brute (11/06), and Mischief (05/09)... expecting in February '15
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Old 01-21-2009, 09:42 PM
 
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My older son is not circed and this one will not be either. They are both free to choose the surgery when they are old enough. Both of the fathers are circed.
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