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Old 05-22-2009, 07:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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went in to viisit lilah last night and found out she's 4lb12oz and they're putting her back on cue-based feeds. so we're going to try every feed by mouth with a minimum goal each 12hr shift. well, we'll see how it goes.

still waiting for the light bulb while i pump away.

i'm so ready to have her home. it's sohard to articulate the emotional bankruptcy that i feel sometimes. and i have a difficult time explaining to DH the need to grieve the preg/delivery, and why i feel a disconnect. he's trying to understand but it's hard for him.

and i end up; beinh grouchy. sorry honey but i do still love you!!!

Married to my best friend, expecting #1 6/09. Little angel came early- 4/10/09, 2lbs 5oz. Lilah Grace:
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Old 05-22-2009, 08:09 AM
 
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Awww...you totally have a right to be grouchy as you journey on this emotional rollercoaster. You are amazingly strong!

I hope she gets to come home soon - it is so great to hear that she is gaining so much weight! Go Lilah!
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Old 05-22-2009, 01:06 PM
 
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It sounds like she is doing well but it's totally logical and normal to be feeling torn, sad and empty. You are supposed to be home cuddling your baby and I'm sure everyone is waiting for that moment to come.
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Old 05-22-2009, 01:20 PM
 
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I don't blame you one bit for feeling the way you do. Heck I mourned my pg being over far too soon and they weren't even my babies to keep. It still was difficult knowing that I should have still been pg even though there were the kids looking right at me. It just felt wrong to be able to look at them stuck in a hospital instead of just being stuck in ME. Like yes, they shouldn't have been home yet, it was too soon, but basically they shouldn't have been born.

With all that said, it sounds like she is doing amazingly well and while it is a huge emotional roller coaster, there will be a day when this time seems like nothing, and you probably wont remember most of it.
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Old 05-22-2009, 02:30 PM
 
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s
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Old 05-22-2009, 03:08 PM
 
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Great news on the feeds!!!

Your feelings are all normal, and unfortunately are par for the course with an extended NICU stay. But things *will* get better once you have that baby home and you get to be the full time mommy. Hang in there.

Mama to Tornado Boy (6/04), The Brute (11/06), and Mischief (05/09)... expecting in February '15
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Old 05-22-2009, 03:15 PM
 
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Just wanted to say : on the weight gain. And I'm sorry, no advice on helping DH understand...I sort of feel like no matter how much he's right there with me, excited and loving this baby, my DH still doesn't *get* it the way I do. This baby isn't inside of him, so how can he really understand it all? I wonder if he ever will or if this is something we always feel as moms?

Single mama to S ~ 6/09

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