Baby Shower Woes - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 05-23-2009, 10:48 AM - Thread Starter
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So a few weeks ago my old employer (I was a nanny) called me (we're still friends) and said since I had never had a baby shower with my other children she wanted to throw me one for this baby. My MIL had come over that day and I told her about it. My MIL and FIL don't get along. Seriously, they HATE each other but still live together. Anyway, since my FIL's retirement, MIL has been spending an awful lot of time at my house. I know she needs to get away, but it's increasing in how much she's over and she's starting to invite herself along when I say I'm going to do things (like going to garage sales, etc). So I mentioned this shower and she said she wanted an invitation. I kind mumbled okay, actually thinking that maybe I would invite her and my mom and SIL. Both my mom and SIL live a ways away, but I thought they could come up for the weekend.

So when I finally got around to sending my employer a list of who to invite, I had decided to not invite family, because if I invited MIL, my mom, my SIL and my grandma, that wouldn't leave me more than 2 friends to invite, because I was trying to have just a small shower. I didn't tell my MIL right away, partly because she is so blunt and I'm not very good at confrontation. So my employer and I had a playdate set up for today with our kids at her house and that's when she decided to just have the informal shower. I told MIL that this week that Julie and I had decided on an informal friend shower during our playdate. She had asked what time the shower was and said she had asked to be invited, so I told her again that it was just for friends.

Fast forward to today when we were talking a little bit ago and she said "See you at 2:00" which is when my shower starts. I know I should have said something to her, but I'm such a wuss and she has been so extremely helpful since DH is working so much and my feet and legs are swelling so bad that it hurts to walk on them- she's been dropping kids off at school and picking them up, coming over to help me clean, etc. I kind of feel bad for not inviting her, and in reality one of the only reasons I didn't is because I wasn't inviting MY mom and if my mom finds out my MIL was there and she didn't get an invite, she will be so hurt.

And now it's too late to do anything because she is gone this whole morning and I won't be able to get a hold of her until 2:00 when she shows up at my shower.

I'm such a wuss. And I'm tired of being pregnant. And my feet hurt they're so swollen. I just want to be done and hole up in my house with my family and brand new baby boy who will never have a name because DH and I can't agree on one. Alright. Complaining over. Thanks for listening!!!
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#2 of 5 Old 05-23-2009, 11:11 AM
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Well that just stinks. I hope the day goes ok.

nurse, mama, doula-in-training to J-14, J-13, S-7, S-4, and P-2(born at home
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#3 of 5 Old 05-23-2009, 11:35 AM
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Well, you really did all you could to tell your MIL she wasn't invited. You told her multiple times that it was a small, friends-only shower. So I can't imagine your mom will be so upset once you explain the situation to her--what more could you have done? But yeah, it's like, one of those "why can't this just be easy and go right" one of things. But I hope you still have fun at your shower!!!!!

Attached, homeschooling mom to Sam (10), Henry (8), Clara (5--now in public school Kindergarten) and Noah (2)

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#4 of 5 Old 05-23-2009, 01:40 PM
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I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope that you at least have a fun shower. I'm sure your mom will understand when you tell her that your MIL just invited herself after you told her not to come. And this will all be over before we know it, and we'll all have our sweet babies and hopefully forget about all the painful stuff we've gone through.

Mama to my sweet girl born at home 6/09
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#5 of 5 Old 05-23-2009, 02:02 PM
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I agree. Just tell your mom the truth about what happened, if it comes up at all. You can't help it if your MIL doesn't listen to you!

I hope you have a fun shower! I was just thinking about baby gifts this week... I know folks from church will bring gifts after the baby is born, and I never did register anywhere since I don't need anything (3rd boy, and they're all 2.5 years apart), so it'll probably be a lot of clothes and such, which I don't need. I just washed all the newborn size baby clothes and realized I have a MILLION onesies. I could not believe how many I have. It's crazy. I could probably use some shorts for the baby, for car seat rides (I don't like them to be in just a onesie when strapped in), but that's really all I need. And I'll bet I'll get more onesies from people.

Mama to Tornado Boy (6/04), The Brute (11/06), and Mischief (05/09)... expecting
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