DH... You Are An Idiot Sometimes - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-27-2009, 10:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
chely7425's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Washington
Posts: 3,621
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Seriously, it is like he doesn't realize I am 38 weeks pregnant. I still do everything I always have, all the house stuff, taking care of our 13 month old, cooking... everything. And really, I don't mind it. But he keeps asking me to get up and get him crap when we are both sitting down. Does he not realize that the whole getting up thing is getting hard? I have to badger him for ages to get him to help with anything and it is getting on my last nerve. If he keeps this up I am going to drop kick him out the window.

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
chely7425 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 05-27-2009, 10:18 PM
 
~PurityLake~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Anchorage, Alaska, US
Posts: 5,802
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
He's in the Army? Then I'm certain he's physically capable enough (as well as a grown adult) to serve himself. : wow, if he asked me, I'd just say, go get it yourself!

Katreena, peace.gif 39 year old Alaskan treehugger.gif Mama to 1 hearts.gif and 1 lady.gif gd.gif
 
 
 
 

~PurityLake~ is offline  
Old 05-27-2009, 10:29 PM
 
pearl2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 732
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OH heeeeeeeeeeeell no. I would say, "Are your legs broken?"

Mama to 2 little darling squooshy faces
pearl2 is offline  
Old 05-27-2009, 10:32 PM
 
MangoMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 882
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Mine does that too...or my kids call for me to help and I have to say "ask daddy!!" because WHY, especially at 9 mo pregnant, do I have to be the homework helper, the get something downer, etc?

I've determined my spouse is CLUELESS and this is our 3rd. I'm actually mad at him today about how freakin' unhelpful he's been. GRRRRR...another rant...

mama to DD9, coolshine.gif DS7 bouncy.gif and DD1.luxlove.gif

 
MangoMommy is offline  
Old 05-27-2009, 10:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
chely7425's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Washington
Posts: 3,621
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MangoMommy View Post
Mine does that too...or my kids call for me to help and I have to say "ask daddy!!" because WHY, especially at 9 mo pregnant, do I have to be the homework helper, the get something downer, etc?

I've determined my spouse is CLUELESS and this is our 3rd. I'm actually mad at him today about how freakin' unhelpful he's been. GRRRRR...another rant...
This is so my DH... he is just clueless!!! I swear he doesn't think before sh*t comes out of his mouth.

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
chely7425 is offline  
Old 05-27-2009, 10:36 PM
 
BoringTales's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 643
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Popping in from DueInJuly...

I'd respond like this...

Guys just don't get it sometimes. Mine is finally figuring out how to properly treat a pregnant woman...and this is our 4th!

Nicole - Mom to FOUR healthy, happy, wild boys.
BoringTales is offline  
Old 05-27-2009, 10:46 PM
 
CultivatingMyRoots's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 256
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I probably would have already drop-kicked him...I'm feisty this pregnancy.


However, there would DEFINITELY be some smart-ass remarks about how my belly outranks his beer gut, etc.


Men.
CultivatingMyRoots is offline  
Old 05-27-2009, 10:47 PM
 
Erinz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: On a hill in California
Posts: 1,493
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Sounds to me like he needs to go to your next prenatal appt and get some "education" mmmm hmmmm

Erin sharing life with a burly husband and two rad boys 7/06 & 5/09 : : Zone 9-ish
Erinz is offline  
Old 05-27-2009, 11:07 PM
 
CultivatingMyRoots's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 256
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So, I just went to find my husband, because the toddler was running wild when I thought he had her.

He's lying down, because he has a 'headache.'

I have an all 200-parts of my body ache and 400+ things to do! When's MY nap time?:

This is AFTER his nap while the baby was napping, while I thought he was working on a project (paid) that REALLY needs to get done before the baby.

{grumble rant blegh ANGER.

Thank you for listening.
CultivatingMyRoots is offline  
Old 05-27-2009, 11:26 PM
 
nameisrio's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 133
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Amen sisters! Mine was watching TV in bed last night while I was dealing with my 2-yr old, trying to do report cards and make dinner. I would never consider lying down at 6:00 in the evening and if I did, both he and my toddler would look at me like I was insane...so why is it OK for them???

Proud Mama of M (11/6/06), wife to T (7/31/04) and teacher of 23 first graders
nameisrio is offline  
Old 05-27-2009, 11:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
chely7425's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Washington
Posts: 3,621
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by nameisrio View Post
Amen sisters! Mine was watching TV in bed last night while I was dealing with my 2-yr old, trying to do report cards and make dinner. I would never consider lying down at 6:00 in the evening and if I did, both he and my toddler would look at me like I was insane...so why is it OK for them???
I have exactly this same question... if I was just like "ok honey I'm going to bed" at like 5 my husband would have NO idea what to do!! He doesn't even know how to diaper DS for bed

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
chely7425 is offline  
Old 05-28-2009, 12:37 AM
 
BoringTales's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 643
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by chely7425 View Post
I have exactly this same question... if I was just like "ok honey I'm going to bed" at like 5 my husband would have NO idea what to do!! He doesn't even know how to diaper DS for bed
Throw them in the deep end (the husband, not the kids!). I got my husband to pretty much 100% take over bed time for my older kids (5 and 3) while I put the baby to sleep. He figured it out. Yours will too. Try it sometime!

Nicole - Mom to FOUR healthy, happy, wild boys.
BoringTales is offline  
Old 05-28-2009, 01:16 AM
 
rivkah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Deep in the Heart of Texas
Posts: 761
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringTales View Post
Throw them in the deep end (the husband, not the kids!). I got my husband to pretty much 100% take over bed time for my older kids (5 and 3) while I put the baby to sleep. He figured it out. Yours will too. Try it sometime!
:

I used to put up with that cr** too--DH falling asleep and leaving me to deal with everything else--but it ended a few years ago. It is amazing how sensitive men can become once women force them to be. (I do have to give my DH credit for never treating me like that when I was pregnant though!)They are adults too, not just bigger children.

Asking you to get him something while you are both sitting down? What are you? A maid? You need to give him a look like he might be insane. Which he might be--it takes me about 5 minutes to just get up from the couch, nobody would want to wait that long for whatever they wanted.
rivkah is offline  
Old 05-28-2009, 10:44 AM
 
maxwill129's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,852
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by rivkah View Post
used to put up with that cr** too--DH falling asleep and leaving me to deal with everything else--but it ended a few years ago.
Me too. When I was pregnant with our second, I basically had a meltdown telling DH he was a bad dad and husband because he didn't do ANYTHING! He would come home from work (and granted, he worked long hours AND commuted over an hour both ways) and just sit and I would do everything and he would NEVER play with his son. I felt horrible. He cried. But things changed. I really don't think he even thought he was being useless. Men just don't get it sometimes.

This is our fourth and now we've got the routine down! I still do A LOT, but that's my choice. He's very helpful and offers to do projects for me all the time. I really think if we didn't have a "chat" we wouldn't be on a fourth child! I definately would have quit after 2!
maxwill129 is offline  
Old 05-28-2009, 10:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
chely7425's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Washington
Posts: 3,621
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I really am glad it isn't just my DH... he has gotten a LOT better but he just goes through these phases where I want to beat the living snot out of him!!! A lot of the stuff I do around here I don't mind doing, he doesn't do it right and I am a bit of a perfectionist even when I'm not pregnant. It would be nice though if he would stop acting like just because he works he is incapable of functioning once he got home!

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
chely7425 is offline  
Old 05-28-2009, 12:11 PM
 
ilanaRose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 82
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OP: I totally understand as I am in the same boat....this takes the cake though "honey, can you give me a massage?" -- this came out of my husband's mouth last night...unbelievable...I have not gotten a single massage out of him this whole pregnancy-- he particularly does not think he has any responsibilities since I just stopped working and I'm home all day lol.... I thought I was taking off work to REST, not pick up after myself and my husband....but here I am, still cooking dinner nightly AND washing the dishes, doing the laundry, etc....ok, vent over...
ilanaRose is offline  
Old 05-28-2009, 12:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
chely7425's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Washington
Posts: 3,621
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilanaRose View Post
OP: I totally understand as I am in the same boat....this takes the cake though "honey, can you give me a massage?" -- this came out of my husband's mouth last night...unbelievable...I have not gotten a single massage out of him this whole pregnancy-- he particularly does not think he has any responsibilities since I just stopped working and I'm home all day lol.... I thought I was taking off work to REST, not pick up after myself and my husband....but here I am, still cooking dinner nightly AND washing the dishes, doing the laundry, etc....ok, vent over...
That is my husband to a T!!!! He has asked me for massages multiple times, though he does give me them too. But STILL!!! Men are impossible... big babies all of them. I blame the Y chromosome... I mean if you think about it that is a big chunk of DNA they are missing with that one smaller chromosome...

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
chely7425 is offline  
Old 05-28-2009, 12:28 PM
 
herwitsend's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Virginia
Posts: 405
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think that you should all tell your spouses this instead of just venting here! It worked like a charm for me.

I honestly think they just don't think about what it must be like- wanna' know why? We are keeping up (no matter how difficult), caring for the other kids (and doing a d**** good job even though it saps every oz of energy we have), keeping the house in order, getting everyone fed, getting the house ready for another little one, not complaining and doing it all with grace (for the most part)! Why? Because we are moms and this is just what we do! BUT this is the one time in our lives where we should be cared for!

Once I had a gentle heart-to-heart with DH and let him know how I was feeling (physically and emotionally) about the whole situation, things gradually changed! He had no idea how much I needed from him! Now, he asks me what he can do to help me out when he gets home! He has started doing all of DDs baths and most of the bedtime routine!

~Amy~ Wife to my best friend Brandon. Mama to my sweet girl Eden (11/6/06) and my little man Theo (6/25/09)
herwitsend is offline  
Old 05-28-2009, 12:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
chely7425's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Washington
Posts: 3,621
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have talked to my DH about it some... he always says he gets it and things have sloooooooowly been changing but slower than molasses on the tundra. He is just beyond clueless. Not that I don't love him and all

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
chely7425 is offline  
Old 05-28-2009, 12:48 PM
 
herwitsend's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Virginia
Posts: 405
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by chely7425 View Post
I have talked to my DH about it some... he always says he gets it and things have sloooooooowly been changing but slower than molasses on the tundra. He is just beyond clueless. Not that I don't love him and all
Yeah, I *did* say "gradually"! The changes are still slow...

~Amy~ Wife to my best friend Brandon. Mama to my sweet girl Eden (11/6/06) and my little man Theo (6/25/09)
herwitsend is offline  
Old 05-28-2009, 01:34 PM
 
vegemamaVA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 53
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This has been the big lesson of motherhood for me (well, one of many). You have to speak up for yourself and your needs, because no one else is going to do it. Learning this has taken me several years, and I still sometimes forget, but sitting around feeling sorry for myself and pouting gets me nowhere, it only confuses other family members. For me, I had this fear of seeming like a "whiney, nagging housewife" so I wouldn't say anything. Just kind of sulk and get madder and madder, then meltdown. This was a bad way to live. Now I speak up about my issues as soon as I notice them (well, the big ones anyway, somethings you just have to let go) They just need to be led by the hand alot. With my DH it's almost never a result of not caring, just not noticing.
vegemamaVA is offline  
Old 05-28-2009, 02:16 PM
 
DevaMajka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Burnaby, BC
Posts: 10,344
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh heck no. I would be like
I do have to say though, that it's not all men. My dp tells me I should sit and relax after I clean for any amount of time. lol. (Granted, he doesn't offer to finish the cleaning, and I'm totally obsessed with getting it done, so it's not a totally helpful suggestion. lol.) He thinks carrying a baby has got to be the toughest work anyone can do. He may well be right. lol.
And I don't think he has ever asked me to get him something if we were both sitting down, pg or not.

I agree with the pp, you all gotta tell your dp's what's up.

Becky, partner to Teague, SAHM to Keagan (7yo), Jonah (2yo)
 

DevaMajka is offline  
Old 05-28-2009, 04:41 PM
 
rivkah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Deep in the Heart of Texas
Posts: 761
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by vegemamaVA View Post
This has been the big lesson of motherhood for me (well, one of many). You have to speak up for yourself and your needs, because no one else is going to do it. Learning this has taken me several years, and I still sometimes forget, but sitting around feeling sorry for myself and pouting gets me nowhere, it only confuses other family members. For me, I had this fear of seeming like a "whiney, nagging housewife" so I wouldn't say anything. Just kind of sulk and get madder and madder, then meltdown. This was a bad way to live. Now I speak up about my issues as soon as I notice them (well, the big ones anyway, somethings you just have to let go) They just need to be led by the hand alot. With my DH it's almost never a result of not caring, just not noticing.


Couldn't have said it better!
rivkah is offline  
Old 05-28-2009, 06:03 PM
 
koalove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: raleigh nc
Posts: 860
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
ooohhhhh jeeeezzzz. this would NOT fly in our house. i hope you are saying no when he asks. if you dont, what reason does he have to stop asking? have you tried explaining to him that ummmmm....well, you just dont want to!? my dh is semi cluless, but that is one he figured out moths ago. do not ask the pregnant lady to get up for something when she is already comfortably seated.

joyful mama to DS 2-05, open adoption birthmama to DD 5-07: and DS 6-98, and my littlest one 7-09. crazy in love with DH!
koalove is offline  
Old 05-29-2009, 09:01 PM
 
Alohamelly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Home
Posts: 1,894
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My DH would not last around me if he acted like that. I am actually very blessed with how much he does around here and helps out. I could lay around all day if I wanted to and he would do everything for me, but I don't because I feel too guilty.

: Mom to a wonderful teen girl, a happy little boy and a cute baby girl
Alohamelly is offline  
Old 05-30-2009, 12:01 PM
 
Chronic Chrissy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,232
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Mine's been told, but it irked me he had to be told. Same getting up, getting this,pass that... Yesterday they are both hungry for brekfast, I'm having contrax, and they are one they couch with endless demands, then whine because food isn't ready, and wnder why it takes so long for me to get ready to leave the house.

But that doesn't top to butt slapping, lol. Always a game to us, but my firm prepg but took it with less pain, no to mention it is a sneak attack game. But now with contrax all the time(everytime dh strikes it seems) I had to be firm.

Yes I've been 'normal' chissy for 9 months, but i claim month 10 for me, sorry if you miss 'me' honey but I'm cashing in my chips and you're the banker now, so suck it up and appriciate how liitle you've had to do till now.

tada! (inside joke, lol)
Chronic Chrissy is offline  
Old 05-30-2009, 05:12 PM
 
jessielove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: To the Left of Left
Posts: 2,903
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by DevaMajka View Post
Oh heck no. I would be like
I do have to say though, that it's not all men. My dp tells me I should sit and relax after I clean for any amount of time. lol. (Granted, he doesn't offer to finish the cleaning, and I'm totally obsessed with getting it done, so it's not a totally helpful suggestion. lol.) He thinks carrying a baby has got to be the toughest work anyone can do. He may well be right. lol.
And I don't think he has ever asked me to get him something if we were both sitting down, pg or not.

I agree with the pp, you all gotta tell your dp's what's up.
I agree. It is not all men. Sometimes ~ with both men and women ~ you have to take the direct approach. Tell them how you feel, why this bothers you and what you need from them to make things more even and balanced.

This makes me really appreciate my husband, especially after last night. All four of our kids came down sick yesterday evening and early this morning. Dh was the one who cleaned up all of the vomit, even at 5am just before he had to leave for work. He offered to stay home, but right now we need him banking up hours for when this baby is born. When I thanked him for helping he said, "This isn't "help", it's parenting. Our kids are my responsibility, too." He was not always this way; we had a lot of long talks after our first child was born about our roles as partners together. At one point we very nearly seperated because I felt so much like the balance of work in our home was so off kilter. I had to tell him directly exactly what I needed from him and asked him what he needed from me. Some people do not understand what is needed from them unless they are told directly.
jessielove is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off