Letter to my family - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-03-2009, 11:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Dear, Mom, Big Brother, Darling Sister-in-Law and Meddling Mother-in-Law,

Thank you for telling me when it’s convenient for YOU as to when I should have my baby. The baby will come when it wants to come. That being said, if I could choose a date, I would not pick something based off of what YOU want. Maybe that’s selfish of me, but I’m the one that is hugely pregnant having gained 50 pounds (yes, you heard me right so stop your snickering), feel like the kid is going to fall out my butt, and having contractions that keep me up all night. Not to mention the constipation, heartburn, indigestion and overall icky-ness I feel.

By the way, if you can’t make it to the hospital to see the baby within an hour of it’s birth, that’s okay. It will still be here and still be brand new when you can come see it. That being said, I would like all of you to stay away for at least a week following the birth of MY child (that I carried for 9 months) so I can bond with him and learn to breastfeed without all of you staring at me. And I would like to hold my baby without worrying about what person is going to snatch him from my arms.

If the date of birth actually coincides with the date you have chosen, please remember that if it would have been within my power, my baby would not have entered the world at your convenience. On the contrary, I would have gladly endured extra misery to wait an extra week to make sure you were put out by the birth of MY child.

Sincerely,
Shannon

No, I won't send this out, but right now am feeling crabby and mean. I thought I would give it to you guys so I can feel like I'm venting! Thanks!
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Old 06-03-2009, 11:45 PM
 
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oh my goodness how delightfully snarky!!!!

i love it. especially the part about glady enduring more torture.....



but sorry you are feeling so crabby. totally justified, though.

Married to my best friend, expecting #1 6/09. Little angel came early- 4/10/09, 2lbs 5oz. Lilah Grace:
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Old 06-04-2009, 01:57 AM
 
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Oh girl, I feel your pain, on ALL fronts. I have heard so many times what works for everyone else. Umm HELLO what about the fact that it is MY baby and needs to come on either MY schedule, or his.

I am glad you vented, but I dare you to send it ok, maybe not, but can I borrow it.
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Old 06-04-2009, 02:07 AM
 
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Ah, how I relate to the feelings you have here. It's hard enough getting through that last month of the pregnancy without interference from well-meaning but clueless family.

Weary SuperMama superhero.gifto my  amazing neurodiverse 6 y.o. DD hearts.gif and to my on-the-go neurotypical 3 y.o. DS wild.gif

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Old 06-04-2009, 02:33 AM
 
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Everything I've wanted to say and more lol.

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Old 06-04-2009, 10:25 AM
 
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UGH why do people think they are entitled to see OUR new babies immediately? I already had to have this talk with my mom (who lives 5 hours away). She kept bugging me about when I would call when I went into labor because she had such a long drive to get here! I finally told her that I'm NOT calling when I'm in labor. I'll call when the baby is born, and she can come the NEXT day and to please stay in a hotel She finally got the hint that I wasn't budging and accepted that.

MIL, on the other hand, lives locally and this still hasn't come up with her (we're having a hb). I know she'll want to come over immediately but I really want at least 24 hours of no visitors. I don't think it's unreasonable at all. They're also taking a vacation at the beginning of July so I am secretly hoping the baby will come while they're gone

Amanda , mama to my two boys: N (10/06) and : A (7/09)
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Old 06-04-2009, 10:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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That's so funny, amandaleigh, because I am going to have to tell my parents that they have to stay in a hotel too! Otherwise when they come up they have to camp out in our livingroom and they go to bed at 8pm!!! Then DH and I get stuck in our bedroom for the rest of the night- I am NOT doing that with a newborn!
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Old 06-04-2009, 11:05 AM
 
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I had to send an email to my Mom as well, but it was as kind as I could make it. My parents live 5+ hours away and are well-intentioned. It's just that last time, with my son's birth, they showed up 2 days after the birth and stayed for 4-5 days. My husband was here too, obviously. Then DH went back to work, my parents left, and I had no help at all after the first week. Poor timing.

I really want and need the support of DH for at least a week after this birth, so I've requested that all family stay away until I invite them. I will let them know when I'm ready, depending on how I'm feeling and recovering. My sister was completely understanding. Mom is hurt I can tell, but she won't just show up I don't think. I honestly don't understand why some people think it's their RIGHT to visit immediately after a birth. :

I also like the idea of asking out of town visitors to stay in a hotel. I'll have to think about that one.
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Old 06-04-2009, 11:25 AM
 
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Haha. I wish I could send something like this out. Maybe then everyone would be mad enough at me to stay away anyway? Terrible. They mean well, I suppose.
My first actually did come when everyone wanted him to and I paid for it with nonstop visitors. I've already gotten the, "I'm so glad it's summer so I can come see the baby whenever I want!" comments from ILs (teachers). Uhhhhh. Is that how it works?!
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Old 06-04-2009, 12:29 PM
 
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My mom is coming down Sunday to stay for 2 weeks and I secretly wish I could ask her to stay in a hotel but sadly I can't.. DH is military and we haven't been stationed here that long so I don't know anyone who could care for DS when I go into labor so she is coming down to help and spending a crap ton of money to come so asking her to stay in a hotel might be mean. Luckily my mom is pretty unintrusive most of the time....

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
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Old 06-04-2009, 01:06 PM
 
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I'm DDC....

My MIL actually phoned their entire side of the family to let everyone know when I'm due so they could all plan a trip around it....aarrrrrggggggggg!!! She talks about it being HER grandbaby....wtf, I ain't havin this kid for you woman.

I love your letter and I feel like I could add more to it. My own mom is 5 hours away and my inlaws are in the same town....it sucks. They are so intrusive and silently controlling it's not even funny. I may actually write everyone I know an email and be very diplomatic about saying 'I do not under any circumstances want anyone near me when I give birth and after until I'm good and ready'.

I am totally with you ladies on the privacy issue and bonding time. It's unfair of people to think it's their right to have anything to do with MY family until we are ready.

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Old 06-04-2009, 01:41 PM
 
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Love the letter! I think it's great! Vent away mama! That's what we're here for!

  SAHM CrossFitting mama to DS (6) and DD (3) and surprise #3 due in September!  winner.jpg familybed1.gif homebirth.jpg

 

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Old 06-04-2009, 01:56 PM
 
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Dropping in from July...

I love it! Why do MIL's think you are producing THEIR grandbaby and not YOUR own baby?

Mum to DS1 7/09 and DS2 5/11

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Old 06-04-2009, 04:14 PM
 
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Dude, that letter is hilarious! Thanks so much for sharing and I hope the venting helps you feel a little better. I really don't understand this need people seem to have to see the baby when they're fresh from the womb! It's not like they change that much in the first week and they're certainly not going anywhere. IF I do visit a relative/friend within the first few days of birth its to help them with something-doing the dishes or cooking a meal, not to just see the baby.
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Originally Posted by amandaleigh37 View Post
UGH why do people think they are entitled to see OUR new babies immediately? MIL, on the other hand, lives locally and this still hasn't come up with her (we're having a hb). I know she'll want to come over immediately but I really want at least 24 hours of no visitors. I don't think it's unreasonable at all. They're also taking a vacation at the beginning of July so I am secretly hoping the baby will come while they're gone
Yep, same here...My IM's (the baby's mom) whole family lives locally and while her parents will probably be good about not coming over immediately, her sister (although she's well meaning) would be calling every 10 minutes during labor and come over uninvited whenever she wanted, so yeah, we're just not letting anyone know that I'm in labor. We kind of hope the baby will come at like midnight so they can use that as an excuse for not calling anyone until sometime the next day.


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Dropping in from July...

I love it! Why do MIL's think you are producing THEIR grandbaby and not YOUR own baby?
My (sort of)MIL always refers to my DP's nephew's as HER grandbabies and it irritates the crap out of me. She's lucky that DP and I don't have kids yet or I would have to set her straight!

Trish~mama to Kaelie 5/03 and Amelia 12/13, surro mama to Aidan 2/08 & Ellyss 6/09, 

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Old 06-04-2009, 04:20 PM
 
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If they barge in, I just plan on whipping out my enormous titties (they're 42DDD now, lordy knows what they'll be when the milk comes in!) and squirting breastmilk in their eyes while making my machine gun noises. Then I will laugh like a maniac.

Mama to 2 little darling squooshy faces
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Old 06-04-2009, 04:49 PM
 
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If they barge in, I just plan on whipping out my enormous titties (they're 42DDD now, lordy knows what they'll be when the milk comes in!) and squirting breastmilk in their eyes while making my machine gun noises. Then I will laugh like a maniac.
This post just totally made my day!! Best mental picture ever

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
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Old 06-04-2009, 05:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by pearl2 View Post
If they barge in, I just plan on whipping out my enormous titties (they're 42DDD now, lordy knows what they'll be when the milk comes in!) and squirting breastmilk in their eyes while making my machine gun noises. Then I will laugh like a maniac.
LOL that is awesome

knit.gifsewmachine.gifintactivist.giftreehugger.gif mama to one DS and one DD, equally amazing.
 

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Old 06-04-2009, 05:09 PM
 
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That is funny! I am currently not answering the phone or e-mails asking if I am "still" pregnant. So annoying. I'd like to send a general e-mail in the same vein.

I am 100% sure that when I am a grandma, I will be there as soon as the baby is born! Having grandchildren is what life is all about, and I am pretty sure this is all biologically wired when grandparents get all excited and take ownership right away. As much as I hate to think so, I am going to care far more about my grandbabies than annoying my daughters and daughters-in-law.
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Old 06-04-2009, 07:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by pearl2 View Post
If they barge in, I just plan on whipping out my enormous titties (they're 42DDD now, lordy knows what they'll be when the milk comes in!) and squirting breastmilk in their eyes while making my machine gun noises. Then I will laugh like a maniac.


:

Married to my best friend, expecting #1 6/09. Little angel came early- 4/10/09, 2lbs 5oz. Lilah Grace:
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Old 06-04-2009, 08:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by pearl2 View Post
If they barge in, I just plan on whipping out my enormous titties (they're 42DDD now, lordy knows what they'll be when the milk comes in!) and squirting breastmilk in their eyes while making my machine gun noises. Then I will laugh like a maniac.
OMG! That is SO FUNNY!!! Thanks for making me laugh out loud! I needed it today! And thanks, ladies, for understanding my grouchiness!!!
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Old 06-05-2009, 09:57 AM
 
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I am known to do way crazy over the top things when I am tired or stressed out, and this is totally realistic, too. I mean, doesn't the saying go, Actions speak louder than words? I will use my words first to say, We really need this time to bond as a family, and we look forward to you respecting our wishes. Then when they violate that, because you know they will, I will say, Why are you choosing to disrespect our wishes? And then they will find some liquid in their eyes that is not eyeball juice.

Mama to 2 little darling squooshy faces
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