extended family vent thread - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 8 Old 06-21-2009, 01:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know that I am not the first person to need to vent about extended family, so I thought it might be helpful to have an official thread. Personally, a little venting helps me keep it together IRL.

So, my mother has been here a few days, since baby girl has been 4 days old. Apparently, she thinks we are running a B&B. Her idea of helping is taking pictures of the baby on her i-phone while I do dishes. She has yet to do one load of laundry, make one meal, or change one diaper. Though she did take the older kids to the pool one afternoon, we had to suggest it. Isn't the idea of a visit after baby is born to HELP?! Another person to fix a meal for is not what we need. I seriously think she is crazy. She was pretty much always like this; I just always forget it.

At this point, I am just waiting for her to leave on Tuesday.
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#2 of 8 Old 06-21-2009, 01:16 PM
 
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Wow, how rude!! She should be waiting on you hand and foot while she's there...

Amanda , mama to my two boys: N (10/06) and : A (7/09)
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#3 of 8 Old 06-21-2009, 01:43 PM
 
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Yep. I've been doing laundry, dishes, cooking, etc this whole week while people come and hold the baby...and stay for a few days...and make a bigger mess for ME to clean up. DH, bless his heart, is trying to hold things together, but his home business (which he can't really take a break from because that's our income and we're struggling as it is!) decided to pick up THIS WEEK! I know I should be thankful, but...

My mom is actually doing all the cooking this weekend which is a HUGE help, but she's not very domestic so she doesn't actually do much more than cooking- I do the rest! I've been so great not being emotional this week, but this morning just lost it. Nursing has gone downhill- super engorged, etc and baby is gassy because of my overactive letdown. I just want to snuggle with my baby on my boob in my bed, but alas, I can't. I can't wait for this next week when people won't be coming to visit constantly!

Family can be the worst at not helping!
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#4 of 8 Old 06-22-2009, 11:52 AM
 
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I feel your pain. My mom is helpful - she comes in and sees things to do and does them. She is a total blessing! My in laws, however, bring things over and throw them everywhere, make a huge mess for me to clean up, and leave with DD1 overstimulated and cranky. No matter how many times I ask them to clean their hands before touching my baby, they won't - we have a no shoes policy in the house, yet they always track in dirt and debris and won't take off their shoes...

It's better than dd1's birth though - they brought over 15 pounds of raw meat - chicken, ground beef, steaks, etc. Nice enough, right? Well, they put it on my counter with a bunch of freezer bags and LEFT. By the time I got done nursing dd, there was meat juice dripping down my counter, down the cabinets, into a puddle on the floor and all over the stove. So, with a screaming 4 day old, I had to deal with a salmonella-fest in my kitchen.

This time, I was about 15 minutes done with a massive hemmorage, receiving IV fluids, my butt was hanging out (seriously - FIL saw my rear), and I was shaking and trying to eat food to get my blood sugar regulated...when they walked in unannounced. There is blood on the floor (LOTS), I'm still covered in vernix, hooked up to IV's, and pale as a ghost, and they wander in...AFTER DH told them to PLEASE wait until I got stabilized in recovery. Then proceeded to try to have a conversation with me. Who was irate. And told them they should have waited, because they wanted to hold the baby who had just went to the nursery for her bath. And wouldn't be out until we were in RECOVERY.

If I hadn't lost so much blood, I would have personally escorted them to the door and put my foot where it belonged.



That was cathartic! I'll be back with more this evening, I'm sure!

Just remember...some people are just self-involved and need help seeing that they are not the only people in the world! AND - the dishes can wait. When DH gets to the point where he's eating with his hands like a caveman, maybe he'll get some done!
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#5 of 8 Old 06-22-2009, 05:06 PM
 
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That would be very frustrating. My DH's Grandma is here and I haven't cooked a meal since she arrived in mid-May. That's how it should be! I'm sorry you aren't getting the help you should be getting.

: Mom to a wonderful teen girl, a happy little boy and a cute baby girl
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#6 of 8 Old 06-22-2009, 07:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for listening to me vent. I certainly don't have it as bad as some! If I were you NewMama, I may have refused to see the in-laws for a LONG time. My mom is mostly just annoying, because she showed up acting like a guest when she should be acting like a grandma, KWIM?

I am very grateful to DH--he does a lot. But with 4 pets and 3 kids, there is only so much that one person can do!

I am trying to look at this as a positive learning experience. Now I know exactly what I will do and not do when my little girls have babies someday, i.e. help clean and cook and run errands, and let mamma lie in bed for two weeks. Also, it is good that DH sees what my mom is like. It makes him appreciate the fact that despite having a mother who is lost in her own world (let's not even start of my dad!), I somehow managed to become a competent parent.
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#7 of 8 Old 06-22-2009, 11:46 PM
 
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Ugh. People can be so thick and self-involved sometimes. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, Mama.

Weary SuperMama superhero.gifto my  amazing neurodiverse 6 y.o. DD hearts.gif and to my on-the-go neurotypical 3 y.o. DS wild.gif

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#8 of 8 Old 06-23-2009, 07:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Dropped mom at the airport this morning and put DD on a plane that will take her to sleep-away camp for three weeks. Came home and took a 2-hour nap. DH and DS are totally more relaxed now that my mom is gone. :

I have 10.5 more weeks of maternity leave, and I intend to use it just looking at my baby girl and relaxing with my older kiddos.
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