Anyone else sad this may have been your last baby? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 08-04-2009, 11:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My husband and I waited and had our two girls within the past three years. We are both now 34, and between the size of the house and finances, it does not seem wise to expand our family. I love my girls, and they are more than enough. It's just that, in the past, we had spoken of maybe having three, but now it seems DH is turned off to that. Then once in a while he kind of says something that makes me think maybe we might have a third. If we ever did try for another, I'd ideally give birth at 37 (I like the 3 year age gap)and have a 6 and 3 yr old. It just seems like 3 kids "feels" complete. I don't know. I experienced a VBAC with my daughter who was just born, and it was AMAZING. The thought of never experiencing that again, even with my 3 weeks of postpartum depression both pregnancies...I just loved the experience and can't imagine never holding another newborn until perhaps I'm a grandma! I know my hormones are not 100 percent yet so maybe that's why I have this weird yearning/sadness at the idea. Don't get me wrong, I would never jeopardize my kids adding to the family. If things were going well I think I could handle it just once more. Doesn't help that my awesome OB told me after my delivery "We will probably see you again in another 2 or 3 years...YOU WERE MADE for having babies!" This was after a VBAC (1st daughter breech/36 wks), which was like the BEST thing I could've heard after my first delivery experience. Anyway, ehough of my blabbing. Anyone else have those pangs if they thought they were done and are now having second thoughts? I have found myself actually imagining a name to go with my two girls' names!

Age 37. SAHM to 2 girls, 8/06 Breech C-Section and 5/09 VBAC. Angel at 5 weeks 7/11. Expecting 8/11/12!

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#2 of 20 Old 08-05-2009, 02:41 PM
 
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I don't feel that way now, but I did after my last pg. My daughter is 2 and she was a surrogacy pregnancy so she doesn't live with me. I did however feel like something was missing so I had Shane. I feel a million times better (not that he replaced my daughter, I just felt like I wasn't done having babies in my home) and when I did, I am more then content with what we have now. Of course I had a miserable pg and I went through hell it seems to get him here, so I am more then happy to be done for good. But you don't feel done yet, don't do anything perminant, you never know what the future will hold.
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#3 of 20 Old 08-05-2009, 05:36 PM
 
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I feel this way too. We had always planned for two kids, the end. We both come from two child families so I guess we just assumed. BUT but but!! I keep thinking about how it would be nice to (eventually) have three. We probably won't though because we don't have the money and probably never will.
I know what you mean about the idea of never experiencing a great birth again being upsetting. I didn't have a VBAC but I had a UC after my first being a crappy hospital birth and it was probably the best experience of my life. Of course I want to do it again!
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#4 of 20 Old 08-05-2009, 08:17 PM
 
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I go back and forth. I still haven't decided if I'm done, but I'm leaning towards being done and it does make me a little sad. I really do love this newborn stage and am sad to think I may never experience it again. But life with a toddler and a newborn has opened my eyes and having 3 kids is harder than I ever imagined it would be. I'm not sure I could add a 4th and still be the mother I want to be. I'm struggling with that as it is right now.

: Mom to a wonderful teen girl, a happy little boy and a cute baby girl
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#5 of 20 Old 08-05-2009, 11:48 PM
 
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Nope!

I'm 42 (as of a week ago) and my DH is 52 and we have a 3bdr house. We're tired, I'm running out of eggs, and our house is full. We have 2 perfect kids (to us anyway....), so we're happy. We didn't want DS to be an only...and now he's not. I think having kids later in life has really made this decision MUCH easier.

I've even started piling stuff up to sell. Our little chunka is already in 3-6mo. clothing and we can start getting rid of stuff, like the bottle warmer, soon. It feels good to finally start clearing stuff out of the house after storing it and staring at the piles for the past 5 years.

FTR, DH hasn't seen the urologist yet....but he will be a patient by the end of the year.

Shannon & Paul...married since 2000. Parents to Alexander Paul Martin - 30 October, 2003 Grace Elizabeth Maile - 12 June, 2009
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#6 of 20 Old 08-06-2009, 12:58 AM
 
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YES! We had our sixth June 8th and I can't really believe it's our last. My husband says its up to me, but I am already wanting another one. I really enjoy being pregnant and being a Mom. We think kids are such a joy and blessing. I just don't feel ready to say "no more". I feel like I should be open to whoever needs to come to our family. I am 37 and everyone says I am "too old", but I am not so sure . . . .
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#7 of 20 Old 08-06-2009, 02:24 AM
 
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Me too! I was totally convinced during my pregnancy that I was done, done, done! Minutes after my son's birth in June I said, I could do this again . I really thought that I didn't want anymore, but now I'm not so sure. I don't want to rule out the idea of having another, but am not 100% sure that we can make it work with a third. Only time will tell I guess. But I do get sad when I think that I might never experience the whole newborn, new baby thing again.
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#8 of 20 Old 08-06-2009, 07:48 PM
 
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I'm actually at the opposite. I want a second, maybe a third, but Evie was really hard to come by. I suffered through 2 years of infertility and at least 3 early miscarriages before her, and she was a very hard pregnancy. If I never get pregnant again, I think I'll be fine. We've already decided that if it doesn't happen our family's complete. Of course I'm on my period and certain I ovulated beforehand, so who knows....

Ashley, Pagan treehugger.gif mama to E (6/09) and my beautiful hbac.gif baby T (4/3/12)
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#9 of 20 Old 08-07-2009, 01:15 PM
 
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I'm quite happy with my 2 little ones. I don't want more. I don't want to be pregnant ever again and I don't want to be this tired and stretched thin ever again. I love my kids and am very happy with both DD, who is a very busy preschooler, and with DS, who is a very mellow baby.

DH and I feel that this is a good number for our family. We're both getting older - he's 41 and I'm 38. Pregnancy was really hard on my body this last time and I don't think I have it in me to handle another one. Plus, we're tired and the floor is hard and our joints are achy after playing. We have trouble keeping up with our preschooler now. How we're going to handle DS once he gets mobile and busy will be an interesting story.

Weary SuperMama superhero.gifto my  amazing neurodiverse 6 y.o. DD hearts.gif and to my on-the-go neurotypical 3 y.o. DS wild.gif

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#10 of 20 Old 08-07-2009, 10:27 PM
 
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I feel pretty contented, I definitely wasn't comfortable before this pregnancy that the previous one might have been my last, so deep down I was glad to get pregnant accidently. Emotionally this pregnancy was very hard, but my birth experience (planned c-section), was wonderful and very healing for me.

I wasn't quite ready to say tie my tubes, even though I fully intend this to be my last, so I got a Mirena IUD fitted a couple of weeks ago.

I'm 29, have 3 kids, who can tell at this stage where life will take us, maybe in 5 or even 10 years time we'll decide we weren't done, so thank goodness for long term contraceptive options.

Anne, Christian mummy to Nathanael 05/28/03, Ada 06/10/05, Grace 05/24/09
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#11 of 20 Old 08-09-2009, 12:16 AM
 
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ugh... dunno.

In a way, I want another baby. I think it's more for actually getting to have a "normal" pregnancy without the last 7 weeks in the NICU? I have had to make a conscious effort to not allow myself to be bitter about not having the pregnancy I wanted. In reality, life turned out okay.

BUT- sometimes I find myself thinking that there is no way I would ever want to repeat this experience. So, I'm really on the fence. If I could know that I wouldn't have PIH/PreE and it would be a healthy baby (VBAC- or I'd even settle for C/S), then I would be inclined to say... hook me up, honey.

The fear of a repeat performance is enough to make me hesitant.

I dont' know. It's a kind of emotional topic for me. I guess when I'm done, I'll know. So if you just don't feel done yet, you probably aren't. And when you get to that point, don't you think your inner voice will just tell you? I'm hoping so for me.

'night, ladies.

Married to my best friend, expecting #1 6/09. Little angel came early- 4/10/09, 2lbs 5oz. Lilah Grace:
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#12 of 20 Old 08-09-2009, 04:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by musiclady View Post
ugh... dunno.

I dont' know. It's a kind of emotional topic for me. I guess when I'm done, I'll know. So if you just don't feel done yet, you probably aren't. And when you get to that point, don't you think your inner voice will just tell you? I'm hoping so for me.

'night, ladies.

It does tell you. Mine said "woman, you are CRAZY if you think you are ever getting pg again" LOL. For me it is more about being pg. I don't want to experience that again. I would take in foster kids, but I can't ever ever ever be pg again.
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#13 of 20 Old 08-09-2009, 07:50 PM
 
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I'm sad though I don't really think about it much. It will really hit me once she gets to preschool though LOL.

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#14 of 20 Old 08-10-2009, 08:49 PM
 
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I'm 25 and just had my third on July 1st. When I was pregnant I was pretty sure I was done. I definitely don't like being pregnant. But like SeattlePisces, the second my son was born I already wanted another one. I makes me sad to think I may not experience another amazing water birth and the whole newborn stage again. I told my husband maybe in 5-10 years we can have another one.

Happily married and unschooling 5 kiddos. Oct. 2004, July, 2007, July, 2009, Oct. 2010, Nov. 2012 
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#15 of 20 Old 08-11-2009, 07:22 PM
 
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I had know idea how I would feel about it after the birth of this one, and entertained the idea of trying for a girl.. but now that I've given birth, I feel pretty satisfied with 2. I had a wonderful healing birth that can't be topped, IMO.. so I think if I want to have a little girl we are open to adoption instead.

ETA- to answer the orig question- I am a little sad Oliver is probably my last, but I am hopeful to maybe adopt and am happy about that.

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#16 of 20 Old 08-11-2009, 08:44 PM
 
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I definitely wnat more, and I always knew that I wanted mre than three. This pregnancy and birth being so wonderful only pushed that further. BUT at the same time, I never thought I would get to have Bette (#3), so I spent this pg thinking that she was the last ( biologically at least). I am incredibly grateful to have these three, and right now, I def. can't handle more, but I also can't help but imagine having a 4th...and maybe 5th.
DH is all about having a 4th, just not biologically. He has a dream of foster-adopting a little boy someday- but this would be a while off. I'm all on board for that too, but I can't help but want to get to give birth just one more time. So yeah, I totally get it. I am trying not to be too focused on it, after all, I have three little one's to occupy my time...but I almost feel like I have a ghost child- like I will always feel like someone is missing if I never have another child....I just wonder if I would ever feel "done". Poor DH...
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#17 of 20 Old 08-31-2009, 10:30 PM
 
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Funny you should post this question as I was putting away a few outfits my 9wk old has grown out of last night. Hubby said "Is it time to sell them on ebay?" A pain went through me, I just can't envisage stopping. Can't bring myself to give anything away. I look at my little man & think "This just can't be the last time I ever go through this stage with a child". My problem is I just love EVERY stage. I love them as babies, as toddlers, as schoolers, as teenagers. It's all sooo good. BUT I am 38 & I have had 5 kids. I'm wondering if it is time to move on in life & do other things. Hubby & I talk of different things we'll do "when the kids are gone" & if I keep having babies I'll be 70 before that happens! I think DH is ready to stop but he always says it's up to me. This last pregnancy I threw up everyday from the begining until the day I gave birth so throughout it i was sure I was done - but I barely remember the discomfort of it now. Mmmmm, what to do?

Peace loving VEGAN Crunchymumma to praying for another real soon!
Wake up! There's a slice of VEAL in every glass of milk!
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#18 of 20 Old 09-01-2009, 03:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by susumama View Post
Hubby said "Is it time to sell them on ebay?" A pain went through me, I just can't envisage stopping. Can't bring myself to give anything away. I look at my little man & think "This just can't be the last time I ever go through this stage with a child".
EXACTLY!!! My hubby said that yesterday about our babysling! That pain shoots through you! Oh my, I understand. And the bitty clothes she got passed from her sister...seems like days ago I was packing them away, sad that my first was growing, but knowing there would be a
next time". This time, it is unbearable thinking of packing them away to stumble across when she is 20 and away at school (choke!) or selling them.

Age 37. SAHM to 2 girls, 8/06 Breech C-Section and 5/09 VBAC. Angel at 5 weeks 7/11. Expecting 8/11/12!

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#19 of 20 Old 09-02-2009, 05:45 AM
 
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I haven't been able to read all the replies, but since I"m currently going through a divorce and have no idea if I will ever meet someone who wants more than my 3 boys, I'm really sad. I believe in the Quiverful ideals of having "as many as God blesses me with" but am not willing to adopt to have more. I am considering becoming a surrogate sometime in the future though!

Akie, single mom to M (02/18/06), E (08/04/07) and Z (06/22/09)
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#20 of 20 Old 09-02-2009, 12:06 PM
 
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I haven't been able to read all the replies, but since I"m currently going through a divorce and have no idea if I will ever meet someone who wants more than my 3 boys, I'm really sad. I believe in the Quiverful ideals of having "as many as God blesses me with" but am not willing to adopt to have more. I am considering becoming a surrogate sometime in the future though!
I am sure you will find someone who loves you, the boys and may want more. I did. As for the surrogacy stuff, when you are closer to thinking about it, come talk to me. Surrogacy isn't always what its cracked up to be.
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