and of course, here i am on a better day, still PAK...
i have always figured that when it was time to transition to formula, i would "know." until that point, i refused to discuss the issue with those "well meaning" people (my mom) who tried to go out of her way to tell me how great i have done and that i should just go ahead and move on.... ugh. she never BF, so I know she doesn't get it. so many things just didn't go as planned that i think it's the one thing i really wanted to try to control.
well.. that's working well, huh? i just don't think that i should have to give up the hope of establishing that BF routine simply bc I went back to work. two truths: the BF is rocky anyway AND life would undoubtedly be easier w/o pumping. $70/mo for pump. only slightly less $$ than formula (which we are buying anyway).
i'm probably being selfish. and unrealistic. i don't know how i think i can pump on saturday competitions that last all day. and my head is literally begging for sudafed.
yes, functioning on too little sleep. thank God she sleeps thru the night. guess He figured anything less truly was more than we could handle. and being out in the hot SC sun is draining. started taking the prenatal vites again. figured i needed some defense against getting sick, tired, or run down.
i guess the whole bf/formula/quit or keep EP is a discussion DH and i will have soon. he is supportive of trying to make it work. he ordered me the dom. and i got several months worth- thinking if i could make it thru the season, we'd be ok... so what do i do with that? can't return it. not like i'm going to pilfer it on ebay....
but on a good note, we had an excellent rehearsal today. it was a very fulfilling work day. I needed that. and dh took me and lilah out for mexican. YUM! then a quick trip to WM and i got plenty of water for tomorrow. at least i didn't have some emotional crisis with buying formula.
today i pumped enough to keep her halfway thru the day. better than nothing.
anywho... thanks for ltting me vent. she is such a sweet little baby. when she smiles at me and coos, it just melts my heart.