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#121 of 279 Old 12-23-2008, 01:32 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BlissfullyLoving View Post
Wow, that is a horrible thing for someone to say to you! :
I know, right? I made her feel pretty bad, though. She's only 22, though, and very... blond. For lack of a better term.

Mara, mama to two boys born 05/2009 and 04/2011, after four miscarriages. 

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#122 of 279 Old 12-23-2008, 02:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I forgot to add this, maybe because I've given my brain time to process it and a lightbulb went off...

My MIL is going CRAZY, I mean, CRAZY that we are not finding out the sex. She has asked us now TWICE that we "have the doctor see and then have the doctor call me so that you all won't know but I will."

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH no you nutty batlady. No. First of all, for the millionth time, there IS no doctor involved at all. She is a midwife. And secondly, you will just have to be patient! HAHAHHA

This gives me such a secret joy that this is the one thing I/we are in total control over (making the baby) that she has no say on it. Wedding planning 8 months ago was SO stressful with her trying to get her hands on everything. Dh is her only child, the only son, and this is the first grandchild/greatgrandchild, so I just LOVE being in control from the get-go.

Can't wait to see what the holidays serve up for all those extended families coming to your house or you going to theirs!! I'll be watching this thread!

eta they live in the same town as us, so they'll be a HUGE part of our lives! They're not bad people...just, uh, REALLY different from us.

Mama to 2 little darling squooshy faces
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#123 of 279 Old 12-23-2008, 02:37 PM
 
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Pearl, so sorry you're dealing with this. I have to say stories like that make me glad that my husband is #4 of 6 and this is going to be the 6th grandkid. His parents became so laid back after raising 3 girls that there's no pressure on us at all. They were happy to just show up at the wedding

Ashley, Pagan treehugger.gif mama to E (6/09) and my beautiful hbac.gif baby T (4/3/12)
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#124 of 279 Old 12-23-2008, 11:15 PM
 
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Ah, I hope it's okay to put this here. We told my Dad tonight about the baby. I love him so much and just wish he could be happy for us is all I can say about that. Hopefully he will come around in a couple of weeks. It just hurts my feelings that not all of my family is as excited as we are! I know our parents just love us and worry about us, but we are adults (late 30s, early 40s) with five other kids and are just growing our beautiful family. The good thing is all the family is always happy once the baby gets here! I just wish they could be happy when we tell them one is on the way!
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#125 of 279 Old 12-24-2008, 02:25 AM
 
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Ah, I hope it's okay to put this here. We told my Dad tonight about the baby. I love him so much and just wish he could be happy for us is all I can say about that. Hopefully he will come around in a couple of weeks. It just hurts my feelings that not all of my family is as excited as we are! I know our parents just love us and worry about us, but we are adults (late 30s, early 40s) with five other kids and are just growing our beautiful family. The good thing is all the family is always happy once the baby gets here! I just wish they could be happy when we tell them one is on the way!
Sorry they are not more supportive.
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#126 of 279 Old 12-24-2008, 05:05 AM
 
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Not so much a comment, as total stupidity - who on earth would think it's a good idea to bring home a person suffering some unknow gastro-instestinal distress to a house with a single toilet? My idiot housemate brought her boyfriend home from midnight shopping because he started puking. Didn't go to his house where he lives with his parents, TO OUR HOUSE. The one with a single toilet, that I have to use, that he spent all night puking and pooping (loudly) in. Never mind the MU and I were both working in the morning, and it was his birthday today. That's far too much thought and consideration.

And then they don't even clean it - not that there's a mess, but I'm not chancing catching whatever it is without someone disinfecting it, and she still won't wash up either. I'm over this and kicking her out.
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#127 of 279 Old 12-24-2008, 07:29 PM
 
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Beware: I must vent!

I know a lot of people have posted this, but I am seriously getting sick of people asking me if I got pregnant on purpose. I just find that so inappropriate on so many levels.

Do ask a non-pregnant person about their birth control practices?

What about me says I had an "accident?"

And some people are so specific--like were you trying? I never know how to answer. The truth is, I wasn't paying attention to anything related to fertility. I just figured if we didn't try to prevent a pregnancy, and we occasionally had sex, I'd eventually get pregnant, but isn't that a little TMI?

How are you supposed to answer that stuff politely?
Why be polite? I usually just ignore this question now. It's getting old - esp since I'm also the overly organized well planned one in our family. Sigh.
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#128 of 279 Old 12-26-2008, 04:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just look at them and say calmly with a little glimmer in your eye,

"Why? Were YOU an accident?" Then smile sweetly. HAHhahahahah

Quote:
She has asked us now TWICE that we "have the doctor see and then have the doctor call me so that you all won't know but I will."
SHE SAID IT AGAIN!!! at the Christmas Eve dinner to my parents. They hosted my entire immediate family, which was nice, and I had told my mom about this comment. My mom kicked me under the table and we tried SO HARD not to laugh. Yay for my mom!

Mama to 2 little darling squooshy faces
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#129 of 279 Old 12-26-2008, 04:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by pearl2 View Post
SHE SAID IT AGAIN!!! at the Christmas Eve dinner to my parents. They hosted my entire immediate family, which was nice, and I had told my mom about this comment. My mom kicked me under the table and we tried SO HARD not to laugh. Yay for my mom!
I just love that she is so tortured by this-- that she is so controlling (or would-be controlling) as to want the doctor to call HER about the sex of YOUR baby.

Mara, mama to two boys born 05/2009 and 04/2011, after four miscarriages. 

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#130 of 279 Old 12-26-2008, 04:14 PM
 
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I had to do that thing, where you see your midwife's OB/GYN for one visit, just as procedure. He looked me over and frowned a lot and said "You're not one of those women whose going to try to have one of those WATER BIRTHS, are you?"

ahahaha, sigh.

His tone was very sneering. I was like "I don't know, I go real quick when I give birth. That might be too fussy for me. Realistically, I just want somewhere to drop this kid."

Which, luckily, made him smile and he warmed up to me. And said that he expected I should have a normal, vaginal birth.

When I told my midwife what happened, she was shocked! I guess he tells more than 75% of her clients that they should just have c-sections and stop fooling themselves! In spite of the sneeringness, I guess I got off easy!
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#131 of 279 Old 12-26-2008, 04:17 PM
 
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Oh! One more, the WORST thing a friend said to me this pregnancy. I was so excited to be pregnant and told her I thought I was, before we could even take the test to make sure. I was feeling sleepier and my breasts were tender. So I was all excited and told her I was pregnant.

And her reaction? She groaned and said "Great, I'm moving to LA next month and NOW you get pregnant. Who is going to hang out with me and go to shows?"

I was like "Wow, way to be supportive about my LIFE CHANGE, jackass."
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#132 of 279 Old 12-26-2008, 06:15 PM
 
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A family friend of my DH's asked me the other day if the baby was planned. She seemed shocked when I said yes. She said, "I would have thought you would have waited until Rachael was older." Rachael will be 2 1/2 when the baby is born, and I've always wanted my kids 2-3 years apart. She never even bothered congratulating me.

Erin~ Mommy to 3 curly-headed children and expecting #4 in December. ***4***8***12**16***20***24***28***32***36***40**
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#133 of 279 Old 12-26-2008, 07:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by RachaelsMommy View Post
A family friend of my DH's asked me the other day if the baby was planned. She seemed shocked when I said yes. She said, "I would have thought you would have waited until Rachael was older." Rachael will be 2 1/2 when the baby is born, and I've always wanted my kids 2-3 years apart. She never even bothered congratulating me.
That's so weird, because 2 1/2 years is exactly perfect... speaking from personal sibling experience.

Mara, mama to two boys born 05/2009 and 04/2011, after four miscarriages. 

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#134 of 279 Old 12-28-2008, 11:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just love that she is so tortured by this-- that she is so controlling (or would-be controlling) as to want the doctor to call HER about the sex of YOUR baby.
AUUUUGGHHHH
She said this YET AGAIN at another family gathering (Thank GOD THE LAST ONE)! I finally said something to her, and said, "Wow, this really tears you up, doesn't it! Why do you really need to know before it's born?" I had to play nice and sweet since the whole family was around. She made ANOTHER girl comment! I said, "Well, I hope you still love it if it's a boy." That seemed to shut her up. Now she can have something to talk about with her tennis playing lunching ladies about how I am a saucy, insubordinate DIL.

Now that the holidays are over, I'm DONE with her for as long as possible. There are some other stupid issues that don't involve a baby, and dh (her ONLY son and child to boot) said that she was a mean b*tch and we just needed to ignore her for awhile.

She HAS to control everything or feel like she has control. When she does not, she gets crazy. Nothing I ever do or say will be good enough, and she's constantly running to her friends for approval. It was like this during the wedding planning, and it's just the way it will be the rest of my life. I just have to be the bigger person and until then figure out what exactly that looks like.

On the other hand, the other relatives were VERY kind to me, offering me seats, to get me water, etc.


My brother and I are 2 years, 2 months, and 2 days apart. That was a great sibling spacing!

Mama to 2 little darling squooshy faces
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#135 of 279 Old 12-29-2008, 07:24 PM
 
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We never ended up doing our Christmas picture with all the kids doing various things we didn't have a chance to get everyone together. I did get a creative way to tell my mom though.

She IM'd me and told me she was setting up a digital picture frame that my dad got her for Christmas. She asked me to IM her a few pictures of the kids. One of the ones I sent was the 12 week u/s. Her response (through my brother who was really setting up the frame, and was on her IM acct.) was, "I can't afford to raise another kid!"

My response, "I guess it's a good thing no one's asking you to! Like you've raised any of my other children...bitch!"

Okay, I was a little pissed. But come on! Be a little supportive why don't you?!?

OTOH, my MIL you could hear through the phone, "OMG OMG OMG!!! Congratulations!!! We're so thrilled!" We just snapped a pic of the two younger kids in front of the tree, having the 5 yo (the baby) wear her "Big Sister June '09" shirt, and texted it to her. That was her response after seeing the pic while on the phone with my dh.

My mom has called a couple of times after that and reiterated how much she thinks that this is a bad idea and that we are quite irresponsible since we're already paying for one child's college tuition and will have another in college in a year and a half. It's not like we live extravagantly and the kids know they have to have a job to help pay their tuition and books. They can go to college close to home (we live close to the UW and Seattle University and just lots of colleges where they won't have to pay for dorm living). Gah, my mom bugs the hell out of me!

The thing is, I was happy that this baby is due at the end of June because my mom is a public school teacher and she could possibly be here for the birth this time. She was at my 3rd child's birth since dh was on a business trip, and she talks about how special it was, etc. She was also at my first two kids' births but not there "solely". She couldn't be here for the younger two because they were born in Sept., and that's right at the beginning of the school year in CA. So I told her that I was mad at her reaction and didn't want her anywhere near the birth of this baby.
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#136 of 279 Old 12-29-2008, 08:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I wouldn't want her near there either! The crazy thing is, that I bet she will be whining come end of June when you are very clear about her not attending!

Mama to 2 little darling squooshy faces
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#137 of 279 Old 12-30-2008, 06:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by pearl2 View Post
AUUUUGGHHHH
She said this YET AGAIN at another family gathering (Thank GOD THE LAST ONE)! I finally said something to her, and said, "Wow, this really tears you up, doesn't it! Why do you really need to know before it's born?" I had to play nice and sweet since the whole family was around. She made ANOTHER girl comment! I said, "Well, I hope you still love it if it's a boy." That seemed to shut her up. Now she can have something to talk about with her tennis playing lunching ladies about how I am a saucy, insubordinate DIL.

Now that the holidays are over, I'm DONE with her for as long as possible. There are some other stupid issues that don't involve a baby, and dh (her ONLY son and child to boot) said that she was a mean b*tch and we just needed to ignore her for awhile.

She HAS to control everything or feel like she has control. When she does not, she gets crazy. Nothing I ever do or say will be good enough, and she's constantly running to her friends for approval. It was like this during the wedding planning, and it's just the way it will be the rest of my life. I just have to be the bigger person and until then figure out what exactly that looks like.

On the other hand, the other relatives were VERY kind to me, offering me seats, to get me water, etc.


My brother and I are 2 years, 2 months, and 2 days apart. That was a great sibling spacing!
This sounds all too familiar
I think we are done being around my MIL until after the baby comes, if not longer. (perhaps when she gets some tact? Ha!)

Emily Wife to Luke and Mama to: Violet 9-20-05 Fletcher 12-20-07 : and Owen 7-03-09
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#138 of 279 Old 12-31-2008, 11:47 AM
 
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For me it's my mom- she's more like that.

Like we went in to have an ultrasound (full family) by a family friend (off the clock) and she totally ended up over the lady's shoulder, looking at the screen and talking to the lady. She just wasn't satisfied until the lady said, "are you a nurse?" Guess she has some weird need to be recognized. Yes, she is a nurse. Big fat deal. I'm the pregnant one on the table, the baby is in my tummy, pay attention to me.

She also has invited herself MORE THAN ONCE to come down on 1/13 when we have the anatomy u/s with my dr. Well, I didn't invite her. I dont' want her here. I "get" that she's excited and wants to be a part, but she doesn't "get" that she's being way too pushy, stepping on me and DH, and just trying to take it over.

She's like that. Anything that I or my sister do, she has to do too- just so hers can be bigger/better. I dont' think it's a conscious thing, but it's annoying as heck.

Case- I started making jewelry about 8 years ago. Then she decides about 7 years ago that she's going to make jewelry too. Only she doesn't work anymore and has WAY more time to devote, plus more "extra" money to use fancy stuff, so of course hers is much more gaudy than anything I could make. It's pretty, but it was mine first.

Then my sister is the scrapbook queen. Seriously. So, she was going to make me a book of the pregnancy. Guess who swoops in? Yep, mom. So now my mom who has NEVER scrapbooked before is out spending tons of money to scrapbook me a pg book. It really annoyed my sister. And it's going to be so way over the top that I'm not going to be able to enjoy looking at it.

So my solution? I told my sister at cmas- if you were going to make me a belly book, please go ahead and make it. I will enjoy yours much more and I'd really rather have one by you. I won't be able to look at hers without thinking, "She took this from my sister."

So, in the end, I have TWO books. But my sister still gets to follow her passion.

Talk about annoying.

And if she invites herself again, I will just have to say NO. I already did the: it's at 8am on tuesday, we dont' have anywhere for you to stay, i have to go back to school right afterward, and it's just really busy. All that was ignored. So, if it comes to it, I guess I'll just be blunt and say NO. I dont' look at it as being rude. I look at it more like: if you don't open your mouth, you don't have to put your foot in it. So, maybe she should just wait to be invited in the future.

Wow. turned into a rant. Sorry.

Married to my best friend, expecting #1 6/09. Little angel came early- 4/10/09, 2lbs 5oz. Lilah Grace:
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#139 of 279 Old 12-31-2008, 11:48 AM
 
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And like who wants to heap this on a hormonal woman? Are these ladies serious? You heap this kind of stuff on a pregnant woman and you just really don't know what will come back your way.

Living dangerously.

Married to my best friend, expecting #1 6/09. Little angel came early- 4/10/09, 2lbs 5oz. Lilah Grace:
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#140 of 279 Old 01-01-2009, 07:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree. Do not act surprised if one of us uses the tools of our trades to inflict some serious damage (for you, I'm guessing a heavy music stand; for me, a maybe a stabby red pen and a stapler used in essay writing).

You think that we both deal with high schoolers all day that we have anything left to deal with mother figures!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAH

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#141 of 279 Old 01-01-2009, 07:43 PM
 
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Oh, yeah- my kids know better. And it's not just restricted to them- they know better than to do anything that would make me call their mom. At least I get the good kids (mostly) and I get to keep them for four years.

Let's see... hmm... maybe I could find a sabre or rifle in the color guard closet???

I am really enjoying break but I'm sort of ready to go back to school. Then I'll be ready for a break again... At least I'm due on graduation day.

Can't you just see all the faculty and students processing to "Pomp and Circumstance" while I have a contraction and speed up the tempo ridiculously?

Na- we planned well to be done in June. Enjoy your summer!

Married to my best friend, expecting #1 6/09. Little angel came early- 4/10/09, 2lbs 5oz. Lilah Grace:
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#142 of 279 Old 01-18-2009, 03:30 AM
 
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Holy cow do I have to revive this thread!

I was at our gaelic football AGM today talking to some friends I haven't seen for awhile. I was joking with one of them that I really hope this baby has my head not my dh's (rather large) head.

She said no, the baby would have dh's head for sure, and based on that she's predicting a c-section! I had no idea what to say.

Later in the conversation, as I was telling the same two friends that my Mom claims that she didn't find labour particularly bad, both of them said that she was lying! :

Carlin blowkiss.gif - loving life with DH guitar.gif and 2 amazing daughtersenergy.gifbaby.gif

 

 

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#143 of 279 Old 01-18-2009, 09:26 AM
 
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I don't think I posted this yet.

For christmas, my MIL gave us a box of condems!! Lovely huh. She is most put out that we "have decided to make another baby and add more stress."

SCREW HER!!

nurse, mama, doula-in-training to J-14, J-13, S-7, S-4, and P-2(born at home)
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#144 of 279 Old 01-18-2009, 02:20 PM
 
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I know that it's not supposed to be funny that your MIL gave you condoms for Christmas but it's cracking me up. Maybe you could blow them up and decorate them and hang them outside your house after you have the baby. Make sure to send her a picture.
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#145 of 279 Old 01-18-2009, 02:39 PM
 
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I know that it's not supposed to be funny that your MIL gave you condoms for Christmas but it's cracking me up. Maybe you could blow them up and decorate them and hang them outside your house after you have the baby. Make sure to send her a picture.
sneaky and funny solution.

Maybe you could buy your MIL a roll of duct tape...

Married to my best friend, expecting #1 6/09. Little angel came early- 4/10/09, 2lbs 5oz. Lilah Grace:
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#146 of 279 Old 01-18-2009, 02:42 PM
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I saw a different doctor the other day at my appointment instead of my regular doctor. At first I liked her even though I wasn't pleased about seeing her, and then she opened her mouth about the vbac I'm planning. She started in about how she assumed I would be having a routine c-section because my son was a c-section, and that they don't typically allow vbacs because it is a family practice. She also told me how dangerous it would be since my uterus is not strong anymore and some other crap I can't remember. I told her that my regular doctor was fully supporting me attempting a vbac and that was my plan. It didn't shut up her up but she said she would "follow up with Dr R about what's going on so he can let you know." *sigh* Way to be supportive, thanks a lot.
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#147 of 279 Old 01-18-2009, 03:06 PM
 
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I saw a different doctor the other day at my appointment instead of my regular doctor. At first I liked her even though I wasn't pleased about seeing her, and then she opened her mouth about the vbac I'm planning. She started in about how she assumed I would be having a routine c-section because my son was a c-section, and that they don't typically allow vbacs because it is a family practice. She also told me how dangerous it would be since my uterus is not strong anymore and some other crap I can't remember. I told her that my regular doctor was fully supporting me attempting a vbac and that was my plan. It didn't shut up her up but she said she would "follow up with Dr R about what's going on so he can let you know." *sigh* Way to be supportive, thanks a lot.
I'd switch docs or find a midwife. How frustrating! : You can totally have a VBAC! I had a VBA2C 15 months ago w/NO ISSUES!

happyhippimama...she seriously gave you a box of condoms? Oh my!!!!

My grandmother told me my last pregnancy "You are ruining your life!" She doesn't believe in having kids b/c she had 6 and had a horrible experience being a mother! So, I am 20 wks and my family has no idea I am pregnant again! Hee Hee
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#148 of 279 Old 01-18-2009, 03:27 PM
 
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My MIL thought she was being cute. : I don;t think so. She laughed and DH did a little. I did not. I looked away. I thought it was rude. I would never do that. I guess it may be different if we had a relationship with her like that. Plus, I know why she did it. She thinks we are nutso for having another kid. (we do take care of our own kids and do not ask anyone for anything. she just "is owrried.) BLAH!!

nurse, mama, doula-in-training to J-14, J-13, S-7, S-4, and P-2(born at home)
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#149 of 279 Old 01-18-2009, 05:32 PM
 
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Originally Posted by happyhippimama View Post
My MIL thought she was being cute. : I don;t think so. She laughed and DH did a little. I did not. I looked away. I thought it was rude. I would never do that. I guess it may be different if we had a relationship with her like that. Plus, I know why she did it. She thinks we are nutso for having another kid. (we do take care of our own kids and do not ask anyone for anything. she just "is owrried.) BLAH!!
I still vote for duct tape.

It was rude, no matter how you slice it. Sometimes even when people "mean" to be funny, it falls far short of the mark. Now if my best friend bought me a box of condoms, chances are that I'd laugh about it, threaten to poke a hole in each one and return the box to her. But my MIL? I think you did an excellent job of not going buck wild on her.

I get the "is everything okay?" question from my mother. Like really, is there something that isn't supposed to be okay just because I'm pregnant? :

You can always tell her that her comments of being "worried" are really starting to offend you and she should keep it to herself.

Married to my best friend, expecting #1 6/09. Little angel came early- 4/10/09, 2lbs 5oz. Lilah Grace:
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#150 of 279 Old 01-18-2009, 09:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by happyhippimama View Post
My MIL thought she was being cute. : I don;t think so. She laughed and DH did a little. I did not. I looked away. I thought it was rude. I would never do that. I guess it may be different if we had a relationship with her like that. Plus, I know why she did it. She thinks we are nutso for having another kid. (we do take care of our own kids and do not ask anyone for anything. she just "is owrried.) BLAH!!
Maybe you could explain to her that, now that you *are* pregnant, you can no longer *get* pregnant, and have no need for her condoms... Or, just ask her straight out, "You know we got pregnant again ON PURPOSE, right? If we wanted condoms we know where to buy them! We were hoping and planning for another child." (Whether you honestly were or not-- it's not her business!)

Mara, mama to two boys born 05/2009 and 04/2011, after four miscarriages. 

Also: chicken3.gif  dog2.gif

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