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#1 of 279 Old 11-02-2008, 01:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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As we choose to tell people around us about our "news," people will open their mouths and who knows what will spill out of it.

I have not really been telling too many people at work. I figured most of them could just figure it out themselves in "due" time (harhar). I did tell a girl I carpool with--you know, just in case I have to puke or something--and she asked if it was a secret. I said I wasn't going to advertise it, but she could use discretion in sharing it. She told a mutual friend of ours. I ran into her in the copy room on Friday. She congratulated me, we made small talk, and then she said:

"Wow! I can't believe how much you are showing already!"
Um, for the record, I've lost three pounds since I found out! I am not even really *that* big to begin with!! Anyway, I know she meant the best, so I stuck out my belly and said, "I know, right?" and went hahahah all the way out the door.

I did also tell the maid of honor in my wedding (we got married 6 months ago). It's the sort of situation where we are sort of on the outs with the friendship, but not in a fighting way (just growing apart naturally). We have a very long history of her just being so negative to the point of me slowly trying to limit contact, because there's not much worth saving in the friendship, unfortunately. However, I do call her from time to time, and figured this was a decent piece of news to share, trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. She has known before I was even engaged to my husband that he was absolutely the one I wanted to have children with and that we wanted to start a family right away. After I told her and she did the congratulations thing, she said, "Well, in my opinion, I really think you guys should have waited longer before you started having children." I said, very snarkily, "Waiting for what? For it to be more convenient on YOUR timetable?" Honestly, we've done everything we've wanted to do together--seen lots of concerts, traveled all around the country, etc. She did apologize later on, and I candidly told her that she should just keep those future opinions to herself! That's the last she really hears me say much about the baby!

I'd love to hear what dumb things people have said to you. I know that most of the time they're probably just trying to mean well or make small talk, but this has potential of getting more awesome by the day.

Mama to 2 little darling squooshy faces
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#2 of 279 Old 11-02-2008, 02:11 AM
 
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a few of the women we told in our families said "oh, so you have to wean dd now!" i was like "um, no, actually, i don't". "but dd will steal all of your nutrients and leave none for the new baby!". i explained that it didn't work that way, but it amazed me as to how many people thought that you couldn't nurse during pregnancy.
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#3 of 279 Old 11-02-2008, 02:43 AM
 
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Well we just shared the news with my family today and it wasn't tooooo bad. Everyone was very excited and happy and there were happy tears, and then I was immediately asked "you aren't going to homebirth are you? I sure hope not!"

blllllllleh.

So I just said "yes we are and if you have any reservations at all you need to keep them to yourself. I don't need it. Period."

Erin sharing life with a burly husband and two rad boys 7/06 & 5/09 : : Zone 9-ish
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#4 of 279 Old 11-02-2008, 03:41 AM
 
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We've had a few people (including MIL, FIL, and SIL) ask if it was an accident. They did it in a fairly nice way, but still... I mean, we've been married for 2 years, dated for 3 before that. We hardly rushed into this!

I guess we were a little too good at keeping the fact that we were trying for 13 months to ourselves.

I am getting tons of advice from unlikely sources too, like, the guys on my husbands soccer team. Not much of it is actually helpful, but it's all well meaning so I just smile and thank them.

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#5 of 279 Old 11-02-2008, 04:02 AM
 
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I've made it very clear to everyone in my life that I'm not interested in negativity. If they have something to say that I don't want to hear they can go tell it to a try. I'm not listening.

My mom said she's going to come down and stay with us for a few weeks in June "to help out". I need to figure a nice way to tell her NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Her idea of "helping out" and my idea of "helping out" are vastly different and I think I might cause her bodily harm if she's here during the homebirth I'm planning which I'm already nervous about.
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#6 of 279 Old 11-02-2008, 06:15 AM
 
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I haven't told my mom or MIL/FIL yet, so I'll get back to you on this LOL!!!

I did tell my baby sis, and she was so excited for me! Yeah!! But my mom made many a rude comment when we were pregnant #2 (too soon,etc) and then after his birth (he was preemie) about not having anymore, she can't take it. Hmm whatever.

Luckily (I guess) we live off the continent, so it's not like they can really annoy me too much LOL.

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#7 of 279 Old 11-02-2008, 08:55 AM
 
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I was told that I "looked pregnant" by a coworker (hello I'm not even showing and I wear scrubs to work so how do I look pregnant??? Well you know your face....you've got the pregnant acne!!!!! WTH?!?! I stopped wearing makeup to work but that's just pure laziness and because I feel like crap half the time but thank you for pointing out all my facial flaws. I think that's all I've really gotten. Not too much negativity.

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#8 of 279 Old 11-02-2008, 11:40 AM
 
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We were very vocal about only wanting one child. Then DH would make and cancel vasectomy appointments...and here we are.

So we hear a lot of "was it planned?" and "were you trying?" . I think it's absolutely inappropriate but both mil and fil asked if we were trying. None. Of. Your. Freaking. Business. Icky. What am I supposed to say to that? "Nope, we just like having unprotected sex." "Your son kept canceling his snip-snip appointments." "We thought we would mess with you."

Also, MIL said that she was so glad we decided to make her another grandbaby. That's exactly what we were thinking about the night this one was conceived. "hmmm...we should maximize our chances at conception for MIL." Ew times 10.
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#9 of 279 Old 11-02-2008, 02:07 PM
 
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First of all, this is a hysterical post:

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Originally Posted by NewMama2007 View Post
We were very vocal about only wanting one child. Then DH would make and cancel vasectomy appointments...and here we are.

So we hear a lot of "was it planned?" and "were you trying?" . I think it's absolutely inappropriate but both mil and fil asked if we were trying. None. Of. Your. Freaking. Business. Icky. What am I supposed to say to that? "Nope, we just like having unprotected sex." "Your son kept canceling his snip-snip appointments." "We thought we would mess with you."

Also, MIL said that she was so glad we decided to make her another grandbaby. That's exactly what we were thinking about the night this one was conceived. "hmmm...we should maximize our chances at conception for MIL." Ew times 10.

We're telling the ILs today so I'll come back and edit my response later.
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#10 of 279 Old 11-02-2008, 02:14 PM
 
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i don't have any yet, but I am subbing this thread.

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My boys: S (4) & O (2) & Expecting #3 in Dec. 2011

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#11 of 279 Old 11-02-2008, 04:19 PM
 
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"So do you want a girl this time?"

I have one son, and sure I'd like a girl someday, but um.. what's with people asking that. I'd be happy with another son or a daughter. I'm annoyed that everyone assumes I want a girl.

Amanda , mama to my two boys: N (10/06) and : A (7/09)
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#12 of 279 Old 11-02-2008, 05:19 PM
 
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I was told a week ago that someone thought I was pregnant because of my forehead.

Apparently he met glowing, but I found that hilarious.

So far no weird comments on homebirthing, but the people who know have known about my interest in homebirth for a long time.

oh, another good one, we mentioned something about co-sleeping to a friend, who promptly said that the kid needs to get out of the bed soon or it never will. Keep in mind she's DH's friend, and DH co-slept till 3.5. And, for the record, he's one of the most well-adjusted, independent people I've ever met. He even went off to boarding school for high school! "never get out of the bed" my butt!

Ashley, Pagan treehugger.gif mama to E (6/09) and my beautiful hbac.gif baby T (4/3/12)
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#13 of 279 Old 11-02-2008, 07:39 PM
 
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This week I told someone at my son's preschool... since my belly is starting to look big enough that people are going to start to wonder.... and I got "wow you're going to have 4 kids" the 4 was said with raised eyebrows and the sort of emphasis that could be construed as disapproval.
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#14 of 279 Old 11-02-2008, 10:28 PM
 
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I've been asked if I was happy about it, and if it was planned and what we wanted.

My boss told me his wife would have died if she had had a midwife in the hospital instead of an OB. Also, when I told them we were looking for a midwife, his wife said "Oh, just tell me you aren't having it at home. I don't want to have to worry" (Yeah, because I do everything for the comfort of others. They think I'm having a hospital birth)

A friend in our neighborhood has been giving me all kinds of advice- telling me that my ms will get worse at 9/10 weeks because it did for her, telling me kids are expensive and formula and bottles and diapers and baby food and all that stuff costs sooo much, asking if I take expecta and when I said no, I take clo, she said well, expecta has dha in it and it's good for the baby. She's also asked at least 4 times in a 3 day period how far along I am. And last night we watched a movie at their house and talked about how crappy I'm feeling, and then she asked dh today if I was feeling sick yet. Can she just not remember?

Can't wait to hear the comments from everyone when I'm nursing, cloth diapering, homebirthing etc.

Mama to my little social butterfly 6/13/09

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#15 of 279 Old 11-02-2008, 10:34 PM
 
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Yeah, formula fed, sposie diapered, commercial baby food eating kids ARE expensive.

Get used to all the comments... you'll get so much unsolicited advice as a first time mom. Wow, I'm glad I'm past that stage.

Mama to Tornado Boy (6/04), The Brute (11/06), and Mischief (05/09)... expecting in February '15
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#16 of 279 Old 11-02-2008, 11:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by because View Post
We're telling the ILs today so I'll come back and edit my response later.
I'm waiting! :
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#17 of 279 Old 11-02-2008, 11:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2j&t View Post
This week I told someone at my son's preschool... since my belly is starting to look big enough that people are going to start to wonder.... and I got "wow you're going to have 4 kids" the 4 was said with raised eyebrows and the sort of emphasis that could be construed as disapproval.
and the best response to that is... Well, I'm amazed that you can count to four.



*****
We announced the news at church today. The best one I got was, "Were you surprised?" and I said, "Not at all! We were trying!" So she said, "I'm not going to ask you how many times you practiced." I think she was trying to be funny, so I just didn't hold back..... and I said, "Well, we tried for two months, but we're going to keep practicing just to be sure we still remember."

That shut her up.

Married to my best friend, expecting #1 6/09. Little angel came early- 4/10/09, 2lbs 5oz. Lilah Grace:
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#18 of 279 Old 11-03-2008, 12:00 AM
 
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lmao

What is wrong with people? lol I mean, I know they mean well (allegedly)...but geez. lol

So far I've had two people assume I was having a c-sec again because I had had one. "Don't you always have to have c-secs now?" Uhhhhno.

People have been generally nice. Especially my inlaws and that whole side of the family.

Jenn - Mom, Photographer, Barista 

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#19 of 279 Old 11-03-2008, 12:35 AM
 
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I have had some VERY interesting responses when people have found out we have a surrogate. Such lovely, tactful questions as:

1. How much does that cost?
2. Aren't you afraid she is going to keep the baby?
3. Did your husband have to have sex with her?
4. Well AT LEAST your husband will be related to the baby.
5. Is the baby going to be yours?
6. I don't know if I like the sounds of this ...

All of which were greeted with an incredulous stare and a "Why would you ask/say that?". Ahhhh good times!
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#20 of 279 Old 11-03-2008, 02:50 AM
 
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Ah, Critty, I get many of the same (only opposite) questions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Critty View Post
1. How much does that cost?
I get the reverse of that: "Oh, don't you make A LOT of money for that?" and then throw out some incredibly ridiculous amount (like $100,000!)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Critty View Post
3. Did your husband have to have sex with her?
This is the very first question I get asked when I explain that it's my egg and the IF's sperm-because having sex is apparently the ONLY way you get pregnant.

Hopefully you won't get the incredibly rude and totally thoughtless comment my last IM got of "Well, why don't you just have a baby yourself?" Grrr, are people really that insensitive?

Trish~mama to Kaelie 5/03 and Amelia 12/13, surro mama to Aidan 2/08 & Ellyss 6/09, 

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#21 of 279 Old 11-03-2008, 11:07 AM
 
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Let's see, this was actually the first pregnancy we planned and when I told my parents (in person), my mom said "really?" and then changed the subject and my dad said "who's pregnant?" and when I said "we are", he rolled his eyes and said "you guys" in that very disapproving tone of voice he gives. Not sure what that was all about...we are GROWN adults. They still haven't told us congratulations. The other comments that are making me nuts are the "wow, 4 kids. You guys are crazy". Thankfully, all my friends are super supportive

Tanya, wife to my best friend momma to Blake 2/02, Jacob 5/04, Parker 12/05 and MaKenna : 6/09
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#22 of 279 Old 11-03-2008, 11:50 AM
 
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Well so far everyone that we have told had been super excited with the exception of my SIL. She made a super rude comment saying that my DH agreed to another baby because his other sister had a baby. Hello... we already have two kids, I don't think we need to be in competition with his sister who just had her first baby AND lives clear accross the US!! Then she says... why would you bring another baby into the world when you don't have time for your family now (she says to her brother, my DH). This comment was because he doesn't go overboard in calling his sisters, etc. He's like I do have time for my immediate family, it's you that i don't have time for. LOL! I wonder why he doesn't go out of his way to call her?? Imagine that!!

I do think some people though we just had an accident. My DH has been like, nope... she hasn't been on BC for 8 years, we tried twice and this was totally planned. LOL! I am sure some will talk behind our backs about the spacing of our kids (8 years between each of them), but nobody besides SIL has been rude and everyone seems genuinely happy for us!
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#23 of 279 Old 11-03-2008, 12:18 PM
 
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I've had some really bad comments about being pregnant again after so many miscarriages, basically along the lines of, "I can't believe you guys are still trying/ trying again after all that" or, "Why don't you "just" adopt?"

Hello, if we're willing to keep trying it's nobody else's business that I can see.

Mara, mama to two boys born 05/2009 and 04/2011, after four miscarriages. 

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#24 of 279 Old 11-03-2008, 12:24 PM
 
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I've had some really bad comments about being pregnant again after so many miscarriages, basically along the lines of, "I can't believe you guys are still trying/ trying again after all that" or, "Why don't you "just" adopt?"
That is SOOO insensitive!! It's your life and if you want to continue trying that is YOUR business! I can't believe that people would think it would be even remotely appropriate to say that to you! I mean hello... don't they realize how hard it's probably been for you and how worried you probably already are? : Hugs!!
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#25 of 279 Old 11-03-2008, 12:32 PM
 
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WeasleyMum: I've gotten all sorts of fun stuff like that. We were planning on adopting (DH isn't ready), and when I started talking about that I got a lot of "Oh, good, cuz now you'll get pregnant!" and "I know this one couple who were infertile for years, and then as soon as they decided to adopt they got pregnant and have a beautiful 1 year old now!"

Then it came out we weren't adopting. Thankfully, no more "why don't you just adopt?" Instead I got "I think your body needs a break. Maybe it's telling you something?" (This is at least my 4th pregnancy) or "Why don't you just relax?" Heck, my next door neighbor, as soon as we got back from our vacation asked if I was pregnant because "well, it tends to happen on vacations."

For the record, I got pregnant 4 days AFTER my vacation, we were VERY actively trying (not relaxing), had stopped all adoption plans, and coincidentally it was the first month I was on a full dose of metformin. In short, everyone was wrong

Ashley, Pagan treehugger.gif mama to E (6/09) and my beautiful hbac.gif baby T (4/3/12)
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#26 of 279 Old 11-03-2008, 12:33 PM
 
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I'm also really annoyed at the idea that adoption is easy, because it's not. It takes years, potentially lots of heartbreak, and is a whole other ball of wax.

Ashley, Pagan treehugger.gif mama to E (6/09) and my beautiful hbac.gif baby T (4/3/12)
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#27 of 279 Old 11-03-2008, 01:05 PM
 
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Originally Posted by musiclady View Post
We announced the news at church today. The best one I got was, "Were you surprised?" and I said, "Not at all! We were trying!" So she said, "I'm not going to ask you how many times you practiced." I think she was trying to be funny, so I just didn't hold back..... and I said, "Well, we tried for two months, but we're going to keep practicing just to be sure we still remember."

That shut her up.
That's pretty funny since DH's quiet way of telling me wants to dtd is "Let's go practice".

Wife of Michael , SAHM to Aristotle 09/99 Raphael 06/07 and Marius 05/09 Known only in dreams but never forgotten: Euphrates Decluttering 290/2010
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#28 of 279 Old 11-03-2008, 01:34 PM
 
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My last homebirth ended in a section, so I am getting a lot of people making sure this one will be at the hospital. I know they are asking becasue they care, and want me and the baby to be OK. The comments, while they an be annoying at times, 99% of the time asked from people who truly care and want what is best for us.... I am not annoyed by them.

Janet ~ Wife to Bryon (Ret. USN), Mama to Korbyn(12)homebirth.jpg, Koltyn (7)homebirth.jpgribboncesarean.gif, and Kashlynn (6/23/09)vbac.gif Our long awaited little girl!! ... a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (proverbs 31:30)

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#29 of 279 Old 11-03-2008, 01:57 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunflwrmoonbeam View Post
I'm also really annoyed at the idea that adoption is easy, because it's not. It takes years, potentially lots of heartbreak, and is a whole other ball of wax.
I know. It seems to me to be a lot harder-- the cost, the scrutiny, everything. Plus, adoption is not neccessarily the 'plan B', it's not exactly the same thing. The way people talk about it, going with adoption "instead" is like getting the beef option instead of chicken or something-- an easy switch. Of course none of these are people who have actually adopted, themselves.

Mara, mama to two boys born 05/2009 and 04/2011, after four miscarriages. 

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#30 of 279 Old 11-03-2008, 02:29 PM
 
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I got my first rude one last week. I was at the park, talking with a friend about my pregnancy and an acquaintance of hers overheard us talking. I was pointing out which ones where mine and when I pointed out three, she said, "Wow, this is number 4?" in a kind of shocked/disgusted voice. I told her that hubby is 1 of 5 and I am 1 of 4 and we have always wanted a family about that size. With a grimace she said, "Well, I am the oldest of four and I would never do that" Um, ok?

Haven't told our families yet. To number 1, my dad said, "So soon?" (we had been married a month before we got pg, and yes, we were trying)
To number three, he shook his head and said, "Oh, Erin"

I think the in-laws will be happy though

Midwifery Student and Mama to 2 daughters and 3 sons.     
ribboncesarean.gif vbac.gifhomebirth.jpg I have given birth a variety of ways and I am thankful for what each one has taught me.

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