I need help writing an admissions application Parent Statement - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 12-14-2008, 03:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am at a loss. We are applying to a school for DS and I can't seem to write an effective Parent Statement.

this is what the school wants
Quote:
PARENT STATEMENT
Parents of applicants to the Preschool and Lower School (grades PK3 – 5th) : On a separate sheet of paper, please provide any
information regarding your child that you believe would be helpful to the school.
this is what I have written thus far.

Andrew is a precocious, physically and mentally adroit child who enjoys the world around him. Even though he is but 2 ½ Andrew enjoys engaging others in conversation, not prone to shyness he eagerly greets friends and strangers alike.

Playing with friends of all ages is one of Andrew’s many hallmarks. His ability to recognize the varying levels of development characteristic to his playmates, Andrew is gentle and patient with younger toddlers, rambunctious with older boys and simply enjoys himself with cohorts.

Andrew thrives when challenged and faced with new experiences. He loves to sing, dance, laugh, but most importantly he is a loving, hugging, altruistic he boy.


Please be honest, and offer feedback. the above is an unedited rough draft.

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#2 of 8 Old 12-14-2008, 06:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AndrewsMother View Post
I am at a loss. We are applying to a school for DS and I can't seem to write an effective Parent Statement.

this is what the school wants


this is what I have written thus far.

Andrew is a precocious, physically and mentally adroit child who enjoys the world around him. Even though he is but 2 ½ Andrew enjoys engaging others in conversation, not prone to shyness he eagerly greets friends and strangers alike.

Playing with friends of all ages is one of Andrew’s many hallmarks. His ability to recognize the varying levels of development characteristic to his playmates, Andrew is gentle and patient with younger toddlers, rambunctious with older boys and simply enjoys himself with cohorts.

Andrew thrives when challenged and faced with new experiences. He loves to sing, dance, laugh, but most importantly he is a loving, hugging, altruistic he boy.

Please be honest, and offer feedback. the above is an unedited rough draft.
To be truthful? It sounds like you are trying way to hard. It isn't a college admissions application. He is 2.5. Some of what you've written is very unclear. To start, the bolded sentence makes no sense. Some of your word choices are a bit much. For example, I doubt many 2 year olds are truly "altruistic." To take what you've written, I would rewrite it this way:

Andrew is a very precocious little boy who is advanced in both his verbal and physical skills. He loves having conversations with other people and eagerly greets everyone he meets. Andrew enjoys playing with friends of all ages and is easily able to adapt to each individual's level of development. Andrew thrives when challenged and handles himself well when faced with new experiences. He is a happy, well-adjusted child who loves other people.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#3 of 8 Old 12-14-2008, 06:37 PM
 
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Honestly, I spent some time writing one of these for my oldest son when he went to preschool. The second year, I forgot to do it (even though he had a new teacher, and they ask that the parent do it every year).

No one noticed or asked that I complete it. I think they made a big deal about it so parents would think the school "really knew the child" or that the parent was involved.

But I got the sense that no one really read them... maybe if there was a problem or something a teacher might go back and read it, but it wasn't missed.

So I would just dial it down per Heavenly's suggestions... and go play with Andrew.

 hh2.gif  ~~~~~~~~~~hh2.gif
 

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#4 of 8 Old 12-14-2008, 07:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Heavenly View Post
To be truthful? It sounds like you are trying way to hard. It isn't a college admissions application. He is 2.5. Some of what you've written is very unclear. To start, the bolded sentence makes no sense. Some of your word choices are a bit much. For example, I doubt many 2 year olds are truly "altruistic." To take what you've written, I would rewrite it this way:

Andrew is a very precocious little boy who is advanced in both his verbal and physical skills. He loves having conversations with other people and eagerly greets everyone he meets. Andrew enjoys playing with friends of all ages and is easily able to adapt to each individual's level of development. Andrew thrives when challenged and handles himself well when faced with new experiences. He is a happy, well-adjusted child who loves other people.
Heavenly, I like what you have written. I am in writing papers for finals mode, so my word choices might be a bit much.

Even though this is only an application for PK3, I am not merely applying to a preschool. If he DS is accepted and our first year is a positive experience we, DH and I, hope to allow him to remain in the 12th grade. It would be fair to say that this process is the beginning of my son's educational experience, and I am quite anxious.


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Originally Posted by carmel23 View Post
Honestly, I spent some time writing one of these for my oldest son when he went to preschool. The second year, I forgot to do it (even though he had a new teacher, and they ask that the parent do it every year).

No one noticed or asked that I complete it. I think they made a big deal about it so parents would think the school "really knew the child" or that the parent was involved.

But I got the sense that no one really read them... maybe if there was a problem or something a teacher might go back and read it, but it wasn't missed.

So I would just dial it down per Heavenly's suggestions... and go play with Andrew.
During Open House it was stressed that the application is not considered complete without the parent statement, teacher recommendation form(if available), a photograph, the application and a check to cover the admissions process.

In other years parents have omitted the parent statement and their applications were considered incomplete preventing the admissions office from making admitting their children.

I am sure that the observation day counts more than the parent statement.

I too like Heavenly's suggested statement.

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#5 of 8 Old 12-14-2008, 08:23 PM
 
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I've written three of these, and I commiserate with your stress over it!!

I like Heavenly's suggestions. For some reason, I really liked this, "His ability to recognize the varying levels of development characteristic to his playmates, Andrew is gentle and patient with younger toddlers, rambunctious with older boys and simply enjoys himself with cohorts." from your original. Maybe not exactly how it was worded, but the thought behind it made me think, how neat!

Good luck with the admissions process!

mama to DS 9 and DD 5 and
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#6 of 8 Old 12-14-2008, 09:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've written three of these, and I commiserate with your stress over it!!

I like Heavenly's suggestions. For some reason, I really liked this, "His ability to recognize the varying levels of development characteristic to his playmates, Andrew is gentle and patient with younger toddlers, rambunctious with older boys and simply enjoys himself with cohorts." from your original. Maybe not exactly how it was worded, but the thought behind it made me think, how neat!

Good luck with the admissions process!
Thank you Supervee. I rewrote that sentence and incorporated it into Heavenly's statement.

Andrew is a very precocious little boy who is advanced in both his verbal and physical skills. He loves having conversations with other people and eagerly greets everyone he meets. Andrew enjoys playing with friends of all ages and is easily able to adapt to each individual's level of development.
Andrew’s ability to recognize the varying levels of development characteristic to his playmates is astonishing; he is gentle and patient with younger toddlers, rambunctious with older boys and simply enjoys himself with cohorts.
Andrew thrives when challenged and handles himself well when faced with new experiences. He is a happy, well-adjusted child who loves other people.

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#7 of 8 Old 12-14-2008, 09:27 PM
 
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How many lines did they give you on the form? Personally, I hate these things and find them silly. I mean really, what's a parent going to say?

If you're looking for critique, I think sentences 3 and 4 are repetitive.

If it was me, I'd write something like:

"Andrew is precocious in both verbal and physical skills and he regularly demonstrates high adaptability to new people and new experiences. We think that your school is a good fit for our son as it provides a balance of opportunities to interact with children of various ages and backgrounds, has high standards of academic rigour, and offers the unique opportunity to be part of a stable school community to high school graduation. We believe that Andrew would thrive at {insert school name}."

They'll get Andrew's strengths at observation. This is an opportunity for you to share with them the alignment between your goals as parents and their school philosophy. If they go to this level of screening, fit of parents is as important as that of students.

Mom to a teenager and a middle schooler.

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#8 of 8 Old 12-14-2008, 09:30 PM
 
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Oh, and I meant to add that this may not be the place you stay forever - it's hard to say with a precocious 2 year old. I say this to be supportive of dialing down the anxiety you're experiencing over this. DD's in her second school, and DS is now homeschooled after preschool and a year in public kindie.


Mom to a teenager and a middle schooler.

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