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#1 of 100 Old 01-21-2010, 09:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Sometimes dd goes to bed early complaining of stomach ache or not feeling well so i dont wake her in the morning. result we end up in school more than half an hour late, but earlier than attendance so she is marked present.

i am in CA where the school gets money for the child being in school.

i do have the option of keeping dd home. HOWEVER she WANTS to go to school. for whatever reason just getting those extra hours of sleep really helps dd.

i went and spoke to her school and ther hands are tied. district policy and they abide strictly by that.

i spoke to her teacher who indirectly told me to bypass the front desk by getting in through the side gate as he doesnt mind dd being late. it would not disrupt his class.

the school district has a ridiculous policy. if the child is over 30 mins late they can be excused if they have a doctors note.

i havent spoken to the principal yet... not sure it would do me any good.

i can see though why the school district would have such a policy. i understand they have to see the full picture.

this is serious because we got our first letter of truancy. two more letters and the police and court would have to be involved.

so it seems my options are 1. always waking dd up early - not when she naturally wakes up on those mornings when i am not sure if she is going to wake up sick or not (I hate waking her esp on those mornings) or 2. just take the day off anyways - which again i hate doing esp. if dd wants to be in school. she doesnt usually. keeping her home however is not a problem. so if she wants to stay home i would have no problems. but if they are doing something fun she definitely wants to go in - even if she has a bad tummy ache.

i just need different perspective.

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#2 of 100 Old 01-21-2010, 01:13 PM
 
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Does she have an underlying chronic health problem? It sounds like it. If so, does your school district have an Independent Learning Plan (IEP) process for special needs children. You could seek to have her identified as special needs, based on her health issues. The IEP sets out accommodations that the school must make to help the child. I'd ask to have a "flexible day" as part of the IEP.

If she doesn't have a chronic illness, then I'm not sure what to tell you. I'd put her to bed early enough to ensure a good night's sleep, and then wake her in time to get to school promptly.
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#3 of 100 Old 01-21-2010, 03:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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no its not a health problem. she has been late 3 times since september.

yeah i myself dont know how to solve this without feeling bad. or doing something one doesnt like.

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#4 of 100 Old 01-21-2010, 03:32 PM
 
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I'd wake her in time to get up for school, and check in to see if she is feeling up to school that day. She can always say no, and go back to sleep. I'd talk to her about it beforehand, and explain that we have to decide at X o'clock am whether or not she is going to school for the day.

I wake my dc 50% of days. Other days, she gets up on her own. I wake her regardless of how she felt the night before, unless it was clear the night before that she must stay home (had a fever, for example).
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#5 of 100 Old 01-21-2010, 06:35 PM
 
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no its not a health problem. she has been late 3 times since september.
Oh good gracious. My ds has been late more than 3 times since September, and none of them were because I let him sleep late (traffic was bad every single time... I know I just need to leave earlier). Fortunately we haven't gotten a truancy letter.... yet. I know it's coming soon....

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I'd wake her in time to get up for school, and check in to see if she is feeling up to school that day. She can always say no, and go back to sleep. I'd talk to her about it beforehand, and explain that we have to decide at X o'clock am whether or not she is going to school for the day.

I wake my dc 50% of days. Other days, she gets up on her own. I wake her regardless of how she felt the night before, unless it was clear the night before that she must stay home (had a fever, for example).
This is what I would do. Sorta. My ds would choose to stay home everyday if I gave him the option, so I wouldn't word it like that. I would more likely start waking him up and see how he's doing. If he's moaning and groaning and acting ill- he goes back to bed. If he's just grumpy b/c he doesn't want me to wake him I continue with waking him (I have to wake him everyday, his alarm blares for 30 minutes and he doesn't even stir ). If he has a fever the night before I just let him sleep because I know he's staying home.

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#6 of 100 Old 01-21-2010, 07:51 PM
 
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no its not a health problem. she has been late 3 times since september.

yeah i myself dont know how to solve this without feeling bad. or doing something one doesnt like.
3 late arrivals in almost 5 months generates a truancy letter?? Gahh! I was thinking this was happening a few times a week! I'd say the school district policy is ridiculously over the top, but you probably can't change that. I still think your best plan is to make sure she's getting enough sleep the night before, and wake her in the mornings in time to get to school before the bell.
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#7 of 100 Old 01-21-2010, 08:10 PM
 
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The school is forced by the state to be so harsh. At my school in Maine, we did not meet the state's Adequate Yearly Progress guidelines--not because of test scores, because of tardies and unexcused absences. Different states have different consequences for not meeting AYP, and I know Maine is pretty loose compared to most. In some states, though, if a school doesn't meet AYP several years in a row, the state can cut funding, take over administration, and fire staff. I'd bet your school's hands are tied and it is just trickling down to your family. So the only advice I can give you is to do what it takes to comply. I know it stinks, but that's the system you are in.
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#8 of 100 Old 01-21-2010, 10:51 PM
 
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Seconding that this is a forced policy, esp. for schools not making AYP. It may be a requirement for Title 1 schools in general too, if your school is a Title 1.

You don't really have a whole lot of choice here. Either start the process earlier, or make your plans now to deal with the consequences. Though if it's only happened 3 times since September (using up a third of your tardies before intervention I'm going to guess), you just have 5 months to go, and even if you stay at the same rate you won't trigger the tardy limit unless it's 6 (most states seem to be at 8 for whatever arbitrary reason).

You just need to keep an eye on things, start marking it on your calendar, so you know you'll need to be more active in enforcing wake up time or explaining to your daughter what the consequences for your family will be IF you get close to that point.

But if you don't really care until you reach that level, and it's not disrupting your daughter's school time according to the teacher, then I wouldn't waste a lot of time on it. You're not going to change a by-law enforced policy or get an exception, and I don't think any doctor will write "This kid can come to school tardy whenever she doesn't feel like getting up in the morning whenever it happens" note. I think you'd have a better case for an exception if it happened on a regular basis or a lot in a short period of time.
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#9 of 100 Old 01-22-2010, 01:53 AM
 
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How much earlier is she going to bed these times? What is her normal bed & wake up time? Would going to bed earlier every night help? The days she hasn't said she felt sick the night before do you have to wake her up in the mornings too?
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#10 of 100 Old 01-22-2010, 03:08 AM
 
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How old is your DD?
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#11 of 100 Old 01-22-2010, 07:28 PM
 
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get her out of bed and get her off to school.
She's playing you.

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#12 of 100 Old 01-22-2010, 07:45 PM
 
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I can't believe they are on you after being late only 3 times. You said you could just keep her home all day instead, but I would imagine they would look down on that more, right? At least here, even calling in sick is technically unexcused w/o a dr's note. If they miss more than 11 days you risk getting in trouble, legally. Still, I would probably make her get up on time if it's an issue of just wanting to sleep in but still wanting to go to school. As much as I hate getting up early, as do my kids, if they want to attend school, instead of homeschool, they have to follow the rules. Their school has a tardy bell 5 min. after start time and at that point you have to get a slip from the office. Mine have had to do that once, just the other day, and my DD was super upset b/c she had perfect attendance this year up to that point.

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#13 of 100 Old 01-22-2010, 10:56 PM
 
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Well. I think if you are going to choose school, then you do school. That means being somewhere at a certain time and following the rules they have established. Or else you choose a different option.

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#14 of 100 Old 01-23-2010, 12:07 AM
 
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Well. I think if you are going to choose school, then you do school. That means being somewhere at a certain time and following the rules they have established. Or else you choose a different option.
Exactly.

If your child needs more sleep, then she goes to bed earlier every night to get that sleep.

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#15 of 100 Old 01-23-2010, 12:18 AM
 
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get her out of bed and get her off to school.
She's playing you.
Missing less than 3 hours of school in 5 months is playing someone? I'd think if she was playing her mom it'd be 3 times week, not three times since September.

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#16 of 100 Old 01-23-2010, 12:26 AM
 
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Well. I think if you are going to choose school, then you do school. That means being somewhere at a certain time and following the rules they have established. Or else you choose a different option.
Yep, I agree.
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#17 of 100 Old 01-23-2010, 06:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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no she is not playing me.

no she does not need more sleep. if she did it would be 3 times a week - not 3 times in 5 months. an early bedtime is not the answer.

oh she has been late by a few minutes a few times since sept. its the ones that are over 30 mins they call truancy.

i think i will have to keep an eye on this and follow on my calendar. i will also try and wake her (though i can tell when she is too sick to go to school) early to check. i really hate doing that when she is so soundly asleep.

no easy answer.

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#18 of 100 Old 01-23-2010, 12:32 PM
 
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i will also try and wake her (though i can tell when she is too sick to go to school) early to check. i really hate doing that when she is so soundly asleep.

no easy answer.
You hate waking her to go to school when she is well and sleeping soundly?

I think most of the kids at school need to be woken up a lot of the time. Like I said, I wake my snoring daughter at least 50% of the time to get up for school. If she is really sleeping soundly, I wake her up in increments (15 min before she needs to get up....10 min....5 min....GET UP!!! ). But I've never consider just letting her sleep until she gets up naturally (when she is well), if it means being late for school.

We homeschooled for a couple years. Even then, and in preschool years (home--no preschool attendance) I often had to wake her from sound sleep in the morning for one thing or another. Sometimes we had to get up and drive dh to work so we would have the car. Sometimes we had a dr appt or a field trip.
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#19 of 100 Old 01-23-2010, 04:00 PM
 
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i will also try and wake her (though i can tell when she is too sick to go to school) early to check. i really hate doing that when she is so soundly asleep.
I hate to say it but- that's life. She'll learn that she needs to get up at a certain time to make it to school on time. Just because this years teacher doesn't really mind, doesn't mean that next years teacher won't be a stickler about her being at school on time every day. I would love to have a job where I can just wake whenever I naturally do and wander into work at any time.... but for most people that it's realistic! Just today, for example, ds didn't wake up until 10:40 (which means dp and myself didn't wake until 10:40). If that had been a school day he wouldn't have made it to school until after 11, just because I didn't want to wake him because he was sleeping soundly? Nope. Natural consequences for ds is if he doesn't go to sleep when I suggest he does (he often sits on his bed for hours reading), he'd going to be tired the next day. But he doesn't get a free pass to skip school

And I didn't realize that the 3 times was for 30+ minutes late. We don't even have that option at ds's school. The bell rings at 7:45. If you walk in the school after the bell has finished ringing, you are tardy and need to go to the office to get a tardy slip. There are adults standing at every door to make sure every child who walks in at 7:46 or later goes to the office (with their parent) to sign in and get a tardy slip.

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#20 of 100 Old 01-23-2010, 05:43 PM
 
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Sometimes dd goes to bed early complaining of stomach ache or not feeling well so i dont wake her in the morning. result we end up in school more than half an hour late, but earlier than attendance so she is marked present.
My ds sometimes isn't feeling the best when he goes to bed, but I do not make any assumptions about how he will feel in the morning. If he doesn't have a fever and still wants to go to school, I take him. If he becomes ill at school, the teacher will send him to the nurse; if the nurse believes he won't be able to return to class, she will call me to pick him up.

I would just make sure she gets to bed at a time that gives her enough sleep, and wake her at the same time every day. Ds normally wakes on his own, but if he isn't up by 6:20 I will go and wake him; if he is reluctant, I just leave his light on and get his breakfast ready.

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#21 of 100 Old 01-23-2010, 10:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I hate to say it but- that's life.
see that's where i differ. i refuse to accept that is life for a 7 year old. i mean one level that is how life has to be. on another i absolutely abhor it. not at 7 or 8 or 9. does that mean she is going to be like that for the rest of her life. absolutely not. she may choose to be but its her choice.

somedays dd just sleeps soundly late. i cant predict that. its not a get her to bed early thing. i think somedays our body needs that extra rest. and i see the effect that it has on her.

this is the reason why for my dilema. i can totally understand why the school has this rule in place. and yet i feel sad that our life has to be run by rules, esp when i have the option of letting her sleep in. esp. at 7 years old when we are learning/discovering how our inner bodies work.

we have not had this issue before. and i think its happening because dd is dealing with a lot. she is growing mentally and her sensitiveness is making it hard to deal with certain things. plus she is in a v. challenging class. so i think its a matter of adjusting. and its because of this reason i feel she should be given the freedom to adjust. once things fall into place i know she will be ok.

the school can be a little more understanding. i guess i will have to go and talk to them. the principal. but i know it will not do any good because they all have the attitude 'that's life'!!!! i just refuse to say that to my 7 year old now. she already gets that being from a single parent household. she doesnt need that coming at her from every single place. somewhere something needs to give - and be a little more understanding.

thanks for expressing your thoughts. it helps me figure out what i want. makes me understand what about it is bugging me - makes things clear for me.

honestly for me school is NOT that important esp for a child who can miss a weeks worth of school and not be behind. her teachers have been understanding - but its the school and rules.

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#22 of 100 Old 01-24-2010, 12:27 AM
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I think three tardies generating a warning is pretty severe. It takes more than that at our school.
I'd start waking her in time to get to school on time, get her into the regular schedule of getting out the door on time, it's a life skill you and she will both appreciate one day.
Life would be great if we could all wake naturally each day, for me I'd sleep till about 8 am, but for the last 17 years of continually having kids at school (one left to start k this year ) I've had to get up and wake everyone at 6am, it's life, we all get used to it even if we don't like it.
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#23 of 100 Old 01-24-2010, 12:42 AM
 
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It is hard that schools have rules that apply to all ages in all circumstances. I guess they have adapted to that norm because kids and parents in the past have tried to work around the rules. And not all parents are truly 'reading' their child as it seems you are trying to do. Some parents may simply not be motivated to get their child to school on time, or at all. Hence the rules and the truancy proceedings. One size fits all. It can be challenging, but that does seem to be how schools are, all over. I wonder if an alternative school or even homeschooling would be more suitable for your child, since the rules are not likely to change at this school, or any public school, as you note?

 
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#24 of 100 Old 01-24-2010, 03:19 AM
 
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i refuse to accept that is life for a 7 year old.
It's life for a 7 year old who is in school. Does she not need to learn that rules DO apply to her? If she grows up and works in an office where she's expected to be there at 9am, the same time as everyone else, do you think she's going to go very far if she wanders in at 10 or 11? It's the same thing for school- the rule is that kids get there at x time. If EVERY child in the class starts being 20-30 minutes late "because they needed more sleep" then that would be extremely disruptive to the entire class.

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somedays dd just sleeps soundly late. i cant predict that. its not a get her to bed early thing. i think somedays our body needs that extra rest. and i see the effect that it has on her.
I get that, I really do. My ds sleeps very soundly and always has. Some days I would get him dressed and in the car and be at work (as a nanny so he came with me) before he even woke up. Some days I would bring him inside and lay him down on the couch where he would sleep for another hour. Right now, at 6, he still sleeps soundly. His alarm rings at 6:30. He almost NEVER wakes for it (and when he does it takes him 20+ minutes to wake to it). His alarm can be blaring and his light on in his room and he still won't stir.

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and yet i feel sad that our life has to be run by rules, esp when i have the option of letting her sleep in. esp. at 7 years old when we are learning/discovering how our inner bodies work.
Any chance of homeschooling her then? That would settle a lot. She can sleep until she naturally wakes and you won't have to deal with the school/truancy.

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i just refuse to say that to my 7 year old now. she already gets that being from a single parent household. she doesnt need that coming at her from every single place. somewhere something needs to give - and be a little more understanding.
I never said to tell you dd "that's life" You could put it much more gently.... "the school has rules that you need to be there by x time. If you aren't feeling well then you can stay home but I can't bring you 30 minutes late to school because you slept in." I've read many posts of yours over the years so I'm well aware that you have a brilliant dd. I guarantee she understands the rules.

Good luck with this issue!

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#25 of 100 Old 01-24-2010, 03:39 AM
 
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Has she been kept home sick other days also as unexcused absences?
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#26 of 100 Old 01-24-2010, 06:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Has she been kept home sick other days also as unexcused absences?
yes she has been kept home but not as unexcused. i call in to let them know she wont be coming in that day. she hasnt been sick but needed a mental break from school. her teachers are aware of this and support it wholeheartedly.

steph i wasnt going to tell my dd 'that's life'. i was figuratively speaking. she already gets 'its life' too much with life. and i didnt want to add more. i got what you meant. its one of my pet peeves. and i was just going off on it. not really meaning at you but more my 'internet tantrum' of why life has to be this way. i know and agree with what you mean. we all must follow rules, but we dont ALWAYS HAVE to follow rules. however this can be a huge pandora's box so i dont want to go down that lane.

unfortunately no chance of hsing her. i tried sooo hard to make it happen. it would be the best for both of us. i even tried a part time hs pt school. there are none in my area. but nope. aint gonna happen. which is still fine. dd mostly tolerates her school so it isnt that bad (she totally has the hs personality, not a structured personality). the thing that gets me is that her teacher is willing to look the other way if she comes to school once or twice a month half an hour late. he is fair. and sees what the kids need. he does other similar kinds of things for the kids who need that extra whatever in his class. yeah we are v. fortunate to have him as dd's teacher.

its more my issue. i know i can wake up dd even when she is sleepy and ask if she wants to go and she would jump up if she had to and be out of the house in ten minutes. however its me you know. I would like to let her sleep (and of course she never EVER does this over the weekend. she is up bright and early even though she went to bed at midnight). so really its all about me. she does understand the rules. so really its not her going against them. its me.

*sigh*

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#27 of 100 Old 01-24-2010, 11:59 AM
 
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its more my issue. i know i can wake up dd even when she is sleepy and ask if she wants to go and she would jump up if she had to and be out of the house in ten minutes.
Maybe it would help to think about what is important to your dd, rather than what is important to you. It sounds like school is important to her. Could she use an alarm clock, and let her handle wake up on her own?
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#28 of 100 Old 01-24-2010, 01:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by meemee View Post
yes she has been kept home but not as unexcused. i call in to let them know she wont be coming in that day.
You might want to check into this. At ds's school- those are still "unexcused" and count against him for truancy purposes. He gets a certain number of "mom and dad called in/sent a note in b/c he was sick" before they send the truancy letter. You get unlimited "doctor note excuses". Our situation is slightly different and sets ds up to get truancy letters because we take a few long weekends during the year to go to Michigan to give his bio-dad a chance to see him.... which means he ends up missing quite a few Friday's at school. So the school told us to make sure we get a dr note for ds every time he's home sick (fortunately our dr office is really good at this) so when we take ds out for a michigan visit we can use those towards our "mom and dad called in/sent a note". I think he gets 6 of those per year before he's truant. We might be right at 5 and it's only January

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its more my issue. i know i can wake up dd even when she is sleepy and ask if she wants to go and she would jump up if she had to and be out of the house in ten minutes. however its me you know. I would like to let her sleep (and of course she never EVER does this over the weekend. she is up bright and early even though she went to bed at midnight). so really its all about me. she does understand the rules. so really its not her going against them. its me.
Have you asked her what she would prefer you do? Maybe if she tells you she wants you to wake her up then it would make it easier on you? I know the feeling of not wanting to wake them up, it's something I struggle with too. Only my ds is not the one to jump out of bed when I wake him He's more likely to whine and moan about why he has to wake up! LOL!

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#29 of 100 Old 01-24-2010, 01:57 PM
 
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You need to set her up for success and get her to school on time.

Mom of 5: dd (10), ds (8) & dd2 (4), my sweet baby son born still 3/2/09, and celebrating the arrival of our dd 5/7/10.
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#30 of 100 Old 01-24-2010, 07:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post
You might want to check into this. At ds's school- those are still "unexcused" and count against him for truancy purposes.

YIKES!!!!! thanks for pointing it out. i will check into this. i miss dd's previous school where they couldnt meet her academic needs. this wouldnt even have been an issue there. small neighbourhood school was much more personal and understanding.

Have you asked her what she would prefer you do? Maybe if she tells you she wants you to wake her up then it would make it easier on you?
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!! good point!!!! i will do that. that WILL make me feel better that SHE is making the decision, not me!!!!! right on.

YIPPPPEEEEE!!! she WANTS me to wake her up early. aaaaah problem solved!!! actually i am supposed to remind her to go to bed early. HAH!!!!! that night owl will definitely struggle with this i know.

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You need to set her up for success and get her to school on time.
i disagree expatmommy. i think that's a wrong attitude for 7 in EVERYTHING. she does do things on her own. sleeping is a whole nother issue. and i absolutely refuse to go against dd's wishes. she has been responsible for her homework since she was in first grade. i never tell her unless as a reminder. i help if she asks otherwise hw is between her and her teacher. being in a single parent coparent household, she already has to do a lot of things she doesnt like doing just because 'that's life'. however in this case i feel we need to let them be children. i wish school started at 9. it would have been much easier for her. but unfortunately it doesnt.

please i am not trying to be rude to you. just sharing my philosophy and 'that's life' and 'set up for success' makes my blood boil. mainly coz its not looking our for our best but how to lines ones own pocket. i think as we progress the human race is getting 'meaner' and 'meaner' and not looking out for each other because everyone is not 'square and fits in the same square hole'. so i try my best and not be part of the system when i can - even within the system.

expatmommy i dont know why your siggy made me cry. that broken heart just got to me today. : :

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