I have stumble upon some article about delaying schooling and it just made my jaw to drop.
Now we really are reconsidering senidng our LO this year.
If you did dealy what did you tell everyone around you..
Everybody is asking about my LO age and then ..oh so she is going to school in the fall?..
and what do I answer? what do you answer? or what did you answer..
did you honestly admitt that you deleyed the school or not?
was your child shy being older in the class or was he or she subject to
some radiculing because of that?
I know that there is tons of developmental things to achieve by delaying
but I am now wondering about any social-emotional price to pay.
How people in general react to this? Do they feel about peopel who do it as weirdos?
do those who do it openly admitt or just lie?
Do what works for your child and ignore those who might criticize you.
My feeling is that if she's not ready, no point sending her. As long as you're prepared to deal with any future adjustments that may be needed, you'll be fine. The only concern I would have is if you think she might later be bored. I know my daughter wasn't ready for K at the beginning of this year, but first grade would be a better fit for her next year.
Luckily, as homeschoolers it doesn't matter, but you might consider whether it might be a challenge you're likely to face.
ETA: Oops, are you actually talking about sending her away to school? You're in the wrong forum for that. sorry!
North Idaho rural living mama to: 22 yo DD, 15 yo DS, 8 yo DS, 6 yo DS, 4 yr old DS, 2 yo DD, and 1 yo DS. And someone new coming this Christmas!
I think delaying entry into K is much more emotionally healthy than holding a kid back later, so if your gut feeling is that this is something that is going to be a struggle long term, it's worth looking into.
If she currently goes to preschool, what do her teachers think about her readiness? Have you talked to a K teacher or counselor at the future school to see what they think?
(And I agree, this probably isn't the most appropriate forum )
DS born 6/03, DD1 born 9/06, DD2 born 10/10, DD3 born 4/14.
My DD is not currently in pre-school of any kind. Some factors in that have been that we moved house 3 times in the last 18months (and thus were never close enough to the same pre-school for her to go and settle in), she and i actually enjoy being at home together and though she loves spending time with other people she knows, she actually copes poorly with being in a big group with unfamiliars and without me. Finally, we are having her first sibling this year and i am uncomfortable with that change coming right before the bye-bye-off-to-nursery/school change, which would be only a few months later.
Because DD is bright (not sure about "gifted" at this stage) and way ahead in many ways (knows all her letters, numbers, can do simple addition and subtraction, can read a little, has a lot of general knowledge - all from us chatting and doing magazine quizzes! Nothing formal going on here) i have gotten a lot of comments about sending her this year and not next. People have told me she'll "waste" just sitting at home with me (as i type she's in the hall building a little staircase onto the bottom step of the big staircase for her toy duck to go up....we don't waste here! lol) but i really think there is a big nonsensical rush in our culture to get kids out and into the world ASAP, regardless of the child's, or the world's, readiness for that.
I was head girl in my final year at school, and the head boy had been kept back a year (which meant he was 18 just before the school year began instead of at the end of it) and honestly i think it had made his schooling life more fun and less stressful for him - we all went off to uni afterwards and he did great. I asked him about it a few times (in the way of young adults - awkwardly as in "did you get held back?") and his mother was a teacher who felt he just wasn't ready at nearly 5 so she sent him at nearly 6 instead. In scotland the law only requires you start schooling at 6, so it's no biggie from that POV, only in the sense that most other kids are 4.5-5 when they start.
I have a close friend whose son was struggling in his peer group at nursery and she decided to hold him back a year (his birthday is January so he'd have been either youngest or oldest) and he's flourishing now he's with a slightly younger peer group.
So much depends on the kid and the school, but i would say it's ok to trust your gut and not worry too much about potential comments - people comment on everything anyway. When he's 25 i seriously doubt there will be anything about him you can "blame" on when he began schooling in the academic sense.
We delayed. Late summer b-day, so either going to be the oldest or youngest. Also gifted. We still delayed, and had a glorious year basically unschooling.I treasure that time. I did receive criticism, and I have experienced a lot of negativity here on MDC about delaying. But, in the end, it was the right thing to do at that time.
Do what works for your child and ignore those who might criticize you.
You know, I am always curious why people don't get flack for sending their children early...to me that[I is something to think about. Oh, and where are the studies that compare states that start Kindergarten with all kids at least age 5, versus those that start kids at 4? I find it interesting that people are so negatively vocal about a parent choosing to wait unti their child is ready. Who am I to say when your child is ready...only you can know that!
Girls mature earlier than boys, and deciding to hold a girl back *could* make the difficult adolesent years even more difficult.
But I think the biggest problem with redshirting is that it can mask mild special needs. If your child's development if off what their peers are doing, it may be a sign that something is slightly wrong. Holding them back from school may not help the problem go away at all, they just end up older and bigger than every one else, delaying a year of intervention, and still stuggling with the same issues.
|do those who do it openly admitt or just lie?|
She won't have the option of lying because all the kids know how old the others are.
but everything has pros and cons
Good luck in your decision making.
My aunt put her oldest son in school 'on schedule' (he was a July birthday, cut-off was late August). He struggled, and was held back in the second grade. Frankly IMO his whole life has been impacted by being in school before he was really ready; she felt that he wasn't ready at the time, but had a lot of pressure to put him in (he was her oldest, too, so I think she was less certain about bucking the status quo). She held her second son back a year, even though he was a March birthday I believe. And she and he are both happy about that and feel that it worked out well. She said he just wasn't 'ready,' to sit down and focus and do all the 'school' tasks.
I'm glad both my girls have early fall birthdays - they don't meet the cut-off, they will naturally be the 'oldest' in their classes (we homeschool right now, but if/when they are in a brick and mortar school - certainly by college). I've always hoped that means that they will be a little more emotionally mature than their classmates, a little more able to insulate and negotiate some of the pressures and decisions of the social structures of school.
Finland doesn't start school 'til kids are 7 years old (formally). Yet they are top of the world for test scores/achievement by their students. SO -- personally I feel that there's no rush to get a kiddo into a school setting. You can unschool at home for a year (go ahead and tell people you're homeschooling if you are feeling a lot of pressure). I think that, with the possible exception of foreign language, an attentive parent can help a kid learn at home for the basics that they need before they start formal school -- alphabet, phonics, numbers/math, some very cool science and history things just as a matter of course - art, music. There is a lot of research which shows the facility of starting a foreign language before or at Kindergarten age - but since that's really rare in most American public schools, it's not like your dd would be missing out on that. I have a friend whose boys are in a German immersion school since Preschool, but I think that's an exception, those sorts of opportunities are unlikely.
The reaction that people have tended to have to Ina being essentially an "old" kindergartener have been:
1. Oh, she's so bright, you should challenge in! [My response: I like spending time with her, she's learning at home too, and one more year to be a kid before she has to be stuck in school all the time, seems to me like a wonderful bonus for her!]
2. Well, they'll figure out the emotional maturity thing - it just takes a few years to catch up. [This from my sister, whose daughter barely made the *next* year's cut-off for K, but enrolled her anyway. Her daughter is actually pretty advanced, even emotionally, for her age. So maybe it's true. But I've seen a lot of kids who certainly could grasp and handle the intellectual aspects of school, but emotionally still needed to grow a bit. It's OK to value your kid's emotional life as much as their intellectual growth.]
3. Oh, I don't want to have to pay for another year of daycare/preschool! [My response - well, I am an at-home parent, so that's not an issue for us. I sympathize with you about how much that costs, though!]
Basically, I try to make it "all about our family" and our own decision and completely independent of the decisions the other person has made. That has been more difficult with my sister, since her dd's almost a year younger than dd1, and since she's chosen the opposite approach (push into school rather than enjoy another year off, and public school vs. our at-home schooling).
So far, quite a few people have been supportive -- Oh, that's wonderful that you get another year with her! I got an extra year with one of mine, also a fall baby, and it was so nice to have -- those sorts of responses. Very few have been judgmental about it (it probably helped that we were on the other side of the cut-off).
My youngest son tested into early K this fall and will be 4 yrs., 7 mos. when school starts. The cut-off is Oct. 1 so the next-youngest child will be 3 mos. older than him (and that's unlikely, due to redshirting and the admission policies at this particular school-- probably every other kid will be 5 already). He is gifted and mature for his age and I don't have any real concerns about his age, other than worrying that he might get picked on simply for being the only 4 yr. old in a class of 5 and 6 yr. olds.
I believe in children being treated as dynamic individuals. You'll know, in August/September, if your daughter is ready or not. But if you decide to keep her home this year, that doesn't mean she won't be ready for 1st grade next year. It's too early to decide, when she's 4, to put her in kindergarten at 6.
I don't know why outsiders or family member/friends would care, either way. It's not a big deal to me if a barely turned 5 yr old starts kindergarten, or waits until they are 6 to begin. Heck, my oldest didn't even go to kindy as we were homeschooling then. So, she was really late starting school.
My kids all have feb/march birthdays, so they are actually in the younger age group among their peers - I guess. They had friends who turned a year older closer to the beginning of the school year, but they have classmates who have yet to have a birthday and the school year is almost over.
Really, I would do whatever you feel is best for your child - and not worry about what anyone else thinks. I don't know that there is really a right or wrong answer - either way it will work out just fine.
So there is no way to predict what's going to happen based on birthdate.
In the state I'm in now, K is not required, so some folks send their kids to "pre-schools" that do K (but may not be accredited for K) and then decide if they want their kid to do K again or go straight into 1st.
I wouldn't expect that you will receive a lot of negative reactions to holding her out unless your community is very different from those in which we have lived. It doesn't seem uncommon and I do believe that it is less common for the younger kids to start "on time" in many communities due to parents believing that it generally confers an academic or social advantage. Research does not support that advantage, but each child is an individual.
Does your dd attend preschool and can you solicit input from the teachers there, if so, as to how they believe she is performing socially and academically in comparison to her peers? Could you speak with the potential K teachers to see what they think? That might help you ascertain whether your concerns about starting her in the fall are reasonable.
eta: You know your child best. I did want to say, though, b/c so many other people are posting about having wished that they hadn't been the youngest, that I never felt that way. I have a fall bd and was on the young end for grade as well (started K shortly before my 5th bd). I never wished that my parents had waited to start me and never felt out of place being younger. I think that personality and a lot of other factors play into whether being older or younger works for an individual child and it is sometimes easy to assume that our problems, social or other, are related to something that may not be the cause at all. We can only live our lives once so there is no way of knowing if any of us would have been better off, worse off, or about the same if we had been older or younger for grade.
With my own family, we usually homeschool but we tried school one year and I put my ds1 in public K at 6.5. He turned 7 that Feb. and was one of 8 kids who were 7 before the year was out. Half the remaining kids were 6 before the second semester. The teacher said it's becoming more and more common to wait till kids are 6/7 to start K.
Declutter - 789/2010 (counting the stuff on my porch waiting for a Freecycler to pick it up! )
My brother started his DD on time but she was one of the youngest and really struggled. They pulled her mid-year and she did KG again in a different school. She's now doing great. My brother himself was a late fall birthday, started on time and was held back in 4th grade. While this annoyed him, he turned out completely fine. I expect his daughter will as well, with a kind of a false start, as will our son with his on-time start, but being quite young.
My DH and I were both the youngest in our grades and it was fine for both of us. My DH tended to be a bit of a crybaby, but as he says of himself, he was that way until at least 3rd grade and they certainly weren't going to wait that long for him to start school. I was a bit geeky and awkward, but that wasn't going to change either.
I guess I have two take-away messages. First, don't worry so much about what other people will say. There is going to be more variation than you might think. And second, this isn't the kind of thing that you make a mistake now and there's no correcting it ever.
My daughter has a early Aug birthday the cutoff around here is sometime in December. She struggled through K and is struggling in 1st grade but 4 months into the school year the teachers agreed there was something going on and by Jan/Feb she was evaluated by the school district. For her holding her back wouldn't have done much good she still would have struggled in school. Since they cant officially diagnose she was suggested to have ADHD Inattentive Type, auditory processing deficit, speech and language impairment.
My son has a May birthday and we will not be holding him back either
Harlan (11/4/2011)http://www.desertreadingloft.com--Independent Usborne Books Consultant
My state doesn't have universal preschool and I was planning on keeping her home until K. But she is dying to go to school, and on days that I stay to deal with ds' discipline issues she cries for an hour when we leave; so I am looking into sending her to a private pre-k because it is what she wants. She would drop me like a hot potato to go to school.
We homeschool now, but my 4.5 year old will be school aged for the fall. The cut off is the begining of December, and he has a September 30th birthday. He's tiny, has a speech delay, would still be four at the begining of the school year, and seems to be a bit behind socially and with his fine motor skills. .... while my youngest is much more clingy and emotionally volatile.
but everything has pros and cons
Go ahead and plan to send her next year, but be open to it working out for her to go this year.
ETA: I went a bit early (Sept 1 cut off, Sept 28 birthday) because I asked to go and I enjoyed it. Looking back, being the youngest kept me closer to level and made it easier to fit in. (I was one of the few kids in elementary school with parents who read for fun.)
Another neighbor started her daughter according to the cutoff (she was probably among the youngest in her class, I don't remember her birthday), and she struggled so much in first grade that they moved her to a different school and had her repeat 1st. It was a fabulous solution for her, and didn't struggle in school again. She just plain wasn't ready yet.
A friend of mine has a dd who was born 2 weeks after the cutoff, so she is one of the oldest in her grade. Her parent could have petitioned for her to start early, but they felt waiting a year was in her best interest - not so much at 5/6, because she was VERY ready for K at 5, but their concern was with her being the youngest girl in her grade in middle school.
Bottom line - every kid is different, and what works really well for one child would be a nightmare for another. You know your child best.
If the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
My birthday is August 17 and so this is just based on my personal experience. It was really hard always being the youngest one in my class. I always felt a beat behind, socially, and I never really felt like I fit in. I was often friends either with people younger or older than me, but rarely had friends in my own age group. My parents had a choice to hold me back or put me in, but I had taught myself to read so they felt like they had to enroll me. My dad still to this day says he wishes he hadn't.