toddler day care/ preschool woes: pls help - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 22 Old 07-27-2010, 01:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
newmum35's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,111
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
For those who have (or have had) toddlers or preschoolers in day care/preschool, what was a typical day like? Did they have a schedule they followed? How often did they change activities? And what age are they?

My 2 year old (soon to be 3 in 3 months) is in his 2nd week of school. We visited MANY schools to select what we felt was the very best one for him based on what we observed during a brief visit at each school, and then a list of Q&A I wrote down for each one. (but now Im thinking and wishing I would have got to see an actual ENTIRE day at each one)

He loved school the first day and did GREAT! The only tears he cried that entire day were those shed when I came to pick him up (he didnt want to go home!!) This is totally in character with him. I was thrilled, surprised and relieved.

The second day he was crying when I picked him up and had apparently been crying for a while as his voice was hoarse and that never happened in his life before. I didnt even realize it until we got home. (I TOLD them to call me if he cried or got upset, but thats not something they do there) I honestly dont think he ever cried more than a 5 minute stretch in his life. He was content from the time he was born only crying out of need that always quickly fulfilled... He stayed hoarse for 2 days until he went back again the next time. Same thing happened that day too. (He goes 3 days a week and that was on a friday) I am not positive how long he cried, whether it was constant, off and on etc. He was sobbing and on the verge of tears when I picked him up the last 3 times. HE has been hoarse now for 5 days from crying off and on in school. I'm not positive what the problem is or why I'm being told that he is doing very well and better each day (to me it seems like the opposite since his first day he did so great) when he seems to not be happy about school anymore. THis makes me so sad because we really talked school up for months beforehand, and he was so looking forward to it, and visited with us ALL 6 schools (loved all our visits) and totally loved his first day of "real" school too. His first week he said he still wanted to go back (even though he cried at 2 of them) but now he tells me he doesn't want to go back (and that breaks my heart!)

Now for my main concern. His teacher mentioned he is having trouble during "transition" times and that this is common with new students getting used to their schedule. She seems totally unconcerned about it and she is very experienced, this is a highly rated school. I really believed everything she told me so far and have no reason to believe she is lying to me. I know she believes what she is telling me. I asked how often they change activities and it is every 30 minutes. I knew they had a busy day but I guess I didn't realize the kids HAD to change what they were during every half hour throughout the day. I wouldn't want anyone making me change what I was doing every 30 minutes throughout the day so why am I putting him through this?

Someone please enlighten me on why this is best for preschoolers, I'm starting to have doubts about this really being the best school for him. Is this the reason why he is so upset lately with school? And why didnt he cry the first day as anticipated? Im thinking what if they let him do what he wanted the first day (only because it was his first day) but maybe the other days they are making him follow what the group is doing every 30 min? Could this be what happened?

Also would like to hear from those who have kids in preschool and maybe crying for a few weeks every day at school is totally normal and then they stop and are happy after that?

FOr me, I never went to preschool but I went to kindergarten (and it was only half day), I remember I cried my first day of school but dont remember much after that. I was 5 though. This seemed the opposite since his first day was fabulous but now its not, hence my concern.


ALSO: he never used to wake up crying in the night prior to starting school. He only woke once (maybe twice) that was to breastfeed and he usually just called "mama" and not really cried like in distress. Now he wakes frequently all night long crying out for me like a baby, I'm assuming he's having bad dreams and is working through some emotional issues steming from his days in school. I feel so bad for him. Is this normal; will it stop; has anyone else gone through this; and am I just overreacting to all this?


I'm so sad that he isn't enjoying school as I hoped he would

How much time am I supposed to let him go before considering maybe this isn't the right school for him? (He goes Mon/Wed/Fri and has just completed Monday of week 2)

And... even if he stops crying in school and stops crying at night at home, is being made to change activities every 30 minutes really a healthy thing to do all day long?

A few final notes: he is napping great there! (2 hours, the usual, except for today it was just one) This HAD been my only main concern and I thought we were homefree after week 1 when he napped every single day. HE goes from 8 am to 4pm (originally 5pm but I changed it this week to 3:30 or 4pm for at least a few weeks, thinking maybe his day was just too long, too much too soon and that he'd do better with a shorter day until he got more used to it) But he was still sad when I came today and while on the potty at home he just volunteered "I cry in school cause I want Mama" and my heart just broke. We'd never been apart more than 4 hours before starting school is this just normal separation anxiety (and if so, then why didnt he experience this the first day at all?? I mean seriously, he broke out in tears when I came to pick him up because he wanted to stay and play with his truck he said "I don't want to go home" and the teacher said those were the first tears she saw all day!) or is he truly not happy in school because of something that happend to him there?

And I wanted to add that if I could afford it, I'd homeschool and do a shorter 1/2 day preschool a few days a week for the socialization. I need to work at least 3 days a week and was so excited about this especially when he spent the entire day without me the first day and had so much fun he didnt want to go home!

One last question: should I try another school (our 2nd choice) and then let him choose which he likes best? It is really tempting. I tried visiting the first school prior to signing him up and asked to spend the day with him there but was declined. It would have really been helpful to actually get to see what the entire day would be like for him there so that I'd know whether or not it would be a good fit.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." -Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
newmum35 is offline  
#2 of 22 Old 07-27-2010, 02:32 AM
ssh
 
ssh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,716
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow, they have to change activities every 30 minutes. That's too structured. Her preschool is 2.5 hours 3 days a week. All day is kind of long for just starting preschool. My DD goes to a play based co-op preschool. Parents have to volunteer for 8 days a year, but are welcome to stay anytime they want. So you really know what the whole day is like. I wouldn't be comfortable sending my DD to a preschool if I couldn't stay with her. I also wouldn't send her somewhere she didn't want to be. My DD's teacher promised to call me anytime my DD asked her to call. She almost called me once but my DD changed her mind when she saw one of the butterflies they had coming out of it's cocoon.

Of course there's a reason your DS doesn't want to go to preschool, he may just not be old enough to tell you clearly. I probably wouldn't have sent him after they let him cry enough to make him hoarse the first time
ssh is offline  
#3 of 22 Old 07-27-2010, 03:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
newmum35's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,111
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, it does seem highly structured and I plan to ask more about this on Wed. That has to be the only thing I dont like about the school right now. I can think of so many things I Like. Which is why I don't pull him immediately. This is not a terrible school despite the way Im making it sound. Keep in mind I have not noted any of the good things here.. There are many good things about it that are better than some of the other schools we visited. But I am not happy that he is having such a rough time of it.

We do no structure at home. Or not much. If he wants to play play-doh, we do play-doh. I give him either as long as he wants, or, if its bedtime or have to go somewhere I set the timer at least 10 min in advance and he knows when the timer rings its time to start cleaning up. Our naptimes and bedtimes are consistent but thats about it other than he does have a routine of watching a short tv program before going to sleep. I do try to get him outside to play for sunshine and so that he sleeps better too but I dont punch a time clock, just try to get in one outside session sometime in the morning and again in the evening..we've been out for 2 or 3 hours sometimes on nice days. When he wants to read, we read. For as long as he wants. If he wants to go downstairs and play, we go downstairs. By the way, one of the schools we quickly ruled out changed activities every 15 minutes! Seriously.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." -Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
newmum35 is offline  
#4 of 22 Old 07-27-2010, 11:28 AM
 
Emmeline II's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 8,817
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmum35 View Post
This is not a terrible school despite the way Im making it sound. Keep in mind I have not noted any of the good things here.. There are many good things about it that are better than some of the other schools we visited.
It may be "terrible" for him. My son didn't like such frequent transitions in K! It seems like too much structure to me--though neither of my children were/will be in school before K.

I'm moving my 6yo from the school he went to K for (brand new school in a highly rated district) to a charter school whose environment we feel will fit him better.

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
Emmeline II is offline  
#5 of 22 Old 07-27-2010, 03:13 PM
ssh
 
ssh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,716
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The biggest issue is that you can't trust the staff to contact you. They are letting him cry for long periods of time without calling you after you asked them to call you. The fact that your DS loved his first day shows he can enjoy preschool, just not this one anymore. Maybe them letting him cry so long has made your DS lose his trust in the staff or something else has happened. If you can't trust the staff there's no way to know if anything else has happened that you should know about.

You said that your DS has never cried more than 5 minutes before this. So you've invested all this time in helping your DS feel safe and secure. And you've protected him from the toxic effects of extended exposure to stress hormones. Are you sure you want to let this school experience undermine all that. Here are two links to articles on the effects of stress, like extended crying, http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/li...n_palmer2.html and http://www.fi.edu/learn/brain/stress.html .
ssh is offline  
#6 of 22 Old 07-27-2010, 04:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
newmum35's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,111
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ssh View Post
The biggest issue is that you can't trust the staff to contact you. They are letting him cry for long periods of time without calling you after you asked them to call you. The fact that your DS loved his first day shows he can enjoy preschool, just not this one anymore. Maybe them letting him cry so long has made your DS lose his trust in the staff or something else has happened. If you can't trust the staff there's no way to know if anything else has happened that you should know about.

You said that your DS has never cried more than 5 minutes before this. So you've invested all this time in helping your DS feel safe and secure. And you've protected him from the toxic effects of extended exposure to stress hormones. Are you sure you want to let this school experience undermine all that. Here are two links to articles on the effects of stress, like extended crying, http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/li...n_palmer2.html and http://www.fi.edu/learn/brain/stress.html .


Yes this makes me ill. I highly despise CIO and never did it. Im worried if I end up pulling him that the damage is done and he's going to be clingy at the next school we try because of this experience. They took my confident little boy and turned him into a clinging cry baby who doesn't want to go to school anymore. I don't know what happened but will try to find out. Even after his 2nd day (the first day I noticed he was crying when I went to pick him up) he still said he wanted to go back! So I thought all was ok it was just typical behavior for first starting school (Im still not sure really this is all new to me) I spent his first 3 years trying to give him confidence in himself and that all his needs would always be met and now I'm afraid that has all been eroded.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." -Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
newmum35 is offline  
#7 of 22 Old 07-28-2010, 09:27 AM
 
Mrs.Nap515's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Dutchess County, NY
Posts: 25
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi Ladies!
I'm currently a Daycare Director, and I also teach a class of Toddlers, and we have a very loosely based schedule, we are a very highly recommended center, we have a waitlist a mile long, and even with that great reputation, having a structure like that doesn't make it better.
Too much transitions are hard on little guys, especially the toddler age, where they're learning to adapt to a new environment with schedules, etc.
Our group will only "transition" to different locations, in the room, it is not developmentally appropriate for teachers to direct activities. We put out different choices, and it is the toddlers who choose what they will do.
The only times the children have to stop what they're doing is if we are going outside, or to our little gym room, or when we have enrichment programs like cooking; spanish; sign language etc. I'd really consider their philosophy.
We are working with the Child Care Council in developing a quality stars program, and in doing so, are learning more about being developmentally appropriate.
And a center that makes the children change their activities, is not developmentally appropriate for that toddler age. Preschoolers could tend to handle things like that; like rotating activities, but not toddlers.
If anyone ever needs advice or any info on the subject of daycares, please let me know, i'd be happy to help!!
-Noelle

Happily Married DH 5/15/10 we love our Gus, TTC #1, with hormone deficiencies and hypothalmic amenorrhea, starting clomid soon
Mrs.Nap515 is offline  
#8 of 22 Old 07-28-2010, 05:30 PM
 
tbone_kneegrabber's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: West Philly
Posts: 2,779
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
A lot of kids cry at preschool. Ds did great (started at 20months) until he was a little over 2, then he cried (balled, sobbed, freaked out) EVERYDAY at drop off for about 3 months. Then he was totally fine again. It had a lot to do with where he was developmentally with separation anxiety, getting used to new routines, getting used to not being around mama and papa all the time.

Now he is 3yr old and has been at his school for a little over a year and he wants every day to be a school day.

I have been teaching at his school for the last month and yeah we make them change activities, because they finish things. Yes sometimes some kids are still working and other kids are done, or its snack time, or lunch time, or rest time. We get out paints, we paint, everyone is done except one kid and the other kids are starting to get restless, it might be time for circle, even if one kid wants to keep painting. When you are in a group care situation sometimes the needs of the entire group are weighed more heavily.

Every 30 mins seems a little extreme, but is it *really* every 30 mins? Do they have activities planned and some last 10 mins and some last 50? I know that sometimes we think we are going to do a long circle with songs and books and really the kids aren't interested that day and we cut it short, or we see that the sensory table is causing a lot of conflicts so we "close" it early, other times something is going really well and we keep doing it past the allotted time, but certain things (especially in larger centers) like snack, lunch, and rest time cannot be pushed back so then some kids get upset and cry during transition.

The question I would have would be is he really crying for long periods of time, or at transition for shorter periods of time. Are they not calling you because he really is fine most of the day and is working out the routine. Or are they not calling because most parents *can't* come get their kids in the middle of the day if they are sad and so they know that they have to help the kids the best they can? You have to know and trust the teachers and know that they are looking out for the kid(s)'s best interests, that's the only place my concern would lie. I know that ds's teachers would call me if he was upset for a long time and inconsolable, but I also don't want them to call me if he's throwing a fit and screaming "I want mama" because he didn't get his way b/c I have him school because I have school.

The other thing is if he is getting used to the routine, and he cries, and you come get him, then he's never going to get used to the routine, because he's going to know that if he cries you'll come get him so he won't be able to accept comfort from his teachers.
tbone_kneegrabber is offline  
#9 of 22 Old 07-28-2010, 06:51 PM
 
meemee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Norther California
Posts: 12,767
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 19 Post(s)
there are two kinds of crying. one i dont want to be from mama. and one i cant stand this place get me outta here.

when my dd was 2 we changed 5 dc/ps in 4 months before we found a good fit. and the difference was in her crying. if she got too much and they were not able to console her and the teachers were focusing too much on her they called me.

the first couple of days dd was happy to be at dc for half a day. but after two days she realised this was going to be a regular thing and cried her eyes out.

finally she settled in a center rather than an inhome dc. i think its because it reminded her less of home so she missed us less. plus having a lot of kids helped her.

dd did continue to cry at center even before i dropped her off but she was ok within the first 10 or 15 mins.

 treehugger.gif Co-parent, joy.gifcold.gifbrand new homeschooling middle schoolerjoy.gif, and an attackcat.gif 
meemee is online now  
#10 of 22 Old 07-29-2010, 11:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
newmum35's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,111
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Update: I pulled him out of the program. We went on Wednesday and it was worse than ever. As soon as we pulled into the parking lot and he saw the building out the window he started sobbing. (Does this sound normal to anyone?)

This is not what I want for him at all. I want him to love school and have good memories of it. Whatever his experiences it was obvious he did not want to spend any more time here.


we signed in and I tried to talk to his teacher to find out why he is sad there or if there was anything different about his first day than the others, why he did so well at first and now is not (every day seems worse than the last), but she was very tight lipped. She did let a little slip at one point and said they can not let kids carry the same toy around with them all day long. Now my son isn't attached to anything at all and brought no toys with him. So I'm assuming what happens is he likes playing with a particular toy there but when the 30 minutes is up and its time to change rooms, that is just too bad and he has to leave it behind for the next group of kids to enter and play with it. So he cries for a while and by the time he adjusts in the room and calms down enough to get interested in something else, its probably time to leave it behind again and go do something else. This is my best guess. I don't think the providers were being purposely abusive or anything awful like that.

They were very busy and had no time for me. Since he was crying and didnt want me to go, I asked if I could stay one hour with him until they started water activities outside which I knew he would love but I was told NO (can you believe that?) that I would be in the way!

Now I knew they liked parents to quickly drop off and pick up their kids but I had no idea it was this bad.

I just had a really bad feeling about it and signed him out and we left!

I tried my best to find out in person, over the phone, and through email why he might not like school anymore, but could not find out anything about his day, when he cries, how often etc, and I am not welcome to stay with him for even part of the day to help him feel more secure there. I was told this was typical behavior during the adjustment period (which can last for months for some kids) and if he had been in 5 days a week then he would adjust to the routine quicker. (I was also told I had problems and should seek help)

So he is out of the program now and I will visit another school which thankfully has an open door policy where parents are welcome ANYTIME to come and check up on their kids to make sure they are happy. It has a little structure in the day but not much for his age group and does not seem as rigid so hopefully this will work out better for him. THe hours are better, the price is better too! So I am excited but I am trying not to get my hopes up, as I THOUGHT I picked the "best" school out there last time but obviously it was not the right choice for us.

THank goodness we got out before it got any worse. Thank you for all the input.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." -Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
newmum35 is offline  
#11 of 22 Old 07-29-2010, 11:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
newmum35's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,111
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ssh View Post
Wow, they have to change activities every 30 minutes. That's too structured. Her preschool is 2.5 hours 3 days a week. All day is kind of long for just starting preschool. My DD goes to a play based co-op preschool. Parents have to volunteer for 8 days a year, but are welcome to stay anytime they want. So you really know what the whole day is like. I wouldn't be comfortable sending my DD to a preschool if I couldn't stay with her. I also wouldn't send her somewhere she didn't want to be. My DD's teacher promised to call me anytime my DD asked her to call. She almost called me once but my DD changed her mind when she saw one of the butterflies they had coming out of it's cocoon.

Of course there's a reason your DS doesn't want to go to preschool, he may just not be old enough to tell you clearly. I probably wouldn't have sent him after they let him cry enough to make him hoarse the first time
They don't just change activities every 30 min, they change rooms (3 small rooms, not one big one). Because there are 3 groups of kids and they all alternate.

I really feel they should have done a better job at our tour and explained how all this worked before we signed him up. I had no idea it worked this way. I did see the rooms as we walked through briefly, but being unfamiliar with facilities like this I didnt know all the rules and specifics.

I agree I probably should have started slower with a shorter day. BUT he proved to me on the first day he can handle a full day preschool (as one poster mentioned). Long day and he did great without me! So I feel it was the routine he disliked. BUT just to be on the safe side I am definitely starting him slower next time around. Few hours at first for as long as it takes to know that he likes school and is not afraid to go there. Then gradually working our way up. Your co-op preschool sounds lovely.

I think he is getting his voice back now. I noticed today he was sounding more normally again.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." -Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
newmum35 is offline  
#12 of 22 Old 07-29-2010, 11:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
newmum35's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,111
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emmeline II View Post
It may be "terrible" for him. My son didn't like such frequent transitions in K! It seems like too much structure to me--though neither of my children were/will be in school before K.

I'm moving my 6yo from the school he went to K for (brand new school in a highly rated district) to a chartr school whose environment we feel will fit him better.
I agree. I feel like an idiot that I didn't know there were 2 kinds of schools: structured and play-based (a lot probably fall somewhere in between)

Found some great links online and have been reading about them past few days.

http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/s...playbased.html

http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/s...chool.html#too

http://www.savvysource.com/articles/...es_it_all_mean

http://www.helium.com/debates/119853...by_side?page=1

Basically what I want is for my child to be happy and safe and not watching tv all day long, and I want him to be around other kids close in age so he can play with them and learn to socialize. If the care center can meet those goals, then I will be happy. He learns a lot at home so I don't necessarily have to have a "preschool" to teach his abc's for example, but if they could provide some educational play materials that would be great. Most of the places around here are both day care centers and preschools combined. Maybe I should have also considered home day cares, etc, but those have gotten a bad rap and I wanted him to be in a good and safe place.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." -Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
newmum35 is offline  
#13 of 22 Old 07-30-2010, 12:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
newmum35's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,111
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ssh View Post
The biggest issue is that you can't trust the staff to contact you. They are letting him cry for long periods of time without calling you after you asked them to call you. The fact that your DS loved his first day shows he can enjoy preschool, just not this one anymore. Maybe them letting him cry so long has made your DS lose his trust in the staff or something else has happened. If you can't trust the staff there's no way to know if anything else has happened that you should know about.
I agree with 100% I think he lost trust and felt unsafe. He had no problems first few days with me leaving him. He trusted me to leave him in a good place and unfortunately I let him down. This will probably affect his trust in the future of any new schools and when I go to leave him for the first time. So I plan to take it slowly and stay with him at first until I am sure he likes it there and is ok with staying there without me. Hopefully that will just take a few days.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." -Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
newmum35 is offline  
#14 of 22 Old 07-30-2010, 12:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
newmum35's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,111
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs.Nap515 View Post
Hi Ladies!
I'm currently a Daycare Director, and I also teach a class of Toddlers, and we have a very loosely based schedule, we are a very highly recommended center, we have a waitlist a mile long, and even with that great reputation, having a structure like that doesn't make it better.
Too much transitions are hard on little guys, especially the toddler age, where they're learning to adapt to a new environment with schedules, etc.
Our group will only "transition" to different locations, in the room, it is not developmentally appropriate for teachers to direct activities. We put out different choices, and it is the toddlers who choose what they will do.
The only times the children have to stop what they're doing is if we are going outside, or to our little gym room, or when we have enrichment programs like cooking; spanish; sign language etc. I'd really consider their philosophy.
We are working with the Child Care Council in developing a quality stars program, and in doing so, are learning more about being developmentally appropriate.
And a center that makes the children change their activities, is not developmentally appropriate for that toddler age. Preschoolers could tend to handle things like that; like rotating activities, but not toddlers.
If anyone ever needs advice or any info on the subject of daycares, please let me know, i'd be happy to help!!
-Noelle
Thank you for your professional input. I appreciate it!
I don't know if they directed activities. THey weren't supposed to. They are highly rated, all the stars, I'm not saying they did anything "developmentally inappropriate" (whatever that means because this is not my field) I just think its wrong to be so strict with structure for a 2 year old especially one who has just entered. I wouldn't want to change rooms every half hour and be told I had to choose a new activity from the next room; why is it ok to expect that of a 2 year old? Now I know they can't stay in the same room ALL day especially when one is the kitchen where they eat but at least an hour might have been more reasonable and made for happier toddlers. I don't know. I am just upset that I wasn't told before I signed up that this was how their center worked and I am just now finding out about it.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." -Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
newmum35 is offline  
#15 of 22 Old 07-30-2010, 12:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
newmum35's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,111
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by tbone_kneegrabber View Post

The question I would have would be is he really crying for long periods of time, or at transition for shorter periods of time. Are they not calling you because he really is fine most of the day and is working out the routine. Or are they not calling because most parents *can't* come get their kids in the middle of the day if they are sad and so they know that they have to help the kids the best they can? You have to know and trust the teachers and know that they are looking out for the kid(s)'s best interests, that's the only place my concern would lie. I know that ds's teachers would call me if he was upset for a long time and inconsolable, but I also don't want them to call me if he's throwing a fit and screaming "I want mama" because he didn't get his way b/c I have him school because I have school.

The other thing is if he is getting used to the routine, and he cries, and you come get him, then he's never going to get used to the routine, because he's going to know that if he cries you'll come get him so he won't be able to accept comfort from his teachers.

All true and I agree. I did trust the teachers but after his voice got hoarse I lost a little trust on the 2nd day and more on the 3rd day. Still had trust though and sent him the 4th day when I began to question it when I picked him up crying once again. No clue about how long how often crying etc, tried to find out was unable. I feel it must have been on and off or surely they would have called if he was totally inconsolable. I think they are just so used to this they think it is normal.

But is it really? Anyone have kids who went to day care or preschool and were happy from the beginning?

I never went to preschool but I remember in my (half day) kindergarten crying on my first day. That was it. Don't remember anything after that and I probably adjusted and was fine after that. THis is what I expected with him and what I thought was normal. Cry for a few days maybe and then get adjusted. I got worried when I realized this was getting worse each day and not better.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." -Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
newmum35 is offline  
#16 of 22 Old 07-30-2010, 01:01 AM
 
Emmeline II's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 8,817
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmum35 View Post
I never went to preschool but I remember in my (half day) kindergarten crying on my first day. That was it. Don't remember anything after that and I probably adjusted and was fine after that. THis is what I expected with him and what I thought was normal. Cry for a few days maybe and then get adjusted. I got worried when I realized this was getting worse each day and not better.
I did go to preschool at 3yo and though I think I would have liked to stay home a bit longer I don't remember crying after the first day.

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
Emmeline II is offline  
#17 of 22 Old 07-30-2010, 12:00 PM
ssh
 
ssh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,716
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmum35 View Post
we signed in and I tried to talk to his teacher to find out why he is sad there or if there was anything different about his first day than the others, why he did so well at first and now is not (every day seems worse than the last), but she was very tight lipped. She did let a little slip at one point and said they can not let kids carry the same toy around with them all day long.
Carrying around a favorite toy all day long is really very common behavior for that age. At my DDs preschool kids can bring one from home or just play with one of the classes toys all day. My DDs teacher let her borrow a small dog and cat for a weekend.


Quote:
I tried my best to find out in person, over the phone, and through email why he might not like school anymore, but could not find out anything about his day, when he cries, how often etc, and I am not welcome to stay with him for even part of the day to help him feel more secure there. I was told this was typical behavior during the adjustment period (which can last for months for some kids) and if he had been in 5 days a week then he would adjust to the routine quicker. (I was also told I had problems and should seek help)
Not being able to tell you what is going on with your child is completely unacceptable. That they say that his behavior was normal and could last for months is very scary. That amount of stress, mainly stress hormones, does neurological damage. The preschool staff has problems not you. It's really good you got your DS out of there.
ssh is offline  
#18 of 22 Old 07-30-2010, 12:07 PM
ssh
 
ssh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,716
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmum35 View Post
But is it really? Anyone have kids who went to day care or preschool and were happy from the beginning?
My DD was happy with her preschool from the beginning. She acted out abit at home, so i think she found all the change a bit stressful. But she loved going to preschool.
ssh is offline  
#19 of 22 Old 07-30-2010, 12:47 PM
 
MisaGoat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 1,132
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My son loved preschool from day one, he started a few weeks before his 3rd birthday. We haven't had any problems with his school at all. It did take him a few weeks to get used to the classroom rules and routines. He does occasionally cry at drop off or pick up. Usually if he cries at pick up it is because he doesn't want to leave or he is really involved in what he is doing there. His school encourages parents to come in and has an open visit policy.

We did drop in daycare at the YMCA here two days in a row before he started preschool. The first day he ran off playing, the second day he was hysterical when he realized he was going back there and cried from the time I got him dressed until I left him there. The teachers there didn't talk to me and let my husband pick him up without showing any ID (my husband hadn't been in the center at all). My son is usually pretty easy going and never cried when I dropped him off at my parents' or my friend's or my aunts house and was always fine while I was gone.

I think it is about finding a good fit for your child and the school. We looked at two other schools before picking this one and really liked this one much better.

Melissa- mom to a boy 9/06 and a new boy 11/10 and married to my best friend 7/02
MisaGoat is offline  
#20 of 22 Old 07-30-2010, 01:24 PM
 
Qestia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,020
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ugh, glad you got him out of there. Their unwillingness to even talk to you is a huge, HUGE red flag to me.

We just transitioned my DD from her home daycare to the preschool where DS has been the past 3 years--they have a small toddler program (she's not quite 2). I was really worried, but this is the end of her second week and it's been great.

Their transition plan was very slow though--and maybe something slower would help next time, even if your son seems fine. The first week, we just came in for hour-long visits, twice, with a parent, over the course of the week.

The second week was a visit with parent day one, leaving for one hour day 2, 2 hours day 3, till lunch day 4, till nap the last day. I do think it helps.

I remember when we transitioned DS there he also did well-but did have nightmares for awhile. No other indications of problems though--it was very different from your experience.

But at any rate good for you for pulling him.

Mom to DS 5/05 and DD 9/08
Qestia is offline  
#21 of 22 Old 07-30-2010, 02:06 PM
 
lyterae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,108
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DD is in a home daycare and starts preschool next month (she is 4.5). She will go to preschool for 3 half days and do the rest of her time at daycare. One of the things I love(d) about her daycare is that it is loosely structured.. If the kids are happy with thier current activities they go with it.. if she needs a nap that day she gets one, etc..

One of the reasons I'm sticking with part-time preschool is I still want her to have a play based environment most of the time.

I hope you're able to find a good fit for you son

wife of 8 years to DH geek.gif, mama to DD blahblah.gif (2006) & DS jog.gif (2011) angel1.gif (Dec. 2012) rainbow1284.gif due Nov. 2013 

 vbac.gifh20homebirth.gif cd.gif homeschool.gif

lyterae is offline  
#22 of 22 Old 07-30-2010, 10:57 PM
 
lauren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In a state of grace
Posts: 6,801
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 7 Post(s)
It sounds like you were wise to follow your gut and pull him from that preschool. There were many things about your description that did not sound right.

IMO, a short adjustment phase for a child that age is normal, but what you described sounds like it was much more distressing for your child than what is typical.

 
lauren is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off