I was very excited to get DS into a lovely little charter school that is a short drive away. It's a gentle, nurturing place that doesn't force academics in kindy. A big part of the curriculum is teaching respect for the earth (they even have compost buckets) and being kind to each other. The teacher is amazing and loved by kids, parents, and the school staff. I've seen her in action, as I've sat in ds's class for the past 2 days, and I was very impressed. She is wonderful with even the most difficult child, doesn't play favorites, and zeroes in on the kids who need the most nurturing. She uses gentle discipline and teaches kids through natural consequences. He LOVES the school and the teacher, and just blossomed in that setting. So there's no problem with the school.
I admittedly am feeling very upset at being separated from my son for 4.5 hours a day, since we've been together every day since he was born. I've cried over it and dealt with my misgivings and I know that this situation is the best for him (and me, and ds's little brother who is on the way). DS is highly active and curious and needs a lot of stimulation. I cannot provide him with all he needs at home.
Now the problem. He is *extremely* attached to me and absolutely refuses to go to school unless I sit in class with him. This is nothing new and has been the main source of the difficulty that we have with him and it also makes DH and I incredibly angry sometimes. He has been so ridiculously clingy since he was a baby. At that age it was to be expected and didn't bother me, but it NEVER lessened. It would take forever to go into all the details, so I'll use a recent one. We were in Disneyland in July, and MIL was with us. DS is close with her and comfortable. She was right next to him while he sat in his stroller, and dh and I were about 30 feet away from him in line at the bakery. We were in full view, and that was too much separation for ds. He screamed and cried, getting louder and louder, until dh went over to him. We couldn't leave him to do anything on our own, since we didn't want to leave MIL to deal with an uncontrollably shrieking kid. It just feels so controlling at this point, that this is what he does he get his way. He didn't go to preschool and he almost never stays with babysitters.
DH says that all kids are like that, that they don't like being separated from mom. He thinks we "babied" ds too much and waited too long for this separation. This morning, ds was supposed to do kindy on his own for the first time and dh was taking him, but ds starting crying and tantruming and wouldn't leave the house. He was flailing and fighting dh when he tried to pick him up. DH gets angry and says stupid things, like "Well, I'm disappointed in you and I'm not playing with you until you go to school!!" I mean, I am admittedly angry with ds right now for doing this again, but I don't think that saying those types of things helps much.
I know that I have been part of the problem with ds's behavior. He is a very sweet and gentle child, and although I have been pushing him for a long time to be more independent, maybe I didn't do it strongly enough or in the right way. I've always been very protective of him. Even in comparison to children in his age range, he is very naive and usually the sweetest and most openly enthusiastic of the group. I figured I could avoid any anxiety I might be transferring to him at kindy by having dh drop him off, but that was a disaster.
Okay, so am I doing the right thing by making him go to kindy? I'm going to work out some way with the teacher that we can get my kid to stay in school without me. It wouldn't be beyond him to shriek his head off and insist on waiting in the parking lot until I return. Is this behavior in the normal range, or is something "wrong" with my kid? Oh, and I cannot home school him, but I will take him out of school and start kindy next year if he truly cannot handle it. But then I may not be able to get him back into this school.
Thanks a million to anyone who made it through this post
I admittedly am feeling very upset at being separated from my son for 4.5 hours a day, since we've been together every day since he was born. I've cried over it and dealt with my misgivings and I know that this situation is the best for him (and me, and ds's little brother who is on the way). DS is highly active and curious and needs a lot of stimulation. I cannot provide him with all he needs at home.
Now the problem. He is *extremely* attached to me and absolutely refuses to go to school unless I sit in class with him. This is nothing new and has been the main source of the difficulty that we have with him and it also makes DH and I incredibly angry sometimes. He has been so ridiculously clingy since he was a baby. At that age it was to be expected and didn't bother me, but it NEVER lessened. It would take forever to go into all the details, so I'll use a recent one. We were in Disneyland in July, and MIL was with us. DS is close with her and comfortable. She was right next to him while he sat in his stroller, and dh and I were about 30 feet away from him in line at the bakery. We were in full view, and that was too much separation for ds. He screamed and cried, getting louder and louder, until dh went over to him. We couldn't leave him to do anything on our own, since we didn't want to leave MIL to deal with an uncontrollably shrieking kid. It just feels so controlling at this point, that this is what he does he get his way. He didn't go to preschool and he almost never stays with babysitters.
DH says that all kids are like that, that they don't like being separated from mom. He thinks we "babied" ds too much and waited too long for this separation. This morning, ds was supposed to do kindy on his own for the first time and dh was taking him, but ds starting crying and tantruming and wouldn't leave the house. He was flailing and fighting dh when he tried to pick him up. DH gets angry and says stupid things, like "Well, I'm disappointed in you and I'm not playing with you until you go to school!!" I mean, I am admittedly angry with ds right now for doing this again, but I don't think that saying those types of things helps much.
I know that I have been part of the problem with ds's behavior. He is a very sweet and gentle child, and although I have been pushing him for a long time to be more independent, maybe I didn't do it strongly enough or in the right way. I've always been very protective of him. Even in comparison to children in his age range, he is very naive and usually the sweetest and most openly enthusiastic of the group. I figured I could avoid any anxiety I might be transferring to him at kindy by having dh drop him off, but that was a disaster.
Okay, so am I doing the right thing by making him go to kindy? I'm going to work out some way with the teacher that we can get my kid to stay in school without me. It wouldn't be beyond him to shriek his head off and insist on waiting in the parking lot until I return. Is this behavior in the normal range, or is something "wrong" with my kid? Oh, and I cannot home school him, but I will take him out of school and start kindy next year if he truly cannot handle it. But then I may not be able to get him back into this school.
Thanks a million to anyone who made it through this post