Do you miss your young kids when they are at school?! - Mothering Forums
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Learning at School > Do you miss your young kids when they are at school?!
Snapdragon's Avatar Snapdragon 11:26 PM 10-23-2010
This is kind of a silly idea but something I am thinking about. I have one child- only a baby in the first yr of his life. I am a sahm.
I think about when he will go off to school possibly 5 days a week and I feel like I am going to really miss him! I will not have to go back to work. It is likely we are going to have only this one child. And the school we want to send him to is over a 1/2 hour drive- so he will be gone lots of the day as soon as he is kindergarten age- which is not so long from now!
I would be totally happy to have him in school in my ideal schedule from 9-2 5 days a wk. But the locale of the school and the school hours make it so that he will be out from like 7:30-3:30 5 days a week!
I can see why people home school on this level- not wanting to have one's kids spend much of their childhood away from them! Anyway- I imagine I feel this partially cause he is still an infant and so right now I am so inclined to be with him all the time. Maybe when he is 6 I will welcome it?
I don't want to homeschool for a # of reasons- and anyway school is quite a ways off yet for ds.
But I just wonder- do you miss your little ones (especially when they are younger) when they are gone so much? \when it comes down to it - I am going to try to figure out a way to make it work as close to some ideal as possible- either I will find the regular school schedule works fine for us or I will see if I can adapt it some how!

lach's Avatar lach 11:42 PM 10-23-2010
Eh, not really. She has a really good time. And I really enjoy spending some quality one on one time with my DS. I feel like he's always gotten the short end of the attention stick, so it's really nice that I get to spend 3 hours a day just with him.

Also, 3 year olds can be... difficult. I do have to admit that it's nice that someone else tires her out a bit!

Of course, she's just in a 1/2 day preschool, so it's only 3 hours a day 5 days a week.
JollyGG's Avatar JollyGG 11:57 PM 10-23-2010
I am a WOHM and I do miss my kids a bit now that they are in school. But not because of the school hours. Once school started so did all the activities - weekend language classes, scouts, sports, religion classes.....

I feel like the time I do get with my son is spent driving him around and rushing to and fro instead of enjoying each other.

But he get so much out of the activities he's in and enjoys them so much that I know we'll be okay. We just have to be more creative in how we fit in our bonding time.
MeepyCat's Avatar MeepyCat 12:02 AM 10-24-2010
My DS is three, and goes to pre-school/daycare. I recently started back to work, but we had him in daycare even before that.

When DS was very small - a year or less - I missed him all the time. He was so focused on me, and so snuggly, that I felt like every moment away from him was a moment when I wasn't basking in love. And okay, some of that love was a little food related - with a baby, it's hard to tell whether the visible enthusiasm means "Mama!" or whether it means "Snacks!" But it was awesome.

At this age, though? DS is a kinetic whirlwind with a gigantic personality. He does not stay where he is put, and neither does anything in the same room with him. If ever there is a lull in the noise, I had better go check it out NOW - silence is the noise that disasters make while a child is arranging them. Two or three times a day, he will be awesomely snuggly for sometimes as much as a minute. Sometimes without ulterior motives. He wears me out, sometimes frighteningly fast. Once or twice, he may tell me that I'm not his friend anymore (usually because I have said something terrible like "chocolate is not an option" or "no more juice until after you sit on the potty.") His school is awesome for him - they take good care of him, the routine is good for him, and he loves having other kids to run around with (I seriously think that after a certain age, two kids is less work than one).

Most days, I wouldn't describe myself as missing him. I would - and do - say that I look forward to seeing him when I get home. I'm not really sad that we're apart. Now and again I feel the need to call the DCP mid-day and ask for a fix, and they're great about that.
sunnmama's Avatar sunnmama 12:05 AM 10-24-2010
My dd didn't start school until she was 7, and at that point she had a baby brother--so I welcomed the opportunity to give him some 1:1 time (she had me all to herself until she was 6!). No, I don't really miss her when she is at school. I do appreciate the time we ARE together much more now, though! We both do.

My ds is now 3.5, and I think I'll be ready for him to start school at 5.5. It helps that ages 3-4 are often fairly challenging years
One_Girl's Avatar One_Girl 12:25 AM 10-24-2010
Not really. I miss being with her now that I work ridiculously long hours and my only day off during the week falls on a school day, but I don't miss her because of the school aspect and I know she is having a ton of fun. I homeschooled her for a while and that had it's good and bad sides just as her current school does. She has always thrived in a social setting so school is a really good thing in many ways when her teachers are good matches for her.
lifeguard's Avatar lifeguard 01:37 AM 10-24-2010
Ds is just two & I worry about the same thing. It is one of the biggest factors in us considering homeschooling - even if just for kindergarten.
CorasMama's Avatar CorasMama 01:45 AM 10-24-2010
Honestly, I miss DD1 now more than I did when she was little. She's in 7th grade, and nearly every day, I'm chomping at the bit waiting for her to get home. In the earlier years, I welcomed the break about half the time.
SubliminalDarkness's Avatar SubliminalDarkness 01:53 AM 10-24-2010
Honestly, no. I did a little when he first started(kindergarten). But my days are so much easier and so much more productive when he's at school. And then I'm in a better place with him when he gets home in the afternoon.
MCatLvrMom2A&X's Avatar MCatLvrMom2A&X 01:54 AM 10-24-2010
I miss mine terribly I practically run out the door to pick them up at the end of the day. Very few things feel as good as seeing each ones face as they walk to me when school lets out.

I do have days where I am glad they are there and safe since I have things to do or errands to run that are much easier to do alone but those days are rare.
dbsam's Avatar dbsam 02:13 AM 10-24-2010
I really miss my children (both aged 6) while they are at school and feel cheated as if school itself, the homework, and weekend fundraisers/events are taking too much time that s/b spent with the family. My sister feels the same way with her children (ages 7 & 9) so I have someone to share my feelings which helps. I'm hoping this gets easier with time.

I wish school was 9:00 - 2:00, 4 days/week.
karlin's Avatar karlin 02:21 PM 10-24-2010
My DS is 7, and I miss him too. Not all the time, but quite a bit. When I'm busy, it's nice to not worry about him...but I do enjoy picking him up everyday.
Linda on the move's Avatar Linda on the move 03:45 PM 10-24-2010
not a bit

My kids are in school from 8:30 to 3:00, the school is 5 mintues from our house, and I volunteer 3 hours a week up there.

Plus, we homeschooled when they were young, so by the time they started, I was really ready to have some time to myself.
Snapdragon's Avatar Snapdragon 04:07 PM 10-24-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by dbsam View Post

I wish school was 9:00 - 2:00, 4 days/week.
actually this sounds pretty good to me too! I just think about the yrs after yrs- his whole childhood- that he could spend most of the time away from me and with his teachers! And then he is grown and out of the house- and this is my baby. y'know- we'll see. But I think I am gonna find a way to make it work for me rather than just accepting it and missing him too much. I felt silly when I posted this but I am very glad to see there are some others who feel this way some what too!
Bekka's Avatar Bekka 09:30 PM 10-24-2010
I have 5 kids and 3 in school. I don't miss them. It never occurred to me to miss them. I really enjoy the summers, having them at home and being able to do stuff like picnics and stuff. But I'm happy for the routine in Sept and they're happy for the routine and structure, I think. They learn all the time; I wouldn't say that I think their learning atrophies over the summer.

I struggle with the time school takes up in their afternoons and evenings. The activities they have, THEY have chosen. They don't wish to change anything there; I wish they had more time to be together with each other, without quite so much homework. BUT, OTOH, dd has algebra and a foreign language. Those really need to have some homework--repetition!
CatsCradle's Avatar CatsCradle 10:00 PM 10-24-2010
My "missing" come in various stages and forms. I've been a WOHM since DD was a baby, so I can say that my longings have varied over the years. DD is four now, in a great Montessori school, yet I find myself thinking about her throughout the day...wondering what she is doing...looking forward to meeting her after school.

I think it would be much different if I were at home. When DH and DD go out for a few hours on the weekend, I find myself feeling really helpless and missing them both. It's weird, while I am much occupied at work I miss DD throughout the day, but missing her at home is so much different. It is like home is deficient without all its parts. While we're all out during the day, it is somewhat acceptable. I have a harder time at home alone.
whatsnextmom's Avatar whatsnextmom 10:42 PM 10-24-2010
You have to remember, we women are pretty hardwired to stay close to our babies when they are born. Human babies are almost entirely helpless. It's a good thing that instict to hover is there! However, as kids grow and become more independant, that instinct adapts. About the time kids are old enough to actually GIVE you time to yourself, you start to desire it. They start fighting for their independance as teenagers as preparation towards everyone being more comfortable when they move out. Sure, you will always have moments but am I as freaked out at the notion of DD going off to college in 4 years as I was when she was a baby and I thought "I only have 17 or 18 years?" Not nearly.

I do miss the kids sometimes... particularly when they first go back after a break. However, I've got a lot on my plate. With a 10 and 13-year-old, we can all go out into the world and do our stuff. I enjoy hearing their stories and experiences of the day. I take pride in their independance. I'm still there when they need me. It's all good.
zinemama's Avatar zinemama 10:47 PM 10-24-2010
No, I can't think of a single time that I have missed my children when they're in school. After years of day-in day-out stay-at-home mothering, I relish every bit of time alone. They're happy. I'm happy.
dbsam's Avatar dbsam 11:36 PM 10-24-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
They're happy. I'm happy.
Maybe this is the key. My husband and I discussed this thread and he reminded me that although I would rather have them home, I did better with them in school last year. They loved school, I enjoyed the time by myself, could observe their class anytime through one-way glass, and felt really comfortable with them in the school. They were not in school full days every day. This year we are at a new school and are not completely happy. The days are long and their teacher is not who I would pick. They are struggling academically and are frightened of the teacher. I volunteer often and I see my children on the verge of tears or actually crying. So...when I'm home alone I tend to worry about how they are doing. (to the point that I get little accomplished.) Even in an ideal school setting, I would rather have them home. But I probably miss them more when I believe the school setting is not ideal. I figure, if someone/place is going to take my children away from me for so many hours it had better be wonderful.
lauren's Avatar lauren 11:36 PM 10-24-2010
I always miss them when we are apart. But I am at work and many days I don't think about them because of my workload. I totally enjoy the sweetness of getting back together at the end of the day though!
Drummer's Wife's Avatar Drummer's Wife 12:19 AM 10-25-2010
I do miss my youngest at times (he's 3, and still my baby), but TBH I dot really miss my 5, 7, and 9 yo's when they are at school. I think it's hard to imagine when they are really little; I'm sure if mine were in daycare as infants I would have missed them terribly (probably helped that I had easy babies), but as they get older, it's easier to let them go and enjoy their day away from you.

If they hate school, then, yeah, I think that would change it a bit. That's probably part of the reason I sometimes miss my youngest... While he likes preschool, he has a hard time following rules and getting along with others - so knowin that he's not having a fabulous day makes me wish I could be with him (and TBH, if I wasn't in school myself, he'd be home).
Snapdragon's Avatar Snapdragon 12:20 AM 10-25-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by dbsam View Post
Maybe this is the key. My husband and I discussed this thread and he reminded me that although I would rather have them home, I did better with them in school last year. They loved school, I enjoyed the time by myself, could observe their class anytime through one-way glass, and felt really comfortable with them in the school. They were not in school full days every day. This year we are at a new school and are not completely happy. The days are long and their teacher is not who I would pick. They are struggling academically and are frightened of the teacher. I volunteer often and I see my children on the verge of tears or actually crying. So...when I'm home alone I tend to worry about how they are doing. (to the point that I get little accomplished.) Even in an ideal school setting, I would rather have them home. But I probably miss them more when I believe the school setting is not ideal. I figure, if someone/place is going to take my children away from me for so many hours it had better be wonderful.
oh, that is too bad that their school isn't that great- what is the situation that means they have to be there- was the other school just a pre school? I can totally see why it feels harder if they aren't happy there.

For us I can see our big issue will be time- if I send ds to the school I really want him to go to it will be extra travel time.where we live there is lots of driving time to things. We'll see how things go- I am sure as a previous poster said, that I will feel differently when he is older than I do now with him as a baby! and the other thing is that if he is our only (still not sure about that) that is kind of different than if I had other kids at home. If I were younger I might have another kid aorund the time that ds would be starting to go to school- but I had ds when I was 37 so timing may not work so well on that! But we likely want an only anyway- now I am going off topic. !
Alyantavid's Avatar Alyantavid 03:46 PM 10-25-2010
Well sure, I always miss my kids when they aren't with me. But knowing that they're having fun and learning helps alot. It probably helps alot that I've always worked so the kids and I are used to not seeing each other all day. But even with that, kindergarten was hard for me and I really expect when my youngest goes off to kindy next year, it'll be really rough on me.
dbsam's Avatar dbsam 11:16 AM 10-26-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snapdragon View Post
oh, that is too bad that their school isn't that great- what is the situation that means they have to be there- was the other school just a pre school? I can totally see why it feels harder if they aren't happy there.

For us I can see our big issue will be time- if I send ds to the school I really want him to go to it will be extra travel time.where we live there is lots of driving time to things. We'll see how things go- I am sure as a previous poster said, that I will feel differently when he is older than I do now with him as a baby! and the other thing is that if he is our only (still not sure about that) that is kind of different than if I had other kids at home. If I were younger I might have another kid aorund the time that ds would be starting to go to school- but I had ds when I was 37 so timing may not work so well on that! But we likely want an only anyway- now I am going off topic. !
I don't want to completely derail your thread! But they were at Montessori and are now at a newly opened charter school which is more traditional than I would like. I've spent years helping to organize the charter school and it is a good school...just not what I wanted.

I've been considering home schooling for many reasons, wanting more time with my children is one of them.

Maybe I'm just odd and I know I am overprotective. Today after dropping them off I heard we have tornado warnings and I wish I w/h kept them home. But I know I cannot do that with a public school.

Regarding your being 37...I was 40 when I had my children. We also liked the idea of an only child - but ended up with twins.

ok...as I posted all the air raid sirens went off. This is the sort of thing I need to get used to. I would feel better if they were with me.
contactmaya's Avatar contactmaya 05:40 PM 10-26-2010
Yes, i miss him (my 5yo), but i also enjoy my quiet time. I like getting around with my kids. I like us being together.
Snapdragon's Avatar Snapdragon 11:07 PM 10-27-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by dbsam View Post
I don't want to completely derail your thread! But they were at Montessori and are now at a newly opened charter school which is more traditional than I would like. I've spent years helping to organize the charter school and it is a good school...just not what I wanted.

I've been considering home schooling for many reasons, wanting more time with my children is one of them.

Maybe I'm just odd and I know I am overprotective. Today after dropping them off I heard we have tornado warnings and I wish I w/h kept them home. But I know I cannot do that with a public school.

Regarding your being 37...I was 40 when I had my children. We also liked the idea of an only child - but ended up with twins.

ok...as I posted all the air raid sirens went off. This is the sort of thing I need to get used to. I would feel better if they were with me.
Please do derail my thread! I would like to hear more if you want to share. Yes, I would totally feel similarly to you- tornado warning? keep them home! They are your babies-

It is hard with public school- maybe even with private school- to have the kids there 4 days a wk might feel like an interruption for the class or whatever. But I am super stubborn about things when I want to be- and I am going to try to find something that works for us. I do not want to homeschool- many reasons, but mainly because we live way out rurally and ds will maybe be an only. So the socializing of school I feel will be necessary for him. Also, I think he can get much better educated at the school I want to send him to than I could ever do for him. I am lucky I will be able to send him to a good private school (though a far drive ) I think if I only had the option of sending him to the public school in my town I would home school him. Only because of the particulars of this school ( I was public schooled very well in my youth)
but at any rate- yeah- being protective and wanting your kids to be with you more is a good and loving thing, not odd at all.
tink79's Avatar tink79 12:29 AM 10-28-2010
When DD1 went to Kindergarten and was gone all day 5 days a week, I missed her alot. She's now in 1st and I've gotten used to her being at school but miss her often, she's my bud, we hang and banter with each other so I do miss her when she's not around. But she absolutely adores school, adores her teacher and has fun everyday so I know she's good without me. If she wasn't enjoying school, I think it would be much harder.

DD2 and DD3 tried pre-school for a couple of weeks but we decided to keep them home for a while. I did miss them while they were there for that short period of time but I also discovered how nice the actual break from everyone was for a bit, although I'm sure that would probably get old pretty fast.
eepster's Avatar eepster 01:30 PM 10-28-2010
Sure I miss DS, but that's OK.

I get to go to the super market all by myself . I'm trying to find a job. I even get to go out to the salon or just wander the mall.

Best of all, when it's 3 o'clock and time to pick DS up from school, we are really happy to see each other.
odenata's Avatar odenata 01:42 PM 10-28-2010
Yes, I miss my 5 yo when she is at school. I love her little brother, 22 mo, but find being at home with a toddler by myself to be harder than having two kids.
Danielle283's Avatar Danielle283 12:46 PM 10-31-2010
I am a SAHM to an only child in kindergarten and yes I miss her. I sent her to pre-k 3 days a week to gradually get me used to 5 days of K! Luckily she loves school, so it's worth it so she can have a fun day. I try to get everything done while she's gone so that we can get plenty of quality time in after school.
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