Is this normal 9-10yo behavior? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 49 Old 11-07-2010, 03:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
oceanbaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 11,454
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is our first year in school - we previously homeschooled. My older son is in 4th grade - he's 9.5yo, and totally oblivious to sexuality at this point. He knows the mechanics of where babies come from, but has no romantic interest in girls and any references to it are totally over his head.

At the very first day of school, I overheard on one of the boys coming up to him and asking him he liked to have sex. Ds was totally confused, said he didn't know what aws, and the boy brought him over to the class roster and was pointing out a name to him. I asked ds later what that was all about and he shrugged his shoulders, saying he didn't know what the kid was talking about.

Friday afterschool I was helping him clean out his desk, and I found two different notes he's been passing with kids in class. They were from two different girls. The first girl had written "I want a boyfriend so bad." Ds had replied "Why?" Then she had written "Because I am lonely."

The other note, from a different girl, said "Do you want to suck her" and then it had a picture of boobs, you know, the big 'w' with the dots at the bottom. It was scratched out. I asked ds about it later, and he said he didn't understand what she was saying. He read it as "Do you want to sack her?" And he totally didn't get the boob drawing at all.

I asked him about both of these notes, and he just pretty much didn't get what they were really talking about. It didn't seem to upset him or anything, and he wasn't really curious about it, so we didn't talk too much further. He was more focused on not getting in trouble in class for passing notes.

I'm not sure what to do at this point, since I've now seen this from 3 different kids in class. And that's just what I've seen.

Do I talk to the teacher? I don't know the other parents, and ds is new the school and has enough on his mind trying to make friends without me making some big to do, especially since he really has no idea what it all means.

Am I just out of the loop? Is this normal behavior?
oceanbaby is offline  
#2 of 49 Old 11-07-2010, 03:54 PM
 
Maiasaura's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Here, because I'm not all there.
Posts: 5,099
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
In 4th grade? I don't think so. I dunno, though. I have a 9yo ds who will be 10 in January and is in 4th grade. He's in a charter school that's very hippie and environmentally focused, though I don't know what difference that would make (compared to regular public school) but I will ask him.

Our family dynamic is a little different, as we're single parent/single child. He knows a lot more about sex than many kids his age, I think. He's not remotely interested in it, though he's aware that he will be someday. He thinks the whole idea is gross. Though he's interested in the changes that come with entering puberty-- go figure!

He has a friend over right now (his best friend, a girl, who's not at all girly-girl, which is probably why they get along so well) so I don't want to ask in front of her, but I'll get back to you later with what he says.

Hugs, mama

Me treehugger.gif Handfasted wife to M  geek.gif as of 3/7/10 , and Mama to R  reading.gif (1/31/01) luxlove.gif

Maiasaura is offline  
#3 of 49 Old 11-07-2010, 04:52 PM
 
sunnmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: surrounded by love
Posts: 6,447
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've not seen/heard anything like the "sex" question or the "suck" note with my dd's peers (4th grade, 10 in Feb).

I HAVE known that some girls in her class talk of "boyfriends" and wanting a boy to like her. I know that gossip of "crushes" have been rampant in her peer group for the past 2 years ("Guess who has a crush on you?" "I'm going to tell ____ that you have a crush on him!" stuff like that). Also, there are some boys whose behavior screams "he has a crush on you" (for instance, the boy who follows her group around the playground bugging them....such a grade school crush!).

But everything I've seen/heard is no more vulgar or explicit than that. No talk of holding hands, even.

You actually heard the boy asking your ds about liking sex? He asked than in earshot of adults? Seems odd to me. I'd ask the teacher about it.
sunnmama is offline  
#4 of 49 Old 11-07-2010, 06:27 PM
 
IdentityCrisisMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 10,770
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 110 Post(s)
That doesn't sound typical to me. DC is 9 and in the 3rd grade and I do know the teachers and admin at the school consider 3rd graders to be "mini-teenagers". They think these kids tend to try out some teen type behavior during this year but think they drop it for a few years until the true teen stuff comes up later.

I agree with Sunnmama that crushes and things may well be typical at this age and maybe even a first go at the concept of "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" but what you're describing surprises me.

I would think explicitly talking about sex, liking sex, talking about wanting a boyfriend because you're lonely and drawing pictures of women and asking if your DS wants to "suck her" are all outside the bounds of typical for that age. It's something I would talk to the teacher about for sure.

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
IdentityCrisisMama is offline  
#5 of 49 Old 11-07-2010, 06:35 PM
MJB
 
MJB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: United States
Posts: 1,565
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think it's within the realm of normal for a 9-10 yr. old. I know I had sexual feelings at 10 and I know of children that age who have shown interest in such things. It does seem like there is too much of it happening *in the classroom* and the teacher needs to put a stop to the notes.
My ~8 yr. old son has no interest in anything like that. He's said he has no idea whether he'll like girls or boys when he is older. It's just not on his radar. My ~5 yr. old, on the other hand, has had "crushes" before and sometimes calls girls cute or pretty. I can definitely see him being more precocious than his brother when it comes to romance and sexuality.
MJB is offline  
#6 of 49 Old 11-07-2010, 06:46 PM
 
lauren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In a state of grace
Posts: 6,824
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 14 Post(s)
I think you should talk with the teacher or guidance. Sometimes children who have been sexually abused can be preoccupied much earlier in life with sexual issues. I would suggest that 4th grade is still pre-pubescent and not normal for sexual feelings. Someone could be crying for help here and you might be the only grown up that is aware.

 
lauren is offline  
#7 of 49 Old 11-07-2010, 07:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
oceanbaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 11,454
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post
You actually heard the boy asking your ds about liking sex? He asked than in earshot of adults? Seems odd to me. I'd ask the teacher about it.
Yep, I was standing right there. I did tell the teachera about it, and said she'd keep an eye on the kid, but I guess there haven't been any more incidents that we are aware of.

I think I'll talk to the teacher. My preference would be that she talk to the individual parents anonymously, leaving my son out of it, just saying that these notes came to her attention.

This will be the third time I've had to bring a situation to her attention, and I'm starting to feel like "that" parent, but I'm really not happy with what I see going on.
oceanbaby is offline  
#8 of 49 Old 11-07-2010, 07:50 PM
 
Maiasaura's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Here, because I'm not all there.
Posts: 5,099
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I asked ds, and he said nope. He said talk about crushes is rampant, but no talk of explicit sex or sucking or loneliness or anything like that.

I'd probably bring the notes to the teacher, too, and I'd probably copy them first. So they don't get gone as "evidence" for whatever reason.

I'm sorry you're turning out to be "that mom"-- I have been That Mom in different situations, too

Me treehugger.gif Handfasted wife to M  geek.gif as of 3/7/10 , and Mama to R  reading.gif (1/31/01) luxlove.gif

Maiasaura is offline  
#9 of 49 Old 11-07-2010, 08:09 PM
 
IdentityCrisisMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 10,770
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 110 Post(s)
I have been "that mom" too. I just kept telling myself that they will eventually see that I'm cool and mean well.

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
IdentityCrisisMama is offline  
#10 of 49 Old 11-07-2010, 08:28 PM
 
hillymum's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Louisville, Ky
Posts: 3,476
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
I have a 10 yr old and 11 yr old and neither of them are interested in sex. my 10 yr old is clueless and my 11yr old is just embarrased by it. Not only should the teacher be aware of whats going on, but so should the school councilor and parents.
hillymum is offline  
#11 of 49 Old 11-07-2010, 08:37 PM
 
beanma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: with the dustbunnies & sugar beans
Posts: 8,159
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 9 Post(s)
That's out of the realm of normal at my dd1's (9.5) hippie private school. I haven't heard of any crushes even, but I think there is burgeoning awareness of appearance and some interest in romantic storylines. Several girls wanted to dress up as Harry Potter's girlfriend for Halloween. I think many or most of the kids know all about the birds and the bees, but just aren't interested in more than that right now.

Mamatreehugger.gif to two girl beans, Feb 2001hearts.gif and Nov 2003coolshine.gif . DH geek.gif, and two crazydog2.gifdog2.gif . Running on biodiesel since 2004!
 
"All you fascists are bound to lose" — Woody Guthrie
beanma is offline  
#12 of 49 Old 11-07-2010, 08:47 PM
 
treeoflife3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: tennessee/kentucky
Posts: 1,513
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was very sexually aware by that age (sooner in fact) but I don't think I was normal. I wasn't sexually abused as far as I know however so I'm not sure why I was so fascinated with sex specifically. I had other major issues in my younger childhood, but sex wasn't one of them, although maybe it just all got mixed up in my head as in the middle of the worst things, my mom got pregnant and she always answered all my questions honestly.

I CAN say there were always one or two other kids who were interested in sex at my age (as well as younger and older) but we all knew well enough not to talk to other kids about it. I think even in fourth grade I would have been shocked if someone asked me if I liked sex, especially right in front of adults. The couple other children I knew with a sexual preoccupation (and I know nothing of their history or if they were abused) always came about in much much more ambiguous ways. There was never any 'hey, so, sex!' going on. We certainly didn't pass notes.
treeoflife3 is offline  
#13 of 49 Old 11-07-2010, 09:14 PM
 
philomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 9,439
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
My kids were not aware at that age. This does sound atypical. You may need to talk to the principal. Sometimes the school counselor can visit a classroom and talk about "things we do not talk about at school".. without singling anyone out.
philomom is offline  
#14 of 49 Old 11-07-2010, 10:43 PM
 
almama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: In a mess
Posts: 962
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Not normal. Even kids who develop early usually have the sense that asking this type of questions is inappropriate, and can be bullying (either your son or the girl).

Our school takes even the annoying crush stuff seriously. It is not to snuff it all out, but to make the kids aware of how the other kids feel and to see if there is something up in their lives.

If the teacher is blowing it off, I would go straight to the principal.
almama is offline  
#15 of 49 Old 11-08-2010, 03:25 AM
 
Tjej's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: a beautiful place
Posts: 1,581
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would think that if these kids watch TV they could be very normal and write/say stuff like that (well, not normal, but culturally normalized to it).

Is it possible they are trying to tease your son because he doesn't understand what they are talking about? Writing/saying stuff like that to an innocent/naive kid just to be funny (mean) would totally have happened at my school at that age.

BTW, this would totally bother me too, but I'm not sure what a teacher would/could do about it (perhaps have the sex ed. unit earlier in the year?).

Tjej
Tjej is offline  
#16 of 49 Old 11-08-2010, 11:59 AM
 
Heavenly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 4,923
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I don't think that is normal at all. My son is in 4th grade and will be 10 in January. He wouldn't even have a clue what was meant by any of that stuff and if he got notes like that passed to him I would be in talking to the teacher so fast heads would spin!

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
Heavenly is offline  
#17 of 49 Old 11-08-2010, 12:32 PM
 
velochic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Dreaming of the Bavarian Alps
Posts: 8,413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tjej View Post
I would think that if these kids watch TV they could be very normal and write/say stuff like that (well, not normal, but culturally normalized to it).
What kind of TV teaches kids that? I don't buy it. "Do you want to suck her" is not even in primetime TV. Something is going on with these kids that they are exposed (not necessarily abused, but exposed) to these kinds of things. Where are the parents?

Dd is almost 9 and wouldn't have a clue about any of this. This is NOT normal. I would be camping on the school's doorstep about something like this. Even if they were young teens, I don't think this is normal behavior... or rather appropriate behavior.
velochic is offline  
#18 of 49 Old 11-08-2010, 12:45 PM
 
HollyBearsMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: nomans land
Posts: 6,197
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
NOT normal behavior! Notes of that nature would be inappropriate in highschool!

Since you have the notes that is an excellent way to have the conversation with the teacher without being "that parent". It is not rumor or hearsay since you have physical evidence. if I was the teacher (or for that matter the principle) I would want to know that this was going on.

Pardon me while I puke.gif

HollyBearsMom is offline  
#19 of 49 Old 11-08-2010, 01:21 PM
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 4,722
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would be bothered about a kid asking mine if they liked having sex.

Given that I have to say I was suprised that kids age 9 were talking about bf/gf that they have.One was saying how he kissed his girlfriend.This is a mixed class ages 9-12,so I was suprised this was 9yo talking about it.

Then my ds tells me HIS classmate taked about his girlfriend and they had kissed.They are 8! I think in both cases the kids moms are friends,and maybe they encourage/think it is cute that the kids like each other.

Personally I am not to happy to deal with this stuff,but I did talk to my kids about diseases transmitted by kissing,and inappropriate touching.Same sex molestation in kids is not uncommon,and sadly there is little that will be done afterward-so prevention is a must.
mattemma04 is offline  
#20 of 49 Old 11-08-2010, 01:26 PM
 
Linda on the move's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: basking in the sunshine
Posts: 10,677
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 67 Post(s)
When my DD was in a public 6th grade last year, there was LOTS of talk about boyfriends and girlfriends, who likes who, etc., but none of it was sexual. It was more of thing where kids agreed they liked each other and then sat together at lunch. There was no real action -- just kids trying to end up at the skate rink at the same time (and as one of the moms who stays at the skate rink, it was all still very innocent).

This year at the alternative school, even the boyfriend/girlfriend talk is pretty much gone.

<<What kind of TV teaches kids that? I don't buy it.>> I totally agree. We are very liberal about what the kids watch and read, and they wouldn't get this from even the cable shows they watch.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

Linda on the move is online now  
#21 of 49 Old 11-08-2010, 07:21 PM
 
PoppyMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: In my own delusions.
Posts: 3,305
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I'm going to be the odd man out and say that this isn't outside the realm of normal. I remember lots of sex talk in school starting at about third grade. Kids mature at different rates and there is a range of "normal" when talking about sexual interest. I would go to the school with the angle of it being inappropriate instead of abnormal. Things can be inappropriate without the people doing them being abnormal or reacting to abuse. I don't think that sexually shaming people by saying it's not normal or they must have been abused is very conducive to a healthy self image and sexuality.
Xeli likes this.
PoppyMama is offline  
#22 of 49 Old 11-08-2010, 07:37 PM
 
IdentityCrisisMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 10,770
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 110 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by PoppyMama View Post
I would go to the school with the angle of it being inappropriate instead of abnormal.
I do agree with you and this is how I would approach the situation as well.

Though I will say that I do think it's important, or at least understandable, to want to speak with other parents and try to get a grip on what is typical for any given age before going to the school.

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
IdentityCrisisMama is offline  
#23 of 49 Old 11-08-2010, 10:53 PM
 
JD5351's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,279
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I remember some kids running up to me at recess in 3rd grade or so asking me if I was a virgin. I said "yes." I had no idea what that meant, and I'm not sure if they did either.

I did notice a lot of the kids who used the vulgar comments had older siblings who also could be seen around town at the playgrounds, etc using the same phrases. I can imagine that could be part of the source.

In no way would I consider it normal, and it should not be ignored by teachers or adults that witness it.
JD5351 is offline  
#24 of 49 Old 11-09-2010, 02:54 AM
 
LoMaH's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 322
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by PoppyMama View Post
I'm going to be the odd man out and say that this isn't outside the realm of normal. I remember lots of sex talk in school starting at about third grade. Kids mature at different rates and there is a range of "normal" when talking about sexual interest. I would go to the school with the angle of it being inappropriate instead of abnormal. Things can be inappropriate without the people doing them being abnormal or reacting to abuse. I don't think that sexually shaming people by saying it's not normal or they must have been abused is very conducive to a healthy self image and sexuality.
I agree that it's inappropriate but can fall within normal.

I think it's incorrect to assume that most of these children are actually interested in performing sexual acts as they are in appearing "grownup" in front of their peers.
Also, notice how only the one boy discussed sex within an adult's earshot, the notes weren't meant for any adult to read. So when these incidents happen, adults aren't always privy to them.

TV isn't the only medium where children are being exposed to sexual material, there's also; the internet, video games, song lyrics, etc..

I'm also with PoppyMama about not shaming.

You can try speaking to the teacher and counselor and see if they can have a discussion with the kids about appropriate behavior.
LoMaH is offline  
#25 of 49 Old 11-09-2010, 03:20 AM
 
LoMaH's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 322
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
What kind of TV teaches kids that? I don't buy it. "Do you want to suck her" is not even in primetime TV. Something is going on with these kids that they are exposed (not necessarily abused, but exposed) to these kinds of things. Where are the parents?
All it takes is a few unsupervised minutes for a child to turn on a cable channel, to stumble upon an adults laptop, youtube, google search, read blog/community board comments, overhear an older child, or for children to pass the info on to other children.
It's out there and not always due to neglect.
Mind you, I'm not saying that it wouldn't upset me too.
LoMaH is offline  
#26 of 49 Old 11-09-2010, 08:10 AM
 
velochic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Dreaming of the Bavarian Alps
Posts: 8,413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoMaH View Post
All it takes is a few unsupervised minutes for a child to turn on a cable channel, to stumble upon an adults laptop, youtube, google search, read blog/community board comments, overhear an older child, or for children to pass the info on to other children.
It's out there and not always due to neglect.
Mind you, I'm not saying that it wouldn't upset me too.
And all it takes is to put on password locks to avoid this happening. Dd has NEVER stumbled on anything inappropriate from lack of supervision. She has her own parental-controlled laptop and if she tried to use any of ours, she'd encounter a screensaver with password. If she were savvy enough to reboot the computer, she'd still need a password. There is no way for her to have access to inappropriate content. Period.

I'm sorry, but I think that if kids of this age are learning phrases like "would you like to suck it", there is negligence involved... at a minimum.

Even if a child is developing faster and has sexual feelings, they aren't going to think of phrases that were written and said unless someone has already put those ideas into their heads somehow.

Sorry, I don't buy it.
velochic is offline  
#27 of 49 Old 11-09-2010, 09:22 AM
 
IdentityCrisisMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 10,770
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 110 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
there is negligence involved... at a minimum.
I respectfully disagree.

The first reason is because I just would not be comfortable approaching the situation by suggesting (even in my head) that these children are neglected.

Also, as a family that is fairly open about sex I worry about this shoe being on the other foot one day.

But, finally, because these are relatively young kids...kids have the most amazing ears for listening and they also get so confused sometimes. "Suck it" with breasts in a sexual way is pretty obvious but sucking and breasts in general is a whole other wonderful, beautiful thing. Enjoying sex is healthy and I can totally imagine a conversation with a curious 9 year old about enjoying sex. If that child was exploring the theme in her/his class - that could come out. As far as sex and loneliness - that could be a judgement call by a parent who wanted to let a child know that people have sex sometimes for the "wrong reasons". These are all just ideas.

My DC watches Glee (US TV show about teens) with us (she's 9). There was an episode a month back about the boy wishing to god that he could touch the breast of his girlfriend. If my DC was in a class with an environment like the OP's child, she may well have looked forward to going in to school with that "knowledge".

And, yea, there's the whole sibling issue or overhearing an explicit conversation with mom and her girlfriends thing that could really get things going. I don't think these things fall under the category of neglect so much as they fall under the category of life with a school age child.

In other words, I can totally see how the environment of the class, which I DO think is inappropriate, can contribute to all of these kids misconstruing the healthy or at least non-neglectful messages that they hear at home and brining them into the classroom in this way. It is the teacher's job to be sure that complicated issues that that kids are understandably curious about get discussed in school in a healthy way...whether that be sex, religion, racial issues or whatever.

I don't know why I care about this other than this vague idea that, yea, I could totally see how it could be my child in that class. She hasn't shown any indication of this kind of thing and she isn't neglected but she is given more info than her peers and she's 9 and I think is just starting to enjoy "fitting in" and I believe fully that one day I will be shocked by a development that I didn't see coming and wasn't prepared to help DC with until something like this comes to my attention. I would hate to have to deal with this on top of parents thinking my child was abused or neglected.

I can just see it now when DC goes into her school (where lots of 9 year olds still think the stork brings the baby ) after she sees the birth of her sibling!!

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
IdentityCrisisMama is offline  
#28 of 49 Old 11-09-2010, 10:33 AM
 
Linda on the move's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: basking in the sunshine
Posts: 10,677
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 67 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama View Post
kids have the most amazing ears for listening and they also get so confused sometimes. "Suck it" with breasts in a sexual way
but the phrase "suck it" doesn't usually refer to breasts. I think that kids sometimes hear things, don't totally understand them, and twist them around a bit.

Last year in my DDs 6th grade class, this happened with the term "man whore," which the girls started using to refer to boys they didn't like, regardless of the boys ability to have a girl friend. They knew it was a really bad thing to be, they knew that Tiger Woods was a bad guy who had girlfriends even though he had a wive and children, and they heard him referred to as a "man whore." But none of them understood "whore" so they just thought it meant "bad person we don't like."

(and explaining to my 11 year old what "whore" means wasn't fun for me )

Quote:
As far as sex and loneliness - that could be a judgement call by a parent who wanted to let a child know that people have sex sometimes for the "wrong reasons".
The loneliness issues wasn't related to sex, but to "having a boyfriend." I found that exchange kinda funny. It does seem that girls are a little ahead of boys on the attraction deal, and sometimes want boy friends before the boys want girlfriends. But, at some point, it's natural to want a boy friend or a girl friend, and it's difficult to explain why. We are just wired that way. (all use of hetrosexual language is just to try to explain how I feel about attraction, and doesn't assume that all children are hetrosexual)

"Having a boyfriend" doesn't have much to do with sex at this age, but rather with simply liking the idea that some one likes you.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

Linda on the move is online now  
#29 of 49 Old 11-10-2010, 06:25 AM
 
velochic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Dreaming of the Bavarian Alps
Posts: 8,413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
there is negligence involved... at a minimum.

I respectfully disagree.

 

I would hate to have to deal with this on top of parents thinking my child was abused or neglected.

 

I respect that you disagree, but I stand by what I said... which was not that a child is "neglected", but that negligence is involved around media exposure if they are using the vocabulary (which may or may not be with the knowledge of its purpose).

 

I don't think a healthy attitude about sex is going to involved teaching a 9yo techniques to arouse your partner.  Perhaps the mechanics are discussed, but explaining the acts described in the note wouldn't be something that I would *personally* consider to be within the normal range of what is discussed with a pre-pubescent child in a healthy family where there is some conscientious mentoring of media for age.


 

velochic is offline  
#30 of 49 Old 11-10-2010, 08:09 AM
 
sapphire_chan's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 27,769
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My guess is that someone in the class has an older sibling/cousin.

sapphire_chan is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off