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#91 of 103 Old 11-18-2010, 07:49 PM
 
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Originally Posted by catinthehat View Post

Thank you Mum4vr.  I totally agree, she is my child, and I do have a right to be with her when I choose!  I am not a malicious woman trying to target a second year teacher.  I am a loving parent who senses things are amiss with this teacher, and wants to know what is going on in my child's classroom.


YW Catinthehat. From your posts here, it seems you are genuine and simply concerned over how your DC is being treated, certainly not malicious.
 

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Originally Posted by mum4vr View Post

Wherever my child is, I can be. period. All immature feelings and taking things personally aside. If a parent cannot be where their child is announced or unannounced, someone feels they must hide something every every single time. No exceptions.

 



Really?  My kid had surgery last week, and I wasn't allowed to be with him.  Why??  So the doctor in whom I trusted his care could do his job.

 

The degree of seriousness may be different, but the basic concept is not.  I agree that the OP's language in describing this teacher is pretty judgey, and I would be pretty put off if I were interrupted in my job in such a way.   I think there was probably a way to get the information you're looking for (basically, observing the tone and tenor of the class) in a more collaborative way.



Yes, REALLY. Mmm hmm, for really real. Two of my DC have had surgery, and one I was in the room with him , and one I was not. We all know this is not really a fair analogy tho-- we're not comparing apples to apples. If my DC had to "have surgery" with a surgeon approximately 40 hours every week for 9 months out of the year, and I thought s/he may be damaging my child, YES, then I would insist on being scrubbed and sterile-suited and in the operating room or I'd find a surgeon I could trust. 

 

The point is, the OP has legit reasons why she is NOT SURE she CAN trust her DD in this teacher's care. 

 

I, on the other hand, find some PP's language in describing this OP to be "pretty judgy." Especially for an attachment parenting mother's SUPPORT thread, sheesh.
 

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Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post

If I had a child in a school, and another parent insisted on walking into my kid's class whenever they felt like it, I'd be very angry. I believe parents have a right to be with their children at any time, but that means you can pull your kid from class to be with you. Not that you get to disrupt all the other kids.


Apparently, it does not matter how either the other parents or the teachers feel about this, since it is obviously this school's policy to allow parents to participate in the classroom-- did anyone else notice that her teacher last year, simply involved the parents in what was already happening? They read a book to the students, etc. The parents who visit my students even get asked to tutor or proctor from time to time. So, it seems that at the OP's school, as well as mine, teachers are told to expect visitors and to make it work. IMO, as a teacher, parents in the room are nothing but an asset!
 

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Originally Posted by catinthehat View Post

I have found most of the replies here to be extremely irrational and almost like you are just playing the devils advocate.  I have a hard time believing that most of the mothers here would not have acted in the same way I did if they were in a similar situation with a teacher.  I DID confront dd's teacher at the conferences sevral weeks ago about several things dd had told me about and she TOTALLY denied all of them.  So, I am left with the options of A. teacher is lying, or B. dd is lying.  I know my child, and I do believe she can exagerate sometimes, but she doesn't make things up and pretend to be cry about them.  So, what would you do?  

The first time I met the teacher, my intution said "uh oh".  And every experience I have had with her since then has reenforced that feeling.  I wanted to go into the classroom and have a kind, welcoming interaction with her, I DON'T LIKE drama or confrontation(especially not with someone who seems to dislike me so much!).  But alas, she verbally attacked me in front of my child because I came in to her classroom without warning.  Again, it is school policy parents are allowed to do this, and I think this is the reason for the policy, don't you?

Again, I think many of you seem especially antagonistic towards my post, and I can't help but wonder if it is your own stuff that is making you react so strongly to me coming to visit my daughter at school.  

I will think twice before posting on MDC again.  I feel attacked, and it feels unwarranted.  I can understand someone saying, "I think it is impolite to drop in without calling first".  Fine, your right.  But the severity of most of these posts I find excessive and downright wierd coming from this group of "attached parents".


I am so sorry that you feel this way, and I thought you may after reading some of the replies! I would. Don't think that all or even most threads on here are similar-- but I have seen a very few go awry, and cease to be loving and supportive.  I find it upsetting.     hug.gif

 

I also find it bizarre that a TEACHER is your strongest (only?) advocate here. Your DD's teacher has issues (not that she's an evil person, but it needs addressing). I would not sacrifice DD to a classroom that is not functioning in her best interest; I'd try to move her to another.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by catinthehat View Post

  I DID confront dd's teacher at the conferences sevral weeks ago about several things dd had told me about and she TOTALLY denied all of them.  So, I am left with the options of A. teacher is lying, or B. dd is lying.  I know my child, and I do believe she can exagerate sometimes, but she doesn't make things up and pretend to be cry about them.  So, what would you do?  

The first time I met the teacher, my intution said "uh oh".  And every experience I have had with her since then has reenforced that feeling.  I wanted to go into the classroom and have a kind, welcoming interaction with her, I DON'T LIKE drama or confrontation(especially not with someone who seems to dislike me so much!).  But alas, she verbally attacked me in front of my child because I came in to her classroom without warning.  Again, it is school policy parents are allowed to do this, and I think this is the reason for the policy, don't you?


The truth is you cannot change a teacher, any more than you can change any adult.  You may complain, she may get discipIined, etc, but all of this takes time and what is happenning to your DD in the meantime?  I  doubt she is going to stop doing something or have a personality about face because you say so.  It is also possible that you have taken an irrational dislike to the teacher (just saying!  I really do not know the situation)...but in any event it does not matter.  The bottom line is you do not trust her and you seriously question how she runs the classroom.

 

I would work on changing my DD's class or school.  

 

Hang in there!  School drama sucks.

 

 

 


ITA!
 

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Originally Posted by karne View Post

I need to say that I do not think that a parent's need/right to have total access to their child during the school day, during instructional time, supercedes the rights of the other children in the classroom.  I send my child to school to be in school with the teacher, not in class with student's parents.  I think it is amazing that folks don't get how hard teachers work to maintain the focus and rhythym of their classes, esp. in the early grades.  I can't imagine walking in unannounced, anywhere, and expecting someone to stop instruction, acknowledge me and provide seating.  The teacher's job is to teach, not take care of the needs of the parents during the day.

 

I find all of this a little underhanded, and lacking in respect.  If you need to see the child that badly, take them out of school, and let the classroom be for the children's needs, not the parent's.



Again-- the OP's DD's school policy DICTATES that parents are allowed IN THE CLASSROOM, and other teachers seem to simply involve the parent in whatever instruction is going on.

 

I also think describing the OP (in a SUPPORT thread) as "underhanded" is completely un-called-for and inappropriate. The school's policy allows the parents to participate bc the school feels that parents participating in the classroom IS in the children's best interest! Parents can certainly HELP meet children's needs in the classroom-- the parents of children who visit my classroom help a LOT-- they're great, NOT "underhanded" nor "lacking in respect"!

 

Of course, I "get how hard teachers work..." bc I am a teacher, and I function with parents in and  out of the classroom ATT. We involve them-- it is not that difficult to help children of any age learn a pattern to re focus when distracted-- it is a skill and a habit they must develop for their own good anyway bc distractions are everywhere, LOL.

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#92 of 103 Old 11-18-2010, 10:21 PM
 
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Movnmom I agree that teaching as a profession needs to be supported (and teachers are ime) but I think it is dangerous to adopt the mindset that any questioning or concerns should be set aside in an effort to achieve that. Children - not teachers - need to be the primary concern in a classroom and it is the OP's responsibility as a parent to put her child's needs first - not those of the teachers. If her experience is that a new teacher is not doing her job well, she has every right to address that with the adminstration. Teachers not only have tremendous influence over children - they also have little in the way of regular inclass supervision to ensure they are creating a healthy environment.

 

I don't think anyone said that teachers don't work hard - many clearly do but I don't agree with the assertion that they work harder than other professions for less compensation and so we owe them our unconditional support.  I don't think it is healthy to adopt the mindset that teachers need to be revered without question. It's unfortunate that these discussions become polarized so any criticism of specific teachers is seen as denigrating the entire profession.

 

 

All of this bears repeating.
 



I guess I'm not coming across as clearly as I had thought. I never intended to communicate that the needs of teachers are "more important" than the needs of students, or their parents. Clearly, as a teacher, I'm most concerned with giving students the highest quality education I can. My needs in no way trump the needs of student's parents, and I do all I can to accommodate parent's reasonable needs. I don't really have a lot of parents in my room, but I do teach 12th grade, so way different from 1st grade, LOL. My parent interactions are frequent, but very different.

 

What I'm really trying to point out is that the system is not well designed to support new teachers in becoming proficient, productive and pleasant veteran teachers. That's not the parent's bag, really, but it's a reality I feel well acquainted with, as a second-year teacher myself, and this reality affects the parent/teacher interaction. And I think we can all say that one day or another, the world get's you down and you snap at someone who's fault it really isn't.

 

Does that make the teacher's behavior acceptable or appropriate? HELL NO. And I never defended the teacher's behavior. I'd find that unacceptable as a parent as well. But there's a major difference between, "Hey, this teacher has some red flags for me and my gut says no. I'm going to get my DC switched to a new room/school" and "This teacher is the worst teacher I've ever seen and I'm going to take it upon myself to make sure she gets "fired" (words of a subsequent post, not the OP)."

 

I'm not intending to be un-supportive of the OP, but the OP's language *was* really subjective. "Look of pure hatred"? What does that mean? How can I, through a computer, know exactly how the teacher looked? Because that's an interpretation. Which is why I think it's important to probe a bit, and see if we can tell what the factual behavior was and not simply how the OP *feels* about the interactions. It's fine and appropriate for the OP to have these feelings and share them, but I can't really base quality advice on an interpretation.

 

So, ultimately, the question is what kind of reply did the OP want? Because there's a *big* difference between "I'm upset about what happened in my DC's classroom and I need support" or "I'm upset about what happened in the classroom and what should I do?" If the question were the former, my response would be simpler: "OP, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Sounds like a terrible situation and neither you nor your DC are happy with it. I hope you find a good solution that works better for you."

 

If the question is "what should I do?" (and I thought it was...) then my response follows: I think that it doesn't sound like a good fit, for whatever reason. I'm not in a position to say why, because I wasn't there and I only have a subjective report of the incidents. If it's not a good fit, get your kid out of there and into another classroom. Notifying the principal why you are pulling your kid out should be enough to make sure he/she gets in the room to do some serious evaluations. BUT, I'm absolutely NOT going to advocate, on the basis of the OP's "sense of hatred" that she take it upon herself to make sure the teacher is fired. I think that's ill advised, malicious, and beyond the parental scope of involvement. Let the principal take care of it, and worry about your own child.

 

To the OP - I'm sorry if I ever came across as "judge-y." I'm sorry you didn't feel supported here and I hope you do give MDC another chance. For the record, I've had a similar thing happen to me, on my first thread I ever started, when I fell apart one day and spanked my son. I was looking for help and support and all I got was finger-wagging - not helpful. So I understand how you may feel, and I'm sorry to have contributed to a negative experience. I've found it helpful, kind of like my example above, to state outright whether I'm looking just for support or for real life suggestions that I can implement - I tend to get more targeted and useful responses that way. I really do hope you find the right solution for your family, and I would say - always go with your gut. Screw what other people think - including me. It's your child, after all. What could be more important?


K: high school teacher and mama to DS1 (7/07), loss (10/10) and DS2 (7/12). Married to my best friend and soon to be elementary school teacher!
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#93 of 103 Old 11-19-2010, 07:08 AM
 
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Does the school have an open-classroom policy? Or is the open door policy for the school? A lot of schools require you to check in at the front desk, or even have a buzzer system for getting in the front door.

 

If it is an open classroom policy, then 1. the teacher was totally wrong and I would've told her so right then and there, and 2. the classrooms should have a few adult chairs set up in convenient locations so parents can just grab one and sit down to watch.

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#94 of 103 Old 11-19-2010, 07:19 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Karenwith4 View Post
arg - how do you edit quotes to be a reasonable size - lol. I don't mean this to be epic,.

 

the OPs child attends a school which has a stated open door policy for classrooms. Presumably it is based on the premise that they want parents to be comfortable interacting with the child in the class if the parents sees it being necessary.  Given that this OP feels something is amiss I stand by my statement that she did nothing wrong - and I would back any parent who feels the need to observe unannounced based on an instinct that something is amiss.

 

Whether you call the relationship a client one or a "boss" is semantics IMO.  The fact of the matter remains that the teachers work "for" the families. And the prevailing tone of the system should  reflect that - not the other way around.


 

 

To edit quotes, just simply highlight the interior quotes that you don't want and hit backspace. 

 

Ok, I completely agree, and you can go back to my first post and see that I agree, she should be allowed to visit her child at school.  But as my previous post stated, there are less appropriate and more appropriate times to do this.  By having an attitude of "the teacher works for me" I'm afraid it will give the person the idea that they can forget courtesy and just walk in whenever.  Courtesy goes a long way.  If she were to call to find out schedules and come in at a more appropriate time, she may find the teacher more receptive.  My mom used to always say, "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar".  The way I see it, the OP is trying to catch flies with vinegar.  Do I think the teacher acted incorrectly, if she acted as the OP said she did, ABSOLUTELY.  Did the OP act incorrectly, I do believe that she could have handled the situation much better.  As I stated in my first post back on page one, in ds's first grade class, if you walked in during reading it would be absolutely dead silent.  That's because the children were actively engaged in learning, so this would not be the most appropriate time to visit, whereas during centers I could still see how the teacher behaved, but it was a less structured time and more appropriate time to visit.  This is still an "unannounced" visit because she doesn't have to inform the teacher of when she's coming, just be considerate and show up at a more appropriate time. 

 

UUUUGGGG, I am so bad at communicating my thoughts in writing.  I'm much better at speaking and I don't know if you can understand what I'm saying. 

 

Basically, all I'm saying is this

 

If you want to visit your child at school, you most definately should.  But courtesy requires that you try and find the most appropriate time in the schedule to do so.  And if you aren't willing to be courteous of the teacher's and student's time, why should the teacher be courteous to you (other than general professional courtesy).

 


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#95 of 103 Old 11-19-2010, 07:20 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mum4vr View Post



I, on the other hand, find some PP's language in describing this OP to be "pretty judgy." Especially for an attachment parenting mother's SUPPORT thread, sheesh.
 

 

I find this statement completely ridiculous.  There is no reason why anyone can not have a different opinion with the OP in regards to her conduct and still be supportive of AP.  I would be saddened the day that MDC becomes a blind sense of agreement with anyone's behavior instead of challenging it when appropriate to make all of us better human beings.    

 

Personally I am sorry if the OP found my response to be "troubling" but in reading the original post, the only actions which were described were passive aggressive and the language subjective from her standpoint (looks of pure hatred, etc.), and as a parent with a child in a classroom, I would be upset if my child's day had been interrupted in such a way.    As to the teacher's behavior - I did give her a free pass again given only the information presented and taking into account, your perspective and use of language may have been colored in how you were interpreting the situtation. I work with an individual who reacts similarly and no matter how calmly, but sternly I react to something which has gone awry or put my foot down regarding an issue, all she hears is ANGER, HATRED and all that jazz.

 

I do not in support of the idea that "parents" are the bosses of teachers, parents can have input in the system via PTA or working with the school board, parents work with teachers, but there is no way I am intruding into a classroom without notification. 


treehugger.gifAnd you who seek to know Me, know that the seeking and yearning will avail you not, unless you know the Mystery: for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without.treehugger.gif

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#96 of 103 Old 11-19-2010, 07:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mum4vr View Post

Again-- the OP's DD's school policy DICTATES that parents are allowed IN THE CLASSROOM, and other teachers seem to simply involve the parent in whatever instruction is going on.

 

I also think describing the OP (in a SUPPORT thread) as "underhanded" is completely un-called-for and inappropriate. The school's policy allows the parents to participate bc the school feels that parents participating in the classroom IS in the children's best interest! Parents can certainly HELP meet children's needs in the classroom-- the parents of children who visit my classroom help a LOT-- they're great, NOT "underhanded" nor "lacking in respect"!

 

Of course, I "get how hard teachers work..." bc I am a teacher, and I function with parents in and  out of the classroom ATT. We involve them-- it is not that difficult to help children of any age learn a pattern to re focus when distracted-- it is a skill and a habit they must develop for their own good anyway bc distractions are everywhere, LOL.


I do wonder what is meant by an "open door policy." My daycare has a sort of open door policy but you do generally call to arrange a time for an observation. My boss has an "open door policy" but it doesn't mean I don't ask her when a good time to meet would be. I think there may be some confusion there somewhere between the school admin, the teacher, and the parents. I think it would be good to sort out.

 

I'm not sure I agree it's always up to the students to adjust to interruptions. I worked in a school in a neighbourhood with a high parent engagement situation and at that school they eventually found that they needed to be less open because it really was, in the eyes of the staff, disrupting the classroom (and there were a few incidents where parents put teachers in very awkward situations by confronting them during lessons, sharing other kids' grades, and so on.)

 

All of which is to say that parent engagement in a school doesn't go one way - it doesn't mean "I get access to my child and all my concerns addressed" without some responsibility on the other end to treat teachers well and respect that they are professionals doing a difficult job (I don't agree with fetishizing teachers and making them into saints, but I also don't think there's anything wrong with acknowleging that it's not the simplest role), and I think a lot of the responses in this thread are attempting to provide some thoughts to the OP about how to work WITH this situation rather than go in guns blazing. I haven't seen anyone say to do nothing.


 

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I find this statement completely ridiculous.  There is no reason why anyone can not have a different opinion with the OP in regards to her conduct and still be supportive of AP.  I would be saddened the day that MDC becomes a blind sense of agreement with anyone's behavior instead of challenging it when appropriate to make all of us better human beings.    

 

Personally I am sorry if the OP found my response to be "troubling" but in reading the original post, the only actions which were described were passive aggressive and the language subjective from her standpoint (looks of pure hatred, etc.), and as a parent with a child in a classroom, I would be upset if my child's day had been interrupted in such a way.  

 

I do not in support of the idea that "parents" are the bosses of teachers, parents can have input in the system via PTA or working with the school board, parents work with teachers, but there is no way I am intruding into a classroom without notification. 


I agree in general with ktg's remarks here. I personally believe that part of AP as one's children become older is about supporting them as they bond with the broader community and in supporting them in being both accepted and accepting of the many different layers of our society...that doesn't mean I would support a teacher blindly (and as I said some of the things would concern me), but for me modelling some trust for my child and letting him go about his day at school is a part of that. I realize that's not always in line with general interpretation, but it really is a part of my attachment philosophy...kind of a "me to our family to we-the-community" approach.

 

And I don't agree parents are the bosses of teachers either. They are stakeholders in the system, but they are not the only ones - plus just because some parents see the "bossing" as meaning access to the classroom, other parents who might under that view equally be "bosses" might see the teacher's role as protecting the learning environment and keeping distractions to a minimum...so when we say "parents are the bosses" I think we really need to consider what that means. If a majority of parents support a stricter discipline policy than we would like does that mean the teacher would have to implement one? And so on.


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#97 of 103 Old 11-19-2010, 09:26 AM
 
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Totally agree with GuildJenn and there's other good insights here.  Stakeholders is a good term.

 

I don't know if you're still reading, OP, but here's what I would recommend as the parent of two sensitive kids in public school who haven't always had the best teachers.

 

Assume the best of the teacher - offer goodwill first.  I think "open door policy" can have a range of meanings, and your interpretation is one of them.  Perhaps the school's is different, or it's the same as yours but the teacher doesn't understand this.  Or maybe an adult observer makes her anxious because she has public speaking issues - she's fine in front of the kids, or when she's had some time to prepare, but when someone arrives unannounced she has a flight/fight/freeze response.

 

If I was at the place you're at now, I would set up a time to meet with her outside of instructional hours.  I would acknowledge that there seem to have been some misunderstandings between you and that you'd like a fresh start.  Explain that DD has been coming home expressing some worries and you're trying to understand what's happening at school so that you can discuss with your DD in an informed manner to help DD understand her world better - this is understandable and non-threatening.  Ask open ended questions "what is your policy re..."; "what is your approach re..." and listen to her answers.  If you disagree with a policy, frame it as your DD misunderstanding what's intended and is there a way that you could both be explaining it to DD.  Teachers have a fair bit of discretion as to how they run their room and we're not all going to like it.  Sometimes we just have to help our child understand the intention behind the approach and help them with strategies to cope with it while in that room.  If a policy/approach is really objectionable, try to explain why you're troubled by it.  If you really can't reconcile it, go to the principal with your concerns, but talk about it in relation to your DD rather than targetting the teacher.


Mom to a teenager and a middle schooler.

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#98 of 103 Old 11-20-2010, 12:15 AM
 
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I want to speak to the OP. I know as a teacher that as soon as anyone shows up unannounced it throws the kids off. I also know that while you might not be out to get her there are parents who decide that they are going to get rid of a teacher and then work on doing it. Also you do not know what sort of pressures are put on that teacher. I have worked for principals who have been completely unreasonable- like everyone here would be up in arms over what the principal expected my classroom to be like. Also if you have complained to the principal you can be sure the teacher knows about it. If I had a parent complain to the principal about me and then showed up in my classroom unannounced I would not assume that they were there for a friendly visit with their child. If someone complained to my boss therefore I would assume you were really there to observe me and get more dirt on me to complain about. Your language on here shows that you have already judged her and I suspect she knows it. Was she rude- could very well have been I wasn't there. I also don't know the tone you have used when approaching her. Also I have had students who have told their parents that I said or did something and when the parents asked me it was very different the way it happened. Your daughter is coming from her perspective (trying to help her friend) she will only relate what bothered her that does not necessarily mean you are getting the complete picture. If you already have the attitude that someone is automatically lying and it is either the teacher or your daughter and your daughter would never lie so that means the teacher is you obviously have an antaganistic relationship with the teacher. Should you address your concerns most definitely but I think you need to evaluate how you have approached this situation and how you can help this teacher along.


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#99 of 103 Old 11-20-2010, 08:07 AM
 
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quote:

Originally Posted by Petie1104 View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Karenwith4 View Post
arg - how do you edit quotes to be a reasonable size - lol. I don't mean this to be epic,.

 

the OPs child attends a school which has a stated open door policy for classrooms. Presumably it is based on the premise that they want parents to be comfortable interacting with the child in the class if the parents sees it being necessary.  Given that this OP feels something is amiss I stand by my statement that she did nothing wrong - and I would back any parent who feels the need to observe unannounced based on an instinct that something is amiss.

 

Whether you call the relationship a client one or a "boss" is semantics IMO.  The fact of the matter remains that the teachers work "for" the families. And the prevailing tone of the system should  reflect that - not the other way around.


 

 

To edit quotes, just simply highlight the interior quotes that you don't want and hit backspace. 

 

Ok, I completely agree, and you can go back to my first post and see that I agree, she should be allowed to visit her child at school.  But as my previous post stated, there are less appropriate and more appropriate times to do this.  By having an attitude of "the teacher works for me" I'm afraid it will give the person the idea that they can forget courtesy and just walk in whenever.  Courtesy goes a long way.  If she were to call to find out schedules and come in at a more appropriate time, she may find the teacher more receptive.  My mom used to always say, "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar".  The way I see it, the OP is trying to catch flies with vinegar.  Do I think the teacher acted incorrectly, if she acted as the OP said she did, ABSOLUTELY.  Did the OP act incorrectly, I do believe that she could have handled the situation much better.  As I stated in my first post back on page one, in ds's first grade class, if you walked in during reading it would be absolutely dead silent.  That's because the children were actively engaged in learning, so this would not be the most appropriate time to visit, whereas during centers I could still see how the teacher behaved, but it was a less structured time and more appropriate time to visit.  This is still an "unannounced" visit because she doesn't have to inform the teacher of when she's coming, just be considerate and show up at a more appropriate time. 

 

UUUUGGGG, I am so bad at communicating my thoughts in writing.  I'm much better at speaking and I don't know if you can understand what I'm saying. 

 

Basically, all I'm saying is this

 

If you want to visit your child at school, you most definately should.  But courtesy requires that you try and find the most appropriate time in the schedule to do so.  And if you aren't willing to be courteous of the teacher's and student's time, why should the teacher be courteous to you (other than general professional courtesy).

 



thanks

I tried that and the formatting goes all crazy


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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~ Buddha

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#100 of 103 Old 11-22-2010, 12:12 AM
 
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My opinion is that the problem is w/ the teacher. Her response to a parent showing up unannounced was inappropriate. Instead she should have been accomodating & then kindly outlined her personal policy for future visits. She could have addressed the parent's concerns, and found a way to reassure her.

 

My son's teacher has a great approach. She solicits classroom parent volunteers at the start of the school year, and we sign up for slots. I regularly volunteer every Mon for 4 hours, my choice. It's great for all of us b/c I help the teacher w/ needed tasks, get to see my child in his own school environment, and better understand the whole classroom dynamic. Observing my son's teacher's daily challenges has only increased my respect for her & what she does. In fact, I think there are few jobs as difficult as a teacher. Anyway, hers is a smart approach b/c it only benefits the teacher, parent, and child!

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#101 of 103 Old 11-23-2010, 06:23 PM
 
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"open door" does not = come whenever you please.  

 

It means "Please come and visit, at OUR convenience." 

 

It takes A LOT of energy for a teacher to keep a class focused. A distraction like an unannounced visitor can be SO upsetting when you've spent the better part of a half-hour just to get the children focused. AGAIN.  

 

It feels like a disaster. I know it makes me want to pull my hair out.  

 

Ummm....I do not think that teacher was unstable...

I do think she was very pissed at once again having to stop the class and deal with yet one more distraction out of about the million she had that day.  

 

If I were the OP I would try to understand the teacher's position and to let her know next time I wanted to drop in.  I would also try to understand that the teacher's reaction was not about worrying she was going to get "getting caught" being a bad teacher....it was mostly about frustration.    


 

 

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#102 of 103 Old 11-23-2010, 09:27 PM
 
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She may have been frustrated, but the response was not professional.

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#103 of 103 Old 12-03-2010, 01:29 AM
 
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I haven't read all the posts after the first page, but from my initial impressions I agree with what everyone else has said. 

 

First off, I am a teacher, and while we don't have an official open door policy at my school, we do try to be welcoming to our parents.  After all, we have a great bunch especially for a low-income neighborhood.  They try to be very involved and supportive of our school, so why wouldn't we want to welcome them? 

 

I had a similar situation happen, and I can't say I reacted *much* better than the teacher you are discussing.  Granted, I didn't give a look of pure hatred, or discuss it with the parents afterward (there wasn't really a change), but I am fairly certain I didn't handle it as professionally as I should have.

 

My students were working, and my door was open (we keep our doors open unless there is a lockdown), and a parent just walked in and started talking to her son.  A)  I had her son working on something independently, B)  It was one of the few times I was demanding silence from all of my students (I like a loud classroom in general, so this is rare), and here is this woman, coming in, disobeying the rules I had set-up for the situation, without so much as a hello/knock/"May I come in and chat with my son for a couple of minutes?" type of introduction. 

 

My reaction was to pretty much ignore her after I gave what I am pretty sure was a look of, "What the heck are you doing woman????"  I have to admit, I still have trouble dealing with this parent after that first impression. 

 

On the other hand, I do believe I should have handled my situation more professionally, (Perhaps a, "Can I help you?" and then a short but friendly conversation afterwards saying that if she could just check with my before entering the classroom to ensure she isn't interrupting something important, as I have a couple of students who have difficulty focusing) and if she had a problem with that, I can refer her to my principal.  And basically, if I feel I should have been much more professional, you can just imagine how poorly I think your child's teacher reacted.

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