Previously hs 6yo ds still has accidents. How will he do at public school? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 07-22-2011, 10:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have homeschooled my children 8,6,4,2. This year life was too hectic with my work as a midwife so I am going to send my oldest two to school this fall. I am not concerned about you 8 yo at all but am considering keeping my 6 yo home one more year. He is a "qwirky" kid. He was slow to talk and is still a little bit hard to understand. He is reading well and can do addition and subtraction loves history and science etc. so I am not really worried abou him acedemically but  I am socially. He doesn't really care what his peers think about him. He dresses up all the time in crazy costumes(cowboy, spy, scientist etc.). He wears his cowboy boots all the time and loves hats. He gets busy and distracted and still has wetting accidents several times a week. If we are at the park I have to really watch him as when he needs to go he will stop what he is doing and run to the nearest tree and pull down his pants and pee. Shrug. He also has some medical bowel issues that lead to some bowel incontinence on occasion (maybe once a month). He wears glasses that he looses or breaks constantly. He also really only does well sitting still or following directions when he is holding something in his hand like a piece of paper or a small toy etc.If he has that he does really well and loves story time at the library etc. I don't think he has ADHD or is on the Autism spectrum. He isn't into sports and isn't very coordinated. He couldn't ride a tricycle until he was five, but he has amazing fine motor skills and is into origami and has beautiful handwritting. He is just unique. I adore him and want him to have a good educational experience. Anyone else have similar children? Did they adapt well to public school? Any ideas? Should I keep him home one more year? His birthday is in June so he is young for his class should I hold him back a year?


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#2 of 10 Old 07-22-2011, 11:20 AM
 
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Your son sounds like a hoot.  We'd love to have him around in our house.

 

You might want to follow up with an evaluation just to have your ducks in a row - if the school comes at you with concerns, you can present yourself as proactive and on top of things.

 

As for the accidents, we got my daughter a vibrating watch for school.  I asked the teacher for what times during the day would it not be disruptive to use the bathroom, but not being times when she would likely ignore it or not feel it (so outside of lunch of recess).  We had the watch go off no less than every 75 minutes, and instructed her to go use the restroom every time it went off.  She did learn to become independent of it in about 6 months.

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#3 of 10 Old 07-22-2011, 03:47 PM
 
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You don't say what grade. I'm guessing 1st grade since he's recently turned 6. Unless you think he's going to outgrow these issues in a year, it's likely a case of earlier the better. Younger kids are more accepting to these differences. His chances of making friends despite are higher. If you wait until 3rd or 4th grade, well, it gets harder. Basically, a kid whose had these issues since kindergarten will have enough peers who think it's "no big deal." That's not always the case with the older kids. Plus, when you say "hold him back" do you mean continue to homeschool him at grade level and them put him in appropriate grade or do you mean making him the oldest in his class? I'm not sure he'd benefit from being the oldest and still having accidents several times a week.

 

Do prepare him. Urinating in public is a huge "no,no" at school. It's not only unsanitary but there will be parents very upset if their children are exposed to naked private parts at school. Believe me, I taught preschool for several years and pretty much every year we had a boy try that. There were always parents concerned even when their kids were only 3 or 4. 

 

I agree with previous post that you should get all your ducks in a row. Get a full work-up on him and be ready to answer questions when the school asks.


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#4 of 10 Old 07-22-2011, 03:52 PM
 
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He does sound like a cutey!  My kids go to a K-12 school with mixed age homerooms, and they would love having a little kid like him around.

 

About that accidents -- most kids in younger grades are taken to the restroom at regular intervals. It's a schedule and every one has a chance to go. I'm wondering if it being on a schedule will be helpful for him. He won't have to remember, he'll just be taken -- to an actual restroom, not a tree!

 

Second, schools have speech services for free, and I would request an eval. Request need to be in writing, in a real letter with a date and a signature. Life will be easier for him when more people can understand what he says.

 

He sounds like he might have something going on with him, something mild that doesn't effect his intelligence. If it becomes an issue in school, you can request a "full evaluation" and figure it out, and the school can make accommodations for him through a "504 Plan."  The idea of this freaks some parents out, but it really isn't that big of a deal. It's just the official way that schools can treat kids like individuals. My DD had a 504, and it made life better for her.

 

As far as grade placement, I'm a fan of putting kids in their age appropriate grades -- esp. since you don't have any concerns about his ability to do the school work --  but since he is young, a boy, didn't go to school last year, and is quirky, I would talk to someone at the school and see what they recommend. I think that its better for kids to in their age appropriate grade doing the work they can do, and to have accommodations for quirkiness.

 

Good luck! Hope you have a wonderful school year!

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but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#5 of 10 Old 07-23-2011, 07:44 AM
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Many kids, especially boys, with summer birthdays start kindergarten at 6. It sounds like it might be a better fit, socially, and lots of kids are able to read when they start kindergarten. I have boys in 3rd and 1st grade and I would be worried about bullying with his issues. Kindergartners are much, much more tolerant of quirks than 1st graders. 

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#6 of 10 Old 07-23-2011, 02:50 PM
 
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A half day kindy program might really fit the bill for him.  I really don't think it's an issue if he is writing/reading/has math concepts down, or what have you, in kindy.  Many kids either come with, or quickly acquire these skills during the year.  It would leave him space and energy for learning to "be" in school, perhaps get some speech intervention, make some friends, but yet not have the stress of a full day.

 

Summer birthday boys going to kindy at 6 are pretty common.

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#7 of 10 Old 07-23-2011, 08:10 PM
 
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My dd had a few accidents in kindergarten and the teacher started allowing her to just go when she needed to go because she would hold off until the last minute then not make it.  The other kids didn't notice that she had the accidents and they didn't notice that she was leaving the room.  If he is having them frequently throughout the day and having poop accidents though that may be another issue.  The kids probably will notice a poop accident and with the other behaviors you describe added to frequent accidents the teacher may decide to push for him to be in special education instead of the classroom.  I am really not a fan of holding kids back, but it really sounds like your son would be better off being held back.  If he isn't starting to move out of the accidents towards the end of the school year though I think you should consult with his pediatrician to see if there is something else going on medically.  Have you had him tested for diabetes?  My dd had some accidents that turned out to be linked to juice consumption, but when we went into the doctor each time she started having them the doctor did a test for diabetes just to be sure that wasn't causing the accidents because it is a common symptom of diabetes in young children. 

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#8 of 10 Old 07-23-2011, 08:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by completebeginnings View Post

 He also really only does well sitting still or following directions when he is holding something in his hand like a piece of paper or a small toy etc.


That's actually pretty common with 6 year old boys from what I see working at a school.  Most of the teachers I've met are OK with a child having something to fiddle with as long as it doesn't disrupt the class.  Just give the teacher a heads up about it if you like.

 


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#9 of 10 Old 07-25-2011, 09:20 AM
 
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I really dislike the practice of holding kids out a year for age.  To top it off, this is a kid who has already done kindergarten, though not in a b&m school, and is performing well academically.  I think putting him in kindergarten this year would be a mistake. 

 

Will he outgrow the behaviors before next year that worry you?  If not, maybe it's time to just dive right in.

 

While clearly a different situation from the OP, my kid was peeing her pants largely because she was bored stiff.  Having her redo kindergarten would have made the problem worse, not better.

 

Another thing to consider, though, is that our school won't accept a summer birthday 6 year old who was home schooled for kindergarten into first grade.  They will always place the child in kindergarten without an acceleration plan (grade skipping) in place as if he were just kept home for that extra year in preschool.  They've even done this with kids who have done kindergarten in other states or at private schools. 

 

I'm sure there's a legal way around this way our school treats kids, but the parents I know in our town confronted with that situation have all lost that fight.  If that were the case in our family, we'd keep the child home one more year to home school first grade as well.

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#10 of 10 Old 07-28-2011, 08:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for all of the answers. I have decided to place him in first grade. I know his teacher very well. She actually baby sat me as a child and lives in my community(kids are bussed 20 miles away) and I feel comfortable that it will be a good fit. I am also going to do the watch thing. Since I brought up school and posted this he hasn't had a single accident. :) We are doing dry runs with changing clothes and putting wet ones into a wet bag in his back pack so he will be prepared just in case. He is very excited and I hope it will be a good fit. We are going to stick it out for one month and then if it isn't working pull him out. I think he would be bored stiff in kindergarten with the disadvantage of me never being able to go anywhere with two different buses to meet. As I said earlier we live 20 miles plus from town so when I go into town I usually spend the day to save on gas. Also having to find a sitter to take my younger two, meet the kindergarten bus and the elementary bus would be crazy and I have prenatals 2 full days a week plus actual births. So we will see how it all goes. It is good to know that I am not alone in my struggles.


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