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Old 09-22-2011, 11:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I guess for me, when I stay to ask questions, I think I'd have to mentally prepare myself to hear both positive and not so positive things about my child. Do you think that by staying to ask the teacher questions in front of your child, you sort of put yourself in that situation? I guess I am wondering how the teacher could have addressed what you were asking truthfully without it being offensive to you or your DD? I also made the mistake of asking the teacher how my son was doing and she did say things that really caught me off-guard just because it is not how I know my son to be. But I guess I learned my lesson in that next time I ask, I probably should be asking without my son being present because after all, I am expecting a truthful answer and not just praises for my son.
 



 



It seems I wasn't clear in my OP but I wasn't asking the teacher about how well DD was doing. I was asking her when the first parent/teacher meetings are- no mention of "how is dd doing?".  I can understand why she jumped to dd's performance but I will stop/delay the conversation until DD isn't present next time. 

 

Anyway, dd seems to be doing fine-  she needs to get caught up in her "binder work" at school which is mostly writing and she is really getting close to being at the same stage as the rest of the class.  She also told me that when the teacher isn't looking she gets to sit and think about things and doesn't have to do her work again until the teacher notices :) She has learned that one pretty quickly.  The parent/teacher meeting should be interesting.  

 

 

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Old 09-23-2011, 06:02 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandelionkid View PostIt seems I wasn't clear in my OP but I wasn't asking the teacher about how well DD was doing. I was asking her when the first parent/teacher meetings are- no mention of "how is dd doing?".  I can understand why she jumped to dd's performance but I will stop/delay the conversation until DD isn't present next time. 


In that case I'd be a bit annoyed--though it seems that she assumed that was the information you were really after. I'd just be sure to mention that you do not want to discuss your dd's progress in front of her, then work out how frequently/by what method do it, until she is caught up (weekly notes home, e-mail, conferences only, etc...)

 

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She also told me that when the teacher isn't looking she gets to sit and think about things and doesn't have to do her work again until the teacher notices :) She has learned that one pretty quickly.  The parent/teacher meeting should be interesting.

 

With my son (who can otherwise easily do the work) he knows that when his work is done he is free to do what he likes as long as it isn't disruptive/destructive (has been an issue in the past); so he actually gets more free time by doing his assignments first smile.gif.

 


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Old 09-23-2011, 08:21 AM
 
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It seems I wasn't clear in my OP but I wasn't asking the teacher about how well DD was doing. I was asking her when the first parent/teacher meetings are- no mention of "how is dd doing?".  I can understand why she jumped to dd's performance but I will stop/delay the conversation until DD isn't present next time. 


At both the traditional public school my kids attended and the private progressive school they go to now, students are part of their conference. It's not a secret conversation about them. It's a dialogue about their strengths and weaknesses that includes them.

 

 


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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Old 09-23-2011, 09:16 AM
 
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At both the traditional public school my kids attended and the private progressive school they go to now, students are part of their conference. It's not a secret conversation about them. It's a dialogue about their strengths and weaknesses that includes them.

 

 



I think this is a good approach.  At our conferences, they have allowed us to bring the dc because we did not have childcare, and I think it is ok. When they have not come, I talk to them about the meeting anyway.  I have a kid who got behind and he knew it.  He was frustrated and he started worrying that he would be held back.  It actually relieved his fears to talk to the teacher and me about it.  Ever since he was put on medications with side effects, we have gone out of our way to communicate with the teachers.  Usually it right after school when I am picking up the kids, so they are right there.  For a while last year, dd was jealous because I would not go talk to her teacher about how she was doing.  

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Old 09-23-2011, 12:14 PM
 
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At both the traditional public school my kids attended and the private progressive school they go to now, students are part of their conference. It's not a secret conversation about them. It's a dialogue about their strengths and weaknesses that includes them.

 

 


Here too, and I agree it's good that it's not a secret conversation about them.

 

Not really being to into standardized scores, I struggle with public school. But what I remind myself is that these teachers absolutely have to chart these things because they have to do their best to keep the kids up to level. We were notified about some new changes -  my son's class is the first class that will absolutely not be allowed to go onto fourth grade if they don't test at the appropriate reading level in third grade. That's a lot of pressure on teachers - they'd probably love more time to simply instill the love of learning.

 

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Old 09-23-2011, 12:43 PM
 
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In that case, I would probably ask her that in the future, conversations about my child be done in a way where my child is not present. And while I understand students being part of the conference, I would also be expecting that the teacher be mindful of the words she uses. There has to be a better word than deficit. Like maybe, "well, right now we'd like to focus on her working on her ____&____"  Then it is implied that she is deficient or behind in that area without using such a charged word. And no, you can't assume that the child does not understand the word "deficit" because my 5 year old understands that word. I asked him yesterday what if he knew what it meant and he said it meant "lacking or missing something". Not quite but he understands it pretty closely.

 

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It seems I wasn't clear in my OP but I wasn't asking the teacher about how well DD was doing. I was asking her when the first parent/teacher meetings are- no mention of "how is dd doing?".  I can understand why she jumped to dd's performance but I will stop/delay the conversation until DD isn't present next time. 

 

Anyway, dd seems to be doing fine-  she needs to get caught up in her "binder work" at school which is mostly writing and she is really getting close to being at the same stage as the rest of the class.  She also told me that when the teacher isn't looking she gets to sit and think about things and doesn't have to do her work again until the teacher notices :) She has learned that one pretty quickly.  The parent/teacher meeting should be interesting.  

 

 



 

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Old 09-23-2011, 03:16 PM
 
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We were notified about some new changes -  my son's class is the first class that will absolutely not be allowed to go onto fourth grade if they don't test at the appropriate reading level in third grade. That's a lot of pressure on teachers - they'd probably love more time to simply instill the love of learning.

 



I would have a problem with this.  Holding students back because of reading alone is a bad policy.  Here parents as well as school teacher/ admin have to agree to hold a student back.  

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Old 09-23-2011, 03:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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In that case I'd be a bit annoyed--though it seems that she assumed that was the information you were really after. I'd just be sure to mention that you do not want to discuss your dd's progress in front of her, then work out how frequently/by what method do it, until she is caught up (weekly notes home, e-mail, conferences only, etc...)

 

 

With my son (who can otherwise easily do the work) he knows that when his work is done he is free to do what he likes as long as it isn't disruptive/destructive (has been an issue in the past); so he actually gets more free time by doing his assignments first smile.gif.

 


This has been motivating to dd too, I think. Even with all the day-dreaming (and missing the second week for illness) she seems to be catching up pretty fast. She isn't allowed to work on her fun goals apparently until her "binder work"  is done so maybe this has helped her get caught up. I'm a big fan of day-dreaming though :)

 

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Old 09-24-2011, 04:23 PM
 
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It's not a school policy. It's state mandated. Our state kind of sucks.

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Old 09-24-2011, 04:24 PM
 
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It's not a school policy. It's state mandated. Our state kind of sucks.



 



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I would have a problem with this.  Holding students back because of reading alone is a bad policy.  Here parents as well as school teacher/ admin have to agree to hold a student back.  



 Oops, I was replying to this.

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