preschool teachers too harsh? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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Learning at School > preschool teachers too harsh?
minkin03's Avatar minkin03 06:49 PM 11-07-2011

I think Jeanine's post has some great advice and insight. 

joensally's Avatar joensally 11:01 PM 11-07-2011

I highly recommend the book Kids, Parents and Power Struggles.  It's a very nice book with all kinds of ideas of how to support kids to grow into self-regulated people.  I would also recommend that the next time you look for a daycare or preschool program that you deliberately seek a school that has a number of special needs kids.  They will have a wider range of strategies to deal with a wider range of behaviours.  I am NOT saying your DD has special needs, but her behaviours are apparently outside of the experience this child care setting has had success supporting.

Thisbirdwillfly's Avatar Thisbirdwillfly 05:59 PM 11-18-2011




and you absolutely cannot run things the way a parent at home with one or two of their own children would.  It is not possible to effectively - or safely - manage a day-care environment where every child can do whatever they want, all day; nor where disruptive behaviors like screaming or defiance are tolerated as an expression of the child's unique personality, as in some homes. 



Very well said.


I am currently a preschool teacher.  I adore my kids and always treat them with respect but I cannot let them behave as I let my son behave when he was with me 24/7.  I wish I could!  But safety comes first and I can see myself helping a child to sit who just yelled at me and who wants to play during pick-up time as that is a very hectic time.  I would hate to walk away from a child who is crying but a child who is crying because she is not getting her way is very different than walking away from a child who is crying due to pain, anxiety or some other need, not a want but a need.  


Even my most challenging kids hug me in the morning and are happy to see me, just as I am happy to see them.  But the safety of all involved comes first, every time.

Mizelenius's Avatar Mizelenius 03:06 PM 11-23-2011

Sorry if any of this is redundant-- have not read replies.

Originally Posted by Evelynmia'smom View Post

My dd had also a few times said she was put in time-out and that one of her teachers yelled at her and was mad at her. I was very upset about this and spoke with the director as well as the teachers and let them know my concerns.


Did your DD say they yelled at her?  Some children (and adults!) see any correction as yelling.


They explained that they don't use time outs but that is the language they use for when a child needs to be removed from a situation.

This is confusing-- they don't use time-outs but it's the language they use?  What do they do?


For example when I was describing the difference between my husband's discipline style and mine one of the teachers said "well, yeah, that's his daughter but just wait until she is 15 out at the bars"

I can't imagine any professional using this kind of language.


 During the meeting there was alot of emphasis put on how my dd does not want to do what the rest of the group is doing sometimes, ie. participating in circle time when she was enjoying playing with a toy or whatever.

Preschool is about choices.  Children should be OFFERED to participate in whole-group activities, but not forced.  Your DD is esp. young, too-- she is 3.  Only when they are 5 should there be more emphasis on doing things as a group, and even then . . .with some children who simply cannot come to the group, they should have their own routine.  It doesn't mean the child gets to do "anything" but they should have two good choices to pick from (in other words, not "do this or you will be punished"-- those are false choices).


Another focus for them has been her screaming. My dd has a high pitched scream that she will use to let someone know she is mad or to get attention. We have tried to work with her and I will send her up to her room if she wants to scream, but she continues to do it. 

The screaming is an issue for all children-- others should not be subjected to that.  As a teacher, I would have my assistant work one-on-one with her-- even removing her, but someone would be WITH her, helping her through it


Last week another mother told me that she overheard one of the teachers use a "harsh tone" when correcting my dd for screaming. She explained that she would not want someone speaking to her child that way. She also heard the same teacher say "evie do we need a time out already?"

Well, then they've been lying to you, since they DO use time outs.


This was news to me, no one explained this to me. She also said that my dd screaming was "frightening to the other children". I am going to be looking at other schools for next year, but I am not sure whether this is me being overly sensitive or if this is not the right school for my daughter.

A child who screams regularly as an instant reaction is a problem for other children.  What I would strongly suggest is that you wait until your daughter is at least 4 to try again. There is is a HUGE (and I mean huge!) difference between 3 and 4.  It does not sound like your daughter is having a good time in preschool.  There is absolutely no need to rush it.


Evelynmia'smom's Avatar Evelynmia'smom 05:23 AM 11-28-2011

Thanks for all of the advice everyone. I just wanted to update. I was able to get her back in the school she was in last year and it is like night and day. She actually wants to go. The teachers give me brief reports at the end of the day and it seems that she is adjusting really well. Anyway, I feel relieved and confident that I made the right decision. 

mamazee's Avatar mamazee 06:30 AM 11-28-2011

Yeah it sounds like either she needed a move or she isn't ready for preschool yet. She shouldn't stay somewhere if she is unhappy there regardless of whether that particular preschool is a problem or whether she just isn't ready to do what is needed in preschool in general. She doesn't *have* to go to preschool at all, but waiting a year is fine too.


I agree with others that one hard part of putting a child in school is giving up control. I do the whole Alfie Kohn UP thing, and I promise you none of that happens in my daughter's school. It is very much about behavioral techniques. But my feeling is that the relationship she has with me and her father and her experience at home is her primary experience and what is more important. I had to have a change of perspective before I felt OK with schools putting my dd in time out or that kind of thing, but now I understand that, with so many kids, they do what they feel comfrotable with and what works for them in that environment, and school has still overall been a very positive experience for her.

Emmeline II's Avatar Emmeline II 07:58 AM 11-28-2011
Originally Posted by Evelynmia'smom View Post

Thanks for all of the advice everyone. I just wanted to update. I was able to get her back in the school she was in last year and it is like night and day. She actually wants to go. The teachers give me brief reports at the end of the day and it seems that she is adjusting really well. Anyway, I feel relieved and confident that I made the right decision. 


serenbat's Avatar serenbat 09:11 AM 11-28-2011



I was able to get her back in the school she was in last year and it is like night and day. 


what made you pull her in the first place from last years school?



IF for some reason things don't run smoothly I would not find another school at this point- too much disruptions can cause issues as well.

Evelynmia'smom's Avatar Evelynmia'smom 12:58 PM 11-28-2011

She had a great year at the school from last year, but it's not as academic as some of the others around here. I'm not sure how it is in other communities but around here you have to make a decision and pay the school year in november, so I made this decision last november. Anyway, I'm now less concerned about the "academics" as I am with her having a positive educational experience. I would not switch her again....that would be overkill 

Thisbirdwillfly's Avatar Thisbirdwillfly 09:58 AM 11-30-2011
Glad to hear it worked out!
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