once thrilled, now distraught 4 year old. HELP - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 11-02-2011, 06:10 AM - Thread Starter
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I was a homeschooling/unschooling momma until we moved to the area and found a really lovely place for my DD. It's a play-based, two day a week program and when we went for a visit DD was thrilled with it and didn't want to leave. She loves the teachers who are so so kind, the beautiful play and felt-time stories and basically everything about it -- she has fun when she's there! She went to the autumn celebration and refused to leave! 




She is now refusing to go if I am not there. She's only been to four classes thus far and always leaves with a huge smile and talk of the fun she had and the "silly teachers" but in between the days she's home with me she spends 50% of her day begging me not to go back because she misses me and she cries etc. Begging, tears etc. It's breaking my heart! But I paid quite a bit for the semester and I know she loves it. She's never had seperation anxiety before, so this is all new to me. 


I don't want to force her to go but I'm in a rut. Any advice would be appreciated! 

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#2 of 7 Old 11-02-2011, 01:22 PM
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#3 of 7 Old 11-02-2011, 08:11 PM
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Is there another student in her class who has a hard time with goodbyes? It seems like sometimes kids act out what they've seen in an attempt to understand it. When my son was in preschool there was one kid who had a big meltdown over his mom leaving one day, and a bunch of kids had crying episodes the following week. My daughter went through a phase where she didn't want me to leave her, and I bought a pin for her to wear to help her be brave. She really liked that, and it actually worked.

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#4 of 7 Old 11-08-2011, 01:34 PM
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I wonder if she would part more easily if she felt more comfortable with the kids and the class?  If so, maybe you can arrange some playdates with her "school friends" to help ease the transition.  I've used this technique with my DD and I noticed that she's much more open and relaxed about going to school and at school after she's had playdates with kids who are less familiar. 

Partner to DH and mom to DD1 (3/2008) and DD2 (born 1/2012).
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#5 of 7 Old 11-08-2011, 01:48 PM
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DD went through something similiar while in preschool. I had been out of town over a three day weekend and it just rocked her little world! It was difficult, but we got through it. We regularly played a game I called "I like school". We'd play before bed or any time she was really begging to stay home. I'd start it and say something like "I like school because I get to read books" then it would be her turn. That way, we were remembering all of the good things that she loved about school.


I do agree that as long as she's adjusted within the first five minutes or so of class, that its completely normal. She is obviously having fun and it is still very new. She's only been to four classes so give it some time. It took my DD nearly 6 weeks to calm down at drop off after my three day weekend and she had been in that class for three months already!! So don't sweat it and allow plenty of time for adjustment. When she sees that you are there at pick up every time and remembers how much fun she has each day, she will slowly calm down about it. :)


Hugs to you, mama!! I know how hard it can be to work through this! She'll get there, though!! 

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#6 of 7 Old 11-08-2011, 08:49 PM
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i went through this last year with my then 4y. I started hanging out more in the classroom, planning fun events for after school, coming early to pick her up, basically any thing I could think of. Nothing worked, I wasn't able to get her over the hump and eventually every day became a battle to get her to go so I pulled her out. She stayed home 4-5 months and then wanted to go back one day and happily did for the rest of the school year.

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#7 of 7 Old 11-12-2011, 06:25 PM
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I was wondering how things were with her peers? Is she getting along with others? could there be a mild bully? By the way, is this a Waldorf school by any chance?


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