Unexpectedly starting kindergarden in two weeks! - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 33 Old 08-17-2012, 07:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
tri31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: An Electric Universe
Posts: 777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am looking for suggestions on how to ease the transition from home to school for my son. He won't be 5 until early November. He has been in early intervention services for speech/OT this year. He has mild sensory issues (which he rapidly seems to be growing out of). His screening does not indicate SPD, the evaluations seem to demonstrate a unique temperament as opposed to any disability. I had every intention of sending him to nursery school this year, but due to an oversight in the program regulations he is suddenly not eligible for services, mainly because he is school age. He has some, what I can only describe as, really negative beliefs about school and  teachers. He never wants to leave my side. He is afraid of children his age (though he enjoys socializing with older children). That coupled with the  preference to "say his words wrong". DH and I agree that getting him into do play therapy (within the classroom) sooner than later seems like the right thing for him. We both dread the transition. The administrator for special ed says that the district will be willing to find the right accommodations. Maybe a shortened school day or whatever. The nursery school is not flexible at all, no speech/social-emotional therapy can take place there,  either. So kinder garden really is the best use of his time.  He does not want to go. He wants mom. What can do to help? Any tips on what to avoid?  


Wife om.gif mamaluxlove.gif to five And citizen of Earthearth.gif
tri31 is offline  
#2 of 33 Old 08-17-2012, 08:25 AM
 
Geofizz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Running with the dingos!
Posts: 7,996
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Go to the library and check out every picture book you can find on starting kindergarten.  Read them several times.

 

Can you get contact info for any kids that will be in his class?  See if you can arrange playdates in a comfortable environment. 

 

Contact the teacher and explain the situation.  See if you can go in for a quiet meet-the-teacher before the start. 

 

Start practicing the morning routine.  Get up at the right time, get dressed, carry the backpack to school.

 

Good luck!  It will work out, and it's fantastic to hear that the school willing to accommodate his needs.

Geofizz is offline  
#3 of 33 Old 08-21-2012, 05:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
tri31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: An Electric Universe
Posts: 777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My oldest are 18 and 16, so it's been a while, our routine was always inconsistent. What are your school routines like?


Wife om.gif mamaluxlove.gif to five And citizen of Earthearth.gif
tri31 is offline  
#4 of 33 Old 08-21-2012, 08:22 AM
 
ollyoxenfree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 4,933
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by tri31 View Post

 He has some, what I can only describe as, really negative beliefs about school and  teachers. He never wants to leave my side. He is afraid of children his age (though he enjoys socializing with older children).   

 

When my kids were in elementary school, there was a "Buddy" program matching older children and younger children. It was essentially a reading program. Once a week or so, the classes of older and younger students were brought together, paired off and then the older student worked on reading skills by reading a story to the their younger buddy. It fostered a nice sense of community because the friendliness and helpfulness carried over to the playground and hallways and cafeteria outside of classtime. 

 

Perhaps you can speak to the principal and find a couple of responsible, helpful older students to take turns acting as his buddy for the first few weeks of school. They could spend time with him in the class and on the playground too, as needed, until he makes a few connections with his classmates. If he could meet them before school starts that would be helpful. 

 

Good luck! 

ollyoxenfree is offline  
#5 of 33 Old 08-22-2012, 01:24 PM
 
K1329's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 566
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I brought both of my kids to the campus several times before school started. After hours, we played on the playground, peeked in the windows, etc. On the first day of class, the place seemed a little more familiar. Good luck!
K1329 is offline  
#6 of 33 Old 08-22-2012, 02:24 PM
 
JollyGG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,647
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by tri31 View Post

My oldest are 18 and 16, so it's been a while, our routine was always inconsistent. What are your school routines like?

We start earlier bedtimes about two weeks before school starts. We get dinner, baths, and start our consistent bedtime routine a few weeks before school starts.

 

We get up at the time we will get up for school and be ready for the day by the time we would need to be out the door.

 

Basically I try to make all the changes to our routine that school will entail before the first morning of school.

 

If our kids walk to school we walk it a few times. If they will be taking the bus we figure out where and when it stops and make sure that our kid knows the way home, even if I plan to walk them to and from the bus every day.

 

I figure out where they line up to go into school and show that place to the kids at the school. If I'll be picking them up at the school I show them where they will meet me after school.

 

Can you do lunch with him at school for the first week or so?


Mom to DS 4/24/03 and DD 4/17/06
JollyGG is online now  
#7 of 33 Old 09-02-2012, 04:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
tri31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: An Electric Universe
Posts: 777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

So we met with the kindergarden teacher, things went well. We are all going to orientation on Thursday, I think he will be thrilled, untill Friday when I won't be going. Have any of you tried having someone else take them to school?


Wife om.gif mamaluxlove.gif to five And citizen of Earthearth.gif
tri31 is offline  
#8 of 33 Old 09-02-2012, 07:09 PM
 
Peony's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 25,342
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

 I had no idea what I was in for the first day DD2 went to K, we didn't do K with DD1. OMG. Almost every kid had both parents to send them off the first day, there was pictures, and more more pictures, more people. Even a grandma or two! DD2 who was entirely fine, actually started to freak out by the sheer volume of people, and moms crying because it was the first day. She turned emotional and clingy. It was short lived though.

 

 

I never thought that when DD1 went to school (she started in 1st grade) that it was going to go well, but she did amazingly the first day. We talked a lot about when I would be coming to get her and what we were going to do after the first day of school. Something for her to look forward to. Looking the routine/schedule seemed to help. Is dad an option to take the first day? Would your son handle drop off better with him you think? 


There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
Peony is offline  
#9 of 33 Old 09-03-2012, 04:48 AM
 
Tricia Valek's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 42
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

goodvibes.gif

Tricia Valek is offline  
#10 of 33 Old 09-03-2012, 04:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
tri31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: An Electric Universe
Posts: 777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have an eighteen year old daughter. Maybe it would be less traumatic if she brings him? I should call and see if someone can ,meet us at the door to bring him to class. I think as soon as either DH or I step out of the car we will have a serious problem. What about the bus?


Wife om.gif mamaluxlove.gif to five And citizen of Earthearth.gif
tri31 is offline  
#11 of 33 Old 09-03-2012, 06:10 AM
 
Geofizz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Running with the dingos!
Posts: 7,996
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

His big sister might be a good, trusted person to take him.  A good idea!  I'd keep it simple and matter of fact.  Good luck! 

 

Peony, yes, at our local public school, both parents and often grandparents do the first day drop off even up through 5th grade!  It makes for a very chaotic and crowded environment that's very stressful for my oldest.

Geofizz is offline  
#12 of 33 Old 09-03-2012, 07:39 AM
 
ollyoxenfree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 4,933
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by tri31 View Post

I have an eighteen year old daughter. Maybe it would be less traumatic if she brings him? I should call and see if someone can ,meet us at the door to bring him to class. I think as soon as either DH or I step out of the car we will have a serious problem. What about the bus?

 

What do you know about the school's first day routine? 

 

My kids attended an elementary school with a pretty crazy first morning. The class lists were posted on the school doors in late August the weekend before school started. Often the kids arrived without knowing who their teacher was or where their classroom was. There would be a lot of jockeying to read the lists and then find your teacher. On the first morning, the teachers stood in the yard and waited for their students to assemble around them. Some teachers had large signs identifying them and their class/grade. Others didn't bother and if you didn't know who the teacher was, finding him/her was a nightmare in the mob of parents, teachers and students milling about in the yard. There were about 800 or 900 students at this school, so you can imagine the chaos. My recollection is that the kindergarten children had a separate entrance on the opposite side of the school and their classrooms were in a separate hallway, so they avoided most of this mayhem. It was just 2 classes of children on that side of the school and they were greeted nicely and sorted pretty quickly and taken to the classrooms. If, however, they had been in the general uproar with the older students, I'd definitely want to be prepared for that chaos and able to attend with them. 

 

Hopefully, your child's school will have a much better entry process for the first day. It might be a good idea to find out how it's supposed to work. Best wishes for a smooth start to school. 

ollyoxenfree is offline  
#13 of 33 Old 09-03-2012, 08:32 AM
 
Geofizz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Running with the dingos!
Posts: 7,996
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Olly, the OP said they've already met the teacher and there's an orientation.  An orientation give an opportunity to explain the arrival routine, which the child and 18 year old sister can then run through a few times.

Geofizz is offline  
#14 of 33 Old 09-03-2012, 09:30 AM
 
ollyoxenfree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 4,933
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Geofizz View Post

Olly, the OP said they've already met the teacher and there's an orientation.  An orientation give an opportunity to explain the arrival routine, which the child and 18 year old sister can then run through a few times.

 

Oh, good point. I only read the last couple of updated posts and had missed that. 

ollyoxenfree is offline  
#15 of 33 Old 09-08-2012, 07:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
tri31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: An Electric Universe
Posts: 777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Well, we tried! Couldn't get him out of the hallway for 30 minutes, barely got him in the room.  We ended up in the school counslers office playing with Legos, and talking about why he doesn't like school. Poor ds is the only child in the room who hasn't been in daycare or pre school. He wouldn't get in the car for my daughter, so she watched my 2 year old instead. He already has a terrible resistance to everything school is, learning, growing up. He doesn't even want a birthday. For now our goal is getting to school, and separating from me. Please send us your good vibes, and any ideas on how to help him feel safe. He is terrified of the children.


Wife om.gif mamaluxlove.gif to five And citizen of Earthearth.gif
tri31 is offline  
#16 of 33 Old 09-09-2012, 05:29 AM
 
Geofizz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Running with the dingos!
Posts: 7,996
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ah, poor kid. Any chance you could get the names of a few kids in the class who are quiet and kind to have over as playdates? If he can get to know a few of the kids in the room, the whole room of kids might be less scary.

Baby steps. You'll get him where he needs to be.
Geofizz is offline  
#17 of 33 Old 09-09-2012, 01:42 PM
 
beanma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: with the dustbunnies & sugar beans
Posts: 8,159
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)

Tri31, I have a daughter who was a lot like that as far as separation anxiety. She didn't have the other issues your son has so for us what ultimately worked best was to put her in a small private school that afforded us more options than public school. I was able to stay longer in the morning in the classroom. I don't know if this is an option for you, but I think it helped dd1 a lot. I did not try to engage her at all while I was in the classroom — I was more like a security blanket or a nightlight just there in the background making her feel less anxious so she could integrate into the classroom. 

 

I think Geofizz's suggestion is super excellent and I would jump on that as soon as you possibly can. I think it would be the very best thing you can possibly do to ease his transition. Please, please, please set up a playdate for him!

 

I've got to run, but I'll be happy to share more of our experiences later.


Mamatreehugger.gif to two girl beans, Feb 2001hearts.gif and Nov 2003coolshine.gif . DH geek.gif, and two crazydog2.gifdog2.gif . Running on biodiesel since 2004!
 
"All you fascists are bound to lose" — Woody Guthrie
beanma is online now  
#18 of 33 Old 09-09-2012, 02:00 PM
 
Alenushka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 1,893
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Sometime what feels kind is not compassionate.

 

If it was up to my son he would be household and never deal with strangers.

 

We made him to go school, get services, join boy chorus  etc.

 

It felt very unkind at times.  He was special Ed entire time.

 

He has all sort of accommodation in school

 

He finished school 16 and is in community college. He volunteers in his former school out of all places in the therapeutic classroom. He just got a tutoring job and amazing IT internship.

As I write all of that I can;t even believe he has gone that far. My son is still creative, quirky, out of the box human being. But he also knows norms of social behaviors, he loves to teach and mentor and he shows up where and when he needs to show up.

 

So, I say, give K a try.  Give all the services a try! Seek accommodating but make your son stretch himself outside of his comfort zone. Make home a lows stress safe harbor enviroments. Give him extra time in the morning. Put school in positive light. Volunteer in school. Keep close contact with teachers.

 

I had friend whose kid has very much same issues as my son. He let hm stay home at all times. The poor boy has serious social anxiety issues. Has no kids and does everything on line. It is really heartbreaking to wash.

Linda on the move likes this.
Alenushka is offline  
#19 of 33 Old 09-09-2012, 02:02 PM
 
Alenushka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 1,893
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have to say, sometime, it is best to let them swim on heir own. Just leave. It might  work the best. I have seen it with some kids.

Alenushka is offline  
#20 of 33 Old 09-09-2012, 05:42 PM
 
Peony's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 25,342
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

grouphug.gif We did meet with other kids from the class (the principal gave me names and numbers) to help DD1 ease into it. She would never of chosen to go to school, she was one I had to literally kick out of the nest. She did fly though. shy.gif She has an anxiety disorder so it was touchy, my actions seemed like it could "make it or break it", but I figured it was worth a shot. 

 

 

Opposite with DD2. I spent MONTHS doing gradual drop offs, bribes, hanging around the classroom, trying to make her ok with it. It never worked. I ended up doing five minute drop offs. It was awful, she would cry the entire way to school, cry there, but then once I was gone, she was fine. Me hanging around had just made it worse. 


There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
Peony is offline  
#21 of 33 Old 09-09-2012, 07:25 PM
 
beanma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: with the dustbunnies & sugar beans
Posts: 8,159
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)

Here's my take on it. Anxiety is tricky. You have to be able to read your child objectively—hard for a parent to do, but you know your particular child better than the teachers do even if they've had years of experience. With anxiety, you have to nudge the child just outside of his comfort zone, but not so far that he will be unsuccessful and freak-out/melt down or at least not unrecoverably freak out.  However allowing him to completely avoid the anxiety-provoking situation is just as bad. They both will exacerbate the anxiety and make it build and be much worse. Avoidance sends the child the message, "Whew, good thing you avoided that scary situation. That was a close call. You should never do that again." He can begin to build up a fear of the situation and come to completely dread it. Dd1 used to do this with brushing her teeth as a preschooler/toddler among many, many other things.

 

As a parent you need to be able to read your child and know or make an educated guess about when to give him that extra nudge and how hard to nudge. Often you need to find a middle ground. For example, your child really wants to be able to swim, but is deathly afraid of getting in the pool. You do it in baby steps. First you have him sit on the edge and just dangle his toes in the water and watch. Then when he's comfortable with that you gently but firmly nudge him along. Maybe he sits on the first step of the pool, then the next, and the next until he's all the way in. Then you have to work up to putting his head under and learning strokes to swim. You can't just throw him in the deep end and expect him to deal and you can't let him hang out way over by the ping pong table and never even put his toes in. The hard thing about school sep anxiety is often the school is not super flexible and it's harder to find the middle ground. 

 

Many kids do exactly as Peony and Alenushka describe and cry for 5 minutes or less and then are over it. However, some are like my dd1 and cry for hours if you do a drop and run and are still snuffling when you come to pick them up. My dd2 had some sep anxiety. It was more than most other kids in her pre-K and K classes, but did not begin to touch the degree of sep anxiety that dd1 had. I don't think any of dd1's teachers (some of whom had taught for 20+ years) had ever seen sep anxiety like she had. 

 

For dd1 what I did was set up some playdates for sure. She loved going to other kids' houses. And then for the school routine we tried a number of things. Sometimes Daddy would drop her and sometimes Dd2 and I would. When Daddy did he hung out for a pretty decent amount of time (maybe 20 minutes) and then dd1 drew him a picture at the end. He said she was so sad and teary (though not out and out bawling) when he left it just broke his heart. We had already tried the drop and run after we got the advice that she'd be over it in 5 minutes if we'd only do that. She was not that kid.  (Still isn't. I mean, she certainly doesn't need me to walk her into class any more (she's in 6th grade), but if she's really upset she just can't be done and over it in 5 minutes.) What ended up working for me and dd1 was for me to stay around through the free period in the morning, fading into the background and letting dd1 integrate herself into the activities, until they got ready for circle time and I would stay through circle time and after that I would leave. This ended up being nearly an hour or so. As she became comfortable with that I began to excuse myself during the free period and say I was going to take dd2 (she was 2.5 at the time) outside, but I wouldn't leave yet and I would come back in before circle. (Super important not to sneak away, again makes the anxiety worse.) Sometimes I would tell her I needed to talk to another teacher or administrator. Basically I was stretching out the time that she was on her own in the morning, but leaving her a security blanket with the knowledge that I hadn't really gone yet. As she began to make friends and enjoy the activities it became less and less necessary for me to be in the room. I would often be outside or elsewhere. I also began to leave at the beginning of circle time rather than the end once she became comfortable with the routine.

 

Her separation anxiety continued for several years. Kindy and preschool were definitely the worst, but she liked the long goodbye in one form or another for a long, long time. Later on when dd2 was big enough to attend the same school I would drop dd1 off and then take dd2 into her class and settle her in and then come back a second time to say a real goodbye to dd1 and then say goodbye to dd2 and go. I was advised by several people to just say goodbye to dd1 and not come back a second time, but they didn't know her. They thought it would make it worse, but she was happy as a clam when she knew I was coming back for just a real quick hug and kiss. It was what worked for her. 

 

Dd2 was different. She definitely did have sep anxiety, but not as bad as dd1. What worked for her was the whole getting settled in and then I went to say my goodbye to dd1 and then came back to dd2 to say a second time to say goodbye to her at the "goodbye window" the school had for K. You could open the window and get a hug, but didn't go back in the classroom. That window made dd2 sad for quite awhile until we realized that she really liked it when she went right into her 1 minute "reading meeting" and 1 on 1 attention from her teacher immediately after we said goodbye at the goodbye window. She loved just that smidgeon of structure and then she was really okay with the rest of the day. No more big wails and sobs. So for her the middle ground was nowhere near as elaborate with as many baby steps as we had to make for dd1. 

 

You know your child best. You've got to nudge him a little and find that middle ground. Getting to know the other kids through playdates is super helpful and is probably the easiest thing to control that you can do to help him adjust. See how open the school and teacher are to you hanging around a little. Maybe you could volunteer. I think it would be best if you didn't engage with him much, but were more the security blanket/nightlight in the background. Maybe you could cut out materials for class or something like that. Or maybe he's one of the kids that really does do better with the "yank the bandaid" method and will only cry for a few minutes after you leave.

 

Best of luck!


Mamatreehugger.gif to two girl beans, Feb 2001hearts.gif and Nov 2003coolshine.gif . DH geek.gif, and two crazydog2.gifdog2.gif . Running on biodiesel since 2004!
 
"All you fascists are bound to lose" — Woody Guthrie
beanma is online now  
#22 of 33 Old 09-09-2012, 09:21 PM
 
Linda on the move's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: basking in the sunshine
Posts: 10,550
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 30 Post(s)

I agree that anxiety is tricky.  I also have a kid with an anxiety disorder for whom going to school has been, at times, traumatic.

 

I agree with much of the advice in the thread here, except for volunteering. I think volunteering is great, but showing up and leaving in the middle of the day won't be helpful to your son right now. It will just add to the confusion.

 

I also think that parents, esp. us moms, can cycle with our kids. They get freaked out, and it upsets us because we love them and want them to be happy. They pick up on our upset, and for them, this is more cause for being freaked out. So they get more freaked out. So we get more upset, and so on and so on. They cannot be the one to break the cycle. It's up to us.

 

I would continue to enlist the help of the staff at the school. Because your son has special needs, he needs accommodations for getting into his classroom each day. What you are doing isn't working, so it's time to do something different. For awhile, the school social worker came out to our car and walked my DD into the building. For a while, I walked my Dd into the building and left her in the office, where the social worker met her. Talk to the school and brain storm with your key people there for a new plan. He needs more help with this transition.

 

In your OP, you mention that he had sensory issues, but has outgrown them. I suspect that isn't the case. I suspect that some of the things that used to bother him he is doing OK, but that school is pushing all his sensory buttons. It is a very tough sensory environment. If you have a sensory diet for him, I would go back to working on it with him after school.

 

I would also talk to the school about his sensory issues -- it's possible that part of what could help him in school is time right at the beginning of the day in a sensory activity. My DD was mostly mainstreamed, but spent the first period of the day in special education and there were all kinds of cool sensory activities in there.

 

And I totally agree with the poster up thread who said, "sometimes what feels kind is not compassionate."  I also have a child who would have chose to never leave her room. We've had some very tough times. She is now happily attending highschool in a small private school (which was a better fit for her) and volunteers at the library. She is getting ready for college. But yeah, I had to kick her out of the nest.


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

Linda on the move is online now  
#23 of 33 Old 09-10-2012, 06:10 AM
 
beanma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: with the dustbunnies & sugar beans
Posts: 8,159
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
Quote:

Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post

I agree with much of the advice in the thread here, except for volunteering. I think volunteering is great, but showing up and leaving in the middle of the day won't be helpful to your son right now. It will just add to the confusion.

 

No, I wouldn't suggest volunteering in the middle of the day. I was more envisioning volunteering in the morning at drop off as an excuse to stay longer and ease his transition if the school felt they needed that excuse. I could have done that with my dd1 as long as I didn't need to interact with her or the other kids (if I was just in the background cutting out shapes, or stapling or something). I could not volunteer later in the day and then leave again. Recipe for disaster. But at either end of the day it would have been fine for my dd. 


Mamatreehugger.gif to two girl beans, Feb 2001hearts.gif and Nov 2003coolshine.gif . DH geek.gif, and two crazydog2.gifdog2.gif . Running on biodiesel since 2004!
 
"All you fascists are bound to lose" — Woody Guthrie
beanma is online now  
#24 of 33 Old 09-13-2012, 09:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
tri31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: An Electric Universe
Posts: 777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

He is on his third full day. I met with the CSE this morning. They are just going to observe and send home assessments for me to fill out, we'll meet again next month..So they are implementing the speech and OT ASAP (the primary reason we started kindergarten). He is soldiering through, but he is so scared. I am so conflicted. Every morning he asks "please mommy don't leave me there" but he is starting to engage in play (baby steps, just barely) no one knows what to expect, what are some opinions on half day accommodations?  Why stay full day, with a resistant anxious child?


Wife om.gif mamaluxlove.gif to five And citizen of Earthearth.gif
tri31 is offline  
#25 of 33 Old 09-13-2012, 10:00 AM
 
beanma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: with the dustbunnies & sugar beans
Posts: 8,159
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)

Half day might work as long as you take care to paint it not as backing down or backing out — basically not as avoidance. With anxiety, avoidance only makes it worse, but going half day is really not avoiding so I think you could make that work. Do you plan to have him repeat K next year? I know you said he's young for it this year and you're only there for the speech and OT so maybe this year could be the half-day year and next year could be the full day year. Do you know if the school would be willing to let him do half days? I think it could be a good compromise. You're not letting him completely avoid the situation, but you're making it easier for him to deal with it.


Mamatreehugger.gif to two girl beans, Feb 2001hearts.gif and Nov 2003coolshine.gif . DH geek.gif, and two crazydog2.gifdog2.gif . Running on biodiesel since 2004!
 
"All you fascists are bound to lose" — Woody Guthrie
beanma is online now  
#26 of 33 Old 09-13-2012, 01:44 PM
 
Linda on the move's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: basking in the sunshine
Posts: 10,550
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 30 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by tri31 View Post

 Every morning he asks "please mommy don't leave me there" but he is starting to engage in play (baby steps, just barely) no one knows what to expect, what are some opinions on half day accommodations?  Why stay full day, with a resistant anxious child?

 

hug2.gif  My DD with an anxiety disorder had a reduced school day as part of her 504 accommodations when she was in public school. It did help, but there were downsides.

 

First, it sets the child apart. The other kids know. They ask why. Those answers aren't easy.

 

Second, not being there all day means missing stuff that happens. My DD was in middle school at the time, so it was different than what a K would miss, but check into that see what he would be missing. Recess? Art? What exactly are you asking that he not do for the entire rest of the year.

 

The third downside is a combination of 1 and 2, by missing things that the other kids do and talk it about, it makes connecting with the other children more difficult. It adds to the social complications, which can create more anxiety.

 

Last, how much of the time that he is there would he be in pullouts? Would they be able to schedule all his therapies during the part day? How much time would he be in class? Would it be enough time to make his peace with being there?

 

None the less, one year is was the best we could come up with. It was part of her official accommodations, not something that was available for students who do not have special needs. It was a PITA for the staff because there are so many regulations about what students HAVE to have as part of their day, that scheduling was wonky. Depending on exactly how the laws are written in your state and how funding works, this is a bigger request than it seems like it would be on the surface.

 

Now my DD attends a small private school and can do the whole school day, which was something important that the administration of the school, and that my DH and I together with the school to make happen.  Part of what helped was having real opt outs of what is happening. For her, having a safe place to go when she is overwhelmed was very necessary to making her peace with being in school.  What is your little guy supposed to do if he starts getting freaked out? What's the plan? For my DD, waiting until she could just stay at school all day without getting freaked out wasn't realistic.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by beanma View Post

Do you plan to have him repeat K next year? I know you said he's young for it this year and you're only there for the speech and OT so maybe this year could be the half-day year and next year could be the full day year. Do you know if the school would be willing to let him do half days? I think it could be a good compromise. You're not letting him completely avoid the situation, but you're making it easier for him to deal with it.

 

 

good points. Depending how he is doing by the end of the year, a second year of K might be a really good idea. It might take the pressure off this year to think of it as the dry run, something to just start getting the hang of rather than something he must master right now.


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

Linda on the move is online now  
#27 of 33 Old 09-13-2012, 02:00 PM
 
beanma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: with the dustbunnies & sugar beans
Posts: 8,159
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)

I think Linda makes good points, too. I would have loved to have my dd1 in a half day kindy program, but I couldn't find one in our area, so we went with the small private school which still was full day K. I think pulling her out early would definitely have set her apart from the other kids, though, if she only went half days. 

 

I wonder if you could pick him up early on certain days, like Mondays and Tuesdays or some other combination, so he would be able to ease into the week, but would still have the chance to connect with the other kids. 


Mamatreehugger.gif to two girl beans, Feb 2001hearts.gif and Nov 2003coolshine.gif . DH geek.gif, and two crazydog2.gifdog2.gif . Running on biodiesel since 2004!
 
"All you fascists are bound to lose" — Woody Guthrie
beanma is online now  
#28 of 33 Old 09-14-2012, 04:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
tri31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: An Electric Universe
Posts: 777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post

 

hug2.gif  My DD with an anxiety disorder had a reduced school day as part of her 504 accommodations when she was in public school. It did help, but there were downsides.

 

First, it sets the child apart. The other kids know. They ask why. Those answers aren't easy.

 

Second, not being there all day means missing stuff that happens. My DD was in middle school at the time, so it was different than what a K would miss, but check into that see what he would be missing. Recess? Art? What exactly are you asking that he not do for the entire rest of the year.

 

The third downside is a combination of 1 and 2, by missing things that the other kids do and talk it about, it makes connecting with the other children more difficult. It adds to the social complications, which can create more anxiety.

 

Last, how much of the time that he is there would he be in pullouts? Would they be able to schedule all his therapies during the part day? How much time would he be in class? Would it be enough time to make his peace with being there?

 

So a 504 was implemented for therapies, but everyone agreed not to put together a solid CPE plan untill more observations are made (all his evaluations are almost two years old). Therapies are going to start in class, OT, speech and counseling and we all agree that if he needs more than we'll consider pull out sessions, and if he needs less we'll phase them out eventually. That said he had an amazing day yesterday! Everyday he relaxing more into it. We are really encouraged. We'll see what monday's like..By the way your point about the loss of connection with the class is excellent, and as long as he continues to adjust day by day, I think we've decided to stay the course with full days.


Wife om.gif mamaluxlove.gif to five And citizen of Earthearth.gif
tri31 is offline  
#29 of 33 Old 09-14-2012, 06:17 PM
 
lauren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In a state of grace
Posts: 6,784
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

Sounds like you are all making progress!!
 


 
lauren is offline  
#30 of 33 Old 09-25-2012, 01:20 PM
 
Geofizz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Running with the dingos!
Posts: 7,996
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

How are things this week?

Geofizz is offline  
Reply

Tags
School

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off