Kindergarten or not? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 28 Old 04-01-2014, 04:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
mommashakespere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 32
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My son is 5, but his birthday is in Oct, after the cut off for kindergarten (Oct 1st in our state). We had planned on registering him as home schooled next year for kindergarten, but I read that "any child 6 years old before Oct 1st must register for kindergarten". So instead of registering him for home school, we have considered homeschooling anyway, but if he wants to start kindergarten the following year, letting him go then. (After he's 6, before turning 7.) And just not do any paper work this year.


He has a speech delay is a bit behind in social skills. (autism, but rather mild. Mainly affecting speech.) I think this extra year could be good, and that way, if we wait, he can be in a class with kids more on his social skills level. (His academics are already at where he should be if not a bit ahead.) Our district is pretty bad in helping. I have an epic story of trying to get him into preschool, and therapy, and they gave me a HUGE run around and took 7 months to even get an IEP meeting, and told me that because I decided to cease the process, if he starts kindergarten in the fall, they will NOT allow him any services.  Hence, why we are homeschooling. However, I have found a private school we'd be willing to try if we waited the extra year.


Has anyone done this, and did it work out well? He will be an older kid, but I think that is WAY better than letting him go and being held back or having disciplinary problems, or even having to fight to get him in speech. His self esteem would suffer if he went this year, imo. 


DS 5 DD 2, one on the way!
mommashakespere is offline  
#2 of 28 Old 04-01-2014, 05:15 PM
 
MindlessChrissy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Maryland
Posts: 1,046
Mentioned: 14 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)

Since he won't be "kindergarten age" by the time registration is open/closed then I wouldn't worry about it. If it would give you piece of mind to do the paperwork for homeschooling then go ahead. I'm not sure how that would affect his going into 1st grade next year.

 

eta: I'm sure someone will be along that can give you better advice. Good luck!


Me - 39 - mthfr c677t and multiple unknown caused m/c's
DH - 40 - old and cranky
DS - 6 - ASD and severe adhd
MindlessChrissy is offline  
#3 of 28 Old 04-01-2014, 09:40 PM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,742
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 78 Post(s)

I'm not quite sure what you're saying. 

 

He's not KG age, not quite, as of fall 2014, and since he's a bit socially immature, you'd feel better anyway having him as a KG'er in fall 2015? And that would allow him to continue with the services he's getting as a preschooler? That makes perfect sense to me. 

 

As a long-time homeschooling parent what I don't understand is your question about homeschooling. To me the point of submitting homeschooling paperwork is to stay in compliance with laws on compulsory education. So as I see it there's no reason to start that process before the age of compulsory schooling -- which would be fall 2015 or fall 2016 for your ds, depending on whether KG is compulsory in your state. 

 

How much he learns prior to starting school, and in what sort of loose or structured fashion, to what extent it's parent-led or child-led, to what extent experiential or academic, that's entirely up to you and to him. No paperwork is necessary. You can call it homeschooling if you like. Or not. Unless I'm misunderstanding your question.

 

Miranda


Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#4 of 28 Old 04-02-2014, 03:06 AM
 
lauren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In a state of grace
Posts: 6,824
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 14 Post(s)

Hi there!   Well I hear what others are saying, but if he is on an IEP for his delays, than your wiggle room may not be there. You can still always remove your child from public schooling, but the school is federally mandated to carry out the services on his IEP. I suspect this decision might be more complex if this is so. Do you have a team that you have been working with? You are your child's mother and know him best, but I would also get some additional objective opinions about the impact of removing him from the social experience of school given that he has mild autism and social skills are usually what kids need tons of practice with.

 

Your question kind of overlaps different forums here and it is o.k. to cross post. Your homeschooling questions can go to our Learning at Home forum, such as: can I homeschool for just one year, is it wise to homeschool a child on the autism spectrum/has anyone else done this and had it turn out o.k..? Your questions about the IEP process (if there is one) will probably find the best answers either here or in the Special Needs forum-- like "can I just remove my child on an IEP without a team decision?

 

We're all here to try to help sort through it!


 
lauren is offline  
#5 of 28 Old 04-02-2014, 06:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
mommashakespere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 32
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We don't have an IEP. Our district was a pain the rear end, to spare the long story of it. Currently, we work with him at home and he is doing great. I don't have other children in school, so I just want to make sure that it's perfectly fine not to register him this year. I am planning to homeschool with an kindergarten curriculm, but since he is just behind the cut off for mandatory attendence (public or home), I won't register him for it until next year. If he chooses to try school instead, we could then start in kindergarten. I am just nervous and wanted more people to tell this is an okay plan, because of all the trouble they have already given me already just trying to get services, I don't want to sign him up the following year (2015) and get flack for him being an older student. Since he doesn't fall in the cut off, there's really nothing they could do though, right? 


DS 5 DD 2, one on the way!
mommashakespere is offline  
#6 of 28 Old 04-02-2014, 06:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
mommashakespere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 32
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We have other children in the family around his age. One started this current year, another set starts next year. I'm sure I'll hear flack from family that if I wait to send him (if we do, big if) that he will be too "old". 


DS 5 DD 2, one on the way!
mommashakespere is offline  
#7 of 28 Old 04-03-2014, 04:15 AM
 
IdentityCrisisMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 10,769
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 110 Post(s)

In my district if a child does not meet the cut-off it is fine for them to not register. 


Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
IdentityCrisisMama is offline  
#8 of 28 Old 04-03-2014, 06:58 AM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,742
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 78 Post(s)
I must be misunderstanding something. In my district if a child does not meet the cutoff they absolutely cannot register. It's a cutoff, a minimum age below which public schooling is not funded.

Miranda

Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#9 of 28 Old 04-03-2014, 11:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
mommashakespere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 32
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by moominmamma View Post

I must be misunderstanding something. In my district if a child does not meet the cutoff they absolutely cannot register. It's a cutoff, a minimum age below which public schooling is not funded.

Miranda

The minimum age here is 5 before Oct 1st. If you are 6 before Oct 1st, you MUST register. DS won't be 6 until the 9th of Oct. So if I read it correctly, he is alright to wait until the following year. This is partly why I'm asking, I want to be sure I'm not interpreting it wrong. 


DS 5 DD 2, one on the way!
mommashakespere is offline  
#10 of 28 Old 04-03-2014, 12:37 PM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,742
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 78 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommashakespere View Post
 

The minimum age here is 5 before Oct 1st. If you are 6 before Oct 1st, you MUST register. DS won't be 6 until the 9th of Oct. So if I read it correctly, he is alright to wait until the following year. This is partly why I'm asking, I want to be sure I'm not interpreting it wrong. 

 

Sorry, I was mis-remembering your original post, thinking your ds was still four. I've re-read it now: he's already 5, and will be turning 6 this coming October.

 

Yes, it sounds like you're interpreting things correctly. He would be allowed to register this coming year, but isn't required to register until the following year. Where I live, kids who don't attend kindergarten the year they meet the minimum age requirement are placed directly into 1st grade when they start school the following year, but I understand that in most US states the common practice is to place the child in kindy (i.e. with kids who are younger). You might just want to double-check that this practice of holding kids back to start kindergarten late (i.e. red-shirting) is allowed where you live.

 

Miranda


Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#11 of 28 Old 04-03-2014, 03:25 PM
 
grumpybear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 923
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I know of some who had June/July birthdays who waited an extra year so they were 6 when they started kindergarten. So yes, it can be done.

grumpybear is online now  
#12 of 28 Old 04-04-2014, 07:50 AM
 
NYMommy2007's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Central NY
Posts: 39
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

You should do what you feel most comfortable doing, however keep in mind that if you start your son in kindy for the 2015 school year he will turn 7 fairly soon after starting.  At that point he will be almost 2 years older than any kids starting on time.  This could have a big impact on him and on other kids in the class. 

NYMommy2007 is offline  
#13 of 28 Old 04-04-2014, 08:07 AM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,742
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 78 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMommy2007 View Post
 

if you start your son in kindy for the 2015 school year he will turn 7 fairly soon after starting.  At that point he will be almost 2 years older than any kids starting on time.  This could have a big impact on him and on other kids in the class. 

 

He would be almost 2 years older than the very youngest of the kids starting on time. Where he lies in terms of the average age of kids in his class will depend on whether the culture of red-shirting has taken root in their area. Seven in kindergarten seems far too old to me, but I live in an area where fully a quarter of kids are still 4 when they start kindy and even the oldest ones will still be 5 for a few months. But I know there are school districts where a significant handful of kids turn 7 during their kindergarten year. If they live somewhere like that he may not be that much older than some of his classmates.

 

Whether to place him in kindergarten rather than 1st grade in 2015 is a decision I would not take lightly. Holding a child back due to social immaturity may make sense at age 6, but if it adds the poorness of academic fit to his social challenges it may not be the best choice. But I would think that homeschooling this year and deferring the decision on placement until fall 2015 would give more time to observe his developmental trajectory and to gauge where he'd fit best. 

 

Miranda


Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#14 of 28 Old 04-04-2014, 11:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
mommashakespere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 32
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

That's where my conundrum is. It says that kindergarten is mandatory in our state. Therefore, if I do no register him as homeschooling for the 2014-2015 year, he would have to start in kindergarten the following year (if we chose to go private or public school). He couldn't start in 1st, even if he were tested and found to be a fit for that level. This leads me to want to go ahead and register as kindergarten this year, and if he wants to try school, he could go in as a 1st grader. I'm assuming since children are routinely held back often in this county, that if it's best for him to start in K instead, that it wouldn't be a problem. I just don't know what to do, honestly. I'm trying to decide.

 

How would his age affect his classmates? Genuine question. In our district, you can not start before the age of 5, and you must start at 6. So he would be 6 when he started, and then turn 7, but he would by no means be a standout in terms of age against his peers. How would that affect other children? 


DS 5 DD 2, one on the way!
mommashakespere is offline  
#15 of 28 Old 04-04-2014, 11:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
mommashakespere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 32
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

From what I understand, "red shirting" is commonly done for sports. I don't like that term, I'm trying to make this decision based on what is best for his education. We don't even play sports yet, so I hope no one thinks that is what this is about.


DS 5 DD 2, one on the way!
mommashakespere is offline  
#16 of 28 Old 04-04-2014, 12:07 PM
 
IdentityCrisisMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 10,769
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 110 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommashakespere View Post
 

How would his age affect his classmates? Genuine question. In our district, you can not start before the age of 5, and you must start at 6. So he would be 6 when he started, and then turn 7, but he would by no means be a standout in terms of age against his peers. How would that affect other children? 

There was a thread a while back and through that and a couple of articles, I realized that there is some degree of resentment from parents in regards to what is (IMO) oddly called "red shirting" in kindergarten.  I don't happen to share this view, so long as parents are making the choice to enroll their child a year later out of what is best for their child, and not in terms of how their child compares to her/his peers. 

 

Apparently some people know people (this seems quite rumor-ish to me) that hold their child back so that they will shine above their peers in one way or another. This is such an odd thing to admit that I have a hard time believing it myself. 

 

My understanding of your OP is that your child, who has a speech and social skills delay can either start kindergarten this year and be one of the very youngest children in his grade or he can wait and start next year and be one of older children in the class.  Is that right?  This does not seem AT ALL unreasonable OR UNUSUAL hat you would choose to wait a year. People in our area do this all the time.  Please also keep in mind that many areas have a Sept. cut off so if you were to move (like we did) your son would be in his 100% correct grade according to his age. Most areas, I think, have a Sept. cut-off. 

 

I wouldn't stress this, mama. 


Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
IdentityCrisisMama is offline  
#17 of 28 Old 04-04-2014, 12:19 PM
 
IdentityCrisisMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 10,769
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 110 Post(s)

Wait...what's this about him being 7 in kindy...?  

 

He is 5 now.  So he will have just turned 6 at the start of the 2014/15 school year?  Is that right?  So he will be one full year older than the very youngest students. My answer is based on that assumption. I do not think that that is a big deal at all. 

 

I do not think starting kindy in the 2015/16 school year will be allowed, if that's what you're talking about. 

 

And he WILL be registered before he turns 6 because in our area registration for schools is in the spring of the preceding year, or summer for neighborhood schools. But, either way, he will be registered.  Unless, of course, you are talking about starting him the following year but that is so unconventional as to, again, not likely to be allowed and instead he would start 1st grade. 


Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
IdentityCrisisMama is offline  
#18 of 28 Old 04-04-2014, 12:45 PM
 
NYMommy2007's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Central NY
Posts: 39
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommashakespere View Post
How would his age affect his classmates? Genuine question. In our district, you can not start before the age of 5, and you must start at 6. So he would be 6 when he started, and then turn 7, but he would by no means be a standout in terms of age against his peers. How would that affect other children? 

His age might not matter at all if he did start @ 6 and then turn 7, but if a large number of parents start on time with their kids turning 5 by October 1st then he could be starting school with kids who are 4 years old.  A two year age difference makes a big difference in this age group and if the classes aren't set up for multi-age groups it is harder for the teacher to teach all of the kids within the two year age gap.  When he's in higher grades he could conceivably be 13 in classes where his peers are 11.  Just some things to think about, what's best for your son is what really matters.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama View Post
 

Wait...what's this about him being 7 in kindy...?  

 

He is 5 now.  So he will have just turned 6 at the start of the 2014/15 school year?  Is that right?  So he will be one full year older than the very youngest students. My answer is based on that assumption. I do not think that that is a big deal at all. 

 

I do not think starting kindy in the 2015/16 school year will be allowed, if that's what you're talking about. 

I believe the OP's son is now 5 but will not start public kindy until the 2015/2016 school year, turning 7 within the first 2 months of school.

NYMommy2007 is offline  
#19 of 28 Old 04-04-2014, 12:50 PM
 
grumpybear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 923
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 

Originally Posted by mommashakespere View Post
 

He has a speech delay is a bit behind in social skills. (autism, but rather mild. Mainly affecting speech.) I think this extra year could be good, and that way, if we wait, he can be in a class with kids more on his social skills level. (His academics are already at where he should be if not a bit ahead.) Our district is pretty bad in helping. I have an epic story of trying to get him into preschool, and therapy, and they gave me a HUGE run around and took 7 months to even get an IEP meeting, and told me that because I decided to cease the process, if he starts kindergarten in the fall, they will NOT allow him any services.  Hence, why we are homeschooling. However, I have found a private school we'd be willing to try if we waited the extra year.

 

Wondering why you ceased the process after the IEP meeting?

Also, what are your plans between now and when you plan on sending him to kindergarten at 6yrs10mos? If you suspect speech issues, the earlier he has services for those, the better. If you delay and not get him services in the meantime, I'm not sure that's a great idea.

grumpybear is online now  
#20 of 28 Old 04-04-2014, 01:44 PM
 
IdentityCrisisMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 10,769
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 110 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMommy2007 View Post
 

I believe the OP's son is now 5 but will not start public kindy until the 2015/2016 school year, turning 7 within the first 2 months of school.

Ok, if that is the case, I do not think my district would allow this, taking any debate form the OP about a 5 year old starting kindy in the 15/16 school year off the table. OP, I suggest you ask your district if there are any circumstances under which this would be permitted because I suspect that there aren't. Even a child needing A LOT of extra support would be placed in 1st, with an IEP and given the extra support they need in the grade appropriate for their age range. 

 

I do think you could get away with starting kindy as a late 5 turning 6 but never an old 6 turning 7. 

 

In the case of a much, much older child simply the difference in physical size would be an issue for  the other children.  


Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
IdentityCrisisMama is offline  
#21 of 28 Old 04-04-2014, 01:56 PM
 
IdentityCrisisMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 10,769
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 110 Post(s)

And, yea, OP, if you are not planning on starting him until the 15/16 school year, you may have to register next school year for homeschooing.  I don't know much about that and suggest our Homeschool Forum for questions specific to that.  I also agree with a PP who says that a child with special needs may benefit from the services guaranteed to him by the public school system. It's something to look into.  He may even qualify for some services even if you decide to homeschool. 

 

Because this is the Learning at School forum, I feel it is appropriate to say that my DC had a reading delay and when that was discovered and dealt with along side the support her public school teachers, I found myself feeling relieved that I had not chosen to homeschool. 

 

This is not to say that things may not have worked out very well with her at home, because they may have, but it was the feeling I had at the time. 


Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
IdentityCrisisMama is offline  
#22 of 28 Old 04-04-2014, 02:29 PM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,742
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 78 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommashakespere View Post
 

From what I understand, "red shirting" is commonly done for sports. I don't like that term, I'm trying to make this decision based on what is best for his education. 

 

The term "red shirting" came from a practice used to extend college sports eligibility, but it's used a lot when kids are held back for a late start in kindergarten. The reasoning may sometimes include factors like "he's small for his size and will stand a better chance of keeping up with other boys physically if he's a year older" but more often it's about ensuring fuller readiness for all aspects of school: the fine motor stuff, the ability to focus, the social maturity, readiness to be away from home for long stretches, reading readiness, etc. etc. I think for most parents it's about what will best ensure that their child have the best shot possible at a successful school experience. 

 

While I don't fault parents in wanting what's best for their individual children, everyone of course would prefer their child to be above average. If it seems like a choice between a little bit of struggle at age 5 versus virtually ensured success at 6, many parents will opt for the surer bet. And while it might seem like it should just be an individual choice, there can be long-term repercussions that affect other kids. For example, you mentioned that your ds seems more than ready for kindergarten academically, so it's not unrealistic assume that if he enters kindergarten in 2015 he'll already be more than ready for 1st grade material. If a few other parents have made similar choices, that classroom will have a cluster of kids who are bored and unchallenged by learning activities at a kindergarten level. (Of course that's possible even in a classroom of 5-year-olds, but it's considerably more likely when a bunch of kids are a year older than their peers.) So anyway, those parents see that their kids are not engaged or challenged by letter-of-the-week stuff, and ask for differentiation to accommodate their kids' needs, and now the teacher is teaching at least partly at a level that's well beyond what most of the five-year-olds in the class are capable of. Some of the younger ones may struggle because they're getting less teaching directly at their level, and they may feel inadequate because there's a cluster of their classmates who are comprehending the more advanced teaching easily. 

 

Miranda


Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#23 of 28 Old 04-04-2014, 03:55 PM
 
IdentityCrisisMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 10,769
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 110 Post(s)

Yes!  And I would take this a step further and say that holding kids back in the opes that they will be more advanced than their peers will surely backfire because kids who have already mastered the skills being taught will be bored and will likely struggle with behavior issues.  

 

Not that the OP is considering holding back for these reasons, because it is very clear that she isn't. 

 

One of the really nice things about kindergarten (and there are some not so nice things too, like early academics in many schools) is that kindy is the time when teachers try to get all the kids up to speed, whether that be on behavior/social issues or academic. Or even things like school manners/culture/expectations, getting kids used to waiting a bit for a snack or to use the restroom. Getting kids used to being away from home and dealing with nap, tiredness. Kindy is A LOT of things all rolled up into one. It is also the time where those early school peer bonds begin to form.  

 

I would consider it slightly unfortunate to miss kindergarten because at my DC school (s) it is really the weaning in period. 

grumpybear likes this.

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
IdentityCrisisMama is offline  
#24 of 28 Old 04-04-2014, 05:51 PM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,742
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 78 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama View Post
 

Or even things like .... getting kids used to waiting a bit for a snack or to use the restroom. Getting kids used to being away from home and dealing with nap, tiredness. 

 

I take your point, especially for kids who struggle a bit to internalize social and behavioural expectations that their peers pick up more easily. On the other hand, a number of the things you mentioned as being "weaning in" issues are, from my perspective, more developmental than learning-related. For example, when my kids began attending school in 5th or 8th or 10th grades, it was no problem at all to wait a bit for a snack, or do without a nap, or be away from home all day. Those things are a challenge for 5-year-olds to learn in large part because they are five. Wait a year (or two, or more) and less "weaning in" will be needed.

 

Miranda


Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#25 of 28 Old 04-04-2014, 07:35 PM
 
IdentityCrisisMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 10,769
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 110 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by moominmamma View Post
 

 

I take your point, especially for kids who struggle a bit to internalize social and behavioural expectations that their peers pick up more easily. On the other hand, a number of the things you mentioned as being "weaning in" issues are, from my perspective, more developmental than learning-related. For example, when my kids began attending school in 5th or 8th or 10th grades, it was no problem at all to wait a bit for a snack, or do without a nap, or be away from home all day. Those things are a challenge for 5-year-olds to learn in large part because they are five. Wait a year (or two, or more) and less "weaning in" will be needed.

 

Miranda

Yes, of course. But, starting in 1st, like the OP is considering will mean that the child may miss out on this weaning in period when he has likely not grown out of the need. 


Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
IdentityCrisisMama is offline  
#26 of 28 Old 04-05-2014, 03:59 AM
 
lauren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In a state of grace
Posts: 6,824
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 14 Post(s)

Some folks who grow concerned about delaying kindergarten entrance came by that concern due to the age disparity when the kids are much much older. (which gets here in a flash!) So when kids are in 8th grade and most are turning 14 and one is almost 16, that would be huge!  In terms of biological changes and also developmental interests, this might so set a child apart from peers as to be their social undoing. 

 

Another point to consider again is that kindergarten is largely about learning social skills and 'how to go to school.' They do pile more academics on now than before, but it is largely about getting kids used to school, refining the social skills that teachers hope are mostly in place but need practice, and as others said, gelling as a group that will move through the grades together. Added to that is the concern that your child is on the autism spectrum and therefore probably much in need of social contact and practice. It sounds like you've had a lot of conflict with the school, and choosing to delay entrance might be another choice that they may not be able to reconcile with you. They at least, will likely blame things on this choice down the road that might not have anything to do with it. 

 

I also would be curious (like pp) why the IEP process was abandoned and what services were forfeited. 


 
lauren is offline  
#27 of 28 Old 04-05-2014, 07:11 AM
 
Mylie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,569
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 11 Post(s)
I havent read all the responses but with him turning 6 I think you would have to register this year as homeschool..If you dont do kindy and go straight to 1st he is going to struggle...Years ago when my son went to kindy it was all about socialization,learning letters and sounds and rules...not anymore...by the time they leave kindy they are teasing/writing and having spelling tests...so 1st is a lot harder..

That said....I sent my L to kindy last year...she was 4 but would be 5 before the cutoff...by the time the first 9 weeks was over I was horrified and sorry I didnt wait another year..she was not only half the other childrens size but also a year younger..she struggled all year to keep up..I wanted to retain her..they didnt because they dont like to retain(funding). So this year is 1st...still struggling and still younger and half the size of her peers...I have put my foot down..esspessially after wanting to put her in title 1 specials...I told them I will not keep doing this simply because she is only 6...she will be retained this year or I will move her Schools...they dont want to loose her so they have started the paperwork..and her teacher also agreese with me..all the children in L' class are 7 except for 1 little girl...she is turning 8...not sure what her story is though...

My point is most every kid here in this area doesnt start Kindy now till they are 6 because of the academics...Kindy is now the new 1st and 2nd grade....
Mylie is online now  
#28 of 28 Old 04-05-2014, 12:40 PM
 
Linda on the move's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: basking in the sunshine
Posts: 10,676
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 67 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommashakespere View Post
 

My son is 5, but his birthday is in Oct, after the cut off for kindergarten (Oct 1st in our state). We had planned on registering him as home schooled next year for kindergarten, but I read that "any child 6 years old before Oct 1st must register for kindergarten". So instead of registering him for home school, we have considered homeschooling anyway, but if he wants to start kindergarten the following year, letting him go then. (After he's 6, before turning 7.) And just not do any paper work this year.


He has a speech delay is a bit behind in social skills. (autism, but rather mild. Mainly affecting speech.) I think this extra year could be good, and that way, if we wait, he can be in a class with kids more on his social skills level. (His academics are already at where he should be if not a bit ahead.) Our district is pretty bad in helping. I have an epic story of trying to get him into preschool, and therapy, and they gave me a HUGE run around and took 7 months to even get an IEP meeting, and told me that because I decided to cease the process, if he starts kindergarten in the fall, they will NOT allow him any services.  Hence, why we are homeschooling. However, I have found a private school we'd be willing to try if we waited the extra year.


Has anyone done this, and did it work out well? He will be an older kid, but I think that is WAY better than letting him go and being held back or having disciplinary problems, or even having to fight to get him in speech. His self esteem would suffer if he went this year, imo. 

 

I have a daughter on the spectrum with an October birthday. 

 

I think that your best course of action is to hire a special education advocate to help you sort through the legal process of getting your son services. I don't know what happened between you and school, but *unless something seriously funking went down by you quitting the process mid course,* they can't deny your child services based on being annoyed with you. He has a right (under federal law) to a free and appropriate education in the least restrictive environment possible. It's the law, and the law include due process safe guards and a mediation process.

 

I do not think that holding him back a year so that he is so, so much older than his classmates is a good idea. He is already on the old side for grade, which will always be a bonus for him. But the extra year will not "fix" him. No one outgrows autism. He will just be bigger and older than the other kids, which will not help him make friends or be accepted. Special education students are not retained because of this -- it just doesn't help them.

 

I think that accepting that this coming year, in which he will be six for all but the first month of school, is his K year and that he is where he is will be tough for you because you haven't fully accepted that he is different. I get it, I've been there.   Waiting a year won't fix it. Its heartbreaking.

 

So my recommendations are to:

1. Hire an advocate and make peace with the school.

or

2. Use the private school.

 

Even though we've homeschooled, private schooled, and public schooled, and I see the pros and cons of all the options, I wouldn't recommend homeschooling for K for anyone planning on use school for first. In K, they teach the kids how to do school, but in 1st, they assume the kids already know.

 

 

lauren likes this.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

Linda on the move is online now  
Reply

Tags
School

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off