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I'm thinking of sending my 1st grader back to kindergarten

3K views 25 replies 12 participants last post by  peaceful_mama 
#1 ·
A few years ago I posted about whether or not to send my son to kindergarten on time or hold him back a year. Based in his preschool experience (very good) and his academic readiness, I decided to send him to K on time. But he's one of the youngest in his grade and has some gross motor delays.

Like preschool, he did great in kindergarten. It was half day, his teacher had normal kindergarten expectations (lots of songs and play).

He started first grade this year and hates it. Just hates it. He says it is too hard, he never gets help, its boring, and asks every single day if he can stay home. His teacher doesn't seem to know what to do with him. He doesn't complete his work, has a hard time paying attention, and acts silly when it's not the right time for silliness. She has a stellar reputation in the school, so I don't think it is a teacher quality issue, maybe she's a bad fit for DS, but she's certainly a good teacher overall. DS even cries on weekends saying how much he hates school.

He's been referred for observation and testing, but that is a slow process. I can't bear to watch him suffer like this and I feel like it has gone on long enough without remedy that I need to push for something.

I could ask him to be switched to another class, but since I think the bigger issue is that he's just too young I think he could just continue to have the same problems. I could push for the observation and testing to happen faster, but our school district is cash strapped and even if he does qualify, there's only much they can provide for him.

I really just want to send him back to kindergarten and and let him mature another year before starting full day first grade. He hates school enough that I think he'll be receptive to this. Has anyone ever done this? I am not sure what it would take for the school to consider it.
 
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#2 ·
If he's that unhappy, then I would definitely put him back in K. My youngest is 6, and there is no way he would be able to do public school first grade (we homeschool). He too has some motor delays, and he just isn't a 'mature' 6 year old. (He would be on the younger side of his first grade class too).

Even at home, he can really only sit through about 3-4 hours of 'school', and that's with intermittent recess and breaks. Even that is pushing it. He just isn't developmentally there. Nothing wrong with that, definitely no shame in it.

I think it would be a mistake to leave him where he is, when he is clearly so miserable. :(
 
#3 ·
I would take him back as well but I wouldn't just rely on the extra year to prepare him. I would go ahead with the evaluations, look at all the school options for next year and focus on school readiness (whatever that means for him and the school he will be attending).


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#4 ·
Retention doesn't have the best long-term success rate. More often then not, a child has a better year during the repeat but then faces the same problems one promoted to the next grade. Retention works best for students who have identifiable problems that can be addressed and worked on during the repeated year. Age alone may not fix the problem (and I say this as a mom with two kids who were still 5 at this point in 1st grade.) What happens next Fall if he still hates school and already the oldest?

I'm not suggesting you just leave him there if he's so unhappy. I don't know what your situation is at home but if it's in your power to spend some real time in the classroom, I would. I would consider trying another teacher. Even great teachers aren't great for all students. I'd push hard for that observation and testing. Personally, if you really feel retention is the answer, I'd be more apt to pull him out and home school the rest of the year as opposed to putting him BACK in kindergarten. If he needs to be in school why not try a Montessori Kindergarten or 1st grade?

Make sure to lay out all your options including a contingency plan should you retain and not see the benefit next fall.
 
#5 ·
That's a very good point about making sure there is a contingency plan in place before making a move. I don't see this so much as retention as delaying entry. My understanding is that delaying entry for kids near the cut off date does have a good success rate. He just barely made the age requirements for first grade by a couple of weeks. In many states he wouldn't be old enough for first grade until next year. But if we wait until the end of the year and he isn't ready for second grade, then he will need to be retained, and I'd like to avoid that.

Unfortunately it isn't financially possible to either home school or send him to private school. I work full time and I'm just barely scraping by. There's no extra money for private school, and I cannot not work.
 
#6 ·
I don't see it as retention either. Giving children (especially boys) extra time to develop motor skills, attention span, etc can make a lot of difference. (This coming from my own personal experience, as well as from my sister- an elementary school principal.). My sister told me that they look more at motor skills, ability to focus, etc versus academic ability when determining Kindergarten or First grade readiness. It's not uncommon for them to recommend to parents to wait a year, even if the kid seems advanced academically (if the other developmental skills are lacking). This happened to her own son- He started K (and he was among the youngest in the class), and he was very advanced academically (still is, he's 14 now and taking high school geometry, having aced high school algebra last year), but his K teacher noticed quickly that he just wasn't developmentally on par with the rest of the class. She strongly suggested that he be withdrawn, do another year of preschool at home, and start again next year.

My sister was crushed at first (I think she saw this as an embarrassment- this was before she was principal) but she took him out, and realized it was no big deal. Started him again the next year, and he was fine (and has been doing great in school ever since).

Of course, you will have to take in to account whatever comes of the observations and testing you referred to, but I still don't see how giving him another year in K is a bad idea. If the same problems arise next year in first grade, then you will just have to address them as they come. If there are other 'problems', then those will be part of his learning, regardless. Having had him do another year of K will certainly do no harm, even if, in the end, it makes no difference, know what I mean?
 
#7 ·
I also don't see anything wrong with it. You are going into this realistic about his needs and challenges.

I have an immature 5 year old K student this year. We went into this school year knowing that he very well might need two years of K. Our school conferences last week already confirmed that the teacher feels similarly as well. We are at a private school though and staying back a grade is still very common where as I never hear of anyone doing it in our local public schools. There are two students in my 2nd grader's class that are doing it this year solely based off of other needs then academic.
 
#8 ·
I don't think there is anything wrong with it, though I do think it is considered retention (because he is repeating K, right?). The thing is, you may not have that option. I would speak with the school first. It seems like the current trend is against retention but my DC's elementary did retain kids and even occasionally would move kids mid-year. But these were normally transfer kids who the school decided weren't a good fit for the grade level the student was placed in. I think retaining (or whatever you want to call it) a student who was successful in the grade the parent wants to move them back to may be problematic. I see boredom as a problem if he repeats a full year of K where he was fine. One option that the school may offer as an alternative is to repeat 1st.

None of that really addresses that he's miserable in school. I can share with you that my DC had a hard time in the fall of 1st grade. If he stays in this grade it seems like you have some good stuff to work with. The combination of "too hard", "bored", and "behavior issues" seems like a kid who needs some help with the material. Have you had a conference yet?
 
#10 ·
Have you had a conference with the teacher yet? How did he do on his assessments? My son is in first too and they have had reading and math assessments so far. Has he had his first report card yet? How did he do? What is he struggling with specifically? Is he reading on grade level? Can he add and subtract single digit numbers? Is his writing legible?
Instead of sending him back to K, have you looked into getting a tutor?
On the flip side, could he be bored because he's not able to play all day and do what he wants to do? That he's struggling because he actually has to sit and listen and work? Good luck!
 
#11 ·
I have had a conference. He is reading and doing math on grade level, however his handwriting is barely legible. The ability is there but he has a hard time staying on task and remembering what he is supposed to be doing. The teacher has a strict behaviorist approach and he is consequently in trouble much of every school day. So he hates going.

I am working on getting a special ed evaluation because even though some of his skills are on grade level, he has some significant sensory and motor challenges that are impacting his ability to function in the classroom. Right now he is getting no services. I am beyond frustrated. After another meeting next week I will either decide to ask he be sent to K or to another first grade class, but I cannot imagine keeping him where he is for any longer than he needs to be.
 
#14 ·
He is reading and doing math on grade level, however his handwriting is barely legible. The ability is there but .... he has some significant sensory and motor challenges that are impacting his ability to function in the classroom. Right now he is getting no services. I am beyond frustrated.
This raises some real red flags for me, red flags against retention. Because cognitively he is on grade level, and you already have documented evidence of where he's struggling (on the 504, and with the history of PT and OT intervention), and yet he is not getting the services that he needs in order to address his issues. Retaining him is not going to solve any of this! It's only going to take the pressure off the school for a while.

And putting him back a grade may in the long run add boredom to the list of issues he's dealing with. Good luck with the meeting(s). I hope you can find some solutions!

Miranda
 
#12 ·
Has he had any occupational therapy? Have you ever spoken to his doctor about his sensory issues? I ask because my own son started OT at 5 and it made a world of difference. It didn't "fix" him so much as gave us all some coping skills. My DS has handwriting issues too. He's 14 now and his writing still looks like a 3rd grader but he started being able to type most things in 2nd grade (a concession his school made based on observation.) He actually does best with a firm teacher who has good control over the class (and can do that without being a yeller or harsh punisher.) That's not to say your son wouldn't do better with a softer touch.

If you do decide to put him back in kindergarten at least make sure he's getting some OT and whatever the school can offer. Just based on what you've said, it doesn't seem like age alone is going to fix things.
 
#13 ·
Yes, he has a long history of OT and PT and he is supposed to get it on his 504 plan. But he isn't. I don't know if his teacher has asked for an OT's help and hasn't gotten it, or if she hasn't asked for it, but I have pointed out to her that he qualifies.

I am now waiting for testing to see if he qualifies for an IEP in hopes that might make more services available. Everything is super slow. I have an appointment next week with the principal, both to request that he get the services he needs and to be moved, either to another first grade class or to kindergarten, I still haven't decided which one yet.
 
#15 ·
I don't see them moving him back to K. That's not how it works.

They have started the testing process, and yes, it is time consuming because slapping labels on kids is a pretty big deal. There are safeguards to protect him, but they cause the process to take more time.

I suggest that you accept that your son has special needs, and decide to advocate for him getting what he NEEDS rather than pretending that he will outgrow this in a year. Or pretending that it is all the teacher's fault.

The first step is taking his 504 with you when you meet with the principle and taking about WHY he isn't getting services that he is supposed to. (Lack of money isn't an allowable excuse under federal law).

Has he been evaluated for ADD/ADHD by a medical professional? A lot of what you describe is ADD/ADHD behavior.

A resource that you might find helpful is Wrightslaw.
http://www.wrightslaw.com/
It is really the best resource on advocating for special needs kids.
 
#16 · (Edited)
A lot has changed since I first posted the thread. I do wish I had delayed his kindergarten entry because I think he would be much better off at the old end of the grade rather than the younger. Being at the older end wouldn't eliminate his delays, but it would reduce the gap between him and his peers. But the window has probably closed on that. I'm approaching it more as a issue of services and teacher-student fit.

I'm seeing the assistant principal today to push for better implementation of his 504 plan while were waiting for the testing. I felt I needed to go through his teacher before going this high, but I pointed out to his teacher a month ago that he qualifies for OT in his 504 and explained his diagnosis (dyspraxia), and he still hasn't received any OT and is still being evaluated behaviorally for having delays (ie, he has low muscle tone and his hand gets tired when writing, but he is graded down on the discipline chart when he doesn't finish written assignments; he is not given extra time, breaks, or access to a computer to compensate for his low muscle tone, just marked down on the discipline chart. See why I am frustrated?!). I was a teacher for over a decade and my criticism of this situation is not just as a parent but as a professional; the team I used to work on would never let a child be this unsuccessful in class for this long without changing tactics or asking for help from support staff, identified or not. I didn't know this was happening when I first posted this thread, but the more I details like this I hear, the more I understand his dislike of school.

Linda, I had to laugh when you said I should accept my son has special needs because I have been trying to get the school to provide services for him since preschool. The school recognizes he has delays (he was tested at age 3) but has consistently said they do not impact him academically so he is on a 504 plan rather than an IEP. I know numerous special education teachers in other towns and states who disagree with this, but my school district is notorious for being very strict about who qualifies. (There are lawsuits pending, two close friends have had to move districts to get services for their children who have significantly more issues than my son; it is not a good scene, and it is not an easy matter for an individual parent to solve). I never felt a 504 plan was enough and only signed when they promised he could get services through RTI (Response to Intervention) without having an IEP. My daughter received RTI servies so my experiences of it were good- she got services very quickly and they were very effective. She never went through special ed testing, she was just struggling with phonics and got help immediately. I mistakenly assumed that my son would also get help fast, even faster actually because he already has a diagnosis and a 504 plan. But I was wrong and it has been an extremely frustrating 2 months.
 
#17 ·
Linda, I had to laugh when you said I should accept my son has special needs because I have been trying to get the school to provide services for him since preschool. The school recognizes he has delays (he was tested at age 3) but has consistently said they do not impact him academically so he is on a 504 plan rather than an IEP.
I'm not sure why you laughed. I went by your posts, in which you stated that you felt the problem was maturity. You didn't say that your son in on a 504 which isn't being followed, or that he has had previous evals, or that you requested an IEP previously and it was denied.

If you are wanting to approach this as a special needs issue, then I suggest posting it on the special needs board and being clear about what has happened so far. There are more moms there that know how to work that process.
 
#19 ·
I met with the assistant principal today and asked for DS to get OT services while we are waiting for the rest of his testing to happen. I didn't broach moving DS yet; it was clear that the school wasn't ready to consider that and more things needed to be tried first. It was a friendly conversation, but I emphasized that DS should be getting services now and that it was seriously impact his performance in school. I didn't get a satisfying answer as to why he wasn't already getting them, but I did get assurances they would start soon. The assistant principal is also going to try to expedite the rest of his testing so that if DS will qualify for more, we'll have that in place soon too.

I still think maturity is a big factor, but I probably won't get anywhere with a change of grade request this far into the school year.
 
#20 ·
Hi there. I think the confusion came from the fact that your son's situation unfolded more slowly in the thread-- the opening post framed your son as a typically developing kid who was just struggling with the situation in first grade. As the thread continued you revealed that there was a lot more to the story, and that the decision to send him back to k-garten was much more complicated than first blush would suggest. I think Linda may have just been surprised because you said you are a teaching professional and a mom and may have known then how the whole IEP process works. But that wasn't revealed in the beginning of the thread.

That said, I understood your laughter as just a funny "oh my gosh if you only knew" type of laughter, not as a harsh laughter. I think everyone is really on the same page here (as a somewhat objective person looking at the thread) and the discussion is moving forward!!
 
#21 ·
It was definitely a "oh my gosh if you only knew" type of laughter.

And the situation has unfolded slowly, both in the thread and in my communication with the school. The school told me all last year: 'he's fine, he only needs a little extra support and is meeting all classroom expectations with no difficulty'. So when I started the thread I did think I was talking about a very young first grader who was getting the little bit of support he needed, so the issues were more likely maturity than his dyspraxia. As time went on I discovered that a) he wasn't getting support anymore, and b) he probably needs more than they were giving him back when they were giving his support. But maturity is still a factor. I think it is too late for returning to kindergarten so I'm working on getting him the support he needs.

The school district I used to work in cast a wide net when providing services, which is what I am used to. It is surprising (to put it mildly) that it is such an uphill effort at this school.
 
#25 ·
I have seen this time and time again. My son was also on the young side and was delayed socially and emotionally. It was recommended he repeat kindergarten, even though he was reading at a third grade level. I'm okay that he repeated kinder, but it masked his autism. I would have preferred that it come out earlier so he could have gotten services earlier. The same thing happened to a friend at another school. Her daughter struggled in kinder and the teacher advised her to "give her the gift of an extra year of preschool." I think teachers in this situation are well-meaning, but it causes the child to have to wait for help.
 
#26 ·
I'm a para, and I have helped kids who aren't necessarily "identified" yet. I agree, they need to be doing something NOW, and should have been awhile ago. My daughter's school last year didn't offer services for children on the higher end of the spectrum, but her teacher chose to use some time of the para(s) given to her to help individual or small groups of students to focus on challenging the children at that higher end. The challenge is whether or not your teacher has access to anyone to help. It does seem strange, and sad for your son, that they have just let him struggle 2-3 months. I hope they do something NOW.
 
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